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    Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914
    Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914
    Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914
    Ebook113 pages57 minutes

    Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914

    By Various Various and Owen Seaman

    ()

    Read preview
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchive Classics
    Release dateNov 15, 2013
    Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914

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      Book preview

      Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914 - Various Various

      The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch or the London Charivari, September 9,

      1914, by Various

      This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with

      almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or

      re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included

      with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org

      Title: Punch or the London Charivari, September 9, 1914

      Author: Various

      Editor: Owen Seaman

      Release Date: November 29, 2008 [EBook #27360]

      Language: English

      *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***

      Produced by Neville Allen, Malcolm Farmer and the Online

      Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net

      PUNCH,

      OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

      Vol. 147

      September 9, 1914.

      CHARIVARIA.

      The Deutsche Tageszeitung says:—Our present war with England shall not be done by halves; it is no war to be stopped by 'notice,' but by a proper settlement. Otherwise the peace we all desire would be both rotten and dangerous. Your wish shall be respected, Deutsche Tageszeitung.

      The fines which Germany has been imposing so lavishly on towns and provinces will, a commercial friend informs us, ultimately prove to be what are known in City circles as temporary loans.

      By the way, The Globe tells us that the Kaiser was once known to his English relatives as The Tin Soldier. In view of his passion for raising tin by these predatory methods this title might be revived.

      The German threat that they will make "Gurken-salad" of the Goorkhas, leaves these cheery little sportsmen undismayed.

      We give the rumour for what it is worth. It is said that, overcome with remorse at the work of his vandals at Louvain, the Kaiser has promised when the war is over to present the city with a colossal monument of himself.

      Meanwhile President Wilson is being urged by innumerable tourist agencies in his country to stop the war before any more historical buildings are demolished.

      A number of the more valuable of the pictures in the Louvre have, with a view to their safety, been placed in cellars. La Gioconda is to be interned at an extra depth, as being peculiarly liable to be run away with.

      Strangely enough, the most heroic single-handed feat of the war seems only to have been reported in one paper, The Express. We refer to the following announcement:—

      "AUSTRIAN WARSHIP SUNK

      By J. A. Sinclair Pooley

      Express Correspondent."

      It is stated that the German barque Excelsior, bound for Bremen with a valuable cargo, has been captured by one of our cruisers. It speaks well for the restraint of our Navy that, with so tempting a name, she was not blown up.

      A proposal has been made in The Globe that all alien enemies in this country shall be confined within compounds until the end of the War. Suggested alteration in the National Anthem: Compound his enemies.

      Carry on is no doubt an admirable motto for these times, but the Special Constable who was surprised by his wife while carrying on with a cook (which he thought to be part of his professional duty) complains that it is misleading.

      We hear that some of our Nuts have volunteered to serve as regimental pets.

      Partridge shooting began last week, but poor sport is recorded. The birds declare that it is not their fault. They turned up in large numbers, but there were not enough guns to make it worth while.

      The Gibraltar Manner.

      "Gibraltar Life Normal.

      Ladies Making Garments."

      The Thinker. You say this war don't affect you: but 'ow, instead of a British copper sayin', 'Git aht of it,' would yer like one o' them German johndarms to keep proddin' at yer wif 'is baynit?

      THE TWO GERMANIES.

      Marvellous the utter transformation

      Of the spirit of the German nation!

      Once the land of poets, seers and sages,

      Who enchant us in their deathless pages,

      Holding high the torch of Truth, and earning

      Endless honour by their zeal for learning.

      Such the land that in an age uncouther

      Bred the soul-emancipating Luther.

      Such the land that made our debt the greater

      By the gift of Faust and Struwwelpeter.

      Now the creed of Nietzsche, base, unholy,

      Guides the nation's brain and guides it solely.

      Now Mozart's serene and joyous magic

      Yields to Richard Strauss, the hæmorrhagic. [1]

      Now the eagle changing to the vulture

      Preaches rapine in the name of culture.

      Now the Prussian Junker, blind with fury,

      Claims to be God's counsel, judge and jury.

      While the authentic German genius slumbers,

      Cast into the limbo of back numbers.

      Footnote 1: (return)

      Great play is made in

      Strauss's

      Elektra with the slippery blood motive.

      The Late Kaiser Wilhelm der Grosse.

      First Student of the War. Why did they call it Kaiser William the Grocer?

      Second Student. Don't know. I

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