The Scarecrow

By Nathan Wellman

Is any of this real? Is Emily really dead? Have crows started roosting in my attic? Why don’t the doors in my house lead to the places they’re supposed to? And above all, what is this mysterious voice whispering in my ear, telling me that things don’t have to be this way? Can he really bring her back? Do I want him to? This strange straw man is coming after me and I’m letting it happen. I just miss her so much... and not in a sweet, romantic way. I’m talking about the kind of loneliness that makes you claw deep scars into the back of your own neck. I won’t cry. Is madness really so bad compared to a reality of despair? Am I the monster? Every day is another bite, that’s the deal. Fair trade.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nathan Wellman
• Release date: Feb 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301429288

Nathan Wellman

Nathan Wellman is a writer/actor living in Los Angeles. Originally hailing from Kentucky, some of his short fiction has appeared in Midwest Literary Magazine, Arkham Tales, Daily Science Fiction, and Spilling Ink Review, among others. As an actor, he has been featured in 1000 Ways to Die and a national commercial alongside Blake Griffin.

Book preview

The Scarecrow

By: Nathan Wellman

Published on Smashwords

Copyright 2012 by Nathan Wellman

Formatted by eBooksMade4You

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All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

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CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Chapter 60

Chapter 61

Chapter 62

Chapter 63

Chapter 64

Chapter 65

Chapter 66

Chapter 67

Chapter 68

Chapter 69

Chapter 70

Chapter 71

Chapter 72

Chapter 73

Chapter 74

Chapter 75

Chapter 76

Chapter 77

Chapter 78

Chapter 79

Chapter 80

Chapter 81

Chapter 82

Chapter 83

Chapter 84

Chapter 85

Chapter 86

Chapter 87

Chapter 88

Chapter 89

Chapter 90

Chapter 91

Chapter 92

Chapter 93

Chapter 94

Chapter 95

Chapter 96

Chapter 97

Chapter 98

Chapter 99

Chapter 100

Chapter 101

Chapter 102

Chapter 103

Chapter 104

Chapter 105

Chapter 106

Chapter 107

Chapter 108

Chapter 109

Chapter 110

Chapter 111

Chapter 112

Chapter 113

Chapter 114

Chapter 115

Chapter 116

Chapter 117

Chapter 118

Chapter 119

Chapter 120

Chapter 121

Chapter 122

Chapter 123

Chapter 124

Chapter 125

Chapter 126

Chapter 127

Chapter 128

Chapter 129

Chapter 130

Chapter 131

Chapter 132

Chapter 133

Chapter 134

Chapter 135

Chapter 136

Chapter 137

Chapter 138

Chapter 139

Chapter 140

Chapter 141

Chapter 142

Chapter 143

Chapter 144

Chapter 145

Chapter 146

Chapter 147

Chapter 148

Chapter 149

Chapter 150

Chapter 151

Chapter 152

Chapter 153

Chapter 154

Chapter 155

Chapter 156

Chapter 157

Chapter 158

Chapter 159

Chapter 160

Chapter 161

Chapter 162

Chapter 163

Chapter 164

Chapter 165

Chapter 166

Suicide Letter

Break in Chapters

Chapter 345

Chapter 346

Chapter 347

Chapter 348

Chapter 349

Chapter 350

Chapter 351

Chapter 352

Chapter 353

Chapter 354

Chapter 355

Chapter 356

Chapter 357

Chapter 358

Chapter 359

Chapter 360

Chapter 361

Chapter 362

Chapter 363

Chapter 364

Chapter 365

Chapter 366

Chapter 367

Chapter 368

Chapter 369

Chapter 370

Chapter 371

Chapter 372

Chapter 373

Chapter 374

Chapter 375

Chapter 376

Chapter 377

Chapter 378

Chapter 379

Chapter 380

Chapter 381

Chapter 382

Chapter 383

Chapter 384

Chapter 385

Chapter 386

Chapter 387

Chapter 388

Chapter 389

Chapter 390

Chapter 391

Chapter 392

Chapter 393

Chapter 394

Chapter 395

Chapter 396

Chapter 397

Chapter 398

Chapter 399

Chapter 400

Chapter 401

Chapter 402

Chapter 403

Chapter 404

Chapter 405

Chapter 406

Chapter 407

Chapter 408

Chapter 409

Chapter 410

Chapter 411

Chapter 412

Chapter 413

Chapter 414

Chapter 415

Chapter 416

Chapter 417

Chapter 418

Chapter 419

Chapter 420

Chapter 421

Chapter 422

Chapter 423

Chapter 424

Chapter 425

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Chapter 1

Emily is dead.

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Chapter 2

Three drops of blood stick to the side of the hospital sink. My nose won’t stop gushing. Headache too.

There are too many things that I haven’t told her. Three years... We only got three years? The corner of my mouth keeps twitching upward, smiling the way you do when you’re waiting for the punch line to a really good joke. The hidden cameras are going to come out and she’ll be giggling with some film crew.

I’m cackling alone in the hospital bathroom, laughing so hard that I’m doubled over. The echoes magnify my voice into something bigger than just sound. Surely the whole building can hear me. I can’t help it, though. It’s such a funny joke.

I’ll have to remember to tell Emily about this when I get home. She’ll get a kick out of it. I turn on the sink faucet and my blood droplets disappear underneath the sudden current. I watch them dilute and silently swirl down the drain.

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Chapter 3

I dial a number. It rings once. I quickly hang up.

Who do I tell first? Her mother? Her brother? The wedding planner?

Technically, for all intents and purposes, Emily is still alive. Her mom is still planning to meet her tomorrow for lunch at Rocko’s. She has a dentist’s appointment next Thursday at eight o’clock in the morning. Life still has places for her to be and people for her to talk to. As long as I sit in this white hospital hallway without talking to another human being, I can keep her alive. It’s only been an hour. I’ve been away from her for longer than this before, so it’s really no big deal yet. If I want to, I can tell myself that she’ll be back in just a little while, and the childish part of me that’s separated from logic still believes it.

It’s like knowing that you’re having your last sane moment. Soon the sound of her name will hit my ears like a car crash. I’ll fall and fall and fall. Friendly memories will hold daggers behind their backs.

I’m buckled into the roller coaster and waiting for the first drop.

I dial a number. Somebody answers. I hang up.

It’s too cruel. I’ll tell everyone that we’ve moved to another country. She’s joined a convent and taken a vow of silence. Don’t try to contact her for any reason. My head rests against the wall, and eventually I fall asleep. My phone vibrates and wakes me up. I look at the name and a sudden velocity takes my stomach.

Here we go.

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Chapter 4

What a beautiful day. The sun is bright and shining like a Saturday morning cartoon. The grass is green. The sky is blue. Seventy-five degrees and not a cloud to be seen for miles. A little kid with red ice cream stains on his yellow shirt clicks by on his bicycle. Nobody harasses him or runs him over. An old couple sits on a park bench. The old man’s hand runs through his wife’s silver hair and she rests her head against his shoulder.

The only ugly thing in sight is a single crow, black as doubt, making for the horizon as if its wings were on fire.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, pretty day.

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Chapter 5

Emily’s mother is screaming at the top of her lungs. They are lovely, nonsense shrieks that make everyone in the hospital grit their teeth. People are running towards the sound to try to help her. I don’t know what her father’s doing. Probably just shaking his head.

I’m hiding in a bathroom stall, looking at my cell phone.

Her name is highlighted in my address book and I try to delete her number, but instead I wind up hearing her voice. Hi everyone, this is Emily! I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll be sure to get back to you as soon as I can. Bye!

And suddenly I’ve listened to it eight times, guzzling every word and wishing she’d made it longer. I look through our text messages from today.

Me: Pick up some ham on the way home?

Emily: lol didn’t you get some yesterday?

Me: I forgot

Emily: what am I going to do with you!

It’s not enough. I read them until they’re memorized. I mouth the words to myself. Then I whisper them again. The words leave a horrible taste in my throat but I can’t stop. The chant repeats again and again until I don’t even know what I’m saying. Until I manage to forget that the last talk we ever had was about ham.

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Chapter 6

What am I going to do with me!

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Chapter 7

I’m pretty sure that I eventually found Emily’s parents. They probably cried a lot more. I’m pretty sure that, for whatever reason, her Dad tried to hit me. I wasn’t paying much attention.

What are we going to do? Oh, not my baby! her mom said.

Oh God! God help us! her dad said.

............... I said.

The nurses always looked uncomfortable when they had to walk by, and I tried to apologize with a shrug whenever I could get them to meet my eyes. In retrospect, I think that my indifference freaked them out even more.

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Chapter 8

The whole house is booby trapped. Her smells are in the carpet and her hairs are on the furniture. She had Pop-Tarts for breakfast the day she died and I’m scared to move the plate because I know that she’s the last one to have touched it. The crumbs are still all over the table.

I want to duct tape the windows and put deadbolts on all the doors. People keep trying to drag me through the worst of it: offering condolences, praying with me, touching me. They mean well. They want to help me heal. But I don’t want to be a part of that world anymore, because that’s not where Emily is.

Every five minutes or so, I think about shoving a knife through my stomach like the hero in a Shakespearian tragedy. As my life slowly oozed out onto the floor, I could lay my head in her cold bosom. Whisper her name one last time. The whole thing would be very dramatic, and nobody would be able to blame me. But then, what if this whole thing really isn’t real, and she wakes up right after I close my eyes?

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Chapter 9

I never used to think about things like this. I used to be so normal. I used to watch football.

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Chapter 10

Simon offered to stay through the night with me, but I told him to leave me alone. The bed is too big now. I stay on my side and try not to fidget around too much. I don’t want to wake up Emily. She has work in the morning.

(Did I tell her work that she’s gone? I don’t remember, and I guess I don’t care.)

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Chapter 11

First hour. I think to myself This is the rest of my life Buckle up the drop never stops That’s what I said I said let’s do this I said bring it on I can take it I’ll just shut my eyes and go to sleep Go to sleep When my eyes turn out the lights it’ll be like nothing ever happened I could sleep for days if I wanted to That’s the secret to strangling this whole thing never be awake I can get through this It happens to people every day of course it would happen to me They say it just takes time They say it’s better this way because now she’s in the clouds Did I say that I say my room is dark I say that I can’t see my hand in front of my face Was it always like this How had I never noticed Tomorrow I’ll buy a night-light I say without my other half I am just a pair of legs.

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Chapter 12

Third hour. Still awake. Maybe I’ll never sleep again.

I haven’t cried yet. How can I, when this silent house won’t stop making all this noise? I swear I can hear the insects tap dancing between the walls. The hushed whisper of the air conditioner is breathing down my neck.

The problem is, I have a golf ball lodged in my throat. How am I supposed to cry when I haven’t even breathed since this morning? The space on the bed that Emily’s sleeping body used to fill is colder than the surrounding air. Tears would only freeze if I