The Brain and I

By Liz Brown

For something a bit different, crime with a psychological twist, suspense, mystery and at times humour. It starts with a prison scene and moves onto a story in which Jacky's husband, Rex, makes a classical move and runs of with one of their friends. The dating agency is a disaster but then she meets Peter at a most unexpected place and what he does beggars belief. But Jacky is not alone as she has a brain with a life and voice of its own, through unwanted thoughts and dreams and has very different views about her men and what to do. So just who is in charge, Jacky or brain? A mysterious end leaves Jacky worried that she has committed a terrible crime, without knowing it, because of brain. Latest review: "It was not quite what I was expecting but an enjoyable and entertaining read all the same - it certainly gave me a few laughs."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Liz Brown
• Release date: Oct 23, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465954169

Liz Brown

After over 20 years as a psychology researcher I have started writing fiction often incorporating my background. After writing 'THE brain AND I' and 'Nurse Lucy and her Manhunt' I am focusing on writing short stories and 'Chit Chat' is the first collection.

Book preview

As the police cell door shut behind me, nothing had prepared me for the smell. Years of watching the TV detectives had made the door clanging and bolting behind me familiar but not the smell of despair, sweat and the dregs of human life. Just when I thought it could get no worse the noise started up, the shouting and swearing and banging from other cells, dealt with briefly on such programs, but continuous here, and then the realisation that I really couldn’t get out, I was trapped, my life in someone’s hands. But I had no idea who!

Beware the dreaded events

I am someone who has a brain with a life of its own. Thoughts, sound bites and snippets, straight to the point, it knows no half measures, some days it is a constant interfering presence and other days it goes quiet, but I know it is there –waiting. But it is at night, when I am so called asleep, that brain can really take off, living a separate existence which feels so real, that often the first thing I have to do, when stirring into consciousness, is to work out what I had dreamt and what is real. Sometimes this takes a long time and I tread on eggshells with the people involved until I am sure.

When I started my nurse training, I came across a quotation from Harold Macmillan who asked by a journalist, ‘what circumstances would change policy?’ replied, ‘Events Dear Boy, Events,’ and this gave me the idea of keeping a sort of diary of events that triggered brain into action.

Years later I started reading these events and was surprised to find how a small number of events and a few significant people, changed my ordinary life suddenly, into a drama and you might think a tragedy?

Event one – January 1968

Mr Right

‘He’s Mr Right!!!!!!!!!!’

‘What makes you think that Jacky?’ Rose asked, with disbelief.

‘I just woke up this morning and knew,’ I replied, with a confidence foreign to me.

‘Really Jacky, that belongs in Mills and Boon,’ Rose replied, unable to keep irritation out of her voice, before continuing with, ‘I’ve only known you a couple of years but I wouldn’t have thought Rex was your type – a hippie!’

she’s right

‘Gosh, is it that long since we started our nurse training, only one year until we qualify as trained nurses,’ I answered, deciding to change the subject, on realising that Rose did not approve and I wanted nothing to distract from my wonderful bubble of new love.

‘But why him?’ Rose pursued, determined not to be fobbed off.

‘He’s so laid-back, he’s just what I need, and anyway I haven’t had enough boyfriends to have a type,’ suddenly aware that I was almost shouting.

a bit defensive

‘That’s true but I never thought you’d fall for the great unwashed, well they do say opposites attract and he’s really opposite to your uptight side,’ Rose offered, with a smile that was geared to pacify me and at the same time looking genuinely puzzled.

‘The same could be said for us and we get on,’ I said by way of an explanation, looking at Rose who was the complete opposite to me, a gorgeous looking blond with a curvy figure and a bubbly personality. She had loads of boyfriends and was always telling stories about her exploits, whereas I was tiny and quiet with glasses that made me look studious, which was true as I loved reading and learning about new things, and I was enthralled by Rex and his new world of art and thinking. ‘I’m so grateful to you, if it wasn’t for you dragging me to the Duke’s Blues night I would never have met Rex.’

‘Time will tell if that is a good thing,’ Rose retorted, ‘anyway I know how much you love the Blues and it’s so rare that we are off duty at the same time.’

‘I was surprised at how grotty the pub was,’ I mused.

‘Yes, I knew that, but I was also told it has the best live music in town,’ Rose added.

‘It was surprising how my tiredness went once I met Rex!’

‘I still don’t understand why you even talked to him, he was so scruffy and there were loads of more suitable clean men.’

‘That’s because he’s an artist and he doesn’t care about how he looks,’ I tried to explain to Rose.

‘But he’s scruffy in an ordinary way, not an interesting artistic way.’

‘You can’t explain destiny Rose.’

cop out

‘I give up, I’ve hardly seen you, what exactly have you been doing with him in the month, which is all you’ve known him, to make you fall for him so?’ Rose asked, sounding very impatient with me.

it’s lust

‘A lot of talking, Rex says we are the Sartre and de Beauvoir of Bath.’

‘And who are they?’ Rose asked looking very puzzled.

‘They are philosophers and they have followers who hang out in the garrets and cafes on the Left Bank of Paris.’

‘Oh, you mean more hippies,’ Rose stated this as fact, with her nose turning up.

give up

‘Not exactly, Rex lives for his art and tries to understand why we are here,’ aware that I was digging myself into a big hole, ‘every evening the whole house meets in the lounge to smoke and drink and discuss everything.’

‘Doesn’t sound much fun to me,’ Rose said, before finishing with a flourish, ‘time to go on duty.’

xxxxxx

‘What are you wearing Jacky?’ Rose asked disapprovingly, as they caught up at the end of the shift, ‘you don’t look like you, you look like Rex.’

she sounds like your parents

‘What do you mean? I feel like me.’

‘Since when have you worn tight denim jeans, black tee shirt, black battered leather jacket, let your hair hang loose and unwashed and where are your shoes?’ Rose’s voice got higher and higher as she scanned me from top to toe.

‘All Rex’s friends wear denims, I like this look, it’s the complete opposite to our prim and proper uniforms, I feel a free spirit,’ I tried to explain unsuccessfully.

just another uniform

‘You can say that, I hardly recognised you and not just because you are never around,’ Rose replied, almost sounding cross, ‘you are always at his house.’

‘I love it there, it’s so free and I can forget the regimented wards, walking at running speed, never enough time, all under the ever watchful eye of Sister.’

Rose laughed, ‘well you’ve got that right, she misses nothing, doesn’t matter if she can’t see you, she sees everything.’

‘It doesn’t matter to them that the wallpaper hangs off the walls and the sink is full of dishes,’ I expanded.

a dump

‘Rex is a wonderful artist, so creative, when he’s absorbed nothing can get in his way.’

selfish sod

Rose changed the subject by looking at the shopping bags that lay at my feet and asked, ‘bought anything interesting?’

‘Just something to cook for Rex,’ I answered whilst trying to stop her, without success, going through them.

‘I hope he is going to pay you for all this food and drink and cigs?’ she asked scathingly, knowing what the answer would be.

he’s using you

‘I love looking after him and cooking for him and just being in the same room as him,’ I said dreamingly.

keeps him interested

Rose stared at me in disbelief, ‘you are always criticising your mother and her friends for that.’

‘This is different, I love supporting his art, he has to have space to create, his mind must not be corrupted by work.’

nice one

‘Create what?’ Rose pushed for detail.

‘Pictures, his style is Jackson Pollock.’

‘What on earth is that?’ Rose exploded.

‘Well, he flicks paints onto a canvas as Pollock did, but he adds a dimension of meaning which Pollock never did,’ I answered, proud of my new found knowledge.

‘That’s what children do! Surely nobody buys that?’ Rose stated, looking more and more as if she’d entered an alien universe.

‘Now he has extended his style to include realism into the abstract, he’s sure it will sell,’ I added confidently.

‘And what does that mean?’

‘He puts people and objects onto the flicks,’ I explained.

‘Really Jacky, what has happened to you, you can’t believe all that rubbish and why can’t he paint landscapes or something that might sell!?’

‘It’s not rubbish, you’re just not on the same plane of understanding that I have, and he won’t sell his soul for money – he stays true to his art,’ I offered, but Rose had decided to try a different track and drop this line of attack.

‘I thought we agreed that we wanted an equal relationship, to share everything, he sounds just like our fathers who expect everything done for them,’ Rose reminded me.

‘This is different, I love releasing him from the mundane trivialities of life to let his soul free, he needs me to inspire him – I’m his muse,’ I tried to explain to Rose.

‘Well the two times I’ve met him, I’ve realised that he can certainly turn on the charm,’ Rose observed.

when it suits him

I was getting increasingly cross with Rose and upset, ‘you just don’t understand, it’s as if you have decided you don’t like him on just two meetings, I’m not talking to you anymore,’ and with that I flounced off.

she’s a better judge of character than you are

Event two – July 1968

The shame of it

‘You’re pregnant,’ Rose whispered in ultra hushed tones looking at my fear strewn face, as I came out of the Doctor’s surgery.

‘Yes,’ I could hardly get the words out through the tears, which were fast escalating into uncontrollable hacking sobs.

you knew

‘Come on let’s go back to the nurses home,’ Rose said, putting a guiding arm around me as she hurriedly pushed me out of the surgery, away from the prying eyes of the overfull waiting room. Once we were settled with a cup of tea, the situation I was in became the only topic of conversation.

‘I don’t know how it happened – we were so careful,’ I gulped.

‘What do you mean by careful Jacky?’ Rose asked.

‘Well, Rex thinks birth control is so messy, so un-spontaneous, he was careful-you know what I mean Rose,’ I explained, beginning to feel both embarrassed and stupid.

‘I’m not sure that that I do Jacky,’ Rose said, but on seeing my discomfort changed the conversation to things more practical, ‘how pregnant are you?’

‘Twelve to fourteen weeks,’ I said, grateful she was letting the way of conception go and not really believing what was happening to me.

a baby in less than six months

‘What will Rex say?’

‘Oh, he won’t be surprised, he thought two missed periods and morning sickness could hardly be anything else.’

‘How was he about it?’ Rose pushed.

‘Well the poor love, he looked terrible, terrified, and so uptight, I felt really awful, and he’s even stopped painting,’ I replied totally dejected.

‘Did he say anything else?’

‘Just let’s see what the doctor says before we do anything else,’ I stuttered, emotion overcoming me.

‘What do you think you will do?’ Rose asked gently.

‘I’m really scared, mother and baby homes keep coming into mind, and I’m not going to any back street, and then I think of my parents and I just panic,’ and with that I started to cry and sob as I felt over whelmed by a sort of grief, ‘and I don’t want to upset Rex!’

‘Oh Jacky, he’s responsible too,’ Rose tried to reason, but decided wisely, just to let me cry and feed me tea until I got myself together.

‘I’d better go and tell Rex the news,’ I said without much enthusiasm.

‘Do you want me to come with you?’ Rose offered looking very concerned.

‘That’s kind but it’s better we’re on our own,’ feeling very apprehensive at what Rex was going to say, and even more concerned that if Rose came and didn’t like what he said, and told him so, it would put too much pressure on him, ‘I’ll come back as soon as I can and tell you.’

downhill from now

xxxxxx

‘I can tell by your grin it all went well,’ Rose said, letting me into her room.

‘He was back to his usual laid back self and his first words to me were after I told him it was for sure were, no problem, we’ll get married!’

‘Married!’ Rose said in disbelief, ‘how does that fit with being hip?’

he’s changeable

‘He said he was going to do the right thing and stick by me, and he was very happy and loving, and even a bit pleased with himself,’ I reported to a very puzzled looking Rose.

proud to be a stud

‘I just hope you don’t have to feel grateful for ever,’ Rose said, and then seeing the anger I was beginning to feel about her negative attitude towards Rex added, ‘forget that, I’m pleased for you, if you’re happy?’

she doesn’t mean it

‘I am Rose, I really love him and I just know we will be so good together with baby.’

‘Where’s Rex now?’ Rose asked.

‘Gone to see his parents.’

‘I thought he didn’t have anything to do with them,’ Rose remembered.

‘Well he must do,’ I almost shouted, knowing that I was on the defence, and not wanting to let it slip that I was surprised as she was.

it’s the money

‘Has he ever said what they are like?’ Rose enquired genuinely curious.

‘Not directly, but I have picked up that they are even more establishment than my parents, and when he said he was off to tell them, I saw a side to him that I’ve not seen before.’

‘What’s that Jacky?’

‘I got the impression that it was important to please his parents,’ I explained.

‘Don’t we all!’ said Rose in a heart felt manner, in agreement with me.

marriage to order

‘I suppose we will never lose that, I’m dreading telling my parents.’

‘They won’t be pleased, I know I’ve met them!’ Rose said with a wry grin.

is she enjoying this a little bit?

‘That’s the understatement of the year, they do everything so properly and what people think matters so much to them, Rex has already said he will come with me,’ I finished our conversation on this triumphant note as we parted company.

xxxxxx

‘I’m engaged!’ I declared firmly down the phone to my mother, to be greeted by a ominous silence, she was not known for allowing pauses in conversations.

‘You're what!’ finding her voice, ‘who to?’

‘To Rex of course.’

But you’ve only known him a short time and we’ve only met him once,’ Mother argued, indignation rising.

they obviously didn’t like him

It’s over six months and we’ll be around tonight to show you the ring.’