The Handle of Faith

By Chloe Behrens

Hope has worked hard to achieve her dream, and put the nightmare of Van Steenburgh Manor behind her.
In the four years since she ran from the palace where her life crumbled around her, Hope worked hard to live out her Broadway dream, while raising her tiny, beautiful daughter Faith. Moving forward, she’s made a life for herself, alongside her best friend Jackie for support.
What she didn’t count on, was for estranged Preston Van Steenburgh to show back up in her life. She also hadn’t expected him to grow up into such a charming, debonair man. Or for him to still look at her the same way he used to.
Hope wants nothing to do with Van Steenburgh Manor, but the manor isn’t finished with her, yet. Will she make amends with her father? Will she be able to avoid Trent? Nothing has prepared Hope for the twists and turns up ahead. They will take her on an unforgettable journey that will change her entire life all over again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chloe Behrens
• Release date: May 4, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476379272

Chloe Behrens

Chloe Behrens was born in Hudson Valley, NY and now resides in the suburbs of Dallas, TX."I fell in love with writing as soon as I learned how to read," she says. "Picture books progressed into lovelorn poetry. Poetry turned into short stories, and then the Van Steenburgh Family began in my teenage years. The story began, and then it wasn't until my early twenties that the second novel in the series came out. The last novel in the series was written this year. It was hard to put it to rest after it being with me for so many years." Still, she triumphed on.After the release of her Van Steenburgh saga, she penned two more books -- neither of which belong to a series. "Breaking Berlyn was so fun to tell because of the characters. Gavin and Berlyn's banter is so witty, and I love how he keeps her on her toes. He finds ways to open her up to new things, and she really needs that. Sometimes, we all do."Happily Ever After: A Tale of a Wedding Planner, has become more popular as a chick-lit/contemporary romance. It's being featured in the Frankfurt International Book Fair 2012, and is her best-selling book, yet! "I think it's because the main character Banner is so flawed, and independent. A lot of the fun, fearless women of today can relate to her. She's strong-willed, career-oriented, and she's human. She makes mistakes." Her male counterpart, Christian Brenhoff, is the epitome of what every woman wants, but doesn't want. "Or so she thinks. I don't know. We are all guilty of judging people, and when it backfires on us, we sometimes don't know how to handle that."She is currently working on her second series, and when she's not typing away on her laptop working on a story, she enjoys traveling, spending time with her pets, and life with her longtime boyfriend/best friend Shaun. "My life is an adventure," she adds. "One I thoroughly enjoy with each passing minute!"

Book preview

The Handle of Faith

The Second Book in the Van Steenburgh Family Series

The Handle of Faith

The Second Book in the Van Steenburgh Family Series

Chloe Behrens

Published by:

K R Cimorelli

The Handle of Faith

The Second Book in the Van Steenburgh Family Series

Written by Chloe Behrens

Copyright 2012 by Chloe Behrens

Smashwords Edition

ISBN: 978-1-105-79609-8

Published by K R Cimorelli

First Edition: 2012

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited in any form. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.

Dedication

It’s through one’s own personal struggles and hurdles that they find out who is really there, and really cares about them. I want to thank all who have been there for me in my times of crisis.

You’ve truly made my world a better place,

And me a better person, because of it.

Foreword

When God closes a door, He opens a window. I found that statement to be entirely true. The only problem with that is it doesn’t tell you there could be many obstacles between that door, and that window. It doesn’t tell you that the space you stand in may be cluttered, with many complexities that stand in your way, or that the window is hidden behind a mess that you might have to dig through to get to it. It doesn’t mention that your window may be a little too high for you to reach.

I’ve gone through many doors and many windows to get to where I am at this point in my life, but I believe that there is a reason for everything, and all of those obstacles that I’ve suffered through have made me a better person for making it through them.

I have learned to forgive, for the sake of my daughter. Forgetting… well, I’m still working on that. I’ve learned that hatred is not healthy; even though I’ve found at times in my life that it gave me enough drive to go on, in spite. Time has a way of healing wounds, but I have scars to remind me. They’re buried deep in my heart, and like a bone that’s been broken; they ache from time to time.

I tell my story with hope that the people who have hurt me will also hurt as they read this. I want them to understand the impact they’ve had on my life—the good, and the bad. I also want them to know that not everything I did was completely in vain. I want them to know that I did everything I could to survive, and make a life for myself, and my children.

I also want the ones who have set out to disrupt my life to see that I have prevailed above every obstacle that has been set before me. You can try to trip me. But it will be you who falls in the end. I promise

Chapter 1

A Miracle Is Born

I’ll never forget the relief I felt once I knew that we were far away from the place that caused me such misery. In less than a year, my life had turned every which direction—from bad to worse, worse to better, better to great, and then back down to worse. It seemed like a never-ending, vicious roller coaster. When I first decided to leave Van Steenburgh Manor I was in the midst of a mental breakdown, which caused a car accident that I was lucky to be alive from. After a stint in the hospital as a result of minor head injuries and a broken wrist, I worried that I would be forced to go back upon my release. And when I overheard the doctor telling Lawrence that he discovered I was pregnant, and that the baby was fine, it gave me all the more incentive to flee without ever turning back.

After a fatal car accident killed my parents when I was seventeen, I was brought to live with my maternal grandmother Vivien and her husband Lawrence, at Van Steenburgh Manor. I had never met them before, and I don’t think my mother anticipated me ever having to meet them. She never liked to talk about them, and from bits and pieces that I learned through my childhood, I understood that she had run away from there sometime right before her seventeenth birthday. She gave birth to me several months after that. Her life up until she had me had always remained a mystery, but it started to unravel after I went to stay at the manor, where secrets seemed to lurk in every corner.

At first glance, Van Steenburgh Manor seemed to be a dream come true! It was a magnificent stone palace built under French Renaissance influence, and it had every amenity you could possibly dream of, with everything from vast, elaborate gardens, to an Olympic-sized swimming pool. From the moment I arrived, there was always something going on, there—a gala being planned in their gorgeous ballroom, or just the bustle of Kate the head-maid running around with her wide, warm smile as her husband Charles shuffled after her. But under the surface of that vast, wealthy exterior, you were lucky if you could grasp onto the tiniest, fleeting second of happiness—for there weren’t many to be had, there. Everyone had their secrets, and under their tight, fake smiles, they were all bitter about something.

Not long after Lawrence and Vivien were married, Lawrence decided that he wanted a child. Vivien, who was quite a bit older than Lawrence, wanted no part of becoming pregnant, and having a second child. He still kept trying to talk her into it, and it wasn’t until shortly after my mother ran away from Van Steenburgh Manor that Lawrence decided to fill that void in his life any way that he could. He adopted a son, whom he named Preston Alexander Van Steenburgh. Knowing that he couldn’t take care of a newborn baby by himself and that Vivien didn’t want anything to do with changing diapers, he picked Preston basically because he was two years old; old enough to potty-train—and he would now have a son to be the heir to his fortune someday. Not to make it sound so cold, and mechanical, though—Lawrence truly loved Preston and thought of him as his own son, and gave him everything he could ever want, even if his attention wasn’t part of the deal. Lawrence was a man who was rarely home, and after Vivien and he got married, the time he spent home increasingly diminished.

When I came to live at the manor, Preston was already in college, and when he and I first met, the hatred was mutual. I despised him for his cocky ways, and he didn’t like me, either. He enjoyed tormenting me, and I lashed out at him pretty much every time we saw one another, and it got to the point that we just tried to avoid one another like the plague. I quickly found out, though, that Preston wasn’t truly as horrible as he wanted everyone to think. He just needed someone to identify with him, and give him the time of day. Once I’d done that, we formed an alliance of sorts. It became a friendship that I truly treasured, but when his feelings turned a little more than friendly, and I turned him away, he didn’t speak to me again afterward. He stopped coming back to the manor during the weekends from college, and he avoided me at all costs. I missed him, but there was nothing I could do after that point. And it wasn’t too long after that anyway, that I graduated, and my life fell apart.

Trent Forrestor and I met days after I arrived at the manor. It was at a party that Lawrence held for all of his associates, and it was absolutely the most elegant affair I’d ever attended up until that time. Men and women dressed in their finest, sipping the finest wines, and it was truly enchanting to a girl of seventeen, who’d never experienced anything like that before. I had overheard a group of men discussing art, and I turned around to offer my opinion when I came face to face with the most striking man I’d ever laid my eyes on. If one could describe a man as being beautiful, such was he. Dark hair and eyes of black ink fixed themselves on me, and he clearly took my breath away. He as exciting as he was intimidating, and he became the subject of my dreams for many nights. Without intention, I stumbled into a cabin buried in the woods on the grounds of Van Steenburgh Manor, and discovered that it was his place after he came in and caught me. It was perhaps the most delightful discovery I’d ever made, and even through my embarrassment, I knew it wouldn’t be the last time I’d show up on that doorstep. He was four years older than me, and he was by definition, a genius— having completed high school and college by his eighteenth birthday. I became infatuated with him, even while he turned me away, time and time again.

But after a while, he couldn’t deny me anymore. The next several months became the most wonderful and forbidden love I could ever imagine. Wonderful for the most obvious reasons— he was so worldly, intelligent, and fascinating. Forbidden because Lawrence warned me time and time again to stay away from him, never listing a valid reason other than he was older than me, and leaving me to believe it was just a ploy to keep me under his control. Trent impulsively asked me to marry him after he made plans for us to go travel Europe after my graduation, and I accepted, and all would’ve gone well except for that when Lawrence found out about everything, he unleashed a truth so horrific and damning that it made Trent leave on the next plane out without so much as a note or a goodbye to me, and it led me to my leaving Van Steenburgh Manor.

I had learned the reason why my mother left the manor, after snooping through Lawrence’s office. I found his name listed on my birth certificate as my father, which obviously meant that he and my mother carried on some type of affair after Vivien and she moved in. That was devastating enough, but Lawrence revealed to me after Trent’s disappearance that he also fathered Trent… making Trent my half-brother, he turned something so beautiful into something ugly, and dark. I couldn’t handle it, and it drove me off the deep-end—causing me to jump into my car and drive away, never wanting to look back. As luck would have it, I barely traveled three miles down the road when I ran a red light, and hit another car. That’s what landed me in the hospital, and if everything happens for a reason, I found out what that reason was when I woke up to hear the doctor informing Lawrence that I was pregnant. After the doctor left the room, Lawrence hinted that we would have the baby aborted, because he insisted that if I had it, it would be grossly deformed and retarded due to the circumstances. I’d sooner kill him myself than have him decide the fate of my child, and I knew that the first chance I got, I was going to escape the hospital and never look back.

Jackie had become my first friend at the boarding school Lawrence enrolled me in upon my arrival to Van Steenburgh Manor. She was there for me during every high and low of my stay, and it was no different when it came to the predicament I found myself in after the car accident. If not for her, I probably would’ve impulsively left town then. She convinced me to return back to school with her. We only had a short time left until graduation. She was sweet and kind enough to convince her parents that moving to New York City immediately to begin summer classes was the thing to do, and after supporting her decision, we packed our belonging, and headed to the city, where we would indeed begin college on our scholarships, and work to get through school.

Finding out that I was pregnant at eighteen was even scarier than starting out on my own and learning to fend for myself, but without Jackie, I would’ve been completely lost. She’s been my saving grace. Morning sickness? She held the trashcan for me, or held my hair. Doctor appointments? She held my hand in the waiting area and came in with me. Looking for a job and worrying about paying doctor bills? She accompanied me to the Department of Human Services to look for some sort of government assistance for my baby and me. I couldn’t have survived without her. On many occasions, she was my sanity.

Jackie pursued a degree in teaching, and began working in a private school in the really nice part of town. She found great satisfaction in her job, and loved working with children. Every chance she got, she tried to teach Faith something new every day.

Faith… I remember my first visit to the doctor. I insisted that I go in alone, making Jackie stay in the waiting room for fear of the doctor telling me something awful about the baby, which might hint of things I’d left unspoken. I held my breath all the while during the sonogram, until the doctor happily announced that everything was great.

She’s perfect, he told me.

She? I asked.

It’s a girl, he announced, smiling.

I couldn’t contain my happiness! She had ten fingers, ten toes, one perfect head, and she was healthy! Nothing out of place.

I decided to name her Faith, because at that precise moment when I talked to the doctor, I suddenly had a renewed sense of it—in life, in God, and in my future. Somehow, I had managed to get all the way through my first semester of college that autumn, and I had the baby during our Christmas break. I couldn’t have asked for a better present. Jackie was right there beside me during the delivery—and rightfully so, since she’d been there for me during the entire pregnancy, helping me and just being there when I needed her. And when she was born, she was beautiful. Dark hair, dark eyes, a beautiful olive complexion, and Trent’s beautiful lips. You could definitely tell who her father was, and as she got older, I saw him in her more and more.

She had definitely inherited her father’s intellect, and demeanor. She was very easy-going and observant. Once she began talking, she never stopped asking questions, but while I grew tired answering why the grass was green, and not yellow, or how horses sleep standing up, her thirst for knowledge grew. Up until she was three years old, one of my old college instructors’ daughters watched Faith during the days while I juggled classes and worked to pay my half of the rent and bills. But after she turned three, I made the decision to place her in an advanced learning program that fed her thirst for knowledge and also served as a daycare during the day. Every night, I read her a story before she went to bed. By the time she was four, she was reading them to me.

Now, Jackie and I were twenty-two, and I just finished up my last year of college. Hard work and dedication brought me a performing arts degree, and I’d just picked up a part in my first Broadway show, which I was very excited about. Faith was now four. I lived for her; she was my everything. Every single time I looked at her, it made everything I endured to have her in my life worth every ounce of pain.

I also heard that Preston had made quite the name for himself as well, finishing law school and joining one of New York City’s most prominent firms. Jackie still kept in touch with a guy she had dated back in high school whom Preston was friends with, and she was able to give me tidbits of information as she heard them.

As for Trent, I hadn’t heard from him since the day he abruptly left the manor. I couldn’t blame him. I knew exactly the pain and humiliation he felt all too well, because when Lawrence revealed to me the truth about our relationship to each other, I felt it stab into my heart like a thousand knives. The love that we shared turned into something hellacious, replacing the euphoria that I was so addicted to. I doubt he had any idea that he had a daughter. I doubt Lawrence told him.

But life goes on, and I made the best of every day I had. My days consisted of waking up and going to school, and then after school going to work at a waitressing job where the tips were the only thing I counted on to pay my bills. I loved coming home though, because the brownstone that the three of us shared was always so alive during every waking moment. I was greeted at the door with toys and clutter, and the sound of a television in the living area, or water running from the bathroom, or Faith in the next room singing to herself until she heard me come in. Jackie would be somewhere nearby either on the couch, or at the dining room table grading papers and eating yogurt—or following after Faith, telling her to pick up her things. It was wonderful, and I grew to love those sounds. It was comforting…

Mommy!

It was ten o’clock in the evening, and I had just walked in the door from our final dress rehearsal. Hey girl! Jackie called from the other room. Long day?

Yes, I confirmed tiredly, removing my coat. In ran Faith in her little yellow nightgown, her hair dripping wet from her bath, and a smile plastered across her pretty face. She hurled herself into my arms, and I picked her up, taking notice at how big she was. She certainly wasn’t a baby anymore. I had to put her back down. Hey sweetheart, I greeted her. How was school today?

It was good, she replied with an enthusiastic nod. We’re going on a field trip to the zoo because we’re learning about animals and stuff, she explained with wide eyes. Can you go?

Depends on when you’re going, I told her.

I have the permission slip for you to sign, she offered. It tells you everything on there.

I’ll take a look at it later, I promised.

I learned what ‘consolidate’ means, she said proudly, following me into the kitchen.

I chuckled. You did? What does it mean?

To put things together, she replied. Or, um, combine things.

Good girl, I complimented her. Where’d you hear that word?

Aunt Jackie, she replied. I heard her say it.

I was on the phone with the credit card company, and I was asking about consolidating my loans, Jackie called from the other room. Lil Missy overheard and asked me what it meant to consolidate.

Faith, go get your brush so that I can brush your hair, I ordered gently. If you let it dry like that, it’ll look awful when you get up for school in the morning.

Okay Mommy, she said, running up the stairs in a flash.

I turned to Jackie. I’m so sorry that I’m late, I apologized. It wasn’t supposed to take this long…

No, it’s fine, she assured me. Not a problem.

Yeah, but I know that once this play starts, it’ll be nothing but late nights, and I just don’t want to add more to it, I said softly.

It’s fine, Jackie insisted, looking at me over the small glasses perched on her nose. Don’t sweat it! I sighed, plopping down on the sofa, and Jackie watched with curious eyes. Are you nervous about your first performance?

No, I denied. Not really nervous… I just… I don’t know, I said, shaking my head. I brought your tickets home, I told her. They’re in my coat pocket.

Well, there’s no need to be worried. You’re going to do fine. You’ve only been on a stage a million times, she reminded me.

But I never got a huge paycheck for it, I countered. I just want to make sure I do really well.

You will.

Here you go, Mommy! Faith handed me her brush and sat down on the floor in front of me. I began to brush her hair, and listened to her chatter about the book they were reading in class together. I was so tired, and felt so much older than I was—of course, I didn’t really know how a normal twenty-two year old should feel, but I was certain it would feel a lot more vibrant and energetic than I was.

And Jackie? I couldn’t help but to feel forever in her debt. If it weren’t for me, she’d most definitely be living a better life. She’d have a much nicer place, nicer clothes, and certainly a lot more free time. Neither she nor I had been on any dates in what seemed like forever—not that I was looking, but I at least felt like she should’ve been free to have a life of her own. But no matter how many times I thanked her, and told her I owed her so much, she always insisted that she wouldn’t have things any other way, and that she couldn’t imagine what her life would be like if Faith and I weren’t such a huge part of it.

I did feel that me winning the part in such a huge and popular production was going to help me pay her back for all the things that she’d done for me. The money coming in was allowing me to double up on credit card payments, I could pay the full rent for our three bedroom home, and I even insisted on putting money toward Jackie’s personal bills. For the last four years prior to me getting this major part, not a single day went by that we weren’t worrying about bills getting paid, or if we’d have enough money for groceries. We were always praying that nothing else would happen that would cost us anything extra—because we wouldn’t have the money. But now, things were changing. Things could only get better now that we were both finished with school, and starting our careers. I was doing what I was born to do, and although I wished sometimes that I had a normal, nine-to-five job that would allow me more time with my daughter, I knew I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else.

Chapter 2

Preston’s Return

I managed to survive the first performance of my professional career. I performed flawlessly, and the show went off without a hitch, despite costume malfunctions we’d experienced earlier in rehearsal, and the ongoing defects in some of the sets that we constantly had to deal with. All of the lighting, all of the effects, everything was just perfect. Our director was thrilled.

I scrambled into my dressing room, so ready to get out of there and get home to my daughter, and when I opened the door, what I saw nearly scared the daylights out of me!

Preston? I exclaimed in surprise. What are you doing in here?

He stood up, dressed in an expensive-looking black business suit. Quite a bit of time passed since I’d seen him last, but he looked great. I was incredibly stunned to see him! His golden hair was chopped a little shorter to his head, in almost a short, spiky look. He wore a goatee, and his beautiful blue eyes were different than I remembered. They no longer beheld a boyish glint to them. He looked… mature. He smiled slightly. Well, that wasn’t quite the response I was looking for, he half-joked.

I shook my head in shock. I’m sorry, I apologized softly, closing the door so we could have privacy. How did you get in here?

I had lunch with your director yesterday, he revealed. He’s one of my clients, actually. Don’t worry—I didn’t tell him anything personal, he assured me. He just thinks I’m a huge fan, he said, his eyes meeting mine. Which I am.

My heart was pounding. I’m just surprised, that’s all, I said, suddenly feeling quite silly in all of my thick stage make-up, my brunette wig, and my attire. We haven’t spoken in four years, I reminded him.

I know, he agreed. And that’s my fault. I was foolish, he spoke sincerely. And while I regret it almost every day, it gave me the drive to throw myself into schoolwork, he told me, reaching down and fiddling with one of the jars of make-up on the vanity. My grades had been starting to take a turn for the worst previous to that, so maybe my foolishness worked out for the best. I went from slacker, to graduating at the top of my class, he boasted, still smiling softly.

I heard, I admitted shyly. Jackie told me.

His smile widened slightly. Did she? How is she?

Fine, I answered. She and I live together.

He looked astonished. Really? Where?

Not too far from here, I told him. What about you?

I live here too, now, he told me. I just bought a penthouse in the Upper West Side, he revealed. My first big purchase as a lawyer. I like it, he said.

Good, I said softly, still in awe that he had shown up.

He looked at me for a long moment. What are your plans this evening?

I actually have to get home, I told him. I promised my daughter I would let her read me a bedtime story, I said with a laugh.

He laughed. Let her read you a story? he asked.

I nodded. She’s already reading, I told him. She’s four, now.

He looked impressed. Wow, time goes by, he breathed. I knew that you had a baby after you left Van Steenburgh Manor, but that’s all that was mentioned after you left, he told me. And that it was Trent’s, he added. I felt my face completely flush, and I looked away uncomfortably. I’m sorry, I’m not trying to stir anything up, I promise, he apologized. What’s her name?

Faith, I answered. Faith Lindsey de Havilland.

That’s beautiful, he responded warmly. We need to catch up. When can I take you to dinner?

I frowned. I have a show every night for the next week, I told him. I won’t have a free moment until next Monday.

Can I take you to dinner on Monday, then? he asked, looking hopeful.

I nodded. Yes, you can.

His smile turned into a grin. I missed his smile. Good. Here’s my number, he said, writing his cell phone number on the back of his business card. Please, feel free to call or text me any time before then… just to chat, if you like, he invited.

I took his card. I will, I promised.

In a fog, I headed home, and when I walked in the door, Jackie smiled brightly. You’re just in time. Faith told me if her mommy didn’t get home in ‘approximately two minutes’ she was going to forget about her story and go to sleep without you, she said with a wink.

I managed a smile. Okay, I said. You can stop watching the clock, Faith—I’ll be right in, I called out.

Hurry up mommy! she cried. I’m tucked in and everything!

I taught her what the word ‘diplomatic’ means. That was our word for the day, Jackie told me, pausing to catch the look that must’ve been on my face. What’s wrong? She asked me. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

I did,