Land Down Undead

By John Normal

Australia is a vast open country, blackened and decaying, and now more dangerous than it ever was. The population barely survived the first wave of the zombie plague, then the rest of the world dumped their undead in Darwin. Soon after the entire country was crawling with flesh eating foreigners. Australia's citizens fled to New Zealand and Australia was left behind as the Land Down Undead.

Over the years the military have created a few safe zones and begun rebuilding the nation. The burgeoning zombie tourism industry is creating jobs to attract people to return home. Young backpackers want to see the undead up-close for themselves. It is the world's most sought out adventure holiday tour: from the beaches to the outback, drinking beer, getting laid and killing zombies. Whether you want to join a guided tour or go-it-alone, this backpacker's guidebook will show you everything the Land Down Undead has to offer.

Narrated by one of Australia's best known zombie tour guides, this book is essential reading for anyone wanting to visit Australia. But It is not for the faint of heart, be prepared for a harsh introduction to the reality of zombie tourism. It is violent, it is crude, but it is still pretty much Australia.

• Language: English
• Publisher: John Normal
• Release date: Nov 4, 2013
• ISBN: 9781310798764

John Normal

John e Normal is the alter-ego of Australian computer scientist John Hawkins. He lives in a cluttered world of science fiction, electronic music and endless self parody.

Book preview

LAND DOWN UNDEAD

By John e. Normal

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 by John e. Normal

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Adult Reading Material

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Thanks to my family and friends for invaluable feedback on the initial drafts and to Jacqui Biffin for proof reading.

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Disclaimer

We are legally obliged to inform you that the events described in this book are not representative of the adventure tours organised by Land Down Undead Tours Inc.

www.landdownundead.com

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LAND DOWN UNDEAD

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1 – Introduction

Chapter 2 - The Tour Guide

Chapter 3 - Trimming the Hedge

Chapter 4 - Melee Weapons

Chapter 5 - Out n About

Chapter 6 - Greener Pastures

Chapter 7 - Paper City

Chapter 8 - Highway to Hell

Chapter 9 - The Rat Race

Chapter 10 - The Road North

Chapter 11 - Let your Hair Down

Chapter 12 - Shake your Money Maker

Chapter 13 - Brisvegas

Chapter 14 - Fight Club

Chapter 15 - God Save Queensland

Chapter 16 - Guinea Pigs

Chapter 17 - The Great Barrier

Chapter 18 - Bon Voyage

Travel Guide

- Sydney

- Canberra

- Melbourne

- Perth

- Brisbane

- Hobart

- Adelaide

- Darwin

- Byron Bay

- Alice Springs

- Broken Hill

- Uluru

About the Author

Introduction

I vomited my guts up after my first kill.

That is the first thing I tell all the backpackers.

Killing the undead is not easy. It is the most disgusting and disturbing thing you will ever have to do. Your body will be high on adrenaline, your heart will be pounding in your chest like a cornered rabbit. Your legs will be weak and you will feel nauseous. You will smell the stench of your own urine as you piss yourself, and you will be able to taste your own stomach acids as vomit starts to bubble up in your throat. Your fight-or-flight response will be screaming Run-the-FUCK-AWAY.

I like to pause at this point for dramatic effect. I look all those eager young kids in the eyes intensely as they squirm in their shoes. Then I continue.

When we go outside the compound tomorrow, there is always a chance that you will come face to face with one of those walking monstrosities.

They will stand there, deadly quiet, watching me expectantly.

Do not hesitate to kill it. Crush its fuckin' skull with whatever you can.

That gets them all riled up. The guys will nod knowingly like a bunch of hardened Special Forces veterans, and the girls will squeal in a mixture of fear and excitement. There will be a big party in the dormitory afterward, beer will flow, and underwear will fly around the room. That is why they come here, these university kids from all over the world; they come to stare death in its hideous face, get drunk and get laid.

Our country was always a kind of escape from reality for university kids. The Land Down Under, a place on the other side of the world, with beaches, sun and barbeques. A floating party miles away from civilization. They came here in between semesters, got drunk and then wandered between our cities doing