Don't Stop Laughing Now!: Stories to Tickle Your Funny Bone and Strengthen Your Faith

By Ann Spangler, Shari MacDonald and Zondervan

The best of the best—stories, one-liners, and jokes from some of today’s funniest Christian speakers and best-selling writers This new book, like its best-selling predecessors, is packed with the kind of smiles and smirks, chuckles and giggles that thousands of readers have come to love and expect. It includes some of the funniest stories from today’s Christian writers like Barbara Johnson, John Ortberg, Mark Buchanan, Patsy Clairmont, Becky Freeman, Chonda Pierce, and more. Whether the topic is kids, marriage, pets, church, parenting, aging, or life’s most embarrassing moments, the writers will help you keep life in perspective by revealing their own foibles, follies, and failings. Realizing that laughter and faith can go hand in hand, they offer real-life anecdotes that will keep your world in balance even—and especially—when life gets tough.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zondervan
• Release date: May 11, 2010
• ISBN: 9780310861744

Ann Spangler

Ann Spangler is an award-winning writer and the author of many bestselling books, including Praying the Names of God, Women of the Bible and Sitting at the Feet of Rabbi Jesus. She is also the author of The One Year Devotions for Women and the general editor of the Names of God Bible. Ann’s fascination with and love of Scripture have resulted in books that have opened the Bible to a wide range of readers. She and her two daughters live in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Book preview

Don’t Stop Laughing Now!

stories to tickle your funny bone

and strengthen your faith

Books by Ann Spangler

Daily Secrets of the Christian Life, Hannah Whitall Smith (compiled by Ann Spangler)

Don’t Stop Laughing Now! selected by Ann Spangler and Shari MacDonald

He’s Been Faithful, Carol Cymbala with Ann Spangler

Help, I Can’t Stop Laughing! selected by Ann Spangler and Shari MacDonald

Look Who’s Laughing! selected by Ann Spangler and Shari MacDonald

Men of the Bible, coauthored with Robert Wolgemuth

Praying the Names of God

She Who Laughs, Lasts! selected by Ann Spangler

Women of the Bible, coauthored with Jean Syswerda

Women of the Bible: 52 Stories for Prayer and Reflection

Books by Shari MacDonald

A Match Made in Heaven

Don’t Stop Laughing Now! selected by Ann Spangler and Shari MacDonald

Help, I Can’t Stop Laughing! selected by Ann Spangler and Shari MacDonald

Humor for a Woman’s Heart, compiled by Shari MacDonald

Humor for the Heart, compiled by Shari MacDonald

Look Who’s Laughing! selected by Ann Spangler and Shari MacDonald

Love on the Run

The Perfect Wife

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ZONDERVAN

Don’t Stop Laughing Now!

Copyright © 2002 by Ann Spangler

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.

ePub Edition June 2009 ISBN: 0-310-86174-8

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Don’t stop laughing now! : stories to tickle your funny bone and strengthen your faith / compiled by Ann Spangler and Shari MacDonald.

   p. cm.

   ISBN-13: 978-0-310-23996-3

   1. Religion — Humor. 2. Conduct of life — Humor. I. Spangler, Ann.

II. MacDonald, Shari

PN6231 .R4 H45 2001

818 ’.60208 — dc21

2001005381

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture references marked LB are from the Living Bible, copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other — except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

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Contents

Cover Page

Title Page

Copyright

Acknowledgments

Preface

Chapter One: Psst . . . Has Anyone Seen

a Table I Can Crawl Under?

Humbled by a Pine Tree by Stan Toler

The Almond Joy Incident by Cathy Lee Phillips

Icebreaker SOS by Sheri Rose Shepherd

A Complete Ensemble by Torry Martin as told to Martha Bolton

Awkward Situations by Becky Freeman with Ruthie Arnold

Chapter Two: I’m Okay . . . You, I’m Not So Sure About

The Perfect Woman by Anonymous

Adam’s Bargain by Anonymous

Read My Lips by Karen Scalf Linamen

Women Tell What They Want in a Man by Anonymous

They Need Help! by Thelma Wells

The Loving Spouse by Anonymous

Really Bad Day by Anonymous

Steaming in the Southwest by Charlene Ann Baumbich

Chapter Three: You Can’t Kid a Kid

The Revised Nonstandard Bible by Richard Lederer

Struck by Wimpiness by Anonymous

Just Kidding Around by Various Authors

Love Tips as Explained by Kids by Anonymous

I’ll Catch a Later Bus by Al Sanders

Chapter Four: Weird Is a Two-Way Street

If You Could Read My Mind by G. Ron Darbee

Celebrity Cover-Up by Martha Bolton

Two Cannibals in Love by Charlene Ann Baumbich

For 25 Years I Hated My Mop by Janice Crouse

Wild Hares by Ken Davis

High Adventure in the Garage by Charlene Ann Baumbich

Pulling Strings by Patsy Clairmont

Snore Warzzz by Nancy Kennedy

No Batteries Required by Karen Scalf Linamen

Chapter Five: Keeping Up (Strange) Appearances

Beauty for the Beast by Marti Attoun

Nightmare on Perfect Street by Betty Smartt Carter

I’m Surrounded by Teens with Uncommon Scents

by Marti Attoun

Like Death Warmed Over by Becky Freeman with Ruthie Arnold

Yo Quiero No Discount by Martha Bolton

Chapter Six: Animal Antics:

Weird Humor from the Animal Kingdom

He’s Baaaaaack! by Ken Davis

When in Rome by Shari MacDonald

The Perfect Song by Sue Buchanan

Welcome to the Bat Cave by Nate Adams

The Polite Parrot by Anonymous

Chapter Seven: Body of Laughter

I Yam What I Yam by Martha Bolton

Mommyrobics by Nancy Kennedy

A Diet Prayer by Victor Buono

Counting Fat Grams by Chonda Pierce

Chapter Eight: Parenting, the Funniest Job of All

Lamentations of the Father by Ian Frazier

Deck the Halls with Poison Ivy by G. Ron Darbee

Surprise, Surprise! by Barbara Johnson

Picky, Picky by Nancy Kennedy

The Great Toaster Tart Conspiracy by Randy Frame

Chapter Nine: Real Men Do Laugh

Dental Advice by Mark Lowry

How to Have a Relationship with a Guy by Dave Barry

Airplane Babies by Mark Lowry

Mr. Mom by James R. Judge, M.D.

Chapter Ten: Hey, Moms Are Fun Too!

Help! I’ve Got TMS! by Nancy Kennedy

Mama’s On Hold by Mark Lowry

Hello by Patsy Clairmont

And Her Husband Thought He Had a Stressful Job

by Phil Callaway

Free at Last? by Pamela Shires Sneddon

Chapter Eleven: Seize the Moment . . . for Laughter

I Dare You by Luci Swindoll

Did I See That? by Marilyn Meberg

Garth and Pat by Chonda Pierce

You Drive Me Crazy by Marilyn Meberg

Playful People by Marilyn Meberg

Chapter Twelve: Hee, Hee, Hee . . . All the Way Home

Hey, Good Lookin’, Whatcha Got Burnin’? by Becky Freeman

Young Love Turns Daughter into Teen Cleaning Machine

by Marti Attoun

Household Skullduggery by Renae Bottom

Home Beautiful by Marsha Crockett

The Fashion Plate on My Front Yard by Marti Attoun

Chapter Thirteen: A Woman’s Place Is . . . Laughing

PMS: Psychotic Mood Swings by Kathy Peel

Mixed Blessings by Anonymous

A Fun Day Composting with Martha Stewart

by Chonda Pierce

Never Underestimate the Power of an Imperfect Woman

by Karen Scalf Linamen

That Old Sew-and-Sew by Marilyn Meberg

Chapter Fourteen: Life Is Unpredictable, but God Is Good

God’s Timing by Brennan Manning

I Could Lose Myself in Thought, but Then Again,

It’s Such Unfamiliar Territory by Sue Buchanan

What’s in a Name? by Thelma Wells

And Edith with Them by Barbara Johnson

Missing in Action by Patsy Clairmont

A Mirror Image by Marilyn Meberg

Is It Love . . . or Is It the Flu? by Sheila Walsh

I’m Alive! by Charlene Ann Baumbich

Credits

About the Publisher

Share Your Thoughts

Acknowledgments

We want to thank Sandy VanderZicht, executive editor at Zondervan, for her support for this book as well as for its predecessor, She Who Laughs, Lasts! In both cases her insightful commentary has resulted in a stronger and, we hope, funnier book. Thanks to Dirk Buursma and Rachel Boers for their care in editing the manuscript. Thanks also to Steve Arterburn and Mary Graham of Women of Faith and to Thelma Wells, Sheila Walsh, Luci Swin-doll, Marilyn Meberg, Barbara Johnson, and Patsy Clairmont for dispensing so much real wisdom and joy at Women of Faith Conferences throughout the country. Special thanks to Sara Wachtel for relating the story retold by Shari MacDonald in When in Rome. We also wish to acknowledge with gratitude the publishers and individuals who gave permission to reprint the material that follows.

Preface

Frenzied, fearful, frazzled, frustrated — if these words all too frequently describe your state of mind, you are not alone. The world has suddenly become a much different place than the one we have taken for granted all our lives. We long for our sense of peace to be restored, for our safety to be assured. We pray with greater fervor than ever that God will bless our country and draw us near to him in humility and trust.

Ultimately, we know that our future rests in the hands of the God who is in complete control of the universe no matter how shaky our world may seem. This book won’t tell you everything you need to know in order to restore a sense of peace and trust to your life. It won’t teach you anything about prayer, which, of course, is essential to both trust and peace. But it will offer you something you may need right now, this very minute — an enjoyable break from everything difficult, stressful, and challenging in your life.

Don’t Stop Laughing Now! is the sequel to She Who Laughs, Lasts! Like its predecessor, it is a collection of some of the funniest stories, quips, and jokes around, written by men and women who are doing their best to respond to life’s challenges with faith and hope.

As we were completing work on this book, we received a letter from a reader of She Who Laughs, Lasts! that further confirmed our sense that women, even women of faith, need to lighten up and find ways to take themselves a little less seriously. Tammy MacKay is a self-proclaimed overachiever with a nice sense of humor. We’ll let her tell you about her life in her own words:

I’ve just finished reading She Who Laughs, Lasts! and I am still chuckling to myself. Believe me when I tell you it was much needed soul food. I have been feeling so empty the last few months, completely overwhelmed as a single mom of three beautiful yet very energetic boys, ages four, six, and nine. I am a nursing student preparing to enter my clinical portion of schooling, am working three jobs, and am on call to my patients whenever they need someone to talk to. Recently, three of my patients died; several others are suffering from terminal cancer. My pager goes off constantly as friends and patients know I am the strong one, always willing to lend an ear or offer a prayer.

Additionally, I am on every committee known to man. I am secretary of the PTO and chairperson of the school fun fair. I help with the church nursery and the church ground-skeeping. I also make sure my three sons get to hockey games, Boy Scouts, birthday parties, and so on. At one point when my nine-year-old son asked to have a couple of hockey friends over for a sleepover and couldn’t decide which ones, what did good ol’ Mom say? Honey, just invite the whole team! It will be fun! By 3:00 A.M. the next morning, with all thirteen kids still awake and having already consumed groceries that cost as much as the national debt, I knew I had lost my sanity.

This past Friday, having spent the past couple of weeks crying after my boys were in bed, and then biting my lip and praying hard that I wouldn’t scream like a monster at the next child who dared to say Moooommmm! I decided it was time for a little retreat just for me! I headed for a Christian bookstore and came out two hours later with thirteen, count ’em, thirteen books and three new CDs and then went straight to the local park. I justified the expense thinking, Heck, it’s cheaper than a therapist and I don’t have to wait three months for an appointment!

Freedom! Fresh air! No children! I felt like it had been forever since I laughed. So I settled down on my blanket, opened to the first page of She Who Laughs, Lasts! and indeed I did laugh! People must have thought I was a crazy woman, but I did not care. I read and prayed and read some more. I related to so many of the stories. For two days I laughed out loud, so much so that I feel like a new woman as I await the arrival of my children today, knowing I can once again be the responsible, strong woman God made me — the one who laughs at spilled milk and messes and delights in hearing the word Moooommm!

As Tammy discovered, laughter has a way of renewing our souls and restoring our perspective when all else fails. It’s a powerful antidote to the stressed-out, speeded-up, overcommitted style of life we live today.

Someone once told a story about an American explorer who hired a crew to guide him through a portion of the Amazon jungle. The first day the crew worked hard, hacking out a path through the undergrowth. The same thing happened the second day. But the third morning was different. The crew just sat around, making no effort to get started.

When the explorer asked why nothing was being done, one of the guides explained. It’s a very serious problem. The men say they cannot move any farther until their souls have caught up with their bodies.*

What an image! Our bodies running so far ahead that our souls become disconnected. No wonder we feel out of sorts!

We hope that Don’t Stop Laughing Now! will offer not just a few good laughs but that it will also help you, whatever your circumstances, to put body and soul back together. So relax, settle down, get ready to laugh a little and enjoy yourself. For, as a great philosopher once said: I laugh, therefore I am!

*James Truslow Adams, Time for the Soul, quoted in Mark Link, S.J., Illustrated Sunday Homilies (Allen, Tex.: Resources for Christian Living, 1987).

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Psst ... Has Anyone Seen

a Table I Can Crawl Under?

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

— Lily Tomlin

I try to take one day at a time,

but sometimes several days attack me at once.

— Jennifer Unlimited

If you can’t be a good example,

then you’ ll just have to be a horrible warning.

— Catherine Aird

Inevitably, the funniest stories are usually the ones we tell on ourselves. Sometimes these stories are downright embarrassing. But once we put away our punctured pride and dust off our damaged dignity, they can become an endless source of amusement. The ability to laugh at ourselves is surely a sign that all is well with our souls.

Humbled by a Pine Tree

Stan Toler

Many years ago, I was privileged to serve as the first pastoral staff member of John Maxwell at Faith Memorial Church in Lancaster, Ohio. John, a noted author, lecturer, and former senior pastor of the Skyline Wesleyan Church, has been my mentor for more than twenty years. He has guided me in matters of leadership, preaching, evangelism, and church growth. And from time to time, John, who is an excellent golfer, has felt the need to mentor me in the great game of golf.

On one rainy fall day many years ago in Lancaster, I was working on a project when the intercom buzzer sounded. Toler, the booming voice of Maxwell said, let’s play 18!

What a welcome diversion! I thought to myself. In a matter of minutes, we loaded our golf clubs into John’s 1972 Ford Pinto and hurried to the nearby Carrollwood golf course. Since it was raining steadily, the course was not crowded and we were able to tee off immediately.

For the first five holes, it appeared that the Maxwell Mentoring Course on golf was working. What a great game — thanks for asking me to come along, I said to John.

As we approached the sixth tee box, I courageously asked John to loan me his three-wood. He was proud of his new clubs and most willing to share them with his prized pupil. I stepped up to the tee box and took a practice swing. Feeling ready, I swung mightily at the little white ball.

To this day, I don’t remember whether I actually hit that ball, but what I do remember is the club slipping out of my hands and sailing twenty feet into the air. Embarrassing? You bet! And if that wasn’t humbling enough, the three-wood landed in a pine tree. Maxwell was in a state of utter disbelief.

You just threw my new club into a tree! he cried. How on earth are we going to get it down?

Mustering all the confidence I had, I said, Give me your shoe. Obediently, John sat down on the cart and handed me his golf shoe. I carefully aimed his shoe at the club and gave it a mighty heave, expecting it to knock the club out of the pine tree. To my dismay, his shoe got stuck in the same tree.

Undaunted, I said, Give me your other shoe. Again, without arguing, John handed his other shoe to me. Taking better aim, I tossed his shoe at the club, and missed again! Can you believe it? The second shoe stayed in the tree also.

As the drizzle started to become a downpour, Maxwell stood up and said, Toler, you big dummy! No, wait a minute — I’m the dummy! Stan, give me your shoe!

In a spirit of cooperation — and fear — I took off my shoe and handed it to him. And why not? He had a three-wood and two golf shoes in that pine tree. Taking careful aim, he threw my shoe at the club. Up it went, approximately eighteen feet in the air, and missed everything. Feeling more confident, I picked up my shoe and tossed it at the club. It missed the club, but as it fell downward, it knocked one of John’s shoes loose. In the process, however, my shoe got stuck in the tree. John immediately grabbed his shoe that had fallen to the ground and clutched it defensively. Now neither of us had a complete pair of shoes, and still the golf club was stuck in the tree.

By this time, several other golfers had passed the sixth tee, observing this Laurel and Hardy comedy routine. Remarkably, most did not speak or offer to help us. (Can you blame them?)

When every effort had failed in retrieving the golf club, my esteemed friend finally climbed the huge pine tree and personally retrieved the club and our shoes. At that point, it began to thunder, and the rain was coming down even harder. The only thing left to do was quit for the day and go to the clubhouse for hot chocolate.

Feeling embarrassed and helpless, we drove rapidly

Reviews for Don't Stop Laughing Now!

[lauriehere · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A conglomeration of short stories written by the author that are hilarious. Some are fiction and non-fiction, all short stories. This is a feel-good book. Whenever I need a pick-me-up I will pick this book up and read it.