Silence Out Loud

By Geonn Cannon

Cheryl Paxton grew up knowing the wonders of a good book, how to get lost in a brand-new world and stepping into the life of a stranger. But though she can live a thousand different lives in the pages of her books, she’s never known the sound of her own mother’s voice or heard raindrops falling on a roof. Cheryl was born deaf.

Born to a single mother in a small southern town, Cheryl eventually leaves home and travels across the country to college. On her own for the first time, Cheryl is confronted by new friends and, with them, a new myriad of reactions to her deafness. When she meets the woman who will become her first love and begins exploring feelings she’s only read about, she quickly learns all about the wonder and pain that can come from loving someone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Supposed Crimes, LLC
• Release date: May 1, 2013
• ISBN: 9781938108273

Geonn Cannon

Geonn Cannon was born in a barn and raised to know better than that. He was born and raised in Oklahoma where he’s been enslaved by a series of cats, dogs, two birds and one unexpected turtle. He’s spent his entire life creating stories but only became serious about it when he realized it was a talent that could impress girls. Learning to write well was easier than learning to juggle, so a career was underway. His high school years were spent writing stories among a small group of friends and reading whatever books he could get his hands on.Geonn was inspired to create the fictional Squire’s Isle after a 2004 trip to San Juan Island in Washington State. His first novel set on the island, On the Air, was written almost as a side project to another story he wanted to tell. Reception to the story was so strong that the original story was put on the back burner to deal with the world created in On the Air. His second novel set in the same universe, Gemini, was also very well received and went on to win the Golden Crown Literary Society Award for Best Novel, Dramatic/General Fiction. Geonn was the first male author to receive the honor.While some of his novels haven’t focused as heavily on Squire’s Isle, the vast majority of Geonn’s works take place in the same universe and have connections back to the island and its cast of characters (the exception being the Riley Parra series). In addition to writing more novels based on the inhabitants of Squire’s Isle, Geonn hopes to one day move to the real-life equivalent to inspire further stories.Geonn is currently working on a tie-in novel to the television series Stargate SG-1, and a script for a webseries version of Riley Parra.

Book preview

Silence Out Loud

Geonn Cannon

Smashwords Edition

Supposed Crimes LLC, Falls Church, Virginia

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All Rights Reserved Copyright 2013 Geonn Cannon

Published in the United States.

ISBN: 978-1-938108-27-3

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Chapter One

The first time Cheryl Paxton ran away from home, she had an accomplice. He was a fourteen-year-old orphan, a troublemaker named Huckleberry Finn.

Cheryl was just four years old when she pulled the book off the rack by her mother's chair and sat on the floor with it. A lot of the words were confusing, but she knew what a couple of them meant. Raft, river, Mississippi, and names like Jim and Huck. She looked at the illustrations mostly, since she couldn't remember all the complicated words, and she remembered her mother telling her the story. Piecing together the story from snippets of words and the pictures alongside them, she ran away with Huck and Jim, climbed on the raft as an invisible stowaway, and raced down the mighty Mississippi to adventure and mystery.

The second time she ran away, she was five years old. They didn't have their own washer and dryer, so once a week Mommy would take their clothes down the street to Granny's house to do their laundry. Their neighbor, Mrs. Ragland, an older woman who smelled like cigarettes and peppermints, would come over and watch Cheryl during those times.

It was during one of these trips that Cheryl read by herself for the first time. She painstakingly worked through each word, the book spread open on the mattress of her bed so her hands were free. She made it through the thin children's book, going back a few times to make sure she wasn't just remembering what her mother had read to her, and closed the back cover with a definitive thump.

She climbed off her bed and went into the living room. Mrs. Ragland had the telephone in one hand, cigarette dangling from the fingers of the other. She was sitting on the couch, slumped against the arm, her attention focused on the television soap opera. Cheryl stood in the doorway of the living room, which was behind and to the left of the couch, and watched her for a long moment. Eventually, she tired of waiting for Mrs. Ragland to notice her. She didn't want to interrupt the telephone call or the television show, so she turned and walked through the kitchen to the back door.

Cheryl had to stretch to reach the doorknob, and she opened the door just wide enough to slip through to the back porch. She had a vague idea where Granny's house was; their town was small and the road in front of their house only went one way. She stood at the edge of her backyard, too excited to wait until Mommy came home, and started walking.

#

She remembered landmarks from countless rides to Granny's, but everything looked so different from how she saw it in the backseat. She found the tree where they always stopped for a few seconds and she turned right at the big red sign. Stop, she read. The sign said stop. Beaming with pride, another victory to report, she continued down the gravel road. There was a field to her left, and a few old houses separated by thick trees on her right. She didn't have any idea how far away Granny might live, she just knew it was a big white house, and close. Somewhere down this road.

When she passed driveways, she paused to make sure no cars were coming, watching for movement or people in the windows or reverse lights. Mommy had taught her all the signs that a car was in motion, but she didn't remember if backup lights were red or white. It didn't matter, since all the cars she passed were parked and not moving at all. When she crossed the one intersection on the long gravel road, she saw a car that was in motion. It was long and white, with a gold badge on the door. She waited on the grass, between the gravel and the ditch, until the car reached the stop sign and rolled to a stop. She waited patiently for it to move on, but it stayed put.

Instead, the driver got out and walked around the hood. He was big, tan, with a gold badge like the one on the side of his car shining on his chest. He wore a round hat and looked down at her with his hands on his hips. Cheryl looked up at the man, wondering what he wanted, and if he was one of the Bad Men her Mommy and Mrs. Ragland sometimes warned her about. He didn't seem mean. He looked worried, like Mommy sometimes did. His lips were moving, and he bent down so she could see his face better. He frowned, stood up again, and looked around to the left, to the right, then turned to look down the road.

He reached up and touched a black box on his shoulder. He spoke into it for a moment, and looked down at her. He moved his hand to his face to touch his index finger to his lips, then to his right ear. It was the sign for deaf, so Cheryl nodded.

The man talked into the little box again. He spread his fingers and put his thumb against his chin. "Mother?"

Cheryl signed, She's at Granny's house. I'm going to tell her I read a book.

The man stared at her, eyes wide. That was when she realized someone in the little black box had been telling him what signs to make and he didn't actually understand sign language.

He was about to talk into the black box again when he suddenly turned and looked toward Granny's house. Cheryl looked too, and saw Mommy's car driving down the road. It got just past the tan man's white car when it stopped so quickly that the back end swerved a little and Mommy was rocked forward against the steering wheel. She threw open the door, ran around the car to where Cheryl and the man were standing.

Cheryl tried to say, "I read a book all by myself," but she was interrupted by her mother crushing her in a hug. She was lifted off the ground in her mother's arms and she could feel the quiet murmur of her mother's voice right next to her ear. Cheryl turned her head and realized Mommy was talking to the tan man. The tan man didn't look worried anymore, he looked angry. And Mommy looked angry too. Cheryl buried her face in her mother's sweater and waited for them to be done.

Finally, Mommy carried her back to the car and fastened her into the child seat in the back. She made sure all the snaps were snapped tight, then looked into Cheryl's eyes and said, "That was very dangerous. Don't ever leave the house by yourself like that, do you understand?"

Cheryl nodded and said, "I'm sorry."

Her mother kissed her forehead, smoothed her hair and then said, "What was so important you risked your life to come find me?"

It seemed silly now, but Cheryl said, "I read a book all by myself."

Her mother smiled and brushed her thumb over Cheryl's cheek. "That's great, honey. You'll have to show me when we get home. After I have a talk with Mrs. Ragland." She kissed Cheryl's forehead again and backed out of the car. She closed the door, waved good-bye to the tan man, and climbed into the front seat.

When they got home, Mommy and Mrs. Ragland got into a fight. Cheryl was supposed to stay in her bedroom while they had their conversation, but she snuck out and peeked around the hallway door. Mrs. Ragland still had her cigarette in one hand, and Mommy was thrusting her hand toward the front door. She had her back to Cheryl, so there was no way to tell what she was saying. Finally, Mrs. Ragland grabbed her purse and stormed out of the house. She slammed the door and it vibrated through the floorboards to Cheryl's feet. Cheryl ducked back into her bedroom, scared that now Mommy was going to yell at her. She climbed onto her bed, hugged her pillow and watched the door.

Mommy came in a few minutes later, and her face was red. She stood in the doorway, hands on hips, her face still angry and red, and said, "Looks like you're going to need a new babysitter. She looked at the books scattered on the floor and said, Which one of these did you read?"

Cheryl pointed at The Little Red Hen. Mommy picked it up and handed it to Cheryl. Her face was a little less mad, but she still looked like she wanted to cry. Cheryl took the book and her mother said, "Read it to me."

Cheryl smiled and Mommy sat next to her on the bed. She placed Cheryl on her lap and held the book open in front of both of them. Cheryl turned it to the first page and began to sign the story. Halfway through the little book, she had forgotten about the tan man, his white car and Mrs. Ragland looking so angry when she stormed out of the house. She smiled when her mother kissed the top of her head, and felt proud when her mother released the book to sign, "You're doing wonderful. I'm so proud of you."

Cheryl smiled up at her, looked back down at her book and continued with the story. Her love affair with books had begun.

#

The bag sat open on Cheryl's bare mattress, her blanket and sheets already laundered, folded and packed. The room looked abandoned, and it made her heart hurt to see it so devoid of life. The worst part was the bookshelves. Every book was still standing in place, books in various states of disrepair shoved and stuffed every which way they would fit. She knew that wherever she ended up staying, be it a dorm or an apartment, she would never have room for all of them. Forget trying to lug them across the country. It hurt to leave them behind but, according to her mother, it was an insurance policy that she would come back as often as possible.

Cheryl put her hands on her hips, her bottom lip sucked into her mouth as she looked over the shelves and dresser. All of the little personal touches she had spent so long trying to make this room hers, and now it was just a room again. The lights flicked off, then on, and she turned to see her mother standing in the doorway.

Maggie was close to a decade younger than most of Cheryl's friends' parents, and still looked young enough that people confused them for sisters. Her copper-colored hair was up in a complicated twist, and she wore a red blouse over form-fitting khakis. She smiled and said, "All grown up."

"At long last," Cheryl said back.

Maggie laughed. "No. Too soon. Way too soon. She walked into the room and embraced her daughter tightly. She pulled back and said, You've made me so proud."

Cheryl smiled and kissed her mother's cheek. I love you, she said out loud. And I'll visit a lot. But not too much.

Maggie laughed and pulled back far enough to sign. "Just don't grow up too much, okay?"

I'll do my best.

Do you need any help packing?

Cheryl shook her head. "No, I'm almost done."

"I got you a little something. Stay here." She turned and went back to the door, bent down and picked a tall plastic bag up off the floor. She held it out and Cheryl pulled the book from within.

Cheryl smirked and ran her hand over the cover. Little Red Hen, she said.

The first book you ever read by yourself. I was so proud of you.

Cheryl hugged her mother and said, Thank you.

Maggie said something out loud, but Cheryl couldn't make it out. She could hear vague sounds, but was seldom able to put them together into actual words. She pulled back and said, "Repeat?"

I said I love you more than anything, kid. You're going to be great.

Cheryl wiped at her cheeks, surprised to find them wet and laughed. "Thanks."

I know I promised to be out of your hair tonight, so I'm going in fifteen minutes. Movie, dinner... I'll be back around ten. Or eleven?

Cheryl waved her hand. Ten is fine. It's just Tanya coming over.

Okay. Money's on the table for pizza...

"Mom..." Cheryl had worked all through high school, enough to help pay for her car when she got to Washington, and she could pay for her own tuition.

Maggie cut her off with a wave of her hand. Let me be your mom just a little while longer. Okay? She took a deep breath to hold back tears and nodded. If there's an emergency, you can call the Stovalls or...the list of emergency numbers is on the fridge. The Ragland family was long since off the emergency contact list. Maggie hadn't spoken to anyone in the family since Cheryl's excursion. Maggie exhaled sharply and held her hands palm out. Okay, time to stop being your mother. I'm leaving. I swear.

Cheryl grabbed Maggie's wrist and hugged her again. She kissed her mother's face and said, Never stop being my mom.

Maggie smiled. Have fun with Tanya.

Enjoy the movie.

Maggie left before she could delay herself any longer, and Cheryl walked through the quiet house. Over the years, Maggie had done an amazing amount of work on the place. The rundown, cheap little shack she had bought almost nineteen years ago was now a respectable home. A lot of little things, like new curtain rods to go with the new curtains, fresh wallpaper, combined to make a very impressive whole. The refurbished porch, the new screen door, had all been done while Cheryl was away at a residential school, so she saw them as signs of her mother's love and the pain she'd felt being apart from her daughter.

Cheryl never blamed her mother for sending her to the residential school. Maggie was seventeen when she got pregnant, and she all but forced Cheryl's father to support her throughout the pregnancy. That support vanished entirely when Cheryl was born and the doctor revealed she would never be able to hear. On the morning mother and child were discharged from the hospital, Cheryl's father was long gone, supposedly to check out a college in New York offering him a football scholarship. He'd never returned.

Maggie did the best she could on her own. Her grandmother lent a helping hand when she could, and Maggie split her time between a job at the Piggly-Wiggly, home-schooling her daughter, and learning everything she could about sign language and the Deaf community. When Maggie's mother died a few weeks after Cheryl's eighth birthday, Maggie was left all alone. The only viable option was a residential school all the way across the state. Maggie hated the idea, but she explained with trembling hands that it was for the best.

Cheryl wasn't hurt by her mother's decision, not for a moment. Every visit home revealed a new addition to the house, something else Maggie had done to distract herself from the pain of her missing daughter. How could Cheryl feel abandoned with such obvious evidence that she was missed every single day?

Cheryl smiled as she ran her hand over the wallpaper and decided there would be time for reminiscing later. She sighed and went into the bathroom to get ready for Tanya's visit. She took a long shower, thinking about Tanya and the simple shocking fact that she had managed to become the woman she was. She left the residential school and moved to a public school close to home, moving back in with her ecstatic mother. Maggie was concerned that it would be difficult for her to adjust, but Cheryl blossomed.

She requested, and got permission, to start a sign language class after school. Through the class, she gained her first hearing friends. It was there she met Tanya Parsons, her best friend and inseparable ally from day one. The truest sign of her influence came during graduation. The superintendent of schools finger-spelled her name and, when she crossed the stage to get her diploma, a sea of hands raised from the crowd of her fellow graduates and waved in the air. Cheryl laughed, waved her hands back, and signed, "Thank you," before she left the stage, her face just as red as her cap and gown.

Cheryl chuckled as she thought about that sea of waving hands. She wiped away the condensation from the mirror and watched herself smile as she brushed her hair. She put on her nicest blouse and left the top button undone to show off the pendant hanging between her collarbones. It was a pewter hand showing the sign for 'I love you'.

The necklace was a gift from her mother on the day she was dropped off at the residential school. It had been placed in her tiny eight-year-old hands, and a crying Maggie explained, Whenever you miss me, just look at the necklace, okay? Remember how much I adore you. This means you're coming back to me. No matter how long we're apart, or how far apart we are. We're going to be together again, okay?

Cheryl smiled. Little did either of them know how far apart they would end up. Georgia to Washington was quite a commute. Her smile faded as she thought of how rarely she would see her mother in the future. But no, she wouldn't focus on that. Not tonight. Tonight was for Tanya. She forced her smile back in place, touched the necklace again, and finished getting dressed.

She waited on the front porch and felt her heart rate quicken when Tanya's car pulled into the drive. It was dusk, and the front yard was dark and full of shadows. The red sky was quickly turning black, and the sun was hidden by watercolor clouds. Cheryl stood, greeted Tanya with a hug and pulled back to say, "Did you find the place okay?"

Tanya nodded. I've been here before, she reminded gently. Are you all packed?

Pretty much. All that's left are my pajamas, and I'll stuff them in tomorrow before I go.

"I'm really going to miss you," Tanya said. Her hands were shaking and she turned her face away.

Cheryl said, Tanya, out loud and touched her cheek. She closed the distance between them and kissed Tanya's bottom lip. Tears rolled down Tanya's cheeks and made her lips taste salty. Tanya turned to face her, but they kept the kiss chaste for the moment. Their hands were to the sides, their lips closed. Cheryl pulled back, licked her bottom lip and then she kissed Tanya again, harder this time.

When Maggie had given her the sex talk, she had made Cheryl swear to either wait, or to use protection. Double-up on protection if she could. Cheryl promised, but even then she had known it was a moot point. Boys never interested her. At first she blamed her mother's constant warnings, but she knew that was simplifying things too much. Her mother told her not to eat too many sweets and Cheryl still raided the candy aisle every now and then.

Her friendship with Tanya had weathered many storms. Tanya was her first real hearing friend. On the rare occasions when they fought, Cheryl was sure the relationship was over and cried for days until the inevitable make-up. When they were together, Cheryl was sure they would be together forever. When Tanya came out to Cheryl a few days before prom, alone in Cheryl's bedroom, Cheryl had been surprised at how unsurprised she was.

They made a vow to each other to keep in touch, despite Tanya being accepted to Baylor, in Texas. In the last few days of school, Cheryl had nervously signed a suggestion for their good-bye party. They would lose their virginity to each other, thus, in their minds, sealing them together forever. Her hands had been shaking so much she wasn't sure the message had gotten through, but then Tanya kissed her fingertips and said, Yes.

Now that it was really happening, Tanya seemed nervous and unsure. She moved her hands to Cheryl's collar and said, I don't want you to do this just for me. I don't...want to force—

Cheryl touched her finger to Tanya's lips. Tanya closed her eyes and sucked the finger inside, rolling her tongue over the pad. Cheryl's breath caught and she had to force herself to form words with her lips and tongue. I don't want...anyone else. Just you.

Tanya let Cheryl's finger free and turned her head, brushing her cheek against Cheryl's palm. Will you...s-say...

Tanya, Cheryl whispered.

Tanya sighed and pressed Cheryl against the wall next to the front door. She ran her hands into Cheryl's hair, down her back, and slipped her leg between Cheryl's. Cheryl closed her eyes as Tanya ran her hands over her body, under her clothes. Her hands felt hot on her skin and Cheryl realized she was panting. Tanya knelt in front of her, kissing Cheryl's body through her clothes, and then went to work on the buttons of her blouse.

The rest of the evening was a blur to her. Naked on the couch, touching Tanya's breasts for the first time as they rocked their hips together. Her first orgasm, brought about by Tanya's lips and tongue and fingers working in perfect harmony. Her second orgasm, brought about by her own fingers while she went down on Tanya in return.

At nine, Tanya took a quick shower and dressed. She kissed Cheryl good-bye and went to the front door with tears in her eyes. She picked up the box she had brought in with her and that they had both forgotten. She handed it to Cheryl and signed, "To remember me by. Cheryl opened the box and withdrew a teddy bear dressed in ragged overalls. A tag attached to his collar said, Hi, I'm Huck!"

Cheryl smiled and touched the bear's cheek, then touched Tanya's. Thank you.

"I'll write," Tanya promised.

Cheryl nodded and, after a moment's hesitation, signed, "I love you" and pressed the tips of her index finger and pinky to Tanya's chest.

Tanya covered Cheryl's hand with her own and said, Bye, Cheryl.

Bye. She waited at