Always & Forever

By Crystal James

Ten years ago the Twin Towers fell and Jimmy Brown joined the United States Army. Since basic, he has been overseas twice. After being home for a little more than a year, he gets orders to go to Afghanistan. He has to leave again and face the war with only his buddy to help him cope with leaving his family a million miles away.
Lydia Brown married Jimmy ten years ago, only weeks before he shipped off to basic training. In ten years, Jimmy has been her protector, provider and best friend. She knows he has to follow orders, but when he gets papers to deploy again, her world slowly crumbles. She has always stood by him, but this third time brings challenges even their 10 year old son can’t handle.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Crystal James
• Release date: May 28, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476394473

Crystal James

I am a director of an alternative high school in Kansas City, Missouri. In my spare time between teaching, talking to parents, raising my own two kids, and making sure my two dogs stay out of trouble, I write fiction. I have always loved to imagine situations and then create a story out of them. My favorite type of writing is for young adults and realistic fiction. You will not catch my writing vampire stories any time soon. Some of my favorite writers are John Grisham, Lisa Scottoline, Suzanne Collins, and Sophia Kinsella. I would love for everyone to read my books and let me know what you think!

Book preview

ALWAYS & FOREVER

by Crystal James

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012 Crystal James

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedicated to all military families:past, present and future

Chapter 1

July 2011

Jimmy sat on the cold cement floor welding the rear fender of a ‘68 Camaro SS, his iPod turned up with the latest from Cake. The welding rod sparked and nearly hit him in the face. He cursed at the old rod and turned it off.

Brown, you got a call, his boss informed him. Jimmy didn’t hear him. He was too busy trying to figure out what was wrong with the welding rod.

Brown!

Jimmy jumped and lifted up his shield over his face. You need something, Boss?

Yes. First, I need you to take those stupid earbuds out and second you got a call. Sounds important. Said his name was Stokes.

Thanks. Jimmy handed his boss the welding rod and walked into the office. He smiled at the receptionist. Sam said I had a call.

Hold on. The receptionist’s manicured nails pushed some buttons and she handed Jimmy the phone.

Stokes?

Did you get the call? Jimmy’s best friend, Nick Stokes asked.

What call? Jimmy sounded confused.

THE call, man. We’ve been called up.

Jimmy rubbed his forehead. This couldn’t be happening again. He had been on two tours of duty. He just got back from the last one not too long ago. He thought he’d have a bit of a break before he got called up for the next round. That’s why Lydia and he decided to have another baby. Jacob was nine months old and giving Lydia fits all ready. When she wasn’t taking care of him, she was either refereeing for the five year old twins, Caleb and Cole or keeping ten year old Jackson out of trouble at school. Apparently, he had some behavior issues thanks to Jimmy.

Man, I can’t do it again. I told Lyddie I was done.

You’re never done. You signed up for this, remember?

Stokes, I also signed up to be a husband and a father.

Yeah, apparently, I was in a different line when that happened, Nick grumbled.

Jimmy wasn’t listening to his friend. He was remembering his last tour of duty in Iran. Lydia was a wreck when he came home after that. She wouldn’t leave him out of his sight for one minute. There were times he went into the bathroom and locked the door just to get away from her.

Jimmy took a deep breath. Where are we going, Stokes?

Afghanistan, Nick answered.

Jimmy leaned against the wall and put his head in his hands. I thought we were getting out of there.

One big a-

Don’t finish that. We work for him, ya know.

I didn’t work for him when we enlisted. I’m sure as heck not going to bow down to him now.

Jimmy rubbed his temples. Afghanistan? That was worse that Iran. Sure, Osama was no longer a threat, but he remembered the looks he got when he was in the Mideast. He was glared at, spit at, shoved out of the way. How was it going to be different in Afghanistan?

This is going to crush her, Jimmy whispered.

Well, maybe, you won’t get the call. You said you didn’t get it, yet, so maybe it’s not our whole unit.

It will never be our whole unit again. Jimmy remembered the roadside bomb that six men from their platoon had encountered. All six men were dead on the scene.

Oh, yeah.

Jimmy heard some voices on the other end of the line. Listen, man, I gotta go. Call me when you know. We can meet up and ride the bus out.

Sure, if I’m still alive after Lyddie finds out.

You’ve survived Iran. I think you can survive the five foot three fireball.

Jimmy smiled. So encouraging, Stokes. He paused. And she’s five foot five. Goodbye.

Jimmy hung up the phone and handed it to the receptionist. You okay? she asked.

No. But life goes on, Jimmy said. He rapped on the desk and walked back out to the Camaro.

What in God’s name did you do to this welding rod? Sam asked. He had the device in two pieces in either hand.

Nothin, Boss. I think it’s time we get a new one.

You mean to tell me you can work on highly classified military vehicles and you can’t fix a simple machine like a welder.

Can we not talk about my military specialities right now. I’ve got bigger problems.

Jimmy felt the cell phone in his pocket vibrate. He pulled it out of his pocket.

No personal calls, Brown.

It’s important. He hit the button to answer.

Major Jimmy Brown? the harsh voice on the other end of the line inquired.

Yes, sir.

This call is to inform you that you are to report to North Carolina at Fort Bragg 7 August 2011 at 0800 hours. From there you will be traveling to Afghanistan. Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

Good. We thank you for your service.

Proud to serve, sir.

Goodbye, Major Brown.

Goodbye, Sir.

Chapter 2

Jimmy drove his old blue Chevy pick up down the gravel road to his house. He pulled into the driveway of the old Colonial style home he and Lydia bought with Army benefits. It was a foreclosure they bought really cheap and Jimmy fixed it up by himself. He always liked to work with his hands and the house was a perfect outlet for that.

He killed the engine, got out of the truck and put his black Army baseball cap on. Leaning against the truck, he took a quick glance around the yard. He wanted to be able to have a quick snapshot in his head of what home would look like when he was deployed. Cole and Caleb kicked a soccer ball around in the yard. Jacob sat in the playpen next to Lyddie who was sitting in the porch swing in a pair of cut off shorts and one of his old T-shirts. Her long legs were stretched out so she could rest a book in her lap. She had her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. He grinned at the ribbon she had tied in her hair. She never got over that habit as a cheerleader. Even though, Lydia was nearing thirty she still looked like the fresh faced eighteen year old he married ten years earlier. He walked up to the porch.

Hey, you’re home early, Lyddie said. I thought you’d still be at the gym. I haven’t had time to shower or make dinner. I smell like peanut butter and suntan lotion.

Yeah, I’ll go tomorrow. I didn’t feel like going today. He took his finger and tucked her loose bangs behind her ear. And I like the smell of peanut butter and suntan lotion. Maybe, not together, but it works for you.

Lydia smiled when Jimmy kissed her on the cheek. Jimmy looked around at the yard again. Caleb and Cole were in a full blown out wrestling match over the soccer ball.

Stop it, you two! Jimmy took the stairs from the porch two at a time. Jimmy ran over to the two boys and pulled them off each other. He held one boy on either side of him.

He started it! Cole yelled.

Nuh-uh. You’re the ball hog! Caleb argued.

I don’t care who started it. It’s finished. He looked at Cole and then Caleb. Understand.

Both boys nodded. Yes, sir.

Jimmy let go of the boys and told them to go play some more. He walked back up to Lyddie on the porch.

Where’s Jackson? he asked.

In his room. Lyddie paused. Writing an apology letter.

Jimmy ran his hand down his face. His oldest son never got over the fact that Jimmy had left twice to go to war. First, when he was three and this last time when he was nine. Jackson lashed out at everything and everyone when he got the chance. Jimmy blamed himself for his son’s disturbing behavior.

What did he do this time?

He got into a yelling match with his tutor. Then, he threw his books at him. Lyddie grabbed Jimmy’s hand. I’ve been doing some research. Maybe we should send him to one of those special schools or a counselor or something. He has to get over this, Jimmy. I don’t think I can take it much longer.

Jimmy took his hand away and held Lyddie’s face so he could see it. Then, he kissed the top of her head. You go get your shower and I’ll go talk to Jackson.

I don’t think that’s what he needs right now.

It’s what I need right now. He turned her around and playfully swatted her backside. Now, go. I’ll have dinner ready when you’re done.

Lydia went inside while Jimmy gathered up the boys to go inside. He clicked on the Disney channel on the TV for the three younger boys and went upstairs to Jackson’s room. He knocked on his door.

Jackson?

Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.

Jimmy’s heart sank. He didn’t want to leave Lyddie with this problem. Maybe she was right. Maybe Jackson did need to get some counseling. He’d call someone tomorrow while he still had the chance. But, for now, he walked into Jackson’s room. He looked over at the dart board on his closet. The Army poster Jimmy had given him before he left on his last tour of duty was riddled with darts. Jimmy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. One time, Jimmy used to be Jackson’s hero. Jackson used to follow Jimmy around wherever he went and tried to do everything that Jimmy did. Jackson even used to say that he wanted to grow up and be just like his dad, star quarterback of the Riley Warriors. Now, Jimmy just wished that Jackson would talk to him every once in a while.

I know your mad at me, son, but taking it out on other people isn’t fair.

Life’s not fair, Jackson grumbled.

Jimmy recalled the call he got earlier in the day before he left the body shop. No, son, life isn’t fair. Sometimes, you have to deal with the deck life hands you. I know that you think that I’ve abandoned you twice all ready.

It’s not just me, Dad. It’s mom and the twins. Jake’s lucky he didn’t have to go through it. Do you know what it’s like when you’re not here?

Jimmy walked over and sat on Jackson’s bed so he could look him in the eye when he talked. No, Jackson, I don’t. Tell me how it is.

Jackson looked over at his dad. It’s terrible. Mom cries all the time. The twins play Army all day long and I get mad. I don’t know why I get mad, I just do. You make me mad, Dad. You leave us here thinking that we will all be okay and we’re not. And then, you come back like nothing’s changed, but it has. I get mad at you for pretending. I just get so . . . so frustrated.

Jimmy put a hand on Jackson’s shoulder. Jackson backed away from it. Your mom is worried about you. She wants you to talk to somebody.

Jackson let out a deep sigh. I don’t want to talk to anybody. I want you to quit the Army.

Jimmy stood up from Jackson’s bed. It’s not that easy, Jack. He walked toward the door.

Then, I guess I’ll just have to keep being angry.

Jimmy stopped and leaned against the door jamb. He recalled the times that he was mad at his dad for lashing out at him. His dad, the tough Army guy that just wanted Jimmy to be like him. His dad, the guy that told Jimmy he wouldn’t get anywhere playing football, so he should join the Army. His dad that never seemed to be proud of him for anything he did. Jimmy swore he’d never be like his father. His father, the man that hated everything about Jimmy. He didn’t want Jackson to think of him the way he thought about Dale Brown. He held himself up agains the door jamb contemplating the question he was about to ask.

Do you hate me, Jackson? He whispered the question hoping that his son didn’t hear the fear in his voice.

Sometimes.

Jimmy’s chest tightened. He had a feeling it was going to be all the time after he heard the news at dinner. I’m making dinner. Come down when you’re finished with your letter.

Lydia hopped down the stairs. She stopped to take a quick peek at her husband. He used to be the star quarterback at their small rural high school. He had joined up right after high school and still had the well chiseled body of a young man just out of boot camp, including the high and tight hairstyle of his sandy brown hair that most of the Army guys had. He went to the gym everyday after work so he would stay in shape. Lydia liked that he kept in shape. It made her want to stay in shape. That’s why after each pregnancy when she was healthy enough she would take some time each day and go to the gym. She strived to get back to her prepregnancy weight after each baby. With the twins, it was a little harder, but she managed. She kept her size eight figure to this day.

Jimmy looked up from the stove and noticed Lyddie staring at him with her big brown saucer eyes. Thinkin’ about what you want for dessert? He grinned and let his twinkling green eyes meet hers.

Lydia rolled her eyes. You’re hopeless, Jimmy Brown. She walked over to him and rubbed his shoulders.

Yeah, but I bet I still get MY dessert, he whispered so none of the boys sitting at the table could hear him.

Lydia looked over Jimmy’s shoulder. What are we having?

Pizza.

You made pizza in an iron skillet?

Yeah, I saw it on that one show the other day. It looked pretty good, so I thought we’d try it. Where are the pizza plates?

Um, I think they’re in the storage closet in the basement. I’ll go get them.

Lydia walked out to the basement to get the plates. When she opened the closet, she noticed that Jimmy’s duffle bag was missing from the bottom shelf. He usually used it to go on fishing trips with the boys, but she didn’t remember him saying anything about a fishing trip this weekend. She grabbed the pizza plates and walked back inside. Jackson was helping with the pizza while the twins entertained Jake.

Are you going somewhere? Your bag is missing? Lyddie asked. She sat the pizza plates on the table.

Um, yeah. I’ll tell you about it later.

Lydia scrunched her face up. Okay. She went over to the drawer and got out a pizza cutter and a fork. Here. She handed Jimmy the pizza cutter and she sat the fork next to her plate.

Jimmy cut up the pizza and put a piece on everybody’s plate. When everyone was served, he sat down across from Lydia. You’re such a princess. You’re the only person I know that eats pizza with a fork.

What? I don’t want to get my hands all greasy.

Jimmy shook his head and smiled. There was a silence at the table. Um, I, uh, talked to Stokes today. He took a bite of the pizza.

Lydia’s fork stopped in mid air. There was usually only one reason that Jimmy would bring up his friend that lived on the Army post. Nick Stokes was Jimmy’s best friend. He was the reason he’d joined the Army. Stokes wouldn’t go without Jimmy. They did everything together. She was friends with him, but she gave Stokes an ultimatum that if anything happened to Jimmy while he was in the Army, she’d never forgive him. Lydia rubbed her temples. She knew what was coming. Jimmy would see Stokes soon. Now, she knew why the duffle bag was gone.

Yeah, how is he? Lydia asked, but didn’t really want an answer.

Fine. He’s um, he’s getting ready to go to North Carolina in a week. Jimmy sat his pizza slice down on his plate and stared at it.

Lydia knew what was in North Carolina. The plane to ship out to the Middle East. No, Jimmy, no. She choked back the tears in her throat. A knot formed in her stomach.

I’m required by the United States government to go, Jimmy stated. He reached over and put his hand on top of Lydia’s. He looked at Lydia waiting for her to say something.

Please tell me you’re just going to North Carolina to work on the tanks before they’re shipped out and then you’ll be home. She waited for an answer. Please.Jimmy shook his head. The knot in her stomach tightened. Where then? Lydia blinked back the tears. For a moment, it was just her and Jimmy sitting at the kitchen table. She wasn’t aware anymore that her four boys were sitting at the same table with them.

Afghanistan.

Lydia dropped her fork and scooted away from the table. Excuse me. She ran from the table into the nearest bathroom. Jimmy told the boys to stay in the kitchen and he ran after her.

Lyddie! He ran to the bathroom just in time to see her wiping her mouth from the nausea that overcame her. Baby, are you okay?

No, no I’m not. This isn’t fair. Why can’t somebody else go? Why did they call you back? You haven’t even been back very long and now they want you to go back? Why? Tears streamed down Lydia’s cheeks.

The job’s not finished,yet. They still need us.

I need you, Jimmy. I. Need. You! She poked her finger in his chest with each word.

Jimmy walked over to Lyddie and grabbed her in a hug. She felt so small against him. I know, baby, I know. This is killing me to have to tell you this. I don’t want to, but I have to go. Please, Lyddie, I need you to help me through this. We have to break it to the boys and I don’t think- Jimmy stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. I don’t think Jackson is going to take it as well as you. He could feel her shaking.

I can’t, Jimmy. I can’t do this again. It’s too hard. Wake me up, please. Tell me I’m having an awful nightmare.

Lyddie, look at me. Jimmy waited for Lydia to lift her head up. Her eyes were glassy with tears. The towers fell and I joined up. I did it to protect you. I’ve done everything to protect you. Look at where the Army has got us so far. We have a nice house, you have a nice car and we both have our college degrees. All paid for.

I’d give it all away if you’d stay. She got out of his arms and walked back into the kitchen.

Jimmy’s heart sank. Why did he do it? Why did he sign those papers ten years ago? What made him think that he could survive looking at his wife three times and telling her goodbye not knowing if he was going to come back to her?

Jimmy walked back into the kitchen and saw Lydia at the sink. The boys had left the table. She was rinsing dishes off and putting them in the dishwasher. She stopped and rested her hands on the sink. Jimmy walked over and put his hands over hers. Don’t shut me out, Lyddie. I only have a week.

You’re gonna miss them. The first steps, the first birthday. You’ve never missed those.

I’m sorry. He rubbed the wedding ring on her left hand. I don’t have any more words to make this any easier on us.

I do. Lydia’s voice changed from sadness to anger in an instant.

What?

You can forget about dessert tonight.

Chapter 3

Jimmy called the body shop and told him he would be shipping out in a week. Sam told him to take the rest of the week off and be with his family. So, Jimmy and Lydia spent the rest of the week doing family outings. They went for ice cream, played at the park, and took a drive out to the country. Jimmy let the boys(except Jake) ride in the back of the pick up truck. Luckily, none of the cops saw him.

Jimmy tried to get Lydia to talk about leaving, but she wouldn’t budge. After the drive, he told the boys to hop out of the truck. Lydia reached for the door handle, but Jimmy was faster. He reached across her and locked the door.

Lyddie, I’m leaving tomorrow.

I know. Don’t remind me. She rested her head on her hand and looked out the passenger window.

Why won’t you talk to me? We need to talk about this.

Lydia crossed her arms and stared straight ahead through the front window.It’s too hard, Jimmy. The last time it was just three kids. And now, now it’s four. Four times the complaining, four times the fights. Four times the Monday morning I don’t wannas. They start school in two weeks. The twins start kindergarten and you’re not going to be there. Just maybe, if I stay mad at you, it will be easier to see you leave.

She wasn’t going to tell him what else she was really feeling. Lydia wouldn’t have anyone around to help her with the boys. She didn’t have any friends in Riley. She never had any friends in Riley. Even though she was a cheerleader ten years ago, rumors spread around like crazy. She got a bad reputation for no reason. The rumors followed her into adulthood. She was the girl that other girls loved to hate and the girl that all the boys wanted and not for any good reason.

Jimmy was her only friend in the town. He always had been. From the first day she was at school, he befriended her. He was her best friend, the only person that ever stood up for her. She didn’t want to be left alone in a town where everyone hated her, but loved him. She hated being the girl that everyone still whispered about. There were even rumors that some of her boys weren’t really Jimmy’s because there were so many of them. Her anger fumed just thinking about what the town would say now that Jimmy was going overseas again.

Lyddie, baby, you don’t want to stay mad at me. He unbuckled his seatbelt and slid closer to her. He leaned in and nibbled on her ear.

Stop it, Jimmy! She pushed him away. You can’t charm your way out of this.

Oooh kay. Jimmy slid back over to the driver’s seat and rested his elbow on top of the steering wheel. He sat so he could look at Lydia who was staring out the window. Her arms were crossed and she had a frown on her face. He hated to see her like this. He couldn’t stand the way her voice sounded when she pushed him away. It’s not my choice, Lyddie. I have to follow orders, all right? I know I’m going to miss alot, but I have to go. So, please look at me. Talk to me. I can’t leave tomorrow knowing that I broke your heart--again.

Lydia slowly turned her head towards Jimmy. Why are you always leaving me? Things were just starting to get back to normal.

I’m sorry.

Stop apologizing. It’s not going to make things any better.

Then, tell me, Lyddie, what will?

Lydia slid over to Jimmy’s side of the cab. She leaned her head on his chest. Could you, could you just hold me?

Jimmy wrapped his arms around his petite wife. He kissed the top of her head. Sure, baby, I can do that.

Jackson sat on the front porch steps with his best friend, Meghan. He chewed on the end of a straw watching the twins play soccer. Meghan sat staring at him. He hadn’t said anything for about five minutes. He wasn’t usually this quiet and Meghan knew it. He could tell by the way her face contorted into a worried look.

You okay, Jackson?

Fine, he mumbled. He saw Caleb dribbling the ball and not letting Cole get to it. Hey, Caleb, let up. Give Cole a chance.

If he wants a chance, he has to try harder. That’s what Dad said.

Jackson threw his straw on the ground. I don’t care what Dad said! He got up, ran inside and slammed the door behind him. Meghan went after him. Jackson ran upstairs to his room where Meghan couldn’t go. She wasn’t allowed to go up to his room. Rules from his dad. He slammed the door shut to make it a point for her not to try to follow him.

Meghan walked into the kitchen and found Jackson’s mom and dad sitting at the kitchen table. Lydia had tears in her eyes and Jimmy sat nursing a bottle of root beer. Mr. Brown? Jimmy looked up after he took a pull from his drink. Is something wrong with Jackson?

His father is deploying, Lydia answered. She wiped the tears from her eyes and walked away from the table to the kitchen counter.

He’s up in his room. I’d like to go talk to him if that’s okay with you.

Okay, Meghan. Keep the door open. If I hear it shut, you’re in big trouble, Jimmy said.

Meghan nodded. She trotted up the stairs and knocked on the door. Jackson let her in. He was standing at his window staring out at the yard. He’s leaving again, Meghan. He doesn’t even ask us. He just goes. I hate it!

Jackson never took the news well of his dad leaving. When he was three, he threw a temper tantrum everyday before his dad left. His mom had to literally drag him everywhere he went, because he refused to go anywhere without Jimmy. Then, last year, when Jimmy went to Iran, Jackson took a different approach. He gave his dad the silent treatment. The only time he would talk to his dad was to give a one word answer to a question he asked. His dad couldn’t stand it. He’d resorted to that this time, too.

He’s a soldier, Jackson. That’s what he does. Meghan crossed her arms. At least he tells you when he’s leaving. He doesn’t just up and go in a night and not say goodbye.

Jackson scrunched up his face. What?

Meghan hugged herself and shook her head. Her dad had left her mom in the night and didn’t even tell his only daughter goodbye. She wasn’t worried about that problem. She was more worried about her best friend and his relationship with his dad. Nevermind. I don’t want to talk about it. Your dad’s more important.

Jackson turned around and looked at his best friend. She didn’t know anything. His dad was no where near important. He fixed cars and tanks. Nothing earth shattering like Meghan’s dad. Her dad was an lawyer. He didn’t travel anywhere. He just stayed in a big giant office and did most of his business over the phone or in the courtroom. Why couldn’t his dad be like hers?

I want a normal dad.

Meghan walked over to Jackson by the window and put his hand on his shoulder. He walked towards the door so she wasn’t touching him anymore. You don’t want a normal dad, Jackson. If you knew my dad, you wouldn’t want him around. My dad is boring. He doesn’t do anything exciting. For Pete’s sake, he was on the debate team in high school-not the football team like your dad. My dad didn’t break any records. My dad didn’t win a state championship.

Jackson ran his fingers through his hair. Stop talking about him like he’s some big shot. If you think he’s everything and a bag of chips, you can have him. Jackson stood in the doorframe and looked down into the kitchen. His dad was still sitting at the table nursing his root beer. In fact, Meghan, he’s all yours because I don’t have a dad anymore. He walked out of his room and slammed the door.

Jimmy turned and saw his son stomping down the stairs. He slammed the bottle on the table and stood. Before Jackson could make it out the door, Jimmy stood in front of him blocking his way. Go back and apologize to Meghan. That was rude!

I’m not listening to you! Jimmy pounded his fists on his dad’s stomach. You’re leaving, I don’t have to listen to you!

Jimmy grabbed Jackson’s fists. Stop it. Just stop it, Jackson. I’ve had enough of this. First, you are going to go apologize to Meghan and then you and I are going for a drive. I’m tired of you acting this way.

Jackson grunted and went toward the stairs. Meghan met him halfway. Her eyes were wet. Sorry, Meghan.

Meghan narrowed her eyes at her best friend.You’re so mean, Jackson Brown! You don’t have any clue what’s going on do you? At least your dad is going to come back.

What are you talking about, Meghan?

Nothing. I’m going home, she grumbled. I’ll talk to you later. She headed towards the door and then spun around to face Jimmy. She grabbed his waist in a tight hug. Goodbye, Mr. Brown. Be safe. Then, she headed for the door.

Jackson saw the tears dripping from Meghan’s eyes. Such drama. Jackson rolled his eyes. He’d never seen Meghan cry.