J Roars

By Emily Eck

Light – She's filled with it. I want it. I need it. I crave it. Her light is my drug, and I am in a constant state of withdrawal when she isn't around.

Rewind – I may not have been there while Elle was falling apart, but I always had eyes on her. More importantly, I never stopped thinking of her, loving her. She's the reason I'm in the middle of a drug war. She's the reason I'm in Mexico staring in the eyes of a drug cartel boss.

Press Play – I'd tear the world apart for Elle, and I just might have to after what happened in the park. I won't stop until she is safe. I won't sleep until she is next to me.

Because if she dies--

so do I.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Emily Eck
• Release date: May 1, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311181077

Emily Eck

Emily is a Midwestern Gal, but could be anywhere as you read this. She gypsy's the country, as well as south of the border. Adventure feeds her soul and offers great writing material. She loves kids and working with kids, but can only handle caring for four-legged furry friends. A crazy dog named Darla has trained Emily to be her partner in life. Emily's vices include Swedish Fish, ignoring chores in favor of reading, and caring too much for people in her life. When she is not writing or gallivanting around North America, Emily works in some youth serving capacity. She chose to write this bio in third person as she is an Aries and found writing in first person ended up with her writing an excessively long life story. Aries like to talk about themselves. It is something Emily is working on being more mindful of.

Book preview

J Roars

Published by Emily Eck at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Emily Eck

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

L&J Reading Order

Steel & Ice (L&J 1)

J Speaks (L&J 1.5)

Melted & Shattered (L&J 2)

J Roars (L&J 2.5)

Us (L&J 3)

J Roars

I'd tear the world apart for Elle, and I just might have to after what happened in the park. I won't stop until she is safe. I won't sleep until she is next to me. 

Because if she dies--

so do I.

Table of Contents

Reading Order

Quote

Light

Rewind

Press Play

Connect with Emily

Acknowledgements

L & J Series Reading Order

Steel & Ice (1)

J Speaks (1.5)

Melted & Shattered (2)

J Roars (2.5)

Light creates understanding, understanding creates love, love creates patience, and patience creates unity.

-Malcolm X

Light

Some people never had love. They grew up on the streets, maybe with no family, or family that beat the fuck out of them, family that abused them and treated them like they were worthless pieces of shit. When you've never had love, you don't miss it. You don't even know what it is, and you can't miss something if you don't know it exists. I've met these kind of people, people who are only functioning with half their brain, not because they’re stupid, but because their brain is not fully developed. Whatever fucked up circumstances they've come from has damaged their brain's ability to grow to its full potential. They use the lower half of their brain. The Doing Brain. They can't access the upper half of their brain, the Thinking Brain, because it was never given a chance to develop. Repeated trauma will do that to ya.

The brain is a mysterious thing, and it can grow and develop, even after all kinds of fucked up shit. We as human beings have the ability to over-come any circumstances put forth in our paths. The problem is, you don't know what you don't know. You don't know there's another path to take if no one shows you. You don't know there's an option besides self destruction if all you've ever seen, felt, heard, smelled, tasted, touched, and known was devastation, annihilation, and ruin.

I knew love. Not from my mom or my pops. I knew love from my Gramps, a man who radiated love in his own particular way. He wasn't a quiet man, but he wasn't loud either. He laughed, not all the time, but he knew how to let go and enjoy a joke or an ironic twist of events. He was also serious and pensive, always something on his mind, always something buzzing around upstairs. I think he must have been loved to the maximum capacity and his brain was more developed than most. Everything he did, he did out of love and compassion, even when it seemed like he was being a dick. When I left home, he told me that I'd regret it and he wouldn't be there to pick up the pieces for me. At the time, I thought he was giving me some ultimatum, like if I left, he was giving up on me, that he wouldn't be there for me. What he was doing was schooling me, almost like he foresaw the future.

I don't remember a lot about Gram. I was young when she passed. I remember being outside, running around the pond, the sunlight making her black hair glisten. I remember falling in the mud by the shore of the pond. It wasn't uncommon, and it hurt, but I always got right back up. This time was different though, because there was a sharp, flat rock buried in the mud that I couldn't see. When I fell, it dug into my shoulder, gouging a chunk out of my left side, just barely below the joint, only getting fleshy tissue instead of dislocating my whole shoulder. It was a surface wound, but it bled like crazy. I remember looking at it and thinking about when my soda fizz overflowed the cup. It just kept coming and coming, but unlike the fizz, it didn't stop.

Gram was so calm about it. I was so little, not a man, just a boy and she wasn't the normal grandmother, freaking out at the sight of oozing blood. Had she done so, I would've probably flipped the fuck out. Instead she picked me up, brought me in the house, cleaned me up, and called Gramps to come home. I remember sitting on the kitchen counter, Gram dressing my shoulder, the light shining in the window behind her, making her light up. She was glowing, radiating light. My tears dried up, and although I was still in a helluva lot of pain, I wasn't scared anymore. I knew she loved me and would do everything in her power to make me better. Gramps came home with the car and they took me to the ER.

Again, Gram was smooth and calm as she showed the doctor my shoulder and explained what happened. The doctor said I needed stitches. I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I knew it was going to hurt. The tears came again, and Gram just looked at me with her calm eyes, and I swear, even under the fluorescent lights from hell, she was still glowing that soft, calming light of hers. She held my hand and said prayers in Sioux while the Doc sewed seven stitches just below my shoulder.

That's all I remember about that incident. I don't remember going home, or what happened next. I just remember Gram loving me and shining bright, love pouring out of her. It's one of the few clear memories I have of her before she passed, leaving me in Gramps care.

I don't know what happened to my dad. Gramps never wanted to talk about it. I know my dad had a sibling at one point, I don't remember any aunts or uncles. I don't even know why I knew he had a sibling who was gone or dead or somewhere other than Missouri, but I knew there was someone that my dad lost. Dad was loved, but he didn't know how to accept it for some reason, and my mom was a bitch. Call me a fucking bastard for saying so if you want to, but it won't change the fact that she was never a mother. She was a woman who carried me inside of her, pushed me into the world, and then forgot about me. I don't remember any love from her. She was empty. Her eyes were empty, and her heart and mind were empty. Gramps said her soul was empty. I don't know anything about her, and I don't think Gram and Gramps did either. My dad just came home one day with this pregnant woman and shortly after, I was born.

And then she was gone.

And then my dad was gone.

And Gram had already been gone.

So it was just me and Gramps.

His love wasn't glowing like Gram's, but he loved me nonetheless, so when I became a monster, I knew it since I had all of my brain working, top, bottom, sides, all of it. I knew what I was doing, the killing, the intimidating, and the words that poured out of my mouth. I knew my spirit was dying, and I knew it started the minute Ratchet died. Burns didn't have me killing people right away. No, he had me maiming them first. He had me hunting down those who crossed him and breaking their