Daddy's Love

By Janise Smith

Simone Bradley knows there has to be more to life than heartache. Determined to get past her abandonment and rejection issues caused by her absentee father, Simone leaves everything and everyone behind. She creates her own adventure by moving to another state, changing her name and attitude in attempt to start over. She soon falls back into the same destructive pattern and is forced to change.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Parker Tribe Press LLC
• Release date: Jun 26, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465774910

Janise Smith

Janise N. Smith is an author of contemporary fiction, a freelance writer and editor, and a word puzzle designer. She lives in Georgia with her husband Gregory. She also publishes contemporary romance under the name J. Nicole Parker.

Book preview

DaDDY’S LOVE

By Janise N. Smith

Copyright 2014 by Janise N. Smith

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

ARE YOU GRAY?

Do laugh lines seem to appear

even when nothing is funny?

Have crows stood near your eyes so long

that the forms of their feet are imprinted into your skin?

If the patter of little feet were to run past,

how soon could you catch up to them?

Do you remember me?

Can you recall my full name,

date of birth,

or favorite food?

What are my ambitions?

Did I make it to my prom?

Were you ever able to look into my eyes

and know when things weren’t right,

That sometimes I needed more

than what I received from strangers,

Or that maybe I could have used a kind word and a smile

from someone who knows what I’m about—

Were you?

Do you call yourself a father?

If asked about your children,

what do you answer?

It’s me, Daddy,

can you hear me?

J.N.S.

Chapter one

Ambush

We were still applauding the closing remarks of the last speaker when Dominique bolted to the dessert table. The half day conference was officially over and we gathered our things and followed her.

I’m taking these for the kids, she said as she wrapped oatmeal raisin and sugar cookies in a napkin before stuffing them into her purse.

Ha! Those cookies will be gone before two o’clock. Your kids will never see them, I said.

Kate and Shawn laughed with me.

See how much you know—I don’t even like oatmeal raisin cookies, Dominique said as she smiled.

You don’t have to defend your cookie habit to us, Kate said.

Hey, there’s nothing wrong with me. I can stop at any time.

Yeah, after those cookies are already down your throat, Shawn said.

Kate put on her coat and began walking to the double doors with the rest of the crowd exiting the ballroom.

We’re not sticking around to network? Shawn asked.

We need to get back to the office, Kate answered.

But I’m ready to schmooze!

"You can schmooze in the van on the way back to the office," Dominique said.

The clear blue sky was deceitful. It made me long for sandals and shorts when the cold reality called for coats and boots. We were still shoveling walkways and digging our cars from under blankets of snow even though it was March. I zipped up my brown leather jacket with the faux fur trim and reached for the gloves in my pocket.

I don’t think I’ve ever been that bored in my life.

My coworkers laughed at me as we made it across the Hyatt Regency’s parking lot and I sat behind Dominique in her red minivan with my feet surrounded by children’s toys. My other coworker, Kate, sat in the passenger seat next to her, and Shawn was in the back next to me. I looked forward to our drive back to our office in downtown Detroit from Dearborn because I could sit back and relax.

The best part was lunch, Dominique replied.

I thought we were supposed to learn some new and innovative ways to raise funds and market our programs. All I learned was that I like lemon basil dressing on my salad now, Kate replied.

Dominique smiled as she patted her clip-on ponytail and checked her makeup in the rearview mirror. Did you get the house yet? she asked me.

They finally accepted my offer and the closing is set for April 21.

I didn’t know you were buying a house, Kate said as she turned to look at me.

How could you not know about it? That’s all Simone has talked about for the last two months, Shawn replied.

I laughed and playfully punched his boney arm.

I can’t help it—I’m just so excited! I can’t wait to decorate my own house.

And we’ll have to hear about it all summer long, he added.

Whatever! Don’t hate me because I’m a homeowner.

No, I’m happy for you, Simone. Now I have somewhere to crash on the weekends when my parents are getting on my nerves.

Shawn, why don’t you get your own place? Aren’t you too old to still be at home? Dominique asked.

We snickered as Shawn stuttered and his complexion turned from pale to hot pink.

No way! I’m only twenty-three and I’m not ready for the responsibility of a mortgage.

What about rent, Shawn? You think you can handle rent? Dominique asked.

Leave him alone! I lived with my parents until I got married and I was in my thirties then, Kate said as she ran her fingers through her short red hair.

That’s different because you’re a female. A man is supposed to be a man and get his own place. What about your dates, Shawn? You bring your dates to your parents’ house? Dominique asked.

What’s wrong with that?

You have women spending the night in your parents’ house? Please tell me your bedroom isn’t right next to your parents. Does your mother come in at night and tuck you and your woman in?

We laughed and Shawn joined in.

I sleep at her house.

That’s right, playa’, I said as I elbowed him.

So you only date women that have their own place. Okay, Shawn, but you can’t live up under mommy and daddy forever. It’s time to grow up, son, and there’s no time like the present, Dominique replied.

Can we change the subject, please? Shawn whined white fidgeting.

Kate, why are you letting her drill your assistant like that? I asked.

This isn’t my car so I’m not in charge. Dominique might make me walk back to the office if I say anything.

Laughter filled the car again.

Why don’t you tell me about your new house? Kate asked.

Wait, Shawn said, let me tell her. It’s a three bedroom bungalow on the west side of Detroit.

I smirked at him. I guess I had talked about it quite a bit for the past few weeks. After looking at house after house, I finally found the one that was perfect for me. It was the right size in a great neighborhood and the previous owners had taken good care of it. As a part of the purchase agreement I asked that they repair the basement windows and the garage door. I was able to negotiate the purchase price, got the mortgage payment to an amount that didn’t break me each month, and the sellers were paying most of the closing costs. It was a great deal and I was so ready to move out of my apartment complex. It was time to have something of my own.

I’ll have a housewarming party some time this summer and I’ll invite everyone to come and see my new home.

That should be fun! Are you going to register anywhere? Kate asked.

I hadn’t given it much thought, but now that you’ve mentioned it that sounds like a good idea.

Dominique sighed as she slowed the minivan to the flow of the traffic jam that we had suddenly come upon.

I could use a good nap right about now, she said, instead of having to go back to the office and deal with Man-Man this afternoon.

Kate chuckled and Shawn smiled.

I wish you would stop calling her that. Do you know how hard it is to keep a straight face when I see her? I asked.

Well, she shouldn’t be so hard! She’s the one stomping around the office like a big man so that’s what I call her. I wonder if she even knows she’s a woman, she continued.

Yeah, she is quite rough. I wouldn’t want to cross her in a dark alley, I added.

I think she’s tougher than my dad, Shawn replied.

We couldn’t hold back the laughter. None of us were fans of our new boss and she probably had no idea what was being said about her, especially by Dominique, who took shots at her at every given opportunity. We didn’t particularly care for Holly since she set up our previous boss, Richard, to be fired and then let go two program managers and the department secretary during her first month on the job. We weren’t sure if Human Resources had put her up to it or if her own personal agenda was to ruin lives and run the office like a dictator. She seemed to forget that we worked for a non-profit and the food bank was there to serve the people in the community, not for her to come in and play king to feed her ego.

We finally made it back to the office just in time for my meeting with the staff planning committee.

Shawn, aren’t you going to the meeting?

I was standing outside of my cubicle as he stood behind his chair and took off his thick down jacket. He placed it on the hook on the wall of his cubicle behind him and adjusted his tie.

Uh, I can’t make it today—I’ve gotta meet with Kate.

Okay, I’ll see you when you get back.

He wouldn’t look in my direction, let alone look at me. After he adjusted his tie he began digging in his pockets. I left him alone to find whatever he was searching for and walked to the conference room at the end of the hall with a notepad and pen in hand.

* * * *

I looked at the clock on the wall as we were leaving the meeting. We discussed the company picnic for an additional twenty minutes over the hour we had scheduled. I hurried back to my desk so I could check my emails and voice messages. It was unusually quiet in our corner of the suite but I walked directly to my cubicle and put down my notepad when I noticed some papers on my desk had been moved. I picked them up and thumbed through them. I still had my reports that I printed yesterday before I left, a packing slip from the office supplies that arrived last week, and some emails that I printed. I couldn’t find the article that Dominique wanted me to proofread for her. There wasn’t much that needed to be done to it and I only caught a few typos, but it wasn’t like her to take something from my desk without asking first. I also couldn’t find the list of corporate donors that had donated food in the last six months.

I looked around and noticed that no one else was in their cubicle. I walked back to Shawn’s cubicle and remembered that he was meeting with Kate, so I went to her desk at the opposite end, but she wasn’t there either. I heard voices and turned to find Holly’s office door closed. I didn’t remember any meetings scheduled for the afternoon so I went back to my desk and checked my calendar. We didn’t have a staff meeting until next week. I wanted to know what was so important that it had everyone in my department in Holly’s office and they couldn’t wait until after my committee meeting to include me. Before I could begin to conjure up what was going on in her office, the door opened. I could hear whispering and then giggles. I was trying to hear who was talking when Shawn appeared at my desk.

Holly wants to see you, he said and turned back around.

I grabbed my notepad again and walked to her office.

Please close the door, Holly ordered, trying to smile.

There was Man-Man sitting behind her desk and leaning back in her chair with her hands clasped across her wide girth. Her hair was brown frizzy tumbleweed and she was wearing her usual plain pantsuit with a cream blouse underneath.

I closed the door and looked at each face sitting there with her before I took the empty seat in front of her desk. Dominique, Kate, Shawn and Man-Man’s administrative assistant, Amarta, were all seated in the cramped cubicle converted into an office. In my four years of working at the food bank, I had never felt more uncomfortable than I did at that moment. No one would look at me, not even Dominique. I turned to Holly and waited for someone to speak.

Where have you been for the past hour and a half? she asked.

I was at the planning committee meeting that I told you about yesterday, I answered.

You were gone all morning and then you spent most of the afternoon in a committee meeting when there’s work to be done, she said, lifting her hands as if to imply that she didn’t understand.

I go to this meeting twice every month and my work is caught up.

No, your work isn’t caught up. You didn’t proofread the article Dominique needed in order to print the newsletter, and we didn’t have the names for the corporate sponsors. We have deadlines to meet.

I already proofed the article and I was told it wasn’t due until the end of this week.

No, you didn’t proofread it—Shawn did.

I immediately looked over at Shawn. He didn’t say a word. I wasn’t sure what or whom he was focused on but his face turned a shade of red I had never seen on him.

Shawn? I wanted him to say something.

You knew that I needed the article so I asked Shawn to get it from you, Dominique replied.

I turned and looked at her. She stared right into my eyes and all I saw was emptiness. The hot seat I was sitting in suddenly got hotter.

What I don’t understand is why would you recommend that seminar for us? It was a waste of funds and time. Did you do any research on the company that presented it or get any feedback from any former participants? Kate asked.

I swallowed hard and turned to Kate.

Are you blaming me for a presentation that I had nothing to do with? Do you think I intentionally signed us up for a seminar that wouldn’t benefit us? I chose it based on the agenda we were given, I explained.

Kate slowly shook her head and sat back in her chair.

You took most of my staff out of the office this morning and they didn’t get anything useful for their time spent. That just isn’t good business sense, Simone. What do you have to say for yourself?

I just sat there. It didn’t seem to matter what I had to say or what my intentions were. The room began to get smaller and tighter as I was stuck in the lion’s den surrounded by hungry salivating creatures that were ready to turn me into their next meal. My mind kept trying to wander off to other places while my body wished it could follow. I wasn’t prepared for the interrogation and possible slaughter.

You’ve been slacking off on your work and your responsibilities lately. Every time you fall short on something, it means there’s added work for someone else. Do you think that’s fair? Holly asked.

What are you talking about and where is this coming from? I’ve never had a bad review since I’ve worked for this organization and I’ve always worked hard and took my job seriously. If there was a problem with my work, why hasn’t someone said anything to me about it before now?

I looked at Kate, Dominique and Shawn. Not one of them would say anything or look at me. I squeezed the notepad to keep from trembling. I was so angry that I could scream, cry and hit everyone in the room. I blinked back the tears that I knew they were waiting to see.

What this organization needs is a team player, Man-Man explained.

And I have been nothing but a team player since day one. If I’ve been anything else, I want someone in this room that has worked with me longer than three months to tell me so to my face instead of behind my back.

There was nothing but silence.

That’s all for this afternoon. Everyone else can go back to their desks. Simone, I need you to stay.

I sat still as everyone stood to leave. I kept my eyes on Holly as she shuffled through some papers on her desk. When Shawn closed the door, I wanted to jump up and push it open to catch him listening on the other side.

Simone, I don’t have anything against you, but we’re heading in a new direction in this department and you haven’t displayed that you are a team player. Your colleagues have noticed it, I have noticed it and I’m sure if you’re honest with yourself you’ll have to admit it, too.

The only thing I need to admit to is that I’ve done my job and I’ve done it well for each of the four years that I’ve worked here. I have never had a complaint or a bad performance review. I don’t know why my colleagues feel the need to lie and talk about me behind my back, but I will not sit here and be told that I haven’t done a good job for this organization.

My voice quivered on the last part of my statement. Even if I had more to say, I would have stopped talking because I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing a single tear roll down my cheek. Since when did she have the right to take away my livelihood? When was she given the right to decide for me that I couldn’t earn a paycheck, pay my bills and eat?

What I would like to do is provide you with the opportunity to find a position that is better suited for you. I think you are a good person, but your strengths could be best utilized in another agency.

Are you firing me?

I think it would be best if you were separated with the ability to collect unemployment while you seek other opportunities. If you need a reference from Human Resources, they can verify your title, your salary and your employment dates. If they ask for the reason you left we can say that you were laid off. I think that’s fair. Don’t you?

I didn’t want to tell her what I thought was fair.

Is that all? I asked.

Is there anything further you want to discuss?

I stood and walked to the door.

Simone, you can work the rest of the week if you’d like, but you have to report to Human Resources sometime this afternoon.

I opened the door and walked to my desk. There was that eerie silence again, but this time I could see my former co-workers hovering around and whispering. It was my turn not to look anyone in the eye. I didn’t care if I ever saw any of them ever again. I used to laugh and share conversations with those same people that lied and set me up. I had lunch with them almost daily. I shared my personal goals and dreams with them. I trusted them.

It was you that was sneaking around my desk.

I was standing over Shawn. I went to his cubicle first.

I just did as I was told.

What was this about, Shawn? Were you after my job or something?

No, I don’t want your job, he said and finally looked at me.

I could tell he was lying, but at that moment I didn’t care. Man-Man’s poison had been released and had infected the organization that I so loved since the day I learned of its mission. I went to my desk to gather my personal belongings, and it was harder than I thought it would be. I snatched the certificates of appreciation and completion off the wall of my cubicle and threw them in the trash. There was a small plastic grocery bag in the bottom drawer, and I filled it with some pictures, snacks and a few other things that I used to make the cubicle my home away from home.

I had to pass Holly’s office on my way to Human Resources. There stood Dominique and Kate. They stopped talking long enough to acknowledge my presence. I’m not sure if they were waiting for me to say something first, but I had absolutely nothing to say to either of them. I decided not to say anything to anyone. What was left to say? It was clear that I couldn’t trust any of them.

I noticed the bulletin board outside of the Human Resources office. There was a flyer offering low mortgage rates through the credit union affiliated with the organization. My breath got stuck in my chest and I momentarily seemed to forget how the normal breathing process went.

Not only had I just lost my job, but I also lost my new house.

chapter two

The Decision

It’s time for something in my life to change.

I’m sitting at my dining room table ripping up yet another rejection letter. I wasted too much gas taking those two trips to the east side of Detroit for the first and second interviews. I just knew this job was mine and now I’m being rejected! At least this employer had the decency to let me know that I didn’t get the job instead of having me wait and wonder for weeks like the others. What do these people want? If I hear that I’m overqualified one more time I’m going to scream! If I can do the work, why not give me the job? This has been the same sob story for the past year and I’m through with this madness.

I’ve had enough of this whole tired scene. I’m not sure what to do with everything else in my two-bedroom apartment, but I’m emptying my closet and my dresser drawers into three suitcases and two large cardboard boxes that I had in my storage room in the basement. I still have the rest of this month in this apartment since I didn’t renew my lease and started renting month-to-month. I’ve been giving a 30-day notice every month since my lease expired just in case I couldn’t afford to stay here, so I have until the first week of June to move everything out if I can’t do it all right away.

I want to leave right now. I just want to throw my clothes and shoes into my Mountaineer and drive as far away from Michigan as I possibly can. Tomorrow, I’m going to call the temp agency and tell them that I appreciate the opportunity they gave me but my last day as a data entry clerk for $10 an hour was today. That may not be the responsible thing to do but I can’t stand another day in that place. Besides, I’ve been there for three months and I realize there is nowhere to aspire to in that company. Typing medical codes into patient files all day is about the only thing a person can do there, other than being the supervisor of those who type medical codes into patient files all day. I thought about trying to get hired permanently to get some health insurance, but they kept claiming to have a hiring freeze because of the economy.

I had a decent salary before I was let go, I mean forced out, from my job in March of 2003. My promising career as a program manager was gone in the time it took to swat a fly. For once, I had a job that I truly enjoyed and got some fulfillment from. Then the day came when my comfort zone was invaded and I landed in the unemployment line along with many others from the Fight Hunger Association. I had been there for four years and never imagined the time would come when they would hire an axe man/woman to do their dirty work and significantly cut the staff from one of the largest food banks in metro Detroit. I thought I would never get past the hurt and betrayal but now I’m glad to be away from those backstabbing liars. I thought about suing for wrongful termination, but I didn’t want to ruin my chances of getting work with another non-profit because of the lawsuit. The unemployment checks came in for six months, yet I was still withdrawing money from my savings just to keep a roof over my head and some food on the table. I was on my last $1,200 when the temp agency called and offered me the position as a Data Entry Clerk. After applying for dozens of positions that I qualified for and being rejected from them all, it had come down to $10 an hour to survive. I had to accept the ugly reality of it all. The last thing I wanted was to lose my apartment or ask my mother for money.

I had been thinking about moving to another state, even before I got the position with the food bank. It was such a great opportunity that I thought it was a sign that I was supposed to stay in Michigan. Being the only child, I didn’t want to move too far away from my mother, but that’s no longer a concern since she remarried last year. After being divorced from my father since 1981, she finally met and married Harold Thompson. My mother didn’t date much after the divorce. She focused on her career as a police officer. She met my father when she was in the Army and she married him the same year she got out. My mother is one of the most intelligent women I know, yet I’ll never understand why she chose my father. Love could never be that blind! My father was a loser with a capital L. I’m sure he didn’t just grow into a loser overnight—he had to have been one when they met and she met him at a club, of all places, while she was on a leave from the Army. They kept in touch and he proposed when her enlistment was over. I wish she had re-enlisted and married someone else. I guess she fell for his lines, was turned on by his lean and muscular physique, and was mesmerized by his smile and dazzling eyes. He worked construction but couldn’t keep a job long because he was high all of the time. I know that I wouldn’t want some drug addict building any structure that I have to walk into.

I was so grateful that Harry came into my mother’s life. He should have been my father. He’s a great guy and I appreciate the way he treats my mother. His lively demeanor and hearty laugh make him a joy to be around, and he kind of reminds me of a black Santa Claus but in better shape. His balding makes him look distinguished and the silver hair in his beard and mustache matches the little bit of hair left on his head. He’s retired and spends most of his time and money taking my mother out and getting her on planes to travel more often than what she’s used to. I liked seeing her face light up whenever he called or when she talked about one of their trips. I think I was the one that accepted when he proposed to her because I wasn’t giving her a chance to blow it. They had a small ceremony in the Bahamas and stayed a week for their honeymoon. Now that she’s retired from the police force, they travel and shop all of the time. I love how happy my mother is. She deserves it.

* * * *

It’s Tuesday, and I plan on being gone by Saturday morning. I don’t want anyone to know that I’m moving to Atlanta because I don’t want anyone trying to talk me out of it. I won’t tell my mother until I get there. I know she may be disappointed at my decision to leave this way but it can’t be any worse than the disappointment I must have been to her all my life. I’ll be 30 years old in October, and I have nothing to show for it. Sure, I have a college degree but it hasn’t done much. I have my own apartment, but I was supposed to own a house by now. I thought that I would be in a successful career or own a successful business at this point in my life, not trying to start all over at this age after losing a job. I also thought that I would be married and have had all of my children before I turned 30. I suppose all of that is impossible to accomplish in the next six months. If you had asked me when I was ten years old what my life was going to be like at 29, I never would’ve said any of this. If you had asked me when I was 18 years old what my life was going to be like at this age, I couldn’t have imagined this. I had such big dreams and high aspirations for myself when I was growing