Surviving Sandy: A Battle Against That Deadly Whore Mother Nature

By Tim Boyle

In October 2012 Hurricane Sandy struck the state of New Jersey. Through a series of diary entries, one man recounts his ordeal dealing with the storm. Mother Nature is back, this time she’s looking for blood.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tim Boyle
• Release date: Oct 31, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301640737

Tim Boyle

With a unique world perspective, a head filled with strange opinions, and a dark sarcasm in everything he does Tim Boyle is must read. In the summer of 2012 he published his first book, a humorous fictional tale titled "Satan: Little League Superstar" about Satan joining a little league baseball team. In November of 2012 he published his second book, a short diary based story about a man's outlandish battle with mother nature during Hurricane Sandy called "Surviving Sandy: A Battle Against That Deadly Whore Mother Nature." So far in 2013 he has added to his collection "Silence: My Worst Stand-Up Comedy Performances and Experiences." Unlike the previous two published works, this is autobiographical. Tim recounts his days as a stand-up comedian and as the title suggests, he covers some of the most cringe worthy moments he during his stint in the business. In addition to writing books, Tim Boyle is an aspiring screenwriter. Since 2011 he has been writing a [mostly] humor blog which can be found at http://mooselicker.wordpress.com Stay tuned for more works from Tim Boyle in the coming months.

Book preview

Surviving Sandy: A Battle Against That Deadly Whore Mother Nature

By Tim Boyle

Special thanks to:

Rob Marsley for the cover art

Hurricane Sandy for trapping me inside for two days and inspiring this story

Email: [e-mail]

Blog: http://mooselicker.wordpress.com

Surviving Sandy: A Battle Against That Deadly Whore Mother Nature

Published by Tim Boyle at Smashwords

Copyright 2012 Tim Boyle

The Warning

October 27, 2012 9:15 A.M.

I heard about it on the news all week, Hurricane Sandy was barreling down on the Eastern Seaboard. I had survived other disasters in the past. The scandalizing snowstorm of 1992, the horrendous heat wave in the summer of 2002, and now 10 years later, like a consistent bitch, Mother Nature was back for more blood.

I’m not one to take Mother Nature lightly. She killed my father, my mother too. They were eating carrots in the California Mountains together when Mother Nature bit. An earthquake the size of very big struck them. With their mouths filled with carrots there was no chance at survival. They choked to death on their terrible snack food choice. I haven’t been able to look at a carrot ever since. The year this earthquake took place, yeah you guessed it, 1982. Like I said, a consistent bitch.

Ever since losing my folks I’ve had to fend for myself. When things were good they were good. When things were bad I have always had Mother Nature to blame.

As I sat there watching the television this Saturday morning my vendetta against Mother Nature returned. I had not realized she had gone the entire year without trying to kill me. I guess she wanted to catch me off-guard. But I had a message for Mother Nature. I would not go down easy.

She wasn’t scheduled to strike for another day. I had a full 24 hours to prepare. There was no time to waste. I was going to show Mother Nature I would not be a victim. This middle-class white man was not vulnerable to her wrath. I was ready to face her head on.

October 27, 2012 12:40 P.M.

I put a movie into my DVD player in hopes if I avoided the news maybe it wouldn’t be true. When The Last Action Hero ended I went back to the news expecting this hurricane talk to be nothing more than a prank, like how everyone tells me we have a black president.

Things were not good on the television. The busty news reporter said the hurricane was twice as large as previously expected. Yeah, I’ve heard girls tell me the same thing before.

God damn those meteorologists. I