Shades of Gray: The Introduction of Walter Harrison

By Michael Johnson

Walter Harrison is a twenty something owner of an apartment building, Harrison's Palace, which he inherited from his father, as a patronizing gift to remind Walter of the disappointment he has become. Walter carries the burden of feeling ostracized by his fellow African Americans and internalizes a toxic combination of anger, self-pity, and resentment towards black people. Walter views himself as a victim of racism from his own people, but his self-indulgence of sorrow does not permit him to see that his tormentors are also victims of racism. Convinced he will never find acceptance from African Americans, Walter forces himself to find love and acceptance outside of his race, to the dismay of those around him. The simultaneous abandonment of his parents and his first love drive Walter to the brink of madness. As he struggles to get his life in order, the shocking suicide of his tenant, and mirror-image, James Saint, another black male coping with loneliness, threatens to unravel Walter all over again.

Shades of Gray: The Introduction of Walter Harrison is a colorful and honest representation of how mental slavery affects the lives of African American men. The 95,000 word novel focuses on the life of Walter Harrison and his curiosity with his tenant, James Saint.

One of the unfortunate consequences of American slavery is the that the spirit of Africans and their descendants had to be broken in order for the system to flourish. The stigma of slavery manifests itself daily in the minds, words, and actions of African Americans. Like many, Walter fails to recognize the connection between his predicament and the plight of his people. Walter's obsession with how his life and the life of James intertwine, through the reading of James' diary, lead Walter to discover he and James are closer than he realized.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Johnson
• Release date: Mar 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781458172075

Book preview

SHADES OF GRAY:

THE INTRODUCTION OF WALTER HARRISON

MICHAEL JOHNSON

SHADES OF GRAY: THE INTRODUCTION OF WALTER HARRISON. Copyright © 2008 by Michael Johnson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without express written permission from the publisher.

This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, incidents and dialogue, except for incidental references to public figures, products, places or services, are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and are not intended to refer to any persons, living or dead, or to disparage any company’s products or services.

If you have any questions pertaining to the novel you will completed, please send them to my email address; [e-mail]

or my Facebook page; https://www.facebook.com/#!/ShadesOfGrayTheIntroductionOfWalterHarrison

This book is dedicated to my children; Raidon, Rain, Mileena, Ares, and April. I love all of you very much. Everything I do now, I do to ensure your sense of self-worth is never compromised. They can never take what you do not give them willingly (Readers of my works will know who I refer to as they). Take care of each other and always remember; here comes the sun!

Chapter One

Ok, Walter, now is the time for you to find a prom date. The prom is two months away…you have to find a date soon. You have to ask someone to the prom, or you will get stuck going with a girl nobody else wants to take. Do you want an ugly date, Walter? I didn’t think so! This is not just another high school dance. This is the senior prom we are talking about for the class of 2004. If it were another dance, I would not even want to go, and I wouldn’t, just like I never went to any of the homecoming dances through the years. But the senior prom is something you have to attend. My family is going to see my date. My kids are going to see the prom pictures one day and, everyone remembers his/her senior prom. I have to go, regardless of how I despise high school and the asshole students who grace me with their presence on a daily basis.

Darlan High School is a very large high school. Instead of just being one enclosed building, as the schools are in Philadelphia, DHS is designed as a college campus with the classrooms located in several bigger buildings on the main campus and in small, portable structures on the outskirts of campus.

The school grounds have paved walkways with trees and bushes littered throughout the grassy areas and also connected tables and benches painted in the school colors -black and red- scattered all over the campus.

During lunchtime, the freshman and sophomores mostly eat their meals inside of the cafeteria, unless they have friends who are upperclassmen with whom the underclassmen can tag along and buy their lunches from the local fast food restaurants. The lunch period is forty minutes long, and since it takes almost twenty five minutes to get through the crowded drive-through lanes, I normally will bring my food back with me or risk being late to my next class. My parents wouldn’t take kindly to my being late to any class. They wouldn’t discover any tardiness on my part until several months after the fact, but the less motivation they have to involve themselves in my life, the easier it makes my life.

Every day, when I return from my lunch run, I see Latoya Carter and her girlfriends sitting at the bench by the gym, which is the closest bench to the parking lot. I think they like sitting there because that way, they can look at what everyone else is wearing as they return to school grounds. There are six girls in total, including Latoya. I used to wonder how they got their food. Latoya and her cheerleading clique rarely leave campus, but I discovered that the newer members of the cheer squad volunteers to bring the clique food on most days. My friend Joshua Jones and I pass her every day, and I make sure to get a prolonged glimpse of the sexiest girl at DHS, when I walk by. For most of my senior year, I would see Latoya sitting with her girlfriends and her boyfriend at their favorite resting area. I never understood what Latoya saw in Jonathan Taylor or JT as most people call him. I loathe black guys like JT! JT was born and raised here in Darlan, Florida, a small town with a population of about 50,000 in the suburbs of Tampa. When my family and I moved here last summer, I spent hours in the streets of our neighborhood, waiting for trouble.

Where I am from, when a new kid appears in the neighborhood, he is targeted by the current inhabitants until he proves himself to be someone who has to be respected or reveals himself to be a chump. I certainly wasn’t hiding from anyone. I didn’t hide from people in Philadelphia, and I wasn’t going to in Darlan. I went to the local basketball courts, ostensibly to play basketball, but in reality, I was waiting. I waited until someone challenged me, only the challenge never came. I realized that Darlan is a different place than I am used to. I don’t have to, physically at least, assert myself to prove I belong.

Darlan is quiet at night, and although the evening news recaps a day filled with violent crime, the crimes committed mostly are in Tampa and other large cities in Florida, but typically not in Darlan. Darlan is basically God’s waiting room! So JT is clearly not a thug from the inner city, yet he carries himself like one. He wears his jeans halfway off of his ass, exposing his underwear completely. To make his style more outlandish, he pulls the back of his shirt over his lowered belt line to make sure everyone can see his underwear. It is not enough to just wear a long shirt over his butt to imply his backside is exposed; he has to show everyone. JT also likes to wear flip-flops with long white socks with wife-beater undershirts. JT also wears sunglasses, even when the sun isn’t out and a golden grill over his teeth.

I detest everything about him: the way he strolls around campus like he owns it, the way he always has to say yanowaimsayin or na’meen before, during, and upon completion of sentences. I have watched JT and others behave this way, and if Darlan remotely resembled the slums I am familiar with, I would understand why the young black men in this town behave this way. If this was North Philly, these guys would never leave their homes, but here, in a sleepy town of Darlan, these posers are perceived as tough guys. It bothers me because it couldn’t be further from the truth.

JT is a heavily recruited 6’5" senior wide receiver on the DHS football team so that makes him just super in everyone’s eyes: teachers, principal, students, you name it. Even my parents, MY PARENTS, said he looked like a good kid when we saw him at a parent-teacher conference. My parents would bitch incessantly if I came home and acted like JT, but JT is a good kid, in their eyes, because he can catch a football and run fast. That makes him a great athlete but not a great person. This is why I am glad I graduate from high school in two months, so I can go to a place where being black and well-behaved is an asset and not a liability. But I am not at that magical place yet, and the girl I would love to go to the prom with, Latoya Carter, loves JT. Latoya is the polar opposite of JT, being sweet, thoughtful and articulate. I don’t know why she has lowered the bar so significantly to be with JT. Women always are attracted to the jerks and I have never understood why.

Latoya is a young black woman that defies every negative inclination you could possibly have about black women. So often, in the media and in entertainment, black women are portrayed as loud, hostile and sexually promiscuous. Whenever I hear negative things spoken about black people, whether it is other black people or white people who are saying those things, I wish I could show them Latoya Carter because I know it would be impossible for them to have the same ignorant opinions after meeting her.

Latoya is about the same height as I am, 5’8." Latoya has dark brown skin with big brown eyes, full lips, with black hair about shoulder length, and her hair is always neatly styled. Sometimes her hair is curly, sometimes up, other times braided. I have never seen her in a hair style that requires a ridiculous amount of weave, not that there is anything wrong with weave, but I like when weave is used in a way that enhances natural beauty and doesn’t overshadow beauty with overly lengthy and garish hair styles. Latoya always wears make-up, but her make-up is worn subtly, almost like she isn’t wearing any. I don’t think she really needs to anyway. Latoya usually wears tight jeans, even tighter T-shirts, and high-heel open-toe shoes.

Latoya’s frame is so curvy; she could pass for twenty-five years old very easily. Latoya Carter is the type of girl I can envision being targeted by college guys and old married men who cheat on their wives. She has it all; the look, body, popularity, brand new red coupe paid for by her parents, a ton of girlfriends (who secretly hate her), and the attention of every male student, most of whom will probably jack off with her in mind before going to sleep.

The prom is approaching fast, and I heard the best news from my only friend, Joshua Jones, while we were sitting at a table in the Darlan Mall’s food court. Josh plays on the football team with JT. He is one of the few white guys on the varsity squad. Standing two inches shorter than I at 5’6", he is relatively short for a running back but weighs in at a solid 200 lbs; he is strong as hell and will run through a tackler’s outstretched arms if his whole body isn’t exerted to bring Josh down. Two weeks ago, Josh overheard during a weight lifting session that JT and Latoya were officially finished. Latoya, with one of her friends, caught JT at the movie theater with another girl. If that weren’t bad enough, JT was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Latoya promptly embarrassed him at the movie theater and ended the relationship.

I met Latoya during my junior year, my first year in Darlan, when she sat behind me in science class. We were paired together during a group assignment, and we got to know each while dissecting squid. I told her about where I am from, Philly, and she told me she is from Ohio. Her family moved to Darlan when she was six-years-old.

I didn’t realize she was with JT at that point, and I could not help feeling she liked me, at least on the surface level. I wanted to ask her out and I did, but she refused, having a douchebag boyfriend and all. Well, someone in the class, and I don’t know whom, notified JT of my advances, and he confronted me in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant about a week after I asked Latoya out on a date. Josh, whom I met in English class on my first day of school during my junior year at DHS, and I, were walking to my car after getting lunch from a local fast food place when I heard someone yell out:

There he is. That’s that dude. I looked back and I see JT, with three of his fellow teammates jogging towards me and they surround me, with my back to the trunk of my blue sedan.

Ay, I heard you tryin’ to fuck my girl na’meen, JT says in a threatening tone, trying to intimidate me. The three guys with him are also staring at me with menacing glares. This may have scared someone from Darlan, but I spent too much time in North Philly, in situations far worse, for this scenario to alarm me. Multiple guys wanting to kick my ass became common to me, like it is ordinary for the sun to ascend in the morning and descend at night.

You have a girl man? Congrats! You should be proud of yourself, Jonathan. What does your girlfriend have to do with me, Jonathan? I asked sarcastically. JT hates to be called Jonathan. I once saw him push a kid down a flight of stairs for calling him Jonathan. It was one day before the DHS football team had to play against rival Lewinsky High. The kid, who was pushed, a short, bookish white student, reported what JT had done, but the incident was swept under the rug so that JT could play in the big game in which he recorded fifteen catches for two-hundred forty-four yards and four touchdowns. The game was a 44-7 route in favor of DHS.

Don’t nobody call me Jonathan, nigga. My momma don’t call me Jonathan. Don’t act dumb with me nigga. I’ll fuck ya up, lil’ boi, if you keep tryin’ to fuck with ‘Toya, nigga.

JT, les fuck this nigga up, one of his friends suggested impatiently.

Josh stepped between me and JT’s entourage, hoping to diffuse the heated confrontation. The group continued to get louder and louder while Josh did his best to protect his friend. Josh was pretty well respected; he tried out for the starting running back position on the football team and since every player on defense is black, at times Josh was the object of extra attention from black players that wanted Josh to fail. Josh took every hard hit and he earned the respect of every black player on the team.

While Josh was ineffectively playing the role of peacemaker, I quietly placed my bag of food on top of the car, opened the trunk, reached under my spare tire, pulled out a crowbar and addressed the suddenly docile gang:

Now, who wants to fuckin’ fight?

The group took a few steps back. I put my hand on Josh’s chest, motioning for him to step aside.

I don’t hear all that mouth now fellas! Who wants to be the first to get fucked up out here? I asked indignantly, bouncing to an open space in the parking lot, and motioning for JT to step forward so I could give him a permanent attitude adjustment.

Jonathan, I’ll give Josh the crowbar to ensure your three bitches don’t jump in, but make no mistake, I don’t need a weapon to take you out Jonathan!

I gave Josh the crowbar and focused my attention on JT. As JT pretended he wanted to fight me on fair terms, his group held him back. Latoya, on one of her rare lunch excursions, came out of a different restaurant and ran towards the action. Her presence alone calmed everyone down. Latoya put her polished and manicured hand on JT’s face and told him to go back to school. JT and his boys reluctantly walked to JT’s blue SUV, and before driving back to school, JT drove to my location, rolled down his window and shouted:

This ain’t over, nigga. JT then sped off while rolling his window up." I knew it was over though. Cowards like JT let feuds die when they can’t bully potential victims.

Walter, are you nuts? Josh asked while he handed me my crowbar, which I took and put back into my trunk. JT is one of the more popular guys in school. He can have a group of football players attack you at any time and he is a lot bigger than you are.

What would you have me do, Josh? I asked with adrenaline still pumping through my body I can’t let him punk me. Besides, he’s a bitch anyway. JT had three guys with him, all of whom are bigger than I am. Do you really think I could have held them off with a crowbar if they really wanted to fight? JT was just testing me.

Josh and I got into my car and drove quickly to school before we would be late to our classes. When we got back to the campus, I looked towards Latoya’s bench like I always do and I saw Latoya sitting alone. She saw me looking at her, like she always does, only this time she motioned for me to come to her. I walked over to Latoya’s bench. She looked amazing like she always does, wearing a light blue dress that showed off her body so well. I sat down on the bench and looked at my watch, seeing only three minutes remained before the bell would ring, signaling the start of 5th period.

Walter, I’m sorry about JT and his friends. I told him you didn’t know I had a boyfriend when you asked me out in class that day. She started to laugh quietly, Walter, you have to be careful. JT has a lot of friends in this town. You can’t call him out like that!

Latoya, I’m not afraid of him. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I back down from people like that.

So you would rather get hurt than to walk away? she asked.

Contrary to popular belief, JT is not a tough guy. He may be tall and athletic, but he has to be willing to be hurt himself, to hurt me. Latoya, what do you see in him? I asked.

JT is a good guy. I don’t think I understand your question, Walter. she said.

Oh, come on! He is not a nice person. You remember when he pushed that kid down the stairs, don’t you? Shouldn’t a guy have to be nice person to be with you?

He’s nice…to me. And he has a lot of friends here. He wouldn’t have friends if he wasn’t nice, She said.

People like him because he plays football, and they know he will go to a big university after graduation. If he was a regular student, he would not be well liked at all…I know you like the idea of being with him, but when you are away from school and away from the hype, do you really like Jonathan Taylor?

Latoya thought about what I just asked her. The most frustrating aspect of dating in high school is you can be the nicest person in the school if you want to. You can be smart, funny, and you can treat a girl like gold but if an athletic asshole comes along, he gets the attention. He gets the girl and the respect from everyone, and there is nothing that can be done about it. It’s just the way high school works; always has and always will. The Walter Harrisons just get promised that things change in adulthood, but who knows if that is accurate or not. Why does Latoya have to think so hard about this question? If she really liked him, she would say yes right away. The bell started to ring, and everyone started walking towards their respective classes.

You just proved my point Latoya! I’ll see you later. I walked to my class and when I looked back to her, I saw JT fussing with her, most likely about what she was talking to me about, while she was getting her books out of her locker.

I never had an extended conversation with her again after that day, and that was over a year ago. Now, when we see each other, we wave to each other or say hello in some way, but I never had another opportunity to get inside her head. I waited patiently for her to become available. I was involved with other girls in the meantime but no girl I dated was special. I hated the fact that had sex with girls just to do it. It made me feel less of a human sometimes to use my body with relative strangers.

Now, I will finally get my chance. When Josh told me Latoya and JT had broken up, he warned me not to ask her to the prom. He did not provide me with a tangible reason, just something about me not being her type. Josh and I were at the Darlan Mall when he told me the news of Latoya and JT’s breakup. We sitting at a table in the food court, having some drinks and looking at the girls walk by, discussing which ones, hypothetically, were worth talking to. We have not tried to pick up girls together since he committed himself to his girlfriend Rebecca, but when we did, we had mixed results.

Mostly, we end up approaching two white girls together. I feel like the less attractive of the pairing is somehow attracted to me. I’m tired of being Captain Ahab. When we do find a white and black girl together the results are always the same; the white girl will like me and the black girl will like Josh. It’s never a hood acting black girl that likes him either; it is the nice, polite, and extremely hot black girl, who defies negative stereotypes; that is the type of black girl Josh has gotten play from. What’s wrong with me? Why don’t black girls like me?

Josh, I’m going to ask Latoya to be my date for the prom tomorrow at school.

Josh put his soda on the table, scratched his close shaven head, rubbed his blue eyes, took a deep breath and looked at me:

Walter, I don’t think this is such a good idea. What about Tanya? he asked.

What about Tanya? I asked.

Tanya would be a prefect date for you. Tanya is always asking about you when she hangs out with Rebecca and me. Plus she has low self-esteem so would be down for anything after the prom.

Rebecca Swanson is Josh’s girlfriend and his prom date. Rebecca plays softball at our school, DHS. Rebecca is tall, three full inches taller than Josh and Caucasian with long brown hair with an athletic build. Tanya is Rebecca’s best friend who came along when Josh dragged me on a double date with them a few months ago. Tanya is attractive...she is like a poor man’s high school version of Jennifer Aniston but our one sided conversations centered on her ex-boyfriend and what a dick he was to her. I just don’t like her, not enough to take her to the prom and deal with my racist parents in the process. Tanya is a nice girl, but I’m just not attracted to her, but apparently Tanya did, and she has been asking about me ever since the double date. I never should have hooked up with her. The thought of guaranteed post prom action wasn’t a bad thing though, but I would have to decline.

Tanya is nice, but I want to make a splash. I want to shoot for the stars. My kids will see those prom pictures one day.

Walter, don’t you think Latoya Carter is out of your league? Josh asked. She just broke up with the next Jerry Rice, for God’s sake.

I don’t think so. Maybe the allure of dating a football star would be too much for most people to give up, but she broke up with him for a reason. Latoya has realized the errors of her poor taste in men, and she has finally matured. We are going to graduate soon! As popular as JT is now, the most likely scenario is he will go to college, play football, not attend his classes, and he will be kicked off of the football team. He will be back in Darlan, working at the Greasy Spoon before the end of next year.

That is possible and it could happen to a nicer guy… but you aren’t listening. We don’t live in a world where people make smart decisions. High school students suck. High school is almost over and it’s too late to change your reputation.

Josh…what the hell are you talking about? I asked while throwing up my hands in disgust.

Ok, Walter, listen up. I play on the football team. Most guys on the team date cheerleaders, other athletes, hot bimbos, so on and so forth. Why? The high school dating system has determined these are the girls we are supposed to date. Is it a coincidence I am dating Rebecca? If not her, it would have been another girl from the jock groupie. Nerds only date other nerds. Ugly people date ugly people. Like it or not, Latoya Carter is a part of the jock system and considering high school is almost over, she is not about to change now….

So what am I? I asked

Walter, you are the classic ‘tweener’, the hardest group to be a part of in high school. You are too cool to be a nerd, but you don’t play any sports so you can’t be in the athletic group. You’re not flashy and flamboyant, so you can’t be a pretty boy. When it comes to the prom, the best thing for you would be to go with someone from your own group or bring a wildcard, someone hot from church or another school. You have options, Walter, but this isn’t the movies and the Latoya Carters of the world are used to a particular type of guy.

I woke up the next day, and I was anxious from the start. I decided today was the day I would ask Latoya to be my date for the prom. No more stalling, I am going to ask her today. When I went downstairs to the breakfast table, I did not want to eat anything, but I also didn’t want Mom and Dad to ask anything if I didn’t eat, so I forced myself to swallow the pancakes and eggs Mom had made. The less I talked to them about my personal life, the better it was for all of us. We moved to Darlan from Philadelphia during the summer of 2002 when I was sixteen years old. My Dad, Joseph Harrison, was born in January of 1950. He joined the Marines in 1968 and served for over twenty years, retiring in 1990 holding the rank of Master Sergeant.

While Dad was on leave in the summer of 1975, visiting his mother in North Philadelphia, he went to a bar one night and saw Monica Levitt, his prom date and high school sweetheart. The two of them sat in the bar and reminisced about the old times they had together. Fearing he would never see her again, he asked her to visit him at Camp Pendleton in San Diego, where he was stationed at the time. Mom went to San Diego and she never returned to Philadelphia that summer. They were married by the end of the summer and had a bouncing baby boy in 1986.

When Dad retired from the Marines, he wanted to get into real estate, so he started to buy rental properties in the North Philadelphia area. We actually lived in Delaware, but Dad would often sleep at the properties while he was working. Mom had a part-time job at a department store, but she pretty much stayed at home and tended to the house. I would tag along with my dad during the summers, and I learned a lot about Dad’s business. I ventured into the local neighborhoods and became familiar with what a real hood is and what real hood people are like. Life is hard for people around there! Drugs and crime have destroyed what was once a prosperous section of the city. When guys mark their bodies with tattoos and sag their pants, it’s because they have been to prison, and their outward appearance was adopted from prison. People from the hoods of Philadelphia have truly fucked up lives, and it is reflected