A Single Step

By Ray Foy

Bobby Lorman is a High School freshman, and bully-bait. His struggle to cope is compounded with guilt when his chief bully forces him to commit a crime. He must keep his transgression secret to avoid disappointment from his parents and prosecution from the authorities. His religious faith is tried as he seeks God's forgiveness, but can't bring himself to confess to people. When he is sent for the summer to his aunt and uncle's bed-and-breakfast near Natchez, Mississippi, he is introduced to an ancient wisdom that could help him. But to follow this new path he must face new bullies, religious censure from the community, and the ghosts that haunt a local Indian mound.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ray Foy
• Release date: Aug 14, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466167117

Ray Foy

I remember precisely that moment of decision. I don’t really know where it came from, other than my fear of writing and the frustration of having to deal with it again. Of course, I like to think a more positive motive was also in play—my old love of imaginative stories...Read more at http://www.rayfoy.com/about-me.html

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A Single Step

by

Ray Foy

Smashwords Edition.

Copyright 2011 Ray Foy

Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

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Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Bobby Lorman is a High School freshman, and bully-bait. His struggle to cope is compounded with guilt when his chief bully forces him to commit a crime. He must keep his transgression secret to avoid disappointment from his parents and prosecution from the authorities. His religious faith is tried as he seeks forgiveness but can't bring himself to confess. When he is sent for the summer to his aunt and uncle's bed-and-breakfast near Natchez, Mississippi, he is introduced to an ancient wisdom that could help him. But to follow this new path he must face new bullies, religious intolerance from the community, and the ghosts that haunt a local Indian mound.

---

A tree that one's arms can barely embrace comes from a shoot as fine as a hair;

A nine-storey tower begins with a pile of earth;

A long journey begins with a single step.

Lao-Tzu

---

This is for Donna,

who keeps telling me I can write

and

for Thomas and Dillon,

who are on the Wise Path

---

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Questions and Threats

Chapter 2: Going South

Chapter 3: The Hawk, The Trace, and The Mound

Chapter 4: Kiernan House

Chapter 5: Fainting and Not Swimming

Chapter 6: A Turn-of-the-Century Dinner

Chapter 7: The Sermon

Chapter 8: Trail Ride

Chapter 9: Visitors

Chapter 10: Watching Kung fu

Chapter 11: A Day in Natchez

Chapter 12: A Single Step

Chapter 13: Faith that there will be another day

Chapter 14: In Training

Chapter 15: Meditation

Chapter 16: Learning Kung fu

Chapter 17: Kicking and Swimming

Chapter 18: Crimes and Fears

Chapter 19: The Ordeal

Chapter 20: The Battle of St. Mark's Supper Meeting

Chapter 21: Contacts and Karma

Chapter 22: End-of-Summer Conviction

Chapter 23: Dinner Sparring

Chapter 24: Rededication in the midst of God's handiwork

Chapter 25: Rededication

Chapter 26: School Again, Threats Again

Chapter 27: Talk

Chapter 28: Signing at the El Camino Bookstore

Chapter 29: The Watered Dream

Chapter 30: Soul Confessions

Chapter 31: Fight without fighting

Chapter 1: Questions and Threats

Everything had come down to the final week of my freshman year at Madison Heights High School. I was fifteen years old in May of 1995 and my crime was, so far, undiscovered. If it remained undiscovered for the rest of the week, and if Anthony Benton was satisfied and left me alone then it might all be over.

At least, that was the hope I was clinging to sitting in Study Hall. I had a final in Science that afternoon, but I was too distracted to study. All I could do was fiddle with my camera and pray. Cleaning the camera kept my hands busy, and my prayers sought the forgiveness I craved, but for all my fervency, I didn't feel like God was listening.

Hey, Bobby. You taking pictures today?

Ravi plopped his books on the table and took the seat opposite me. I hadn't noticed him come into the library among the stream of our classmates. If I had, I would have put my camera in its bag. I didn't want him to see it was mine and ask why I wasn't using the school's.

Yeah, I said. Mrs. Walker wants some shots of the seniors for the annual. Their last week and all.

You using your own camera?

He was an observant geek.

Yeah. I like it better. You ready for Science?

Yeah, Ravi said, it'll be easy. It's not comprehensive.

Everybody sit down and be quiet, Mrs. Walker said from her desk in the corner. She held the phone receiver to her ear and poised her other hand over the buttons. When the noise died down, she began punching and said, You've still got finals to study for. Use this time.

Ravi turned his back to Mrs. Walker and bent his head so close to the tabletop his glasses slid down his nose.

Yeah, cause freshmen aren't exempt, he said in a loud whisper. How'd you do in math?

His glasses were on the very tip of his pointed nose. That annoyed me. I wanted to reach over and push them up. I pushed up my own, instead, to give him a hint. He didn't get it. He just stared over his frames with the whites of his eyes looking like they were about to pop out of his dark skin.

I think I passed, I said.

You not sure? You going to pass the year?

Yeah, I'll pass. I ain't done that bad.

My parents will kill me if I don't ace everything.

Mine would let me live, I said. I'd just never hear the end of it from my stepfather.

Shush, Mrs. Walker said.

Ravi looked annoyed.

She's on the phone, I said.

Ravi pulled out his Science book. I still couldn't settle down enough to study so I pulled my camera out again. Ravi already knew it was mine. I just as well finish cleaning it.

While Ravi studied, I wiped the 50mm lens. The year was almost over. I had just about made it. A few more days and I could relax until next year. By then, all would surely be forgotten.

Mrs. Walker hung up the phone and began rifling through some papers on her desk. She hadn't said anything more to me about the thefts, but every day I expected her to. Just a few more days….

I have to leave, Mrs. Walker announced. Her reading glasses dropped from her nose and dangled from their strap around her neck. She stood. I should be back before the lunch bell. Hold it down and remember, Coach O'Hara is in the next room.

Everyone quieted at her threat as she walked away from her desk. I watched her but looked away when she turned toward my table. Surely she wasn't. I looked again and she was there. Right by my table. I was hit with her musty smell when she leaned her head close to my ear.

Bobby, I need you to come with me to the office.

The office? I said. My heart thumped loud beats. I wondered if she could hear. It would surely have been visible beating between my ribs if I had taken my shirt off. I would never do that.

Should I bring my books?

No, you'll be back before the next block, she said.

OK, but I don't want to leave my camera.

No. You bring that, she said. You wouldn't want it stolen.

I shoved the camera and the cleaning items back into their case and looped the strap over my neck and shoulder. Ravi gave me a questioning stare when I stood, but I looked away.

I felt all eyes on my back as I followed Mrs. Walker out of the classroom. No doubt, I would be the topic of everyone's conversations once we were down the hall.

I stayed one step behind and to the left of Mrs. Walker. I usually got along with her, but we both knew what this was about. Neither of us spoke.

She kept a brisk pace and I worked to keep up. My camera bounced around my neck. Sweat rings darkened my short sleeves. Classes were in session so the halls were empty except for Mrs. Walker and me. We announced ourselves, though, with the squeaks of my rubber soles and the clop-clop of her half-inch heels on the hard floor. A few doors were open and I saw students watching us pass. It was embarrassing enough to be following her down the hall like a baby duck, but it was evident that I was a baby duck in trouble.

I felt light-headed. I wished she had waited until after lunch. The hall lights seemed awfully bright. They washed out the sight of Mrs. Walker's squat form, so I just followed the swoosh-swoosh of her nylons and hoped I wouldn't faint before we reached the office.

Mr. Westin said he would meet us before lunch, Mrs. Walker said. It's the only time he has today.

Yes, ma'am.

They knew. They had to. I thought I had made it.

Lord, please help me.

I managed to stay conscious until we reached the office. Mrs. Sharpton, the school secretary, was typing at her desk. The only student worker there was Polly Warren who was standing at the counter, flipping through a World History book. Mr. Westin's door was shut.

Is Mr. Westin in? Mrs. Walker asked Polly.

Mrs. Sharpton paused her typing and answered.

He was, Kaye. He just stepped out.

He went to break up a fight in the cafeteria, Polly said.

I see. We'll wait.

We sat in a couple of the straight-backed chairs that lined the outer office wall beneath glass panes. It seemed awfully cold. The air conditioner was on full blast and rattling its window mount. Even so, I felt a trickle of perspiration run from my underarms down the sides of my chest.

I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I checked all the seals on all the pouches of my camera case. Mrs. Walker just sat, her back as straight as her chair's. The room was quiet but for the hum of the air conditioner, the clicking of Mrs. Sharpton's typing, the buzzy drone of students in the nearby cafeteria, and the radio playing softly from its perch on a bookcase. I recognized that song they were playing a lot then.

...You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser...

Polly studied her book on the counter, or pretended to. The smell of paint on cinderblock walls filled my head until it hurt, and I feared again that I would faint.

A short, shearing, sound made me glance at Mrs. Walker. She was looking at the watch that hung from a chain around her neck along with her glasses. It was a ladybug-shaped pendant that spread its wings to reveal a watch face when the antennae were squeezed. The moving wings sounded like scissors. She released the antennae and let the watch drop to her chest.

...You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger...

I wished I could be strong, but I was scared. It was like in English class earlier in the year.

Mrs. Franks had left the room and Anthony Benton, sitting in the little desk-chair behind me, shoved his feet through the opening in my chair back and forced me to the very edge of the seat. I just looked ahead, listened to the snickering around me, and wished Mrs. Franks would return.

The sudden withdrawal of Anthony's feet was followed by his hand grabbing my shoulder. He turned me around, his face only inches from mine, and spoke low like a conspirator.

Hey Bobby, I saw you taking pictures yesterday. You a good picture-taker, huh?

Yeah, was all I could say. I had only contempt for this psycho, but I had to take his bullying, or he'd kill me.

Yeah, you are, he said. Taking pictures for the paper staff. Must be a good camera they got, huh? I seen you with it.

Yeah.

How much that camera worth? Couple hundred dollars?

More like eight, I said. It's a Nikon.

Wow, I guess Nikon cameras are expensive. Lenses too. I seen them big lenses. Must be worth a lot.

Yeah. I pulled against his grip. He pulled back.

Look, he said. You got the key to the storeroom where they keep that camera?

No, I said. Mrs. Walker's got it.

But you can get it, right?

No. She opens the door when I need stuff. She keeps the key.

That wasn't completely true. Mrs. Walker often trusted me with it.

But you can get it. I know you can, Bobby. I want you to get that key for me.

I can't.

For just a little while. See, you give it to me and I'll make a copy of it. I can do that at lunch. I'll get it back to you and nobody will ever know.

I can't do that.

Yes you can.

He clamped his hand on the back of my neck and squeezed hard. He leaned forward and spoke low into my ear.

You do it, or I'll hurt you bad.

The door opened suddenly and Mrs. Franks walked in. Anthony let me go.

When the bell rang, I hurried out. I managed to avoid Anthony Benton for the rest of the day, but after my last class, he caught up with me. He stopped me on my way to the buses. We were in the spaces between the portable classrooms out of view of the crowd leaving school. He told me to get the key for him tomorrow and then knocked me into the mud with a backhand.

I wiped my pants as best I could with toilet paper from the Porta-John. When I got home, I told my mom I had tripped.

Sudden footsteps from the hall brought me back to the present.

Sorry I'm late, Kaye, Mr. Westin said. More raging hormones in the cafeteria and I had to break it up.

That's all right, Mr. Westin, Mrs. Walker said. We've only been here a few minutes.

Mr. Westin unlocked his office door and we followed him in.

Have a seat, he said. We took the two chairs in front of his desk. They were only slightly more comfortable than the ones in the outer office. Mr. Westin pulled off his suit coat and hung it on a hook on the wall. He loosened his tie and sat in his leather executive's chair where he took off his glasses and pulled out a handkerchief.

Warming up out there, he said. He wiped his eyes with the handkerchief and daubed the sweat from his bald head.

Kaye, flip that switch behind you, please. We need some air in here.

Mrs. Walker turned on the ceiling fan. Its blades groaned to do their work and only managed to stir the air a little. I wiped my palms on my pants legs.

OK, now, Bobby. Do you know why you're here? Mr. Westin asked.

Of course I knew. The thefts. But I couldn't say so. I just wanted the crime to not exist.

No sir.

Mrs. Walker and I are very concerned about the stolen camera and the enlarger and the other things. That's very expensive equipment. It's hard to replace and we don't have that much budget for the paper staff. Now Bobby, I know Mrs. Walker has asked you about this, but I'm asking you again. You're the paper staff photographer. You go in the storage room a lot. Do you know anything about the theft of that equipment?

I wanted to tell him. I had wanted to tell Mrs. Walker.

Anthony had kept the pressure on me for weeks. I was probably doing good to hold out that long. I almost told on him, but I was getting threats from his buddies, too. One of them was sure to get me. I finally gave in out of sheer fear.

The key was in Mrs. Walker's desk in the library, and she let me get it whenever I needed anything from the storage closet. I took it during Study Hall. Then at lunch, I gave it to Anthony outside the cafeteria, praying for forgiveness all the while. And then I had prayed he would bring it back.

Tell us what you know, Bobby, Mrs. Walker said.

I stared at the floor. My glasses slid to the end of my nose.

I don't know what happened to the camera and stuff, I said. I just thought it was lost.

Anthony had not brought the key back after lunch. I had looked out for him the rest of the day, but never saw him. I prayed God would make him bring the key back. I didn't want to have to explain what had happened to it.

But you knew it was gone, Mrs. Walker said. You said you started using your own camera when you couldn't find the school's.

Why didn't you tell Mrs. Walker then? Mr. Westin said.

Sweat collected on the bridge of my glasses and rolled down the frame onto the lenses.

Anthony had brought the key back the next day. It was at lunch again. He tossed it to me with his thanks. I couldn't believe it. I offered my own thanks to God, and got the key back in Mrs. Walker's desk as fast as I could.

I don't know. I just. I had to take the pictures at the zoo and the senior pictures. I didn't want you to think I lost the camera.

But other things were missing as well, Mrs. Walker said. Did you think they were all lost? Why didn't you say something when you couldn't find the lenses or the tripod?

The camera had disappeared first. I covered for that with my own and hoped I could make it to the end of the year. But then the zoom lens disappeared, and the leather case, then the tripod, and even film and paper. Anthony was stretching out his thefts. When the enlarger disappeared it was too obvious, and Mrs. Walker realized a lot of stuff was missing.

I don't know. I should have.

Silence. I felt their eyes boring into me along with their doubt.

My stomach growled.

The ceiling fan's blades creaked.

A small beetle scurried toward a hole in the floor tile, but my foot blocked its way.

Bobby, Mr. Westin said. Did you steal the camera and the other things?

I moved my foot so the beetle could reach the hole.

No....

What?

No sir.

The beetle stopped short of the hole, like it couldn't find it.

Do you know who did?

No sir.

I was sinning again. Lord, forgive me. I just wanted it all to go away.

You're sure?

I pushed the beetle into the hole with my toe.

Yes sir.

Mr. Westin leaned back, making his chair squeak. I pushed up my glasses. The office was blurry through them, as if I was under water. Sweat stung my eyes and I must have looked like I was crying. I felt like crying.

All right, Bobby, Mrs. Walker said. She placed a hand on my back. I was embarrassed that she felt my sweat. I didn't think you had anything to do with it. I know you're a good boy and your parents raised you right.

Well, we haven't gotten any clues from the security cameras, Mr. Westin said. We really need more of them.

He realized the ambiguity of what he just said and let out a wry snort.

"Cameras and clues. We're going to change the lock on the storage room and Mrs. Walker is going to keep tighter control of the key. She's the only one who'll unlock the door from now on."

I just nodded, but I felt a surge of relief. So this was going to be over after all. Anthony wouldn't be able to get into the room with his copied key anymore. He would have to take a more direct approach and break in.

It would be better for whoever stole the camera and things to confess, Mr. Westin said. If we find out a student did it, he'll be expelled. Maybe go to jail.

I nodded again.

And he won't get away with it. The thief may escape me, but he won't escape God's judgment. God sees all things done in secret.

Yes sir.

All right. Mr. Westin put on his glasses. Mrs. Walker, I don't think we need to bring in Bobby's parents at this point.

Thank you, Lord. At least I wouldn't have to explain anything to Mom and Wayne.

"But, Bobby, if we find reason to suspect you were involved, we will call your parents. Understand?"

Yes sir.

Or if you remember something that will help us find who did this, you tell Mrs. Walker or me. OK?

Yes sir.

All right. You can go.

*

I felt Mrs. Walker's eyes on my back all the way to the library. I wanted to say I was sorry, but what would I say I was sorry for? I hadn't confessed to the crime. I had lied.

I tried to reassure myself by going over what I thought were the positive parts of the meeting. They still didn't connect me to the thefts, and Mrs. Walker seemed ready to believe in my innocence. But I wasn't innocent. That's what really bothered me.

But they were going to change the lock on the storage room and Mrs. Walker wouldn't let anyone else have the key. So I couldn't steal them for Anthony. He wouldn't be able to steal from the school anymore. At least not from the storage room. Maybe somewhere else, where he'd get caught.

It might be over, and I'd just carry my guilt with me. That was hard. I couldn't commit a crime and feel nothing about it, like Anthony Benton and his buddies. I was a Christian. I was saved.

But I had sinned.

Lord, please forgive me the lie I just told. Please, please, deliver me from this. Show me the way.

We reached the Library and all chatter stopped when we entered. Mrs. Walker returned to her desk and I returned to my table. Ravi was still there.

What's going on? he whispered. You in trouble?

No. Nothing, I whispered back. I knew he would press me. I had to think fast. Tell just enough of the truth to satisfy him.

Some camera equipment's missing from the storage room, I said. They wanted to know if I knew where it was.

They think you stole it?

Ravi was astute.

"No, I just, I mean, they just asked me if I had seen it. They don't know if it was stolen. I don't know what happened