Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)
Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)
Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)
Ebook277 pages3 hours

Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars

()

Read preview

About this ebook

As a humor columnist for over a decade, Aprill Brandon has been documenting her transition to adulthood, from college to the Dirty 30 and beyond, in newspapers and media websites around the country. This book, based on her award-winning columns, has everything young people, the young at heart and fans of horrible stick figure art will ever need to know about putting on a convincing grown-up act. Information such as:

Advice on insurance: "You pay thousands of dollars each year to insurance companies to 'insure' you should the unthinkable happen. And then when the unthinkable does happen, they take all those thousands of dollars you paid over all those years and swiftly deny your claim to it. And then when you die, you get a letter in the After Life from your insurance company informing you that your death was a pre-existing condition."

Advice on dating: "Dating sucks. The end."

Advice on pet ownership: "Are you currently sentimentally attached to any of the following: Your shoes, the majority of your furniture, the carpet, small to mid-sized expensive electronic devices, peace and quiet, throw pillows that have not been sexually traumatized or living a life where there is never a danger of stepping in urine in your socks? If not, then you are ready for a pet, my friend."

Advice on cooking: "You're an adult! You can eat whatever you want! Doritos drenched in chocolate! Twinkies stuffed with bacon! Burrito and tequila smoothies!"

But don't take our word for it. The reviews speak for themselves:

"This is the greatest book ever written ever. I'm so proud of you, honey! Also, are you eating enough? You look skinny in your author photo." --Aprill's mom

"Holy crap, you wrote a book? I thought you were just playing Candy Crush on the computer." --Aprill's husband

"Who the hell is this? I told you to stop calling here." --Whoever answers the phone at the New York Times Book Review

"...*fart*..." --Aprill's dog

LanguageEnglish
Release dateMay 28, 2013
ISBN9781301496365
Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)
Author

Aprill Brandon

If Dave Barry and Erma Bombeck had a love child, Aprill Brandon would almost certainly be asked to babysit that child. Probably. If she was, like, their next door neighbor or something. An award-winning humor columnist and freelance writer, she writes for newspapers, magazines and media websites across the country. She currently lives in Boston with her husband and a male dog named Buffy, who has, as you might suspect, fairly severe mental issues. You can check out more of her writing at http://aprillbrandon.com

Related to Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)

Related ebooks

Composition & Creative Writing For You

View More

Related articles

Reviews for Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood)

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars
0 ratings

0 ratings0 reviews

What did you think?

Tap to rate

Review must be at least 10 words

    Book preview

    Why Does the Cheese Always Fall? (A Guide to Faking Adulthood) - Aprill Brandon

    Zcbook_preview_excerpt.html\rFRRR4ے/c Dڢ)+XP0 `41?06_d.Mjb&V!dew5D.tMzvqYw?HaV5зqm - ՝ u[ًݙ:t&su1kjc!u0(8XhJ4+ndz)ǍmQ[or -mSA18e%NJ Z.t}ʰe>OJ$nlA׵;sW+~`r?k;Y:fUi>,û7{pm8Bǔ w.k6hb^Μ԰jhӻ}<֦uX)4qO :k.E_5X{q8l黝诱#׶a9ꅃ@^_{N0axjgBvǏGXw+VT3@snJ,q>7y:]fĎ1[8ۭfq0#sJ_MsY17V"%WkΕox9`D然#Yٕ]3(` Pҳ6սs_{/H̊A<M; ƕ˃ յnPT]ٶI=|gR?56w#hin|YNm61Cǡ{-KCG5֠_0vN)G`Iq_)G0UO@M_0 Bg:Ybڼ `!?!4R~0fp4o9I)~qaJA~(kX_;Bxz~pk@G_Ma6F XlafKA[ N}i5< c:n!6\\zqn~\{ VwqﯗTvP$?: pk*/`kFvW޻gѨ;f3cK{_ @K/ʷDKS =fv淐qHkbej ;1L>7ʢܙ&b{jA"֐M Yu1 |sfdLǬz =4hV; kϡO;»r8읳¨p;fk&<K>\1{Zy<ϹwS $ zAB T]R 0s2͖0AH+9;/ BKyhX]縡;/?yI,R¾\᭼t u&8u6LV?Of tBG Co\+[?\{B AzwTD0yG2sao@Jw@WַXOY@Q`2PPv9(a"ĜH4_cVV$Eg󠖚ٍ\ xJ,@AGMDPg *+1%br e7I+R_УԊ$cDʜD-5A3ȿ sqfrdC0 Ԏ;ā݃O:_qMurgGu .H*L$σfLZ8h3q9Em9['[\k90D@A5tfL U^YxSM/%ї!O ^u4Jg @A$=aMX %^Hů^'-3'o?zc^}x7tP'9DpPp؄+K/$H(c·푤5UFS*:Cj>]<}T.%^H%|M‚ufyGpUVncӗD"*T~b_vՉ/6gj4e)MKjFR1vlK$Qߜ\3OUڰEWfn(T5+M-.@c:,7͇ 1p-;8l61ܤ߾%>m#$ZlηfS߹P y>TF: ȻcOCs%ŁH0xMx5.QJt^tsR, bHZDU&6k?Two#j*i",YPϕ\1iݱYAI6a+LgE֢ٷt h(uP 1*(\NQG H[Gf5D(rPLx@32vy̡c*M!eH{qgj3aH)L%X򤐗-Y=<=y b@$r>$#2peִ% CfDz9lv11ݖ/-SL Xh)<^AW&hWD{oK)[F1MIbՉ.ΔUA슣 ZeNge!/w/ӬB- +uN]}P@Sb,N2 ʫ^4ͲZ>k՚ܿGSx f5H8>Dg?WnroW+Ş`r.FL=Kr6)0qXÚ' 0CⅼK,J ĸ4f$g:B3Ul` ?0Sn.f!< AO<4I!nRSZF(15O.0eqʫӯ'[`j!>DfNN^᳉%0)kzs9"L!V:-v Z ,+ʹgL<8r\OG8UZw3MߴEB!~A%9FjDlod.<аH|?p[Rײe6ΰy#zs ļ|^~A#sb<+ k('əZX Xǔf``՗g.dM]l'!K2,H Hz9gbxte7-R{̵ȷa V e?{u.|u/ Pv)b_98O}<㨃|Ծ:q9œCO9z"J`KZ_Q@Q Nh ok&20vpyȔ"i+NBWE'&( 8g <^YK:ua& ډ77N0^Z=@xur,}X4}vdhMJu7{nջ$Jv{{pY.6(ᣢ*կl߅"]3'jBzF.9b󺒫\P'i~sG7^ 6 @\4-5rK &U JdRc.˺PFU~?`"iU IݒΊ~fN8?9K׎˹p[Nղ"$fC@r2\@PwZWiIA' $ڤM5L1!-Q@@OZ Fʈ3 f2}ZM1ZDLv }ewog'+`In*fbTmI&WUW)k{~~v34g(vc}MMSqZj.3I YGjhHI< G cǗBCqi߾xsj@weB՛Ν]Ne۝4P& mQR_T]Ul$\JqJl2c DѮ}2r50vJTuwП}IJݬ :36DRVp浥{Hpryh\.x%HP_ v *')c++<5\~LHSIIuI!53K^YuYh|o6^zadJ^)?[]q1Sj 7AZ^W~ݷN#v,.@{/O3&ӆ;b)|l@ü Y>NPIma+-߽wx7x4sFTZSW}?~V>|M(eFރ82+6RL-ؚӛu[U+&^wʂq~Cnf^"YS{ƢÖݽּnKq]{KnL5ѪhJ8vb5xZ$Óf-;Z:nKaS+%#=]:}^W"?5FX ,іn_xzاUPдOR6p=xtU\LAoPrv蠄~B'Y#Es:2': mNECxM Zn<\; Pa:8h\2-/@4wr3éƋaWRi=ojʥM>\تTPd=9iVOH%1J'";b|a` 5m&Bzcl)WMk퇚+6q'XJErq@_9Ҽ.(+cjtdAb7)[ge6 3i~>ͬ 0f L( 9iۋDЫe K ){hw7zѓdLi' )E'سT㮼rȗ5C7mkD,#GYbFI؍'?./ŵQěR Oi߰S0\nM2Y~ߠg%0) )wKBe$Lֳe^ߕpMZ٥t1ꣶ(o&h&?8tXeim |R"CРnv[E0F!Ck0vSiLx-S*}9Ģ S}>T;hY1ϘgˆMfab1K^ҽyh*Bd)+y0o-GG%v!-KRm z@(ؔıUX X(ۈڕXLQrrInTt"=<&x?-DEA11J#atXӓRma^j^|X6퐔@Ꮇr9FFK
    Enjoying the preview?
    Page 1 of 1