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    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 7, 1914
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 7, 1914
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 7, 1914
    Ebook100 pages55 minutes

    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 7, 1914

    By Various Various

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    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchive Classics
    Release dateNov 15, 2013
    Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 7, 1914

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      Book preview

      Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 7, 1914 - Various Various

      The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146,

      January 7, 1914, by Various

      This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with

      almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or

      re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included

      with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

      Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, January 7, 1914

      Author: Various

      Release Date: May 7, 2004 [EBook #12294]

      Language: English

      *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, NO. 146 ***

      Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Sandra Brown and the Online Distributed

      Proofreading Team.

      PUNCH,

      OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

      Vol. 146.

      January 7, 1914.

      AMENDE DÉSHONORABLE.

      Heavily dragged the night; the Year

      Was passing, and the clock's slow tick

      Boomed its sad message to my ear

      And made me pretty sick.

      You have been slack, I told myself, "and weak;

      You have done foolishly, from wilful choice;

      Sloth and procrastination—" Here my voice

      Broke in a squeak.

      And deep repentance welled in me

      As I mused darkly on my sin;

      Yea, Conscience stung me, like a bee

      That gets her barb well in.

      Next year, I swore, in this compunctious mood,

      "I will be energetic, virtuous, kind;

      Unflinching I will face the awful grind

      Of being good."

      I paused, half troubled by a thought—

      Were my proposals too sublime?

      Vowed I more deeply than I ought?

      I glanced to see the time.

      It was 12.10 A.M. At once a thrill,

      A wave of manful resolution, sped

      Through all my being. Yes, I bravely said;

      "Next year I will!"

      A PLAY OF FEATURES.

      [Being Sir GEORGE ALEXANDER'S production of The Attack at the St. James's.]

      SCENE—Alexandre Mérital's house.

      ACT I.

      Daniel Mérital. My father is a wonderful man. Leader of the Social Party in the Chamber of Deputies, noted among his colleagues for his absolute integrity, supported by the millionaire newspaper proprietor, Frépeau, whose motives, between ourselves, are not altogether above— Oh, are you there, Father? I didn't see you. I'm just off to play tennis.

      [Exit.

      Enter Renée de Rould.

      Renée. Mr. Mérital, may I speak to you a moment?

      Georges Alexandre Mérital (with, characteristic suavity). Certainly.

      Renée, I love you. Will you marry me?

      Mérital (surprised). Well, really—this is—I—you—we—er, he, she, they—Frankly, you embarrass me. (Apologetically) This is my embarrassed face.

      Renée. But I thought you loved me. Don't you?

      Mérital. No. That is to say, yes. Or rather—

      Renée (tearfully). I w-wish you could make it plainer whether you d-do love me and are pretending you don't, or you d-don't love me and are pretending you do. It's v-very unsettling for a young girl not to know.

      Sir GEORGES ALEXANDRE (surprised and a little hurt). Can't you tell from my face?

      Miss MARTHA HEDMAN. This is my first appearance in England, Sir GEORGES.

      Sir GEORGES. True. I was forgetting. Well, when you have been with us a little longer, you will know that this is my face when I adore anyone very much, but, owing to an unfortunate episode in my past life, am forced to hide my love.

      Renée (alarmed). Your past wife isn't alive somewhere?

      Mérital. Oh no, not that sort of thing at all. (Embracing her carefully.) I will marry you, Renée, but run along now because my friend Frépeau is coming, and he probably wants to talk business.

      [Exit Renée.

      Enter Frépeau.

      Frépeau (excitedly). Mérital, you are in danger. A scandalous libel is being circulated about you.

      Mérital (calmly). Pooh! Faugh!

      Frépeau. It is said that thirty years ago (Alexandre's nose twitches), when you were in a solicitor's office (Alexandre's jaw drops), you stole ninepence from the stamp drawer (Alexandre's eyeballs roll). Of course it is a lie?

      Mérital (with a great effort obtaining command of his features again). Of course.

      CURTAIN.

      ACT II.

      Daniel Mérital. Father's face has been very odd these last few weeks. Sometimes I wonder whether he didn't steal the money after all. But we shall know after the libel action this afternoon. It starts at two. Oh, are you there, Father? I'm just going to see a man about something.

      [Exit.

      Enter Frépeau.

      Mérital. Ah, Frépeau, the man I wanted to see. (Plaintively) Frépeau, when you called on me in the First Act, don't you think you might have given some indication by the play of your features that it was you who originated this libel against me, and that you are my deadly enemy? The merest twitch of the ears would have been enough.

      HOLMAN CLARK. I wanted it to be a

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