Living for Damn Near Ever with the #%@&*! Dog

By Stuart Cohen

My wife wanted a dog. I was certain that I never wanted one. When our daughters came along, she insisted that a dog would fill out our family happily. I knew better, but lost the argument.
This is the story of everything I did to delay their acquiring a dog and what happened when they finally succeeded against my wishes. It recounts many of the odd happenings that accompanied our divergent views on dog ownership, especially as the animal in question managed to live far longer than dogs are supposed to.
A first person account, the characters are Wife, Daughter #1, Daughter #2 and dog with minor appearances of a neighbor, his son, a couple of dog care helpers and the vet.
Written as a humorous story, it is suitable for anyone who has been exasperated by pet ownership and for those who really don't like dogs. The devoted dog lover should read something else.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stuart Cohen
• Release date: Feb 27, 2012
• ISBN: 9780983307716

Book preview

Living for Nearly Damn Ever with the #%@&*! Dog

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Copyright 2012 by Stuart Cohen. All rights reserved.

ISBN-13: 978-0-9833077-1-6

Cover photo of dog courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Please do not steal any part of this book, especially since it can be downloaded free. Any quotes must be attributed. Please make sure you spell #%@&*! correctly.

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Chapter 1

I made it clear from the start that I was determined to never have a dog. I didn’t like them. They are sloppy. They need frequent care, walking and feeding and such. They smell bad. Even as I said it, I had a feeling I was going to lose.

I married Wife with the reservation that she had had several such animals during her childhood and she actually liked them. She told stories about them and smiled during the telling. This was a bad sign but I married her anyway.

We were okay when it was just the two of us. I could offset any inclination she had to acquire a dog. She was still interested in keeping me happy, and I made it clear that my happiness and the presence of a dog in our home were mutually exclusive. Plenty of other people had them. If she needed a dose of dog, she could go pet someone else’s.

She asked me repeatedly, and still does sometimes, what I’ve got against dogs. Nothing, really. I don’t hate dogs. I just hate, and always have hated, having one around all the time, especially in my home.

Isn’t ‘hate’ an awfully strong word?

How about ‘loathe.’ How about ‘despise.’ She clucked and changed the subject.

Chapter 2

The arrival of children mounted a threat to my stance. Unfortunately,