To Hell with the Harp!

By Malcolm Twigg

The Fires of Hell have gone out. At least, they have been allowed to go out by a hapless apprentice demon called Zelzebub whilst Satan is away on holiday. As well as spelling disaster for the central heating Upstairs, it also has dire consequences for mankind when, in an effort to get them lit again, Zelzebub calls on the help of Prometheus (who, in mythological circles, was said to have invented fire) following misplaced advice from a tone-deaf angel called Galadriel. Galadriel is an assistant door keeper to Heaven, at one of the back doors to Paradise with a direct link to Hell and Zelzebub’s workstation – hence a long enduring and grudging friendship between Angel and Demon. Having been chained up for eternity by Zeus for some misdemeanour, with his liver being perennially nibbled by a vulture, Prometheus is quite naturally permanently liverish and quite insane. Delighted at being free from his torture he soon takes over in Hell and sets in train a sequence of events that has volcanoes and earthquakes spelling disaster for mankind.

With Satan being denied access to Hell by Prometheus when he returns from holiday, and Zelzebub and Galadriel being sent to Earth to try and sort out the mess by the Almighty as a penance, the scene is set for a hilarious account of the gods meddling in the affairs of mankind. The more especially so when tone-deaf Galadriel is hailed as the next great pop star and introduced to the possibilities of the electric guitar rather than his usual out-of-tune harp, which rather detracts from his purpose in being on earth in the first place. However, thanks to the intervention of Zeus, helped by a mortal caught right up in the middle of events, everything gets put on an even keel again, but not without a deal of disaster and mayhem along the way.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Malcolm Twigg
• Release date: Apr 29, 2011
• ISBN: 9781458075499

Malcolm Twigg

Malcolm Twigg has been writing in some form or other for most of his adult life, much of it in local government circles where he put a bit more of the 'creative' element to writing minutes of meetings than was actually warranted. However, it kept the madness away.He discovered science fiction at a very early age and started writing his first novel at the age of 18. He promptly consigned it to the bin and concentrated instead on reading stories by the legendary greats of Science Fiction who actually knew how to write, such as Fred Pohl and Algis Budrys. Both of those authors and many others he was later to meet when a short story he submitted for the L. Ron Hubbard Writers of the Future contest got him into the finals of the contest, and a trip to Florida to boot.A short time earlier, a novel had won the Peter Pook Humorous Novel competition in England (To Hell with the Harp!) and was published through Emissary Publishing (he was a second place winner the previous year). In that same year he had a small collection of science fiction stories published in Chapbook format by Piper's Ash and was also actively publishing in small press genre magazines and well as writing mainstream feature articles for various magazines.Shortly after he attended the L. Ron Hubbard event, he was made redundant from local government and what should have turned into a burgeoning writing career took a bit of a left turn when he was (fortuitously) offered a position as launch editor for a local county magazine (Cornwall Life), followed by another magazine (Young at Heart) building upon a series of freelance articles published in Devon Life.Under his unfailing leadership, both of those new titles folded within a few months (a fate that, alarmingly, befell a number of genre magazines as soon as they had published contributions from him). However, he was kept on as Chief Writer for Devon Life, went on to successfully launch Cornwall Life again and then Wiltshire Magazine, taking an already extant Wiltshire magazine head on and winning.This second career left little time to pursue the more creative element however, leaving a number of unfinished works on the back burner for ten years or so, despite only working (ostensibly) part time.He retired last year and started researching his family history. As always suspected, his wife seems to have married beneath her. Whereas her family history (purportedly) includes the Duke of Wellington and can (some say) be traced right back through William the Conqueror to Cleopatra (via King Frosti of Finland - yes, really!), his includes more than a few liaisons outside the marraige vows and an ancestor whose suspected relationship to his daughter was closer than was really necessary.After a period taking stock (and learning his place again), he is starting to dust those old manuscripts off and show them the light of day once more. He was persuaded to join 'Smashwords' by recognising the name of co-member Hank Quense, an author whose work he admires and who was once, with him, a member of 'Critter-Litter' an informal spin-off from the online critiquing Workshop 'Critters'.Malcolm also runs a social Badminton Club and participates in Field Archery on a regular basis. He used to run a sword fencing club. An innate clumsiness, however, makes all of these extra-curricular activities highly suspect.He also has an interest in the UFO phenomonen and, together with his wife and son, once witnessed an unexplained incident immediately over his home - an experience that was subsequently corroborated by another family across the other side of the valley where he lives. The experience comprised two balls of light, spaced about ten minutes apart passing silently overhead and (as resported by the corroborating family) apparently returning on a different path before disappearing, one shooting off, the other fading out. Subsequent enquiries of various sources revealed no other aerial activity in the neighbourhood. The event took place during a weekend of unexplained phenomenon across England and the wider world. The jury is still out on that one.

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