The Second Ladder Up

By Sichos In English

Secret Steps to a Happy Jewish Marriage

It is obvious that when a couple who have real love and regard for each other and are really relating to each other in their conjugal union at the level of tiferes, then there is achieved the deepest level of intimacy, described in Torah as “one flesh”. Chassidus points out this is also “one soul”. The point here is a description of connection into one unity. Obviously there is connection between one body and another body, one animal soul to another, but at its highest point the connection is G-dly soul with G dly soul. In the physical world in which we live we have to deal with the mortgages, fixing our kids’ teeth and the apparently impossible task of balancing our budgets. There are times however, for everyone in a good marriage, when they can remember and reflect on the precious moments of total intimacy. These moments are a spiritual realization of soul reconnection and indeed unity of one part of the soul with the other.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sichos In English
• Release date: Sep 15, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465826671

Book preview

The Second Ladder Up

Secret Steps to a Happy Jewish Marriage

by R.L. Kremnizer

Published by Sichos In English

The Second Ladder Up

Published by Sichos In English at Smashwords

Copyright 2006 Sichos In English

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788 Eastern Parkway • Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213

5767 • 2006

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ISBN 978-1-4658-2667-1

Chapter 1: Dedication

This book is for my mother whose soul has now re-joined my father in Gan Eden.

The book is dedicated to the Rebbe who, together with my wife, have taught me almost everything worthwhile that I know.

The simple secret to happy marriage is to be married to my wife.

She typifies all of the aspects written about in this book through apparently effortless commonsense, gliding smoothly over the stepping stones of daily life. This always with cheerful good humor and optimism coupled with a total grasp of the important and a total disdain for the trivial.

For everyone else not so married to my wife, this book is written.

Chapter 2: Read This First

This book is a manual of some steps critical to understanding the finding of real happiness in marriage. The points made here are derived from Chabad Chassidus in general and the Lubavitcher Rebbe (who is referred to in this book simply as the Rebbe) in particular.

It is beyond the scope of this work to deal with serious aberrations in positive behavior.

Serious problems such as domestic violence, spousal or child abuse and chronic destructive emotional incapacities remain beyond the ambit of this book and require specific rabbinical and professional advice.

The book assumes two people in search of a mutually beneficial and satisfying life. With effort, from any time in a marriage people can rearrange perspectives and behavior to remove obstacles to their fulfillment, while at the same time creating new horizons for mutual growth.

The format of the various steps to this happiness will unfold as we learn together. Of course, each person will have his or her individual differences. The principles however, though deep and sometimes difficult to internalize, are uniform for everyone. The journey although arduous, is available to all but remains sadly discovered by few.

Chapter 3: Perspective I

We begin with a story repeated by a recent visitor to Sydney.

About 250 years ago in Vilna there lived a man known as the R’shash. He was not only a great Talmud Chachom and as such respected throughout Europe, but was also blessed with bountiful wealth.

He was continuously charitable and amongst his many works he established free loan funds for the poor.

One day a tailor presented himself to the R’shash and applied for a loan of 1000 rubles to meet a large order happily received.

Enquires revealed the tailor to be an honest man and the R’shash duly lent him the 1000 rubles for 90 days. The exercise was fruitful. The Tailor bought material, made the clothes, sold them for a good profit. Now possessed of the capital the good tailor sought out the R’shash to repay the debt two weeks prior to the due date.

The tailor went to the Beis Hamedresh (House of Study) of the R’shash and found him sitting amidst piles of books, learning. His concentration was so intense that, unknown to our hapless tailor he was oblivious to his presence. The tailor waited patiently for a break in the flow of the song of the learning. Finally, imagining the R’shash was now available, he handed him the neatly folded notes in repayment of the loan. Nodding and humming his learning, the R’shash took the money, and buried it in one of the volumes . He continued his studies totally unaware of what had transpired.

At the end of every month the R’shash checked the books of the various loan funds. He duly discovered the debt of the tailor imagined as yet unpaid. Accordingly, he sent a messenger to the debtor to remind him of his obligations. The tailor in consternation told the messenger of the repayment and asked him to remind the R’shash of his visit to the Bais Medrash and his deposit into the volume he was learning.

The R’shash, concluding that the tailor was not yet able to pay, waited another fortnight. He enquired of the tailor’s position and learned that the tailor had made money with the loan. He called upon him personally. Then, as might be expected, there ensued a heated exchange; the tailor indignant, the R’shash outraged at his perceived violation.

With no resource left to him, The R’shash finally called the tailor to a Beis Din. Now, unlike present Western legal systems where in civil cases disputes are determined on a balance of probabilities, in Halacha (Jewish law) there can be no finding of guilt without witnesses. Where there are no witnesses the accused is asked to swear on the Torah that the money was repaid and upon swearing, he is absolved of any obligation to repay.

Indeed this is what duly took place. The tailor swore and was absolved.

The R’shash of course accepted the determination but made it known that in his opinion the tailor was indubitably a thief and a liar. Word quickly spread of how the great Talmud Chocham had been cheated by a tailor.

As a result, the tailor became steadily ostracized and was soon therefore without business. His wife was spat upon in the marketplace and his children vilified in school. In desperation the tailor and his family left Vilna. In a new location, bereft of business and unable to obtain employment, the family soon became destitute.

A few years later when the R’shash was learning from the same volume, he came across the money secreted amongst