By The Short And Curlies

By George Hetherington

This play is about a couple with very different views on how each character should live their lives. Its funny as hell with the male character and bread-winner, driving his partner up the wall with his crude and annoying habits. There is of course a motive behind his behavior. Sex and crude language may not be everyone's' cup of tea, so if you a bible reader stay with the scriptures!!

• Language: English
• Publisher: George Hetherington
• Release date: Aug 31, 2010
• ISBN: 9781458142962

George Hetherington

AGED 65, WRITER OF POETRY, SINGER/SONGWRITER, COMPOSER, GUITARIST, PUBLISHED AUTHOR, PLAY WRITER, NOVELIST, SCREENWRITER. 3 DAUGHTERS. ENJOY PLAYING GUITAR,READING,FISHING AND MOVIES.Owned a SHUTTLE BUSINESS in Wellington New Zealand FOR 15 YEARS. Now retired.

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By The Short And Curlies

George Scott Hetherington

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2010 George Scott Hetherington

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This publication may be used in its entirety, in adaptation or in any other way for theatrical productions with permission from George Scott Hetherington. E-mail: [e-mail] Royalty fees apply in for-profit productions

CHARACTERS:

JOE AND SALLY (MARRIED) EARLY THIRTIES, AND ROSY, A LONG LOST FRIEND OF SALLY'S.

SETTING AND PROPS:

A BEDSIT WITH A BEDSETTEE, FRIDGE, STOVE, KITCHEN BENCH WITH SINK, TABLE AND TWO CHAIRS, A TELEVISION SET, SIDE-TABLE WITH ASHTRAY, MAGAZINES, BED-LAMP AND AN ALARM-CLOCK.

ACT ONE:

MORNING, ROOM IS SEMI-DARK. JOE AND SALLY IN BED, JOE SNORING LOUDLY.

SALLY: STIRS AWAKE, SITS UP, SWITCHES ON BED-LAMP, STARES AT JOE. If you think you’re gonna lay there and get away with making that racket after wakin me up, you’ve got another thing coming. NUDGING HIM.Joe! Joe!

JOE: MOANING. What? TURNS, FACING SALLY, SHIELDS EYES FROM BED-LAMP. It’s not time to get up yet.

SALLY: No. But if it’s good enough for you to wake me up, you might as well wake up good an proper. MOVES HAND BENEATH COVERS. Come on, Joe. Get it up. I want a bit.

JOE: SHOUTING. Ahhhh! Take it easy! You wantta cripple me? I don’t wanna go to work with aching nuts, damn it!

SALLY: Well get the undies off so I can get my hand around it.

JOE: Okay! Okay! I get the message. REMOVES UNDIES,THROWS THEM AT AUDIENCE. You be gentle with me. That’s all I ask.

SALLY:GIGGLES, GOES DOWN BENEATH THE COVERS. Is this gentle enough for yuh?

JOE: LAYS BACK. Oh yeah, that's real gentle. I can do with plenty a that. Plenty! Plenty! Plenty!

SALLY: RUBBING JOE. Why do you always come to bed wearing your damn undies? You never used to.

JOE: They keep me kidneys warm. And besides, after all I give you last night I didn’t figure on being pestered first thing, did I? I would’ve thought you’d had enough.

SALLY: Who you trying to kid. It was one in the morning when you decided to come home and you were drunk as a skunk. All I got was a quick wham-bam, then you were out to the monk. I never got so much as a hint of an orgasm.

JOE: Yeah well - I was a bit knackered on it.

SALLY: Say that again. All I got was a few miserable minutes and you were snoring your head off. I need a damn sight more than that, Joe. You've got to work on me and really get me going. I do like to shoot once in a while too you know!

JOE: But you take so long. Honestly, by the time you're halfway in the mood me fingers are just about ready to drop off.

SALLY: What a lot of bullshit!

JOE: Yeah well - if I go getting arthritis in me fingers you'll know what caused it.

SALLY: LAUGHING. Don't be ridiculous! You talk garbage!

JOE: Why don’t you try playing with yourself for a change to get yourself into gear. See how your fingers stand up to it.

SALLY: 'Cause I’d rather you did it. And anyway, if you did it right in the first place it wouldn't take you half as long. You just gotta know where to touch