Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On
    Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On
    Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On
    Ebook298 pages4 hours

    Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On

    By Christine Benvenuto

    3/5

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    What do you do when the other woman is your husband? A wife's memoir of her husband's sex change

    Christine Benvenuto had been married for more than twenty years—with three young children—when her husband turned to her one night in bed and said "I'm thinking constantly about my gender." He was unhappy in his body and wanted to become a woman.

    Part memoir, part voyeur's look into a marriage, Sex Changes is a journey through the end of a marriage and out the other side. We see a woman, desperate to save her family and shelter her children, discover a well of strength and resilience she never knew she had. We learn what to tell the neighbors when your husband starts wearing heels with his shirts and ties. We see a woman open herself to a group of friends who travel with her through her darkest times, provide light and levity throughout—and who offer the opportunity to learn how to give as well as receive the love and support of true friendship. When she lost her husband to skirts and hormones, life made Chris a better woman.
    Sex Changes is the story of what one woman discovered about herself in the midst of the conflagration of her family. Fiercely funny, self-lacerating, and not entirely politically correct, Sex Changes is a journey of love and anguish told with hilarity, heartbreak and a lot of soul searching. It is about the mysteries in every marriage, the secrets we chose to keep, and the freedom that the truth can bring.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMacmillan Publishers
    Release dateNov 13, 2012
    ISBN9781250018618
    Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On
    Author

    Christine Benvenuto

    Christine Benvenuto is the author of Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On, and Shiksa: The Gentile Woman in the Jewish World, both from St. Martin’s Press, and her short stories and essays have appeared in many publications. She won the Brooklyn Film and Arts Festival’s Brooklyn Non-fiction Prize for the story “Death in Brooklyn” (Brooklynfilm.blogspot.com), was awarded a research fellowship to the Five College Women’s Studies Mount Holyoke College, and won a Vogelstein Award for fiction. She is currently writing a novel. To find out more about her work, please go to Christinebenvenuto.wordpress.com and follow her on Twitter at @ChristineBenve1.

    Related to Sex Changes

    Related ebooks

    Relationships For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    Related categories

    Reviews for Sex Changes

    3/5

    13 ratings3 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

    • 1/5
      I am happy that her ex husband made an escape. He deserves a happy life.
    • 1/5
      This woman is very sour. Not sure why there is a whole book about it.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 3/5
      When you see a car wreck or a dead animal on the highway, you don't always want to look, but sometimes you can't help yourself. If you want to see a real bloody wreck of a marriage, feel free to pick up this book and look. What you should not do is expect to learn much about transexuals, or even get any general idea about how transitioning might affect those around a transexual person.

      Benvenuto describes her train wreck of a marriage, including three young children, which, after 20 years of what she thought was happiness, began to unravel when her husband declared himself to be a woman and began the process of sex change. Although the story sells itself as the experience of a marriage ended by a man's decision to become a woman, that interesting fact gives this whole miserable story a false significance.

      In reality, like many survivors of difficult divorces, the author has much to be angry about. The dividing of friends, the indignities of divorce negotiations, the loss of economic security and friendships, the rejection she experienced from her several Jewish communities as they seemed to take his side, all ache. Beyond all that the rage just boils and flows, stemming ultimately we gather from the feeling of falseness that accompanied her 20 years of intimacy with her husband before he declared that he was not who she deeply believed him to be - a man.

      But is this about transgenderism or transexuals? Would it be any worse if her husband had discovered that he was a Christian Evangelist? A neo-Nazi? Or, l'havdil, gay? Would it be any different if her seemingly heterosexual male Jewish husband realized that this outward identity was fundamentally at odds with who he really was in any of a hundred fundamental ways and then resolved to change it? It seems blindingly obvious to the reader that her husband changed, discovered himself to be something that he had never really known himself to be (or never accepted himself as being), and decided to act on it. People change, and sometimes when we are invested in them being one way the change makes it impossible for a relationship to continue. One person's liberation becomes other people's profound loss. Transexual-ness has almost nothing to do with the underlying marital dynamics of this situation, except to add some colorful 21st century details.

      This is a book about a miserable, aching, angry divorce. Many times I wanted to scream - "get over it, move on." Oh don't get me wrong, her husband seems like a narcissistic piece of work too, although we have only her testimony to go on. But her subsequent affair seems to suggest a fair degree of unreflective narcissism on the author's part too, and she just seems unwilling and unable to let go of, or even get any perspective on, her own sense of anger and betrayal.

      Even at the end, after Benvunuto builds new relationship with a married man who apparently then divorced his spouse to marry her, she still clings to the beauty of her relationship with her first husband as it, and as he, once was. We can easily sympathize. Those must be painful memories of her children and husband all together as a family. But surely there is a limit. We can all hope that the writing of this book enabled the author to move on - it's hard to believe that she had done so by the time she wrote the last chapter.

      It's a train wreck. An ugly, angry divorce, with a dash of modern je ne sais quoi created by the husband who needed to become a woman. We sure do live in modern times. This cry of raw pain from divorce court is eminently readable, and not without both documentary and prurient interest to be sure, but still and all, deeply confused.

      As other reviewers noted, ten years of distance and a good tight edit might improve things considerably. Or perhaps ten years would yield only indifference and boredom with her old drama without yielding any philosophical or psychological insight, and perhaps the most this author can offer us is her cry of narcissitic outrage and her unreflective sense of injury in the immediate aftermath of the wreck. This is what it feels to step out of the wreck, bleeding and half alive, not what it feels like to have recovered and lived.

      The book would better be titled "A memoir of Divorce, Sex, and the Complete Inability to Move On".

      1 person found this helpful

    Book preview

    Sex Changes - Christine Benvenuto

    2abook_preview_excerpt.html|KɑU\Fͬ*`WrXD !K w_g jՇMa17{O=`sf6#]DFS5z럿yw9Tx;|۟BuR*[Ssжc9*Uw\_b_Ƈ c>Vא|epK?ǩJ>.LOq^04/)W˹Uס }u U; OyԦ0UC_1^0c5Ц_"vǿmX#+ B87C5pr.\5Sꟸz8"KdͱZ*~c=~arÉ몟nholڐgaaTs4|B8);(6Q2=xb!:,YoP&tS6C[Kc[[~anпt+G%g@iRњ2Qs55v0A6L[1Vě86, ]N dsC"sb^:NK8!O4?Ֆn,:K|c@ 6]m8j3Hs=D!Y<? $y3unP2i^99N=uU6'HiJ1MUh a}OKa49I s2)_uC4/Sgo6 pӒ/ь8eʨ/OaOH``T4a 賋[US!)u~%}xe#K1itM5cuf7~KlxgS+9Zpl 7 0lL'Bt(-""?o+"mW\*ǘ7k0yDŽ5K_v7>깮@l#}6j0qފțBHymXL<v8~7#`V7We-" c'i4)\^m3/l.ҙ" D:c]~՛L}pvwb:P޷癲FAL0* KKr3\$<㤁i#>_#w]Һ9BX5Lf 5F2\=*p1灁KQ~n:vy-3c8v0LB%?xG;\3ގgȖ4Y_ƒm NIjRC&ioye_Ҍjlg͑Mt;&Aa9N_ /iLJ = 5iRWziܰ؁ ]CzG C?AH>b7sʚ.TlC3?W@S_s0F>Lmg퇂v9V{ERզfu?-26ewяʇ!>G-@!yA7mA0z^-LH?mĻG?z˃ ȼVͤGv$LO+E>#/C3|tDuӜI"dbWF&NyY8 W@jca> 3.èqĽ ^Tȃav$4"i2AR?)te쐡 z fWBBjLJ;P 0#~*bnl:W=n1SJs{|Ezp&jM ^>wx(7ԜY s|_d0;ؗa r҇&1 K97XnA0al P36h?%ENEv!ϧxŎXLu,|ig˃:fDPjCzZfʥwzWLmʾ $}q@h <)Ė0&Y0Y3~S}NieNK_ݜM"Xz. غ!b2ML7c|rajDf!Nʓ_%oƥIT]M e:ޢw t" Vw'24CAO11odf179`#gp~+qGN8myJmkag s"R6D\N m Q CfZߪf`lWhâc {[)u{9HNĘe ч+Fhgn+5/\CF ѧiAŴ4"b )Ucx*! Gr 1b>ܙji{.SlZB|ޔq^:m+lEm,R:uP5 Or4$;DY@*ŊBwwNH d.Ds1T˅HhwcDyXYyZj YdwoQ $8A /raIfo1̜%'4Y b0Pt_H5c4hP{B)v顕$2Yú ޿?x ("5N̼T}D 3KT}l^.r;ov :zESK W#v- ?K' 2׏G;ATDuGWbK@8(n^T/!_X3틇{RZ:q_pP#eM[80Cd)47:o=tGie)hGfVQZd ;Bepc IbԡR0߲7j/Cp1S7+\YPܗ;&ZDYš$n=!9\t],̘tV'k9昋Zz_D$:-t'WM,Y;k΁9è>gQ" OUzZ-nflEp4D`*%INsY)Hx{[oKvcEM[%bӎ7ytr|[A+}N -Lg6F1=ɤr^5buV=xSJFvPV.. *[ ӪM ^zڅA9.-etB]6%"8ˌ gZ¬$J%$Eț"'a$2yx/FLkfJwX ʇM~/8̍B؇HalÂ_W)Xz!v=E[y0PDt6: 2bKO.\4#Knl '%&'CR0 V!O֤7m[F"L9k-q! %/[<'ýgrAlei1ɥ٧Nat^{Ͱ׬ҋ;Q:L+ n"륻:& )U'= g'J_)<'egy ⭃Q\_Ɨ8MhK[jSBu-qcfob1:_c>*W !쀸q6)*e~߄ bYl܋ r4#J4lPyyI>#j!Tk r7֯FER?r28]Ƨt =J;-%||s,Vy "!gh[kUVr+]ܸ\Zs^T%pl^#i֡Wё M5:֊aAjXJ4ץF 8'хpY6k(Ia a2 Ħ3mGYCp_/l1|?T&m])x{ԇ)$%k75>03ڕ;8K{0ߵXpg=ߺ2\KW4_&eOE 5"Ȼq4 9j6EΊ9&| Izl*,w=**?,c:xub@œLI*Ly3k14>K)y- G8_s}J_+{Z 3v u7T&4aQmXgt.T046kGBMi ^jF]?m{O5Fsۅ_V -Xƒ.7kucهf+(=eP[@dU9Zr' g[R-_z KPFu P UZqh($ֳ1R@,D>,sb`Na@A\ҷ\* NRZg}gȩy y"wai4a-HSnQ]hIU&Xb3 s8PO(mS_Ba+WZ ߱M^WVX|.oY0Z5>/S7Daς/7޼OGo A8,+_.lj]d2,]\o y0-+ -U855 ^K< 9}R'Q547`v$A)>#Eu=%PhERr$c,G(tPJ/p͠ez6_ેI'B"S㋂y}WFPţ % аcU6P&] \JR17ÃʦYj9;n#7>9QCZXcZ! )cAڶ-ia9"xDT-f%(ms=Z|xegkԎ!h SͻM[ g=[&uF޼)mǦ6HY8ZHB5䛄xt81SU6Wr9^w,zc/vƍ쉌07g+fX2fYr׶`vPZ@nmܩJ#Bt j! 6B~eŪ +d_c?}pe5mKJ't:s,4kVD飸I*w!-i3+0u p27sUSsܥNx1n3`}'?7t}EV=m/~Qxݨf9 5gibYj'3vD%u5F2bBEMQPH\:mHN8sK,~o$>9!TnVG͊2+XJ)%uc;7]9VaBBwflm66sX`328p" }/w#RLHwZr/Y{ʧ+"+wZ7)zk,PX0pJԘ Xo0*M,uK%=d BLӎ&';blQV/,A+N8ǵN>Go(!y?x=rn% 8_Y0bYKA4ok5_?&/]M݃a=flX,m[+QЕsvͤV'P/_2:ض߆$ڽ~(Ei/1<ptzv|^Pl.%Rc@Jo6#$x]gK|t;Dͬakӑz!I"]v'迚a9Innf; c:]UJ51rjF4WeU@>k=e9OG]x|N:[O_~4v\h֌f>R.S_4[h-=Ʀ:5lPlSTLCš!ce$J9/Q>_RA0V(|麉X?5[Hx#XteMy@phq/^PyF=;ؽ1ܪ V# 90Bhgyocwj{mr">5_<ww$TK-[^EKv|ʺ/A aBfg8س9Y8[_#0cz7Ivp4ζkbbMAUU7S[/%[ uT7͐M VKfw?W՛Za~~vp%xPӎ$ÞCvecr;-} eI/&oNl{kOw;lcŶ*qY h qoa}jYeBȨVa!LVI-]{hi ʊˑ57T}ӻit YY꒙Li43;au#{/0$[lR[4( 7 ݚ7(zzL툟āg cwNnZQTO W*+k\0_\W0 rbkuv"yֽԣ/VS(:ZmjD u,&X!n}i"T}et |T*i͋vB@>|vr9pWNG5(ZyC&]PX:[!Ksl]lVy?hrC4{nf?/ѢCF<-G`p~^vr'C{Xڶtn}{$s`Ta6:yRŻ˯^$.{ֱ$g~aPL2-HMeYA_\7_[͇V{?Ww=~_}[??a"f7e{v4.%2"T(/s9녥WMEw/X;o *U]'UڑiOhNˊ8< -%xvNWĸw6!8] 9 EuߨXdJnkeŘgarW+ s*b-/oY7zC] #/(2 Ֆ^fl̋!G0=Y#<;Lվ1%=Mbօ“zB1Dw^ SnH! Jש"ʪ%c[CsJՌ# ff29-iͪav]N׵Ae/-uSf:'ƭ + ?c?b)q~H99XHϥx/?dl9hⷼnE@>sPv[z7j;]QAL/̬ Z˅wE$& 吩+ñ%2 5yk0X/(+%9tT M]
    Enjoying the preview?
    Page 1 of 1