Unliving Love

By Jason A Grimm

What would you give up for love? Wesley gave the ultimate sacrifice to be with the one he loved. Now his long time estranged friend Mike, after having a horrifying paranormal experience while visiting his friends old house has begun to go through Wes's old journals for a better understanding of his decision and of the new world he has been thrust into. Little did he know that while reading them he'd discover truths about his friend, his old home, and discover that not all is as it seems.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jason A Grimm
• Release date: Jun 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301745203

Jason A Grimm

I have always been in to writing. I love being able to create worlds and people that readers can relate to. I hope that my books entertain you and maybe allow you to get away from the in and outs of everyday life.

Book preview

Acknowledgments

First and foremost I have to thank Dena for being there for me and believing in me, especially when I didn’t. Thank you for the pep talks that kept me going. Thank you for reading every chapter as I wrote it and fixing my little mistakes. I love you! Not sure I would have gotten this far without you.

Thank you Jackie for volunteering to help me edit when I thought my eyes were going to start bleeding. It’s that much better now because of you.

Thank you Joyce for un-mercilessly tearing this apart and helping me make it into something I am extremely proud of.

Thank you to everyone who read it along the way and gave me feedback.

Prologue

The End

We met by complete chance me being in the right place at the right time I suppose. The moment I saw her I knew she was special, one of a kind. I also knew that our paths would be intertwined, I just wasn’t exactly sure how at the time. I can honestly say that I had never seen anyone like her in my entire twenty-two years of life, and I am sure I never would either.

We had met years ago on Halloween night. There was a huge party at an old abandoned house in my town. I was only sixteen when we met but it wasn’t till later on that we became close. It took me a long time to get her to warm up to me, I was persistent though.

I just couldn’t get her out of my mind once I saw her.

It actually took me a few weeks before I got up the courage to try and find her to talk to her.

There really wasn’t anyone who I could talk to about my particular situation. My best friend Mike was the only one who I got up the nerve to tell, but he just thought I was crazy. We hung out here and there after I told him but he eventually just stopped coming around. He just couldn’t understand no matter how many times I tried to explain it to him. I was even going to have her talk to him but he never agreed to come over. I tried to stay friends with him. I’d call and text, send an email or two but eventually he even stopped answering those and so my best friend for nearly half my life was gone.

Losing Mike as a friend was upsetting, one of the worst things I’ve ever had to deal with. She was there for me though, even when no one else was. She listened when no one else did, cared when it seemed that no other soul did. It was then that I knew I was in love with her. It was at that moment that I knew I was in love with a spirit and that I had to be with her.

That is why I made my decision to do what I did. I wanted to control when I went out so I could be with the one I love. It wasn’t because of my family or my now lack of friends. I know deep down that if I ever really needed Mike he’d be there. It was solely to be with the one I love. I assure you that I am happy and in a good place. Please don’t be sad for me. This was my choice and who knows maybe you’ll see me around.

Chapter One

The Funeral

The group inside Montgomery and Son’s Funeral Home had been steadily growing since people had started arriving at 11:00am. The long line in front of the coffin was moving at a steady pace. People paid their respects to the mother and father who stood next to the coffin before they moved on to pay their last respects to the peaceful looking young man in the coffin. He had a very young face he looked more eighteen than he did twenty-three and his light blue eyes were hidden behind his closed eyelids. His thin lanky body was half hidden under the closed bottom portion of the coffin. His skin had a misleading tanned color and his checks had a pinkish flush to them and looked very much like there was blood still flowing through his veins. His dishwater blonde hair was neatly messed up to give him a respectful scruffy look that he so often had in life.

When they got to the coffin most would stand and stare and mutter things like He was way too young, He’s in a better place., or His poor parents. There were the occasional less sentimental comments that you’d come to expect at a funeral of someone who committed suicide. Most of those comments though were muttered among the small groups that had formed all over the funeral home.

The man standing with the parents now was a tall young man with short dark brown hair. He stood a good five or six inches above most the people in the crowd. He was a very handsome man with piercing green eyes. It was very easy to see he was well built and wore a pair of black pants, a dark silver shirt and a bright yellow tie. I am so sorry about Wes. He said. I hope you don’t mind the tie, I know yellow was his favorite color and just felt right to wear it.

Mrs. Joyner couldn’t get words out due to the tears that she was shedding.

Mr. Joyner smiled as he answered. The tie is very nice Mike, I am sure he’d love it. I have a feeling it’s something that he probably would have done. Mr. Joyner answered for them, much like he had been for the day.

Mike stuck out his hand to shake Mr. Joyner’s and then leaned in to give Mrs. Joyner a hug.

When the funeral is done can you meet me at Wes’s house? There is something he wanted you to have. She managed to whisper through her tears.

Of course I can. Mike gave one last squeeze and then leaned back up and made his way towards the coffin.

He hadn’t seen Wes in a few years due to a falling out that they had. He was dreading this part the most because he was feeling guilty about not talking to him in the last few years. He also felt like he knew that things were leading to this and that he should have warned someone about Wes and his behavior way before it had ever gotten to this point. He knew though that even if he had, Wes would have denied everything. Even in his unstable mental state, Wes was probably smarter than anyone he would have told and he would have lied and manipulated anyone into thinking that there wasn’t a problem. Even knowing this, it was still hard to fight the guilt.

When Mike made it to the coffin and looked inside, Wes looked exactly the same as he did the last time he had seen him. The body was dressed in a grey pin stripped suit with a yellow rose boutonniere on the left side of his jacket. Mike began to smile when he saw that the tie he was wearing exactly matched the one Wes was wearing. He looked back over his shoulder towards Mr. Joyner and saw that he was looking at him and smiling. He turned back towards the body and placed his hand on Wes’s chest. You cheeky son of a bitch. He said with a slight smile. You always said you were going to go out in style. Mike reached up and straightened the yellow tie on Wes’s suit, took a deep breath, and began to walk away.

He made his way towards a tall thin young woman that was wearing a tight short black dress. She had dark brown almost black hair that nearly matched the dress she was wearing. She had on yellow dangly earrings and yellow heels, more than likely at the request of Mike.

You ok honey? She asked in a low comforting voice.

Yeah, as good as I can be I guess. I feel like I should have done something, like I could have stopped this.

You couldn’t have done anything Mike, and you know that. We talked about this remember. It was his decision and his alone. You tried countless times to get him to get some help but he wouldn’t go.

Mike slowly shook his head. I know Jen, just can’t shake the feeling is all. He stepped close to her and wrapped his arms around her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed before she took him by the hand and lead him over to a couple seats that sat in the far corner of the room. She sat down and he followed suit. They sat there and watched as the line slowly began to dwindle and more and more people began to take their seats.

Mike turned to face Jen. Wes’s mom asked if I could run by his house. She has something that he wanted me to have I guess.

Do you want me to come with you?

I’m not sure how long I’ll be. It’s going to be after the funeral and hard to say how long that will be. I’m sure people will be lingering to pay their respects. Since I’ll be over there I am going to swing by mom and dad’s for a bit to say hi.

I saw Heather a bit ago. I bet she could take me home. She said she was driving back tonight.

You sure? Mike asked.

Yeah let me go talk to her before the ceremony starts.

Ok, that’s a good idea.

Jen got up and made her way through the rows of seats and found Heather. She sat down beside her and they began to talk.

Mike’s gaze went back up to Mr. and Mrs. Joyner. His guilt began to turn in to anger as he watched Mr. Joyner thanking people for paying their respects and Mrs. Joyner crying, just barely holding herself together. He moved his gaze towards the coffin. You selfish son of a bitch, you left everyone behind to pick up the pieces while you went off chasing some delusion, selfish. He thought to himself as his eyes started to swell up and he could feel tears starting to roll down his checks. He looked around till he saw a small table a few feet from him that had a box of tissues on it. He walked over and plucked some out of the box and began to turn back around to make his way to his seat when the oddest thing happened. Out of the corner of his eye he glimpsed the image of a faded figure. What the hell? I swear I just saw a figure standing next to Mr. and Mrs. Joyner in the same exact suit that Wes had been wearing. He thought to himself as he began to look around but was unable see anyone that would even come close to resembling what he thought he just saw. It had to be a reflection or something. He thought but when he looked back there was no mirror anywhere near Wes’s parents.

Mike, you ok? Jen asked.

He jumped and dropped his tissues on the floor. Oh my God. He said as he let out a long exhale.

What was that about? You ok?

Yeah I’m fine just my mind playing tricks on me is all. He glanced back over towards Mr. and Mrs. Joyner again but there was still nothing there. His heart was pounding, as if he had just ran ten miles. They walked back over to their seats and sat down. You scared the living daylights out of me babe. He took a few more deep breaths and he could feel his heart beginning to slow.

Sorry. Jen said as she took his arm with her hand and leaned up against him. Heather said I could ride home with her. So that’s all set up so you can go do what you have to do. She paused. Do you have any idea what he wanted you to have?

Mike shook his head. "Not a clue. You don’t mind if I swing by my parents’ house do you?

Jen shook her head. Nope, it’s odd… Thought you said you two weren’t that close anymore.

We weren’t. We haven’t even spoken in about two years. Mike brought a tissue up to his eyes and dried them. The tears had gone away from the startle he had but his eyes were still a bit watery. We grew up together we were pretty much brothers. If we weren’t out together somewhere then we were at his house or mine.

You never really did tell me what happened between you two.

Long story.

Can’t give me the cliff notes?

Short version is that he made some decisions that were leading him on a straight trip to nowhere. We’re the same age but he graduated high school and college three years ahead of me. He already graduated premed and was on his way towards graduating med school top of his class. Then he dropped out and just started losing it.

Wow… why? What happened?

Rather not get into that part of it. Maybe some other time

Ok honey.

He made everyone so angry when he decided to throw everything he worked so hard for away. When I heard about it from his mom I tried to talk him out of it, but he just wouldn’t listen to reason. I told him if he wanted to crash and burn that’s his decision but I’d be damned if he was going to bring me down in his craziness.

You tried to help him. Jen squeezed his arm and kissed his check. You did what you could. That’s more than most people could say I’m sure.

I suppose. Mike leaned his head on top of hers and began to stare off towards the coffin.

What time is it? Jen asked as she began to look around.

Mike tilted his arm and looked at his watch. It’s a quarter till one.

Everything is supposed to start around one right?

Yep. Mike said as he lifted his head back up and started looking around.

There were only a handful of people and Wes’s parents still standing near the coffin. Everyone else had segregated into their own groups or was sitting down in the chairs that had been lined up throughout the funeral home."

Did you ask the coach for some time off of practice? Jen asked Mike.

No. We have two games left till the championship and we need to win them both in a big way in order to secure our place.

Honey you’re going to be upset, you should at the very least take a couple days off.

I’m the starting quarterback Jen. I can’t take time off right now. I have forty nine other guys depending on me to do my best and lead the team to the championship.

But…

I can’t babe. He interrupted. Tomorrow is Sunday so I have that off but sitting around would just drive me insane. I think I’d do much better with everything going on if I went to practice.

It’s your choice. I just don’t want to see you get hurt or something because your head isn’t in the game.

I’ll be fine I promise. He leaned over and gave her a kiss.

The rest of the people who were lingering around the coffin and the ones that were in their own little groups had begun to make their way to the seats. Mr. and Mrs. Joyner had taken their places in the two seats in the front row that had been set up for them.

Jen glanced around the room. Looks like it’s about to start.

Yeah it’s five till. Mike sat up tall and took a deep breath in and let out a long drawn out exhale.

With everyone now in their seats, the preacher, who wore a black suit was a plump man with thinning grey hair and large brass colored glasses that sat on his crooked nose. He was now standing at the podium in front of the room smiling and looking around the room. He would occasionally stop his gaze at someone and would quietly say Good to see you or Thank you for coming. He took a glance at his watch and then cleared his throat. Thank you all for coming to pay your respects to our dear friend Wesley Theodore Joyner.

Mike produced a small smile at the mention of Wes’s middle name. He remembered all the times he used to tease him about it but as the preacher continued his sermon the smile faded.

Your condolences and all of you taking the time out of your busy schedules to come show your love for this young man means the world to them I assure you. All of you being here shows just what kind of a man that young Wesley was. It shows that he touched all of your lives in one positive way or another. I know he did mine. He smiled as if recalling a very enjoyable memory. Death is never easy… Even when our loved ones are suffering and even though their death is an end to all of that pain and suffering. Even though we know they are now taking their rightful place in the afterlife… It is still so hard for the ones left behind. To see someone dear to us go away before his time and for a parent to have to bury their child is one of the worst things anyone could go through. I know it might make you question the Lord’s plans at times. Makes you ask yourselves what could be the reason for him to take this person so soon. It makes it hard to trust at times but this is the time when we have to have the most faith. The times when we have to believe the most, believe that this person was taken from us for a greater purpose. He paused and took a deep breath. It all boils down to faith doesn’t it?

Mike looked over at Jen and saw that she had begun to cry. He handed her a couple tissues that he had left from when he grabbed his. He reached his free arm down and grabbed her leg and pulled her in close. You ok? He whispered in her ear.

She nodded her head. Yeah, it’s just so sad. I feel so bad for his parents.

Mike nodded then kissed her on the forehead. He could still hear the preacher going on about faith and believing in a master plan. He himself had never really been too in to religion. He knew Wes had started to get in to it over the past years. That was one reason he never seriously thought he would actually take his own life. Even with the little bit Mike knew about religion, he knew that suicide was a bad thing in the religious circle. He did what he did, can’t do anything about it now. He thought to himself as he shook his head and tried to tune back into the preacher.

So what we all have to remember is that our Lord does have a plan and we just have to have faith that young Wesley is in a better place, a place free of pain, of sorrow, and of all the cares of the world. We have to have faith that he is in a place of happiness a place of love… a good place. The Preacher closed his notebook that must have contained the eulogy and sat it to the side of the podium. He then opened up his bible and looked back up towards the mass of people and smiled. Now if everyone would bow their heads I’d like to say a prayer.

Mike sat there as head after head began to bow. He looked around the room and it looked like he was the only one still looking up. He began to bow his head but as soon as he did he could have sworn he saw the same figure again standing in front of Mr. and Mrs. Joyner. The site made him jump again which caused Jen to do the same since she still had her arms entwined around his right arm and was leaning against him.

What was that? You ok? She mouthed in a semi state of panic.

He nodded then leaned over so he could whisper to her. Sorry, got a cold chill.

She shook her head and smiled at him. If you say so.

He figured that was an easier explanation for the reason that he jumped as opposed to him saying how he thought he had seen a vague figure twice. He tried to shake off the eerie feeling he had but it wasn’t working very well. He couldn’t wait till he could get outside and get some fresh air.

Amen He heard the preacher say as he started to focus back in to what was going on.

The rest of the people with their heads down let out one big Amen in perfect unison.

The preacher closed his bible. We will proceed to the cemetery so if everyone could make their way out to their vehicles.

Everyone slowly rose and began to make their way out of the building and even though Mike wanted to get out as soon as he could he chose to linger behind and let the crowed die down before trying to make his way outside. He stood there and watched as row after row of people bunched up and made their way outside.

There are a lot of people here. Jen said.

Yeah his family was pretty popular around here; they lived here generation after generation.

That makes sense then.

Yep… Wes was kind of a loner to be honest. I was just about his only friend growing up.

That’s sad. Jen began to look around the room. You ready to head out?

He took a quick glance around the room. Yeah. He took a deep breath. Let’s go.

They made their way slowly out the door and as they stepped out into the bright sunlight, it was a bit of a shock. Jen dug in her purse and found her sunglasses and put them on. Mike used his free hand to block the sun. They made their way to their car and climbed in. He dug the key out of his pocket and turned it on then opened up the glove box and pulled out his pair of sunglasses and slid them on. They sat in the procession line for what seemed like hours waiting for them to bring the coffin out and load it into the hearse. After it was loaded it wasn’t but a few minutes until they were on their way to the cemetery. Not having to stop for traffic or lights made what would normally have been a twenty minute car ride a ten minute one.

All the cars pulled in to the lot as the hearse drove back to a small building about twenty feet away. Mike parked towards the back so he wouldn’t have to fight to get out.

I’m going to try and find Heather so I know where she is parked.

Good idea. Mike said as he nodded his head. We can just hang out by her car while they do what they are doing in there. He pointed towards the small building and saw that they were now in the process of transferring the coffin into it. No way is everyone going to fit in there.

Mike followed Jen as they weaved in between the different cars until they finally stopped at one that two young women were climbing out of.

They both forced smiles as they looked at him.

We are so sorry about Wes. The one that had climbed out of the driver seat said.

Thanks Heather. He returned the small forced smile as he replied. I was just saying to Jen, there is no way that everyone’s going to fit in the building. I thought we could just hang back outside till the ceremony was done in there.

Yeah, Tara and I were just talking about that too. We were thinking the same thing. Heather said as she closed her car door.

Thanks for running Jen home by the way.

Don’t mention it. She said with a smile.

The four of them made their way to the small building. It was already full of people and there were several groups forming around the set of large doors that opened up half of the wall to the outside. A few minutes passed as everyone found seats or huddled around the doors.

The preacher had begun to speak again but Mike couldn’t really hear him so he didn’t pay much attention, not that he probably would have anyway. His mind had begun to wonder and feelings of guilt began to rise back up. He thought about not being around more for Wes, how their falling out could have been prevented, and the familiar ball of guilt he had felt earlier had begun to build back up. He tried telling himself that it was all in the past now and it couldn’t be fixed regardless. It however didn’t keep his eyes from swelling up again and tears from creeping out. He felt a squeeze on his arm and he looked down and saw Jen smiling up at him.

My big man has a heart She whispered to him.

Mike couldn’t help but smile as he wrapped his arm around her. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and then brought his free arm up and wiped his tears away. He started thinking back when they were kids and some of the things they would do. His thoughts were all soon washed away as he heard the crowd on the inside stand up and the group at the door began to disperse allowing room for the crowd that was inside to exit the small building.

Ok why don’t you three get going it’s over now. Mike leaned down and kissed Jen on the lips.

Yeah good idea that way we don’t get caught in the large crowd trying to leave all at once. Heather said as she opened her purse and dug out her keys.

Ok I’m going to go find Wes’s mom and tell her that I’ll meet them over at his house.

I’ll see you when you get home ok. Jen smiled and squeezed his arm again. Love you.

Love you too. Mike kissed her one more time and then made his way to find Mr. and Mrs. Joyner. It didn’t take him very long since there was a long line that was leading to them made up of people wanting to give their condolences one more time before they left. He walked up behind Wes’s parents; he didn’t see the point in waiting in the line to tell them that he’d meet them at the house. When he reached them he leaned in close to Mrs. Joyner.

I’ll meet you at Wes’s house ok. I’m in no hurry so take your time here. He gave her a quick hug and kissed her on the cheek.

She simply nodded. Mr. Joyner turned and shook his hand then turned back to the crowd of people in front of him. Mike turned to leave and as he looked at the crowd one of older ladies gave him the dirtiest look he had ever seen. He couldn’t help but smile as he turned his back to the crowd. Wow what a mean old lady... How dare I cut in the condolence line? He thought to himself as he made his way back to his car, opened the door, and climbed in. He sat there for a moment just staring at the crowed of people. What a screwed up thing. He thought as he took his keys out of his pocket. He gave the small building one last glance before turning on his car and driving away.

Chapter 2

Memory Lane

Every minute that passed as he was driving seemed like an hour. Mike hadn’t been back to the neighborhood in a few years, even before Wes and he had their final falling out. Mike had gotten a scholarship from Ole’Miss for football so he spent all his free time since his sophomore year at the college near the training grounds. He came back for holidays his freshman year but after that football took over and on top of that he had met Jen.

Jen comes from a wealthy family and her parents had actually bought a house right off campus for her to live in while she was going to school. They met his sophomore year, she is a year behind him and during her freshman year he took it upon himself to do the gentlemanly thing and show her around campus. It didn’t hurt that she had flowing bouncy dark brown hair, piercing blue eyes, was six foot tall, and it seemed like three quarters of that was well toned legs and a very nice ass.

Between football, his relationship growing with Jen, and the one falling apart with Wes he didn’t much care to come back to town even on holidays at that point. His parents had no problem coming up to see him on campus. It was about five hours away depending on how you drove and any excuse they had to get away from home they loved to take. They told him it made them feel like they were travelers.

You can pretend you’re wherever you want just by going in the hotel room popping in a cd and closing the blinds. His dad had once told him right after he said. Hell that’s why you have kids, gives you a good excuse to go out of town. This did make him feel less guilty about not coming around for the holidays.

Mike was surprised at how effortlessly he navigated the streets of his home town. He wished it took a bit more effort that way the memories of when he and Wes were younger didn’t bombard him as he drove. A particularly vivid memory hit him when he was stopped at a stoplight that sat across from the old park that he had spent a lot of time at when he was a kid.

The park was a huge community park. It had two baseball fields, a huge play area with swings a few slides, a large jungle gym, a huge open field with soccer goals at each end, and just across the street sat the community pool. The high school used it for football and soccer practice before they added a new practice field near the stadium. Wes and Mike spent many summer days there playing football or some other sport. Afterwards they would go across the street and have some fun in the cool water of the pool. Wes was never the most athletic person but he enjoyed playing sports none the less and it was actually where and how he and Mike became friends.

*****

Me and Mike are captains. A plump kid with buzzed hair said as he grabbed the football off of Mike. You call it in the air laces or none. He spun the ball up in the air.

Laces. A much younger Mike said.

The ball fell to the ground with a thunk, bounced, and rolled till it stopped with laces side down.

Ha! You suck Mike. I got first pick.

I’m still gonna win.

Like hell. Scott said as he jogged over and picked up the football.

Five bucks says I do. Mike said as he began to smile. Unless you’re too chicken to bet that is.

Scott stood there in silence as he began looking around the crowd that had gathered to play football. He began to count the kids and it was easy to see he was putting the likeliest of teams together in his head so he could weigh his odds.

I’ll tell you what. Mike pulled a five dollar bill out of his pocket and began to wave it around in the air. I’ll even let you pick your team first then I’ll take the rest. He walked over and snatched the football out of Scott’s hands. Unless you’re still too chicken. He shot him a challenging smile.

Oh you’re on Lachey. Scott dug in his pocket and pulled out a folded up five dollar bill. After I win maybe I’ll let you borrow some money to get into the pool.

Dream on.

Let’s see. Scott began looking around. Wes, you hold the money. Not like you’ll be seeing much action and lose it.

Some of the boys began to laugh.

Shut it and pick your team. Mike said.

We have thirteen so someone will have to sit this game.

I wonder who that’s gonna be. One of the boys said as he laughed and shoved Wes.

You take seven I’ll take six I’m still going to win.

In your dreams Lachey. He said to Mike. I’ll take Jeff, Tony, Andy, Luke, Steve, and John. You can have ball first since I’m such a nice guy.

Works for me. Mike said as he tossed the ball to Scott. Throw the kickoffs and punt the punts. Touchdowns are past the front of the goals and are seven. Over the soccer goal is field goal. Five Mississippi out loud before you blitz. QB can’t run until the D passes the line of scrimage. Halftime is first team to twenty one and game is first team to forty two. Two hand touch is down and losers walk.

Agreed. Scott said as he and his team turned around and began to walk to their side of the field.

Mike took his team down to their end of the field. I’ll get kickoffs and QB. That ok?

There was a resounding Yes from all the members of the team.

Even at that age Mike was leagues ahead of everyone else on the field. The guys on Mike’s team didn’t care how they won but winning against the tough guys of the neighborhood would bring them bragging rights for a good long while. Mike’s team spread out and waited for the kickoff.

Mikes the only real threat and George is half way decent but all the rest are losers. If Mike QBs then double team George he’s the only one that can really catch. If no one blitzes, Mike won’t be able to run so whoever is on him just hang back deep and go to where the ball goes and we’ll have this in the bag.

Scott’s team lined up and he started to take a few steps then he drew his arm back and fired the ball down the field.

Mike ran over, got under the ball, and caught it. The rest of his team grouped up in front of him and then began to run down the field.

Scott’s team met them about ten yards ahead of where Mike had caught the ball.

Mike’s team began to block as best they could as he kicked it in to high gear. He ran between two of his guys who were blocking two from the other team. It was only a few more steps before two guys from the other team broke their blocks and were now a few steps away. Mike spun around and began to run towards the other side of the field leaving the two kids to chase after him. When he got to about mid field he started to make his way up the field while everyone else was running after him. A few of the guys