Loose Lips Sink Ships

By Katrina LaCroix

Book Genre: Dark Comedy

Avery Leigh will stop at nothing to get her boyfriend, Carter Thomson, back. A high school girl who has no problem saying the first thing that pops into her head, no matter how crazy, she finds Carter has not only stopped taking her calls, he’s started avoiding her altogether. Could it have been something she said? Carter, a sometimes naïve but always gorgeous basketball player, doesn’t mind playing the field if it makes him look good in front of his friends, but he’s really trying to figure out what qualities he wants most in a woman. Unfortunately for Avery, impulsive and outrageous don’t make the list.

In Loose Lips Sink Ships, expect the unbelievable as these high school teens cross every conceivable boundary and breach every ethical code. If you like your romances to be tongue-in-cheek, you’ll love the non-stop innuendo and flirting, because at that age there’s really only one thing on everybody’s mind. If you like your comedies to be over the top, you won’t be able to stop laughing when you see what kind of ridiculousness these two get up to. Because when it comes to Avery and Carter’s train wreck of a relationship, the only safe way to get involved is through a book.

Loose Lips Sink Ships is intended for mature audiences and is not recommended for those who are easily offended.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Katrina LaCroix
• Release date: May 26, 2011
• ISBN: 9781458058867

Book preview

Loose Lips Sink Ships

By: Katrina LaCroix

This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 Katrina LaCroix

Chapter 1

Carter Thomson rolled over to find a young woman with a large birthmark on her cheekbone sleeping next to him. He stared at it for a minute, that dark thumbprint on her face with little mice hairs poking through. Cringing, he stuck his tongue out when he imagined the only possible explanation. She must have bumped her head something awful on the way out.

Why was he sleeping with random girls who had huge birthmarks on their faces? What happened to his standards, his integrity, his manhood? It was ridiculous for him to be lying next to some woman he’d just met in a shabby downtown hotel room. Carter was hung-over, unable to think clearly. Didn’t he have a girlfriend? Oh, right…scratch that.

Looking her over, she appeared to be sweet enough even though the birthmark made her look like she was going to a football game. Her lips moved a bit. She was starting to stir. He could already tell she had the kind temperament of a girl who could truly and deeply care about him. That’s what Carter desired above all else. She groaned and put her hand to her forehead. When she removed it to brush away some of her blonde hair, her innocent blue eyes caught him.

Can you hurry up and pay me? I’ve got to get out of here. It’s seventy-five dollars.

Wait, what? Pay you? What are you talking about? Carter coughed, choking on the sudden lump in his throat. The girl widened her eyes, taking on a puppy dog sweetness he found irresistible.

I was good, wasn’t I? Didn’t you enjoy it? I feel like I can barely walk.

Of course you were good, he replied, happy to supply the right answer to comfort her. He rolled onto his elbow and smiled.

Good! Then pay me my seventy-five dollars! she demanded. Carter’s jaw dropped, completely lost to any speck of comprehension over what was going on. His hesitation didn’t please her. That’s it! I’m calling my dad. Where’s my phone?

Pulling the comforter tight over her neck, she reached to the floor and fumbled through her clothes. She grabbed something and started to put it on under the sheets.

Your dad, why? he winced, bewildered.

Because he’ll have something to say about it when he learns you’ve stiffed us, she snarled. If there’s one thing he hates more than deadbeats, it’s his daughter giving out freebies.

Your dad is your pimp? That’s insane! Wait, wait, wait, he jabbered, because the girl looked like she was about to go off on an angry tirade. This was a consensual thing. We met in a bar, had a few drinks, and decided to grab a room. We don’t need to involve anybody else. It was romantic.

Carter feigned another smile, hoping to salvage some scrap of the lovely night out he’d imagined. The girl pursed her lips and gazed at him for a moment, contemplating something.

What’s my name?

Shutting his eyes, he silently kicked himself. He had no idea what her name was.

Dee, Dee, Dina, Denise? No, Diana!

Groaning loudly, she grimaced as though she would spit on him but instead hopped out of bed in her bra and panties and went to her bag slumped against one of the overturned chairs.

Was I wrong? Carter wondered.

He slid out of bed wearing only a pair of Pokemon boxers, but he grabbed his gray t-shirt and pulled it over his black hair and muscular back. The fabric fit tightly around his stomach, hinting at the abs it concealed underneath.

If you don’t know my name, that makes the charge one-hundred dollars. Every girl knows that rule: it’s one-hundred bucks if he doesn’t know your name the morning after, she said, crossing her arms.

She turned to face him, her face full of scorn. She had on her skirt and red, revealing top from the night before. Her messy hair was the only clue she wasn’t about to go right back to the club, or street corner, or wherever she was from.

I don’t know anything about any rules! he sniped, starting to get defensive. I was just looking for a night out with a special girl. I didn’t realize I’d have someone shaking me down as soon as I woke up!

The girl chuckled, grabbed her bag, and tiptoed toward him. He stood by the end of the bed when she came close enough to kiss him. She fluttered her eyelids and ran her finger across his chest.

I poked a pinhole in the condom while you were taking a whiz. I shouldn’t get my period for a couple days, so I’d say you have a fifty-fifty chance of getting a call from me in about nine months. This hundred dollars is going to be the least of your worries.

She brushed by him and went for the door. Carter turned to watch her go, a sickly revulsion wreaking havoc inside. The girl exited the dirty hotel room, leaving the door open. Drained, Carter collapsed onto the bed and hid his face in his hands. She didn’t appear to have any trouble walking at all.

*

Two beautiful young women marched into the hotel lobby, ignoring the smiling doorman who facilitated their entrance. In the lead, a thin brunette wore heels, a short skirt, and a top that looked as though it was meant to be a nightgown. She had the determined, sly look of a trickster, one who was always calculating and always in control. The name of this girl was Avery Leigh.

A top-heavy black girl trailed close behind. Strong and quick, she wore a blue dress with a matching cap. Her thumbs constantly pressed the buttons on her phone, her attention focused intently on her texting. When Avery arrived at the front desk, Kendra settled in at her side, glanced up, and frowned at the clerk.

Is there something I can help you with? the gentleman behind the desk asked. He seemed to be in his mid-twenties and the only one working the counter. Avery, already irritated, sighed and put her hands on her hips.

Tell me what room Carter Thomson is staying in, she insisted, only to receive a strange look from the clerk. I said please! she added.

I don’t believe we have anyone here by that name, he replied, shaking his head as though he really regretted it. Avery shot her friend a look.

Damn it. Maybe he checked in under his drunken alter ego, she considered, turning back to the attendant. Do you have anyone named Fabio Lipsmackerdoodle staying here?

I was trying to be polite. I can’t tell you the names or room numbers of any of our guests, he explained, suddenly taking on a strange grin and raising his eyebrows. But, you know, I have a room, if you’re interested. Never too early for a fifteen minute break, right?

He chuckled and revealed a silver room key in his hand. It was fancier than the others, so it must’ve been a good room, but Avery lowered her eyes at him and clenched her fists.

I wouldn’t let you near me if I carved my vagina out with an ice-cream scoop and replaced it with a wood-chipper! she shouted at him, bursting from the desk and storming toward one of the hallways. My body is for my boyfriend only!

Once she encountered the long hall and the identical doors lining each side, she slowed and put her hand to her chin. The hotel only had two long floors, but she still had no idea where Carter was.

Are you sure this is the right way?

No, Kendra, I’m not sure. But I know he has the good sense at least to get a non-smoking room. I’m sure he didn’t get a newspaper either, since he can barely read, Avery replied, tiptoeing along.

Cleaning carts already dotted the hallway, and a few doors were left open. Avery chewed her lip as they peeked in each room. Near the end, one of the cleaning ladies put on a pair of rubber gloves, strapped on goggles, and grabbed a big bottle of bleach.

No, no! Quick! She’ll contaminate the scene!

They shuffled to the last room and cut off the attendant, smiling meekly as they slipped in ahead of her. Taking one look at the colossal mess, there was a chance this was the room they were looking for.

We decided not to check out. Bye! Kendra said, shutting the door in the cleaning lady’s face. Immediately, the stink of lovemaking made them gag.

There’s got to be some kind of proof he was here. I have to know if he’s ditched me for some STD-ridden skank who’s hungrier for sex than a World of Warcraft dork, Avery moaned, stepping over empty bottles and looking at the disheveled bed. Maybe he’d forgotten something from his wallet. Perhaps she would recognize a piece of his clothing. There had to be some trace of him left in this wrecked hotel room.

What happened between you and Carter anyway? And why don’t you just call him? Kendra asked, staring at her phone and texting furiously. Avery turned to her and pointed her finger.

That’s none of your business! And he’s not answering my calls. Can you just help me look for one minute? I promise we’ll get you some fried chicken and watermelon after, Avery jabbed. Kendra bit her lip but reluctantly started to scan the room.

I’m not seeing anything. Just overturned furniture, beer stains in the rug, and a bed that looks like it was the scene of a World War II reenactment.

Avery had started to give up hope this was the right room. She flipped on the bathroom light and stared into the mirror. Putting her hands on each side of the sink, she remembered it hadn’t been that long since Carter had taken her to trashy hotel rooms like this. She missed having her face smushed up against the glass as he unloaded his sub on her from behind. Her heart sank at the fond memories.

Sulking, she put her head down and saw something that made her gasp. Suddenly delighted, she knelt next to a used, crusty condom that had just missed the trash bin. She beamed at it, letting her fingers drift closer and slowly pick it up.

Look what I found! she shouted to Kendra when she entered the other room, proudly presenting the flaccid piece of latex. Kendra was sitting in a chair she had turned right side up, her legs crossed and her fingers on her phone. She cringed when she finally looked at what Avery had brought out.

You must’ve been a blast in second grade show-and-tell, Kendra responded, annoying Avery.

Just shut up. This is all the proof we need! We’ll be able to tell exactly whether or not he was here, she said. Look, there’s a pinhole in the bottom. Bitches have no dignity anymore.

What are you doing with that thing? Kendra asked. An agonized sigh escaped Avery’s lips, and she dropped her shoulders.

Gimme a break, ok? This is the only way to know if he was here.

She brushed her finger against it and then brought it to her mouth.

It’s salty, a little bitter, and with the distinct flavor of Cool Ranch Doritos! It’s him! Avery cheered, putting her hands in the air and flashing a very white smile.

Yay, Kendra muttered. So we went through all that when he’s obviously not here anymore. What are we supposed to do now?

Avery flung the condom at the window, where it stuck, and put her fist to her chin to think. She needed to find him as soon as possible. He had to know how she felt. She’d planned on getting to him before he went to work, but there was no longer any chance of that.

We’ll have to put the drop on him when he shows up at his job, she said, heading for the door. Sighing, Kendra got up and waded through the messy room.

Exiting the hotel, the two women marched into the packed parking lot. Avery came to a red sports car, letting her finger drag across the back end. Smiling, she came around to the driver’s side door. The inside was clean, had custom leather seating, and the speedometer went up past two hundred. She could see her reflection in the glass, and it made her feel warm inside. Casually, she slipped her fingers around the door handle, only to be interrupted from her reverie when Kendra called to her.

Girl, what you doing? Your car’s over here!

Deflated, Avery pulled her fingers off, and stepped backward from the car. Kendra stood a few spaces over at the passenger door of an old station wagon. Dragging her heels against the pavement, Avery approached her dirty, bulky vehicle. Despite having an air mattress and blankets in the back and honeybees pasted onto the windows, the whole thing was still a great embarrassment.

Come on. Let’s just go, she grumbled, pulling open the driver’s side door.

Chapter 2

Nero’s Neapolitan Pizzeria was crammed between the back end of a department store and a government office building. Carter had told Avery all about the dorks he worked with and the truck drivers and paper shufflers who patronized the place. It had been enough to ensure she’d never go there, until now. This was the only place she could be sure to find him today.

Her station wagon lurched