The Essential Five: A Grown-Up Girl's Handbook for Everything

By Kate Etue and Recah Theodosiou

Bits of wisdom, advice, and must-have information every woman needs for life.

With an ever-widening world and many seasons of influence, women need insight for the countless areas and ways they are called upon to be wise. The five fun sections of The Essential Five are Popular and Pursued, Classy and Fabulous, Domestic Goddess, Fetching and Fit, and Does It All.

Lists include:

• Ways to Make Sure You Don't Ruin a First Date
• Strategies for Surviving Awkward Business Functions
• Ways to Make Your House Look Clean...Fast
• Spas Worth Traveling Around the World For
• Secrets for Eating Out When You're On a Diet
• Annual Appointments You Should Make...and Keep
• Ways to Stay Motivated at the Gym
• Steps of CPR
• Legal Documents You Should Have...Just in Case
• Body Language Signals You Don't Want to Send (or Maybe You Do!)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Release date: Feb 5, 2008
• ISBN: 9781418578008

Book preview

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© 2008 Thomas Nelson Publishers

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc. titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail [e-mail].

Kate Etue and Recah Theodosiou write courtesy of SNAP, LLC. For more information visit www.snaprepublic.com.

The discounts you will find in The Essential Five cannot be combined with any other discounts or promotions and are subject to change or cancellation at any time by the companies offering them.

Illustrations on section title pages by Anderson Thomas Design.

Page Design and other illustrations by Kay Meadows, Book & Graphic Design, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee.

Cover Art by Anderson Thomas Design.

Quotes taken from Friends, Gilmore Girls, and The OC used by permission of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Etue, Kate.

The essential five : the grown-up girl's handbook for everything /

Kate Etue and Recah Theodosiou.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-8499-1974-9 (pbk.)

1. Women—Psychology. 2. Women—Conduct of life. I. Theodosiou,

Recah. II. Title. III. Title: Essential 5.

HQ1206.E895 2008

646.70082--dc22

2007031223

Printed in the United States of America

08 09 10 11 RRD 6 5 4 3 2 1

A girl should be two things:

classy and fabulous.

—Coco Chanel

contents

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Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part One

Social Butterfly: Relationship Essentials

1. Questions to Ask on a First Date (and Some You Shouldn’t)

2. Ways to Reconnect with Your BFF, Your Archnemesis, or the Cute Guy You Had a Crush on in Algebra

3. Secret Strategies for a Great Relationship with Your Mom

4. Questions You Could Ask a Complete Stranger

5. New Family Traditions You Should Start This Year!

6. Questions You May Not Want to Ask—but Need to—Before You Say, I Do.

7. Battle Strategies for Taking On Nosy People

8. Things to Say or Do When a Homeless Person Asks You for Money

9. Possible Reactions to Encountering Bratty Kids in Public

10. Ways to Heal a Broken Heart

11. Ways to Answer Annoying Questions—and How to Ask Some of Them!

12. Things You’ll Never Understand About Men . . . So Why Even Try?

13. Ways to Let Your Parents Know How Much They Mean to You

14. Ways to Make a Man Fall in Love with You (for the First Time or the Millionth)

15. Romantic Ideas for a Valentine’s Day You Won’t Forget—and Neither Will He!

16. Ways to Make Sure You Don’t Ruin a First Date

17. Friends You Really Need to Have in Your Life

18. Ways to Win a Fight

19. Ways to Let Them Know How You Feel

20. Fun Christmas Gift Ideas for Those People You Hate to Shop For

21. Ways to Dump Your No-Good, Very-Bad Boyfriend

22. Ways to Keep the Romance Hot

23. Things You Need to Say to Your Boss

24. Ways to Find a Boyfriend for Your Best Friend

Part Two

Classy and Fabulous: Lifestyle Essentials

25. Strategies for Surviving Awkward Business Functions

26. Prayers to Inspire Your Soul

27. Ways to Keep a Modicum of Privacy While Working in a Cubicle

28. Childlike Qualities You Should Never Lose

29. Spas Worth Traveling Around the World For

30. Tips for Tipping a Waiter So He Won’t Spit in Your Food

31. Things to Do When Everyone Is Telling You, You Need to Get a Life!

32. Things You Need to Know About Your Money

33. Ways to Avoid Being a Lout on Your Cell Phone

34. Tips for Taking a Truly Memorable Vacation

35. Ways to Pick a Book You’re Sure to Love

36. Web Secrets for When You Want to Travel on the Cheap

37. Surefire Tactics for Getting a Great Flea Market Deal

38. Ways to Keep Your Perspective When All Hell Breaks Loose

39. Rules You Should Definitely Break

40. Awesome International Destinations

41. Ways to Manipulate Others—Without Getting Caught!

42. Unusual Ideas for a Much-Needed Night with the Girls

43. Tips for Tackling Stressful Situations

44. Ways to Give Back—or What to Do When the TV Ads with Starving Children Start Getting to You

45. Things to Remember When You Want to Bow Out Gracefully

46. Body Language Signals You Don’t Want to Send (or Maybe You Do!)

47. Questions to Ask Before You Get That Credit Card

48. Experiences Worth Having

Part Three

Domestic Goddess: Home Essentials

49. Ways to Make Your House Look Clean . . . Fast

50. Secrets for Throwing a Killer Birthday Party

51. How to Be the Perfect Hostess—or at Least Look Like One!

52. Things You Need to Know about Your Neighbors . . . So You Don’t Have to Spy on Them

53. Recipes You Need to Memorize to Impress Your Friends and Family

54. Things You Should Drop Like a Bad Habit

55. Things to Look for When Renting an Apartment

56. Fun and Creative Shower Ideas—for Weddings and Babies, not Personal Hygiene!

57. Things You Need to Keep in Your Fridge

58. Questions to Ask Your Prospective Pet-sitter

59. Things You Need to Know Before You Buy a House

60. Things to Do When You Desperately Need to Organize Your Closets

61. Decorating Tips for Your Small—Uh, Tiny—Apartment

62. Basics of a Beautiful Garden

63. Ways to Make Your Home Feel Martha Stewart–Stylish

64. Ways to Fake It as a Domestic Goddess

Part Four

Fetching and Fit: Body Essentials

65. Vitamins You Should Be Eating

66. Signs You Might Need to Find Yourself a Therapist

67. Quick Beauty Secrets

68. Best Ways to Become Healthier

69. Things You Can Do to De-Stress

70. Secrets for Eating Out When You’re on a Diet

71. Elements of a Truly Relaxing At-Home Spa Night

72. The Healthiest Foods You Can Eat

73. Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting a Diet

74. Tips for Getting Through Nine Months of Pregnancy Without Going Crazy

75. Ways to Fight Colds and the Flu

76. Exercises You Can Do in Five Minutes

77. Ways to Stay Motivated at the Gym

Part Five

Does It All: All the Other Essentials

78. Games Every Woman Should Know How to Play

79. Words You Should Say if You Want to Sound Smart

80. Annual Appointments to Make—and Keep!

81. Things You Need to Know So You Don’t Get Hosed by a Mechanic

82. Ways to Stay In-the-Know

83. Ways to Get Rid of Pests (from Cockroaches to Your Mother-in-Law)

84. Things to Do When You’re So Mad, You Can’t See Straight

85. Things You Should Fake

86. Ways You Can Save the World

87. Steps of CPR

88. Tips for a Successful Career

89. Things You Need to Know about Sports to Be One of the Boys

90. Things You Should Always Have in Your Car

91. Ways to Spend Less at the Grocery

92. Tips for Giving a Seal-the-Deal Presentation

93. Legal Documents You Should Have . . . Just in Case

94. Ways to Be Prepared for an Emergency—or How to Think Like Dwight Schrute

95. Things to Be Sure to Pack in Your Carry-on Bag

96. Questions to Ask Before You Take the Job

97. E-mail Etiquette Blunders to Avoid

98. Ways to Say, I’m Sorry.

99. Things You Need to Know to Defend Yourself from an Attacker

Notes

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acknowledgments

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First things first: we’re incredibly thankful to Debbie Wickwire, who came up with the idea for this book of all these lists of five things and thought to ask us to write it! Thanks to Adria Haley, Greg MacLachlan, Kay Meadows, and all the other hardworking folks at Nelson who did their part to make sure the book became a reality, including all the grown-up girls who unselfishly gave their time and ideas—Debbie Nichols, Jennifer McNeil, Jennifer Day, Kristi Johnson, Brandi Lewis, and Sally Hofmann. And, of course, thanks to David Moberg and Joey Paul for green-lighting the project and giving us a chance to become authors and not just editors!

But yikes, once the project was approved, we actually had to write the thing! We definitely want to thank each other—neither one of us could have written this alone, and it’s been fantastic to share the experiences of each bringing a baby and this book into the world at the same time. And others helped so much as well. We want to mention everyone who gave us advice on our lists, specifically Suzanne Williams, Cathy Sullivan, Randy Draughon, Susan Kelton, Rhonda Hogan, Tiffany Etue, George Jones, Alex Fraser, John Anderson, Arwen Bowman, Lucille Bowman, and Stephanie Theodosiou, and especially those who read the whole thing and told us what parts were completely terrible: Meg Ashworth, Ellen Anderson, Katheryn Hutcheson, Natalie Fraser, and Susan Trotman.

We truly believe that this book would not be the future Pulitzer prize-winning, New York Times best-selling book it’s destined to become if it weren’t for Lori Jones, who we would have demanded be hired as our copyeditor if our editors hadn’t so readily agreed that she must be the one to work on it as well. She’s very good at what she does—and it gave us an excuse to write off all our lunches together!

We should definitely mention our families and especially our husbands—Todd Etue and Marc Theodosiou. Not only do we love them; they were actually a tremendous help in writing this book. They made some really insightful (and quite funny) contributions to the manuscript. So thanks, guys! And Kate would like to mention her little boy, Grey. Although he’ll just be turning two when we finish the book and hasn’t contributed much in the way of actual feedback, he’s given both of us ideas for material to write through his sweet but frequently mischievous behavior!

In an effort to avoid sounding like an Oscar acceptance speech gone on way too long (we can hear the music starting up now . . .), we’ll leave it at that. There are dozens more people we could thank, but we’ll just take the rest of the credit for ourselves!

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introduction

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You’re fabulous and fun loving. Probably overcommitted. Definitely all about enjoying life. But your busy social calendar and fast-paced career life, or the myriad responsibilities of home life and charity projects, can become overwhelming—and even boring. You need to simplify!

Wouldn’t it be simpler if we all just stuck to an unwritten rule of five. Five ingredients. Five steps. Five people to contact. Five items to keep on hand. No more endless explanations or complicated systems. Five is so much more manageable, so much more doable.

Well, that’s our goal for you in this book. These are the essential five things you need to know . . . about everything serious and fun, important and not! Need to get rid of that annoying pest in your life? Here are five tactics you can try. Not sure where to start in decorating your apartment? Here are five ideas. Desperate to go on a date with the hot new guy in PR? Go with these five tried-and- true strategies.

So live that fabulous life you’ve always longed for: ditch the unnecessary responsibilities that are holding you back, let go of your inhibitions by trying something new, or dare to tackle that challenge you never thought possible. The Essential Five will help you dip your freshly pedicured toes into any unlikely endeavor!

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Part One

Social Butterfly: Relationship Essentials

cover_Page_016_Image_0003

5

Questions to Ask

on a First Date (and Some You Shouldn’t)

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First date jitters. It’s that same nervous feeling you had prepping for final exams—If I screw this up, my life is over. I have no chance ever again at finding true love. I will die an old maid surrounded by dozens of cats. However, we all know that’s not really the case, don’t we? Look at the first date as an interview—and you’re the one doing the hiring. Does he inspire you, enhance you, entertain you, thrill you? Here are some good topics to get started.

Are you married? While you may not want to phrase it exactly that way, it’s crucial to find out about his background. Is he on the rebound? Is his best friend a total jerk? Is he devoutly something other than you are, or does he belong to a group you’re opposed to? Does he have a criminal record? Some of these details can be nailed down by googling him; some will need to be asked (in subtle ways, of course). You can start the conversation in a nonthreatening way by volunteering info about yourself to get him talking: When my ex-husband and my dad, who’s currently incarcerated, by the way, once came to pick me up from protesting with PETA . . .

Come here often? Everyone likes to laugh—everyone needs to laugh, in fact. Sven Svebak, a Norwegian researcher, has shown that having a sense of humor can prolong your life!¹ So show him your funny side. Use a cheesy pickup line if that’s your style. Tell a story about something goofy that happened to you. Or if you prefer, tell a straight-out joke. You’ll either end up laughing hysterically or bored to tears. And really, either one is a good result—you’ll know if you’re meshing or not.

How much money do you make? Imagine being that forward on a first date! And wouldn’t it be nice info to have? But while you can’t ask him to hand over his most recent pay stub, you can find out if you have similar financial dreams and goals for your life. Are you expecting to live the high life—Upper East Side loft, Chloe Bay Bag-of-the-Month Club, society parties, and charity balls? Maybe he’s dreaming of the simple life, with a small franchise to run in the suburbs, soccer practice on Saturday mornings, and a quiet night out at Applebee’s as a special treat every once in a while. Find out what circle he runs in and if you want that to be your circle too.

If the idea of a first date terrifies you, consider hiring a dating coach! Patti Feinstein is America’s Dating Coach, and if you visit her Web site at www.pattifeinstein.com and book her services using the promo code FIVE, she’ll give you a 10 percent discount!

What makes you tick? Most people really like to talk about themselves, and you show you care when you ask about their interests. So ask him about his pet peeves. What was the most fun he had this week? What was frustrating to him? When did he feel a sense of accomplishment? Don’t interrogate, but you can find out a lot about his work life, his extracurricular activities, and his personal style of living when you get