Who Doesn't Want Anal Sex?: A Partner-Respecting, Communication-Based Guide to Introducing the Idea to a Reluctant Partner

By Daniel Mays

We wrote this e-book with the goal of bringing couples together around what can be a contentious issue in relationships. Anal sex can be enjoyable for both partners and, for many couples, is part of a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship.

In this e-book we outline a new approach that focuses on mutual pleasure. In the (still popular) approach that we consider outdated, men beg and plead for their partner to have anal sex and express disappointment or anger if she refuses. This approach is not surprising given that men tend to be more influenced by reasons or arguments. Men feel like they provided good reasons and so they should get what they are asking for. Women, however, are more likely to be influenced by emotions. For some women, the taboos surrounding anal sex cause them to view women who have anal sex as promiscuous, dirty or desperate and willing to do anything to keep a man.

This outdated approach creates an adversarial relationship in which each partner becomes more and more committed to their own position (YES! vs. NO!) and the quality of the relationship suffers greatly.

Instead of this old and often unsuccessful approach, we describe a communication-based approach in which partners express their needs and desires and are then focused on working toward mutual satisfaction and pleasure. In our approach partners take turns satisfying each other's needs while communicating frequently, offering feedback, and expressing gratitude for their partner's efforts. The approach asks couples to be willing to experiment with new activities rather than relying on the way things have always been. This may well involved leaving your comfort zone to try something new. We want you and your partner to get what you want. We want you happy and satisfied. Couples that make meeting the needs of their partner a priority are much more likely to find their relationship lasting for years to come.

Having our own needs met requires a process, one that’s more like a marathon than a sprint. The first step is creating an atmosphere in which you regularly satisfy the needs of your partner. Acting to satisfy each other also creates a sense that sex is not something that one of you does to the other, but is, instead, something that you do together. Sex becomes a shared experience where you are each looking to please the other. In this e-book we spend a lot of time on ways you can help your partner feel good, satisfied, happy and sexy so that anal sex becomes just one more activity to enjoy together.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Daniel Mays
• Release date: May 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476470108

Daniel Mays

Daniel Mays is the author of The No-Till Organic Vegetable Farm and the owner of Frith Farm, a no-till operation in southern Maine that produces food for hundreds of local families from three acres of vegetables and five acres of pasture. With a master’s degree in environmental engineering, Mays has studied dozens of small organic farm operations throughout the world and is a frequent speaker at farm events, including the Maine Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association (MOFGA), Maine Farmland Trust, and the Maine State Agricultural Trade Show. He lives in Scarborough, Maine.

Book preview

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Who Doesn't Want Anal Sex?: A Partner-Respecting, Communication-Based Guide to Introducing the Idea to a Reluctant Partner

By Daniel Mays and Marly Roberts

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Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012 by Daniel Mays. For information, contact author via [e-mail]

All rights reserved. This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of these authors.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Where We Are Coming From

Who We Are and How This Book Was Started

Who You May Be

The Purpose of this Book

A New Approach

How Your Partner May Feel and How Her Feelings Can Change

How to Talk about It

The Approach

The Conversation

A Game You Can Play

The Timing

How To Do It

Make Her Feel Sexy

Make Her Feel Good

Help Her Orgasm

Before the Big Night: One Last Thing

The Big Night

If You Do or Do Not Orgasm

After the First Time

Advanced Anal Sex

FAQs and Some Possible Answers

Final Thoughts

INTRODUCTION

Where We Are Coming From

We would like to start with a word about our perspective. We wrote this e-book with the goal of bringing couples together around what is sometimes a contentious issue in relationships. It is not just about getting to fuck your partner in the ass. It’s about making sure she enjoys it. We know that anal sex can be wonderful and enjoyable for both you and your partner and we think this e-book will help make it possible.

Who We Are and How This Book Was Started

We wrote this e-book from our personal experience as a man and a woman who get mutual pleasure from anal sex. Shortly after we had anal sex for the first time, Dan and