So You Think You Can’t Putt?

By James S. Payne

Think of this book as the down-and-dirty, nitty-gritty counterpart for the weekend golfer to Pelz's Putting Bible. For the golfer that hasn't given up their day job. For the golfer that believes practicing is cheating. For the golfer that enjoys the game but gets mad as h*ll when they miss a three footer.
Forty three percent of golf is putting. The fastest way to improve your score is to improve your putting. If you are literate and can read a little bit, this primer on putting will make you a winner without having to cheat.
Remember when you were so desperate you sought refuge from that fortuneteller that practiced in the trailor just outside the city limits. She gazed into the crystal ball. Passed her hands around and over the mystical sphere and with a low, husky voice, "I see in your future, unhappiness, sadness, failure. I see putts that lip to the left. Putts that lip to the right. Putts left short. I see three putts. Multiple three putts. But wait, don't worry. Don't get depressed. I see you getting used to it."
That was before you got this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Worthy Shorts
• Release date: Jun 28, 2011
• ISBN: 9781935340829

Book preview

So You Think You Can’t Putt?

By James S. Payne

WARNING: OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND SITUATIONS

Not to be sold to, read by, or placed in the hands of minors

SPORTS/GOLF

A Worthy Shorts Guide

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © 2011 James S. Payne

Published by Worthy Shorts

The On-Line Private Press for Professionals

on Smashwords

Design and organizing elements © copyright 2011 by Worthy Shorts. Sale of this work in this imprint or design, except by Worthy Shorts or its agents, is prohibited.

WS159

Worthy Shorts® is a registered trademark.

For more information, visit www.worthyshorts.com

Contact:

Jim Payne

Management & Motivation, Inc.

P.O. Box 215

University, MS 38677

1-800-514-7626

[e-mail]

www.managementandmotivation.com

Dedicated to

Sir Thomas Crapper

1836 – 1910

Alleged inventor of the ballcock valve found in the back of your toilet and knighted by the King of England for his service to humanity*

*It makes a good story, but it’s all heresay.

For the crapper connoisseur, contact:

www.plumbingworld.com

or

International Thomas Crapper Society

or

Just Google Sir Thomas Crapper

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Lesson #1 - Putting Ain’t Hard, But It Ain’t Easy Either

Lesson #2 - Shut Up and Listen: Set-Up and Stroke

Lesson #3 - 20,000 Putts, Are You F*cking Kidding Me?

Lesson #4 - Judgment, If You Dare

Lesson #5 - Warning, Vomit Zone Ahead

Lesson #6 - Putting on F*cking Undulating Greens

Lesson #7 - The Brain Game

Lesson #8 - Picture Perfect

Lesson #9 - Going for the Gold

Lesson #10: - Being a F*cking Legend

KNOW SH*T

Know Sh*t Putting Facts

Know Sh*t Putting Tips

Know Sh*t Putting Wisdom

Know Sh*t Putting Advice

Know Sh*t Putting Performance Diagnostic Test

Afterword

Bibliography

About the Author

Acknowledgments

This work could not have been possible without the active involvement of the real golfers in my life who regularly play on the weekends regardless of the weather and constantly bitch about their game. They come ready to play with sore muscles, backaches, foot problems, asthma, sinus headaches, and hemorrhoids. For an entire round, they moan and groan about their aches and pains, all of it falling on deaf ears.

When one goes to the hospital for a repair job, they all visit unless it is on the weekend. They respect and admire each other. They help each other, but they don’t want the other to win. On occasion they might say, Nice shot, but they don’t mean it.

They are not much to look at from the outside, but they are pure on the inside. They have integrity and principles, but you better keep your eye on them because they have been known to cheat. In alphabetical order, thanks goes to: Alan, Bill, Bull, Danny, Don, Doug, George, Jay, Joe, Knox, Lewis, Rusty, Scoop, Strick, and Wrecker.

Special recognition goes to Esim Erdim, motivator, who made me keep writing every time I wanted to go golfing. Also, Bill Gladstone, agent, who kept the faith. Lastly, much credit goes to Meena Srinivas, who did more than type the manuscript. When she finished editing some of the parts, I was unable to recognize my own writing.

Lesson #1 - Putting Ain’t Hard, But It Ain’t Easy Either

There are two possible reasons you think you can’t putt.

You can’t putt.

Your expectations are too f*cking high.

You can’t putt because you don’t practice, or you think you should sink every goddamn putt from God knows where.

Hey, sh*thead. Professionals on tour only make a little over fifty percent of their putts at six feet. Ten feet or longer is a crapshoot. For them, it is a crapshoot, for you, a freakin’ miracle. By the way, they are playing for big money, and you are playing because you don’t have to go to work that day.

Get real. Lower your expectations to being no better than those prima donnas on tour. This might shock you. Those prima donnas, on the average convert:

100% at one foot

90% at two feet

80% at three feet

70% at four feet

60% at five feet

50% at six feet

You want to get as good as those *ssholes? Then complete your application and take a seat.

Lesson #2 - Shut Up and Listen: Set-Up and Stroke

You will never be worth a sh*t if your set-up is crooked and you swing like a girl. No offense to the female reader, but even the women on the LPGA tour putt like men. Look, there is no difference between how men putt and how women putt on tour. They all putt the same: better than you.

Listen up. There are many stances and swings out there but most good players line the putt up the same way and swing the putter the same way, with the same effort.

Set-Up: This will be a real mind blower. All good putters line the putt up on the aimline, sometimes referred to as the target line. In other words, they line the putt up so they can hit it straight.

For you that are cognitively challenged, the aimline is the initial line the ball is intended to start on. It is a straight line used as a guide or sight. The aimline extends from behind the ball to beyond the hole. A break is the distance between the aimline