Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

By Jeanette Winterson

Heartbreaking and funny: the true story behind Jeanette's bestselling and most beloved novel, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit.

In 1985, at twenty-five, Jeanette published Oranges, the story of a girl adopted by Pentecostal parents, supposed to grow up to be a missionary. Instead, she falls in love with a woman. Disaster.

Oranges became an international bestseller, inspired an award-winning BBC adaptation, and was semi-autobiographical. Mrs. Winterson, a thwarted giantess, loomed over the novel and the author's life: when Jeanette left home at sixteen because she was in love with a woman, Mrs. Winterson asked her: Why be happy when you could be normal? This is Jeanette's story--acute, fierce, celebratory--of a life's work to find happiness: a search for belonging, love, identity, a home.

About a young girl locked out of her home, sitting on the doorstep all night, and a mother waiting for Armageddon with two sets of false teeth and a revolver in the duster drawer; about growing up in a northern industrial town; about the Universe as a Cosmic Dustbin. She thought she had written over the painful past until it returned to haunt her and sent her on a journey into madness and out again, in search of her biological mother. It is also about other people's stories, showing how fiction and poetry can form a string of guiding lights, a life raft that supports us when we are sinking.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
• Release date: Oct 25, 2011
• ISBN: 9780307401267

Jeanette Winterson

Jeanette Winterson was born in Manchester in 1959. She read English at Oxford University before writing her first novel, Oranges are Not the Only Fruit, which was published in 1985.

Reviews for Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

[wassilissa · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

In dem bekannten Buch "Orangen sind nicht die einzige Frucht" hat die Autorin schon einmal ihr seltsames, ja traumatisierendes Aufwachsen als Adoptivkind in einer Pfingstgemeinde dargestellt.Davon handelt auch dieses Buch, doch es thematisiert stark das Verhältnis zur Mutter. Einerseits geht es um die Adoptivmutter, die sehr distanziert als "Mrs. Winterson" bezeichnet wird und mit der es zu keiner Versöhnung kommt. Andererseits behandelt die Autorin auch die leibliche Mutter, die sie nach langem Hin und Her kennenlernt.Es ist entsetzlich, wie wenig Liebe Jeanette in ihrer Kindheit erfahren hat. Dass der Vater deutlich positiver wegkommt, finde ich erstaunlich. Ihm kann sie verzeihen und mit ihm hat sie als Erwachsene noch Kontakt, um ihn trauert sie, als er stirbt. Dabei hat doch auch er das Kind nicht aus dem Kohlenkeller geholt.Insgesamt zeigt das Buch, wie machtvoll und hilfreich die Literatur in Jeanettes Leben war. Und es gab schon auch Menschen, die dem Mädchen immer wieder geholfen haben. Letztendlich - und das ist auch Jeanettes Quintessenz- sind wir die Summe unserer Teile. Auch unsre Wunden machen uns aus. Einfach ohne Forderung und ohne Auflagen geliebt zu werden, das wünscht sich jede und jeder, das wünscht sich auch Jeanette. Dass ihre leibliche Mutter sie wollte, ist eine große Erkenntnis auf dem Weg zur Heilung. dass sie sie dennoch weggab, der Beginn ihres Traumas. Aber auch die Ermöglichung von Bildung. Und so schließt sich der Kreis.Das Buch ist ehrlich und radikal. Es ist aber auch sehr autobiografisch, kein Roman.

[abycats_1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Nobody should be so miserable.

[honeysucklepie · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wonderful!
I love her honesty. Aside from her narrative on finding oneself, one's home, and one's mother, I really appreciated her views on religion, working class life, literacy amongst the working class. All very fascinating. Her journey though, is amazing, one of acceptance of self, survival, and love. Despite all her hardships she hangs on. Brilliant chapter on Madness and working through it.

[ajbraithwaite_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Such an interesting, funny-yet-harrowing read. Winterson's childhood was so sad and damaged, it's amazing that she was ever able to write anything. Or does a person need to have a traumatic past in order to become a fabulous writer?

[yvonnea-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A moving and raw story of abuse, relationships, and the lingering legacy of the past. Wonderful writing.

[oh_that_zoe · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Jeanette Winterson was a giant in my young life. I think I hopped off the train at Lighthousekeeping, which I may revisit, but which didn't seem to have the force of Oranges or Sexing the Cherry. Her work hasn't had an active presence in my mind for a few years, acting more like part of the foundation or a constellation in my firmament. I chanced upon her reading from her memoir at AWP. She was supposed to read with Allison Bechdel, who canceled, so she just expanded. It was great. What a book to happen upon when you're in a rut and your leisure reading feels like homework and you want need something to take you back to reading as play, as salvation. By turns it is an: adoption narrative, biography of her mother, coming of age story, snapshot of industrial North England through the lens of a working class evangelical family. It would have been easy for Winterson to frame her mother as a monster or to expose evangelical christianity as total bunk, but she doesn't. As she discusses towards the end of the book, her approach is to resist easy dualisms. Plus it's impossible to imagine her writing herself into the role of victim. Wounded, emotional, shaped by her circumstances but not a victim. The end felt messy, I think, for the same reasons that it was such an engaging read - I was happy with the genre bending, but then I wanted it neatly tied up. Ultimately, I'm glad Winterson didn't give in and write the payoff ending that readers are so conditioned to want.

The parts about books and reading really got to me. She visited her local library and set herself the goal of reading through the section labelled "English Literature: A-Z". How encountering Nabokov made her a feminist. Stacking books under her mattress only to have her mother burn them. I die! Being part of a literary community sometimes has the paradoxical effect of obscuring the simple and profound truth that reading and writing have the power to save you. There, inner snarker - I said it! This is the truth I live by.

[amerynth · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I really loved Jeanette Winterson's semi-autobiographical novel "Oranges aren't the Only Fruit" so reading her memoir "Why be Happy When You Could Be Normal" seemed like a natural progression. It is difficult to read about Winterson's struggles, but the memoir is well written and interesting.If you've read "Oranges," you know Winterson's story. She was adopted at six weeks old by a couple who were Pentacostal evangelists. Her mother, referred to in this book as "Mrs. Winterson" was domineering, fanatical, emotionally abusive and completely unable to accept the fact her daughter was gay. (The title of the book is something that Mrs. Winterson actually said to her daughter.) As a result of her upbringing, Jeanette Winterson has an inability to connect with people and accept love -- or at least that's something she struggles with even in the end of the memoir. Glad I decided to pick this one up.

[berly_4 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book is a new addition to my most favorite books ever! I must have used about a half a tin of those little copper page markers, there were just so many poignant events and wonderful insights throughout this book. This is the story of Jeanette, whose adoptive mother was difficult and unloving, to say the least. Abusive comes to mind. And yet, Jeanette rises above it, buffered by a few key individuals and by her boundless love of books. Lest this scare any readers away, I did not find this to be a sad book. There are sad moments, but it is also, reflective, very funny, and so wise. The stories are unforgettable and I cannot wait to read more by this amazing author. First, a taste of her sad childhood: "When she knew I was keeping a diary she said, 'I never kept secrets from my mother...but I am not your mother, am I?' And after that she never was. When I wanted to learn to play her piano she said, ' When you come back from school I will have sold it.' She had." On a lighter note, here is one of Winterson's literary insights from Jack and the Beanstalk. "The bridge (the Beanstalk) between the two worlds is unpredictable and very surprising. And later, when the giant tries to climb after Jack, the beanstalk has to be chopped down pronto. This suggests to me that the pursuit of happiness, which we may as well call life, is full of surprising temporary elements -- we get somewhere we couldn't go otherwise and we profit from the trip, but we can't stay there, it isn't our world, and we shouldn't let that world come crashing down into the one we inhabit. The beanstalk has to be chopped down. But the large-scale riches from the 'other world' can be brought into ours, just as Jack makes off with the singing harp and the golden hen. Whatever we 'win' will accommodate itself to our size and form..."And as to how Winterson writes, in a nonlinear form (which I loved!): Her mother discovered Jeanette's hidden trove of books and immediately suspected the worst: Satanism and pornography. She took all her books and threw them out the window into the backyard. Then she set them on fire while Jeanette watched."I watched them blaze and blaze and remember thinking how warm it was, how light, on the freezing Saturnian January night. And books have always been light and warmth to me."I had bound them all in plastic because they were precious. Now they were gone."In the morning there were stray bits of text all over the yard and in the alley. Burnt jigsaws of books. I collected some of the scraps."It is probably why I write as I do -- collecting the scraps, uncertain of continuous narrative. What does Eliot say? 'These fragments have I shored against my ruin...'"From these ashes, a wonderful story and a great writer, one who appreciates how her bitter youth made her the woman she is today. Highly recommended. 5 stars.

[suesbooks · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Her writing is so interesting and precise. This is an autobiography not in strict chronological order, and she so convincingly displays how literature has helped her deal with adversity. She had a very difficult life, and was well able to deal with all of the trouble she has encountered.

[pennyanne_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

At the moment I seem to be drawn to reading either 'dysfunctional childhood memoirs' or 'horrific WWII experiences' books - this book is clearly in the former group. Extremely well-written and insightful I really felt the author's pain and confusion as she tried to make sense of her life. I felt so sad for her that she chose not to integrate more with her birth family when she found them and also sad that her childhood experiences had very negatively affected her ability to build and nurture relationships as an adult. But I did love to read about how important the local public library was to her and how she worked her way through "English literature A-Z" in alphabetic order!

[391_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book is a deeply-wrought, personal look into Jeanette Winterson's life, upbringing and present. She details her relationship with her adopted mother, the formidable Mrs. Winterson, her upbringing as a working-class girl in the 70s, being an adopted child and her eventual escape and release through literature and poetry. It is just as elegantly and passionately wrought as any of Winterson's fictions, but with the heartbreaking thread of truth running through it. It is terrible and magnificent, and a highly-recommended read.

[lahochstetler · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Winterson's autobiography details her childhood, growing up with her deeply religious and deeply abusive adoptive parents in northern England. Winterson spends her child wondering about her birth mother, a woman Mrs. Winterson regularly denigrates for her sexual activity. Jeanette's adopted mother dishes out all manner of abuse; she locks Jeanette out of the house overnight, and sometimes shuts her in the coal store.This book offers a history of an undeniably unusual and sad childhood. It is also a story of a successful woman trying to find her place in the world, to learn more about her origins, and about how familial love actually works. Winterson spent much of her childhood trying to hide the meaningful elements of her life from her mother: her girlfriends, her books, her learning.This is one of the better childhood memoirs I've read, and it certainly is better written than many child abuse memoirs, presumably because the author is an experienced and talented professional. Winterson has already written an autobiographical novel about her experiences, so this is a second visit to a familiar subject. The narrative is much more accessible than I expected a prize-winning author's autobiography to be. It is at the same time engaging and horrifying.

[stepheniles · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Brilliant. Weird, but brilliant. it made me feel thankful for what I have and shows how kind other people can be

[bookchickdi · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Jeanette Winterson wrote a critically acclaimed novel, Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, loosely based on her life growing up in a Northern England industrial town. Her memoir, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?, is the non-fiction version of that story.The looming figure in both books is Winterson's adopted mother, who is always referred to in the book as Mrs. Winterson. Her parents were Pentecostal and her mother raised Jeanette to become a missionary. Mrs. Winterson was abusive, frequently locking Jeanette out of the house overnight, leaving her to freeze on the porch steps.During those long nights, it was books that saved young Jeanette. That was where she fell in love with language and books, and where she found truth, beauty and security in her lonely existence. Books saved her sanity and her life.Mrs. Winterson spent much of her time at church meetings, and was always angry and disappointed in Jeanette. At the age of sixteen, Jeanette told her mother that she was in love with a woman and Mrs. Winterson uttered the phrase that became the book's title, "Why be happy when you can be normal?".The fact that she was adopted affected her as well. Her mother wanted a boy and she finds some papers in her mother's things that confuse her. As expected, the confrontation with Mrs. Winterson about this does not go well.Jeanette decided to try and find her birth mother and that journey is interesting. She searches long and hard and eventually finds her mother, although her own reaction to meeting her mother is much more complicated than she imagines.Winterson's memoir, with its poetic language, gives hope to people who feel that they are different from everyone else around them, that life is too difficult. It can help them to find their own voice as she found hers. One of the passages I marked is this one:"A tough life needs a tough language- and that is what poetry is. That is what literature offers- a language powerful enough to say how it is. It isn't a hiding place. It is a finding place."Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal? is a beautiful finding place for those who feel lost too.

[zoomball · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I should keep track of where I get book recs from, but I don't. When I hear about a book that sounds good I put it on reserve at the library and eventually I get it. Such is the case w/ this book. I did not know who Jeanette Winterson is, nor did I know I had requested an autobiography. I listened to the audio version, read by the author, and I think her British accent really made the experience authentic for me. I, too, was raised by a "crazy" mother and escaped from my reality with reading. This is a book I think I will go back to in text format someday to re-experience some of her insights. The big "eye-opener" for me was the poverty of 1960's England of which I was previously unaware. My perception of that country at that time was of Twiggy, the Beatles, etc. Well, yes, I was young then, too. I found this a very interesting read.

[lesleynicol · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A very entertaining memoir about he writer's horrific childhood with an adopted mother who was obviously "raving mad". Her triumph over this childhood, overcoming depression, breakdown and mental illness to become a successful writer and delightful person,judging by TV interviews, is to be admired.

[carltonc_5 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A very readable book, but not an easy read.Looking back, it is almost 20 years since I read Oranges are Not the Only Fruit, so my memory of that fictionalised version of Jeanette Winterson's life story is only vague. This retelling as autobiography is very interesting, as it is such a story of success against the odds, and yet that is not the story being told, but the story of discovery of who Jeanette Winterson feels she is as a person and her search for love.I had already read several segments of this in The Times, and they work better for being part of this whole work. There are also digressions and short rants about specific issues, but they feel part of the whole.There are some lovely amusing moments in this story and some very uncomfortable moments, but it is all beautifully told.It also feels very brave and honest. What more could you want in an autobiography than something that is brave and honest, beautifully told.

[acarritt_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

A disappointing autobiography covering Winterson's childhood (Oranges period) and most recent years around the time of her breakdown and omitting most of her adult life. It includes an interesting account of working class life in 1950s Accrington and the shocking practices of the Elim Pentecostal church and her adoptive mother, Mrs Winterson. Readability is compromised by Winterson's constant philosophising - which is rather crammed in at every opportunity. In some parts of the book you can't read a single page without pausing to decipher a Winterson pronouncement on life, the universe and everything. Less of this would have been more - as it would have given the reader space to consider the points made. Winterson shows a lack of empathy or tolerance to any needs other than her own (e.g. attack on public libraries efforts to become more accessible by stocking mass fiction/DVDs etc as well as great literature).I am a great fan of Winterson's writing but this is far from her best work.

[abbeyhar · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A great memoir (of sorts) dealing with the idea of feeling displaced, the healing power of creativity, and figuring out the beneficial aspects of love, as well as learning to love in a new way.

[sanddune_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

'Why be happy when you can be normal?' asks Jeanette Winterson's adoptive mother (tellingly always referred to as Mrs Winterson, rather than anything more affectionate) on the day when, aged 16 and still at school, Jeanette is thrown out of the family home. But Mrs Winterson is anything but normal: the extreme nature of Mrs Winterson's Pentecostal Christian beliefs (church everyday and all day on Sundays) would prevent this in the small Northern town of Accrington where she was brought up. Religious texts abound: Mrs Winterson puts quotes from scripture into Jeanette's hockey boots, and all over the house. 'Linger not at the Lord's business' and 'He shall melt thy bowels like wax' are the ones chosen for the outside toilet. And Mrs Winterson's feeling of superiority to her neighbours combined with her religious sensibilities resulted in some odd choices:'Back in the days of Winterson-world we had a set of Victorian watercolours hung on the walls. Mrs W. had inherited them from her mother and she wanted to display them in a family way. But she was dead against 'graven images' (See Exidus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, etc) so she squares this circle by hanging them back to front. All we could see was brown paper, tape, steel tacks, water staining and string. That was a Mrs Winterson version of life.'But Mrs Winterson is clearly also a deeply disturbed woman who is disappointed both in life and in her adopted daughter. Jeanette's childhood is the sort that today would get social services involved very quickly, in fact it is surprising that it did not so so even in the 1960s and 70s. Being locked out of the house all night, being locked into the coal cellar, and regular beatings formed part of her normal experience, culminating in an exorcism in her teenage years to drive out the demons that were supposedly attracting her to other girls. Books were Jeanette's refuge, but books were also for forbidden, and her growing book collection (hidden under her mattress from prying eyes) goes up in smoke when discovered by her mother.This is a more factual retelling of the fictionalised events of Winterson's first novel Oranges are Not the Only Fruit. I've read Oranges are not the Only Fruit twice and seen the award winning BBC production maybe twice as well, so I'm very familiar with that the fictional version. How someone who had not read the earlier book would approach this one I'm not sure, as it is frequently referred to and points of difference pointed out. One of these differences is 'Testifying Elsie', an old woman who acts as a bulwark against the wrath of Jeanette's mother in the earlier book. A character who was written in because she couldn't bear to leave her out. But in real life 'There was no Elsie. there was no one like Elsie. Things were much lonelier than that'This isn't a conventional memoir, vast swathes of Jeanette's adult life are missed out, but as she focuses on her relationship with her adoptive mother, and her attempts to find her real mother it's a format that seems to work. Clearly damaged to by her upbringing, this is an honest attempt by Jeanette Winterson to recognise who and what has made her who she is today, and to come to terms with the good as well as the bad. Recommended, especially for those who have enjoyed Oranges are not the Only Fruit.

[cassandra2020 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Why be Happy When You Could be Normal by Jeanette Winterson - Very Good

I read Oranges are not the only fruit last year and loved it. I'd seen the tv series back in the day but hadn't realised, until reading the book, that it was semi autobiographical. This one actually is her autobiography, so it covers some of the same story, without the 'embroidery', and then takes us beyond when she left home.

We are a similar age and were brought up in similar Lancashire Mill Towns, so some of her childhood is very, very familiar. Most of it is NOT! What a start in life! If you are not aware of her and haven't read Oranges... She was adopted and brought up by a religious fanatic who threw her out of the house at age 16 when she discovered she was a lesbian.

That is pretty much where Oranges... stops. This book takes us onwards to Oxford, her post-university life, her relationships, her search for her natural mother etc.

She has a wonderful use of language and the book, whilst difficult to read of the hardships of her life, was a joy to read in other respects.

[kali.lightfoot · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I love this book. Having recently read The Book of Frank by C.A. Conrad, I am thinking this is the women's side of that story, and I liked them equally for different reasons.

[whisper1_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is such a stellar book that a review is difficult. Suffice it to say it is one wherein I want to tell my book loving friends to read it--just go ahead and read it! Those of us who are avid readers know good writing when we read, and feel it!The author was adopted. Sadly, she was taken into a small England town by a flat-out-crazy woman and her never discuss a problem husband.While Jeanette was physically and emotionally beaten down, her father simply followed what his wife wanted her to do. If she "needed" to be beaten, then he did it.Throughout the book, the author never calls the woman mother. She is known as "Mrs."Left alone on the outside stoop for hours and hours, or locked in a bin, she learned to get tough. It is with words that her internal beauty came through.Always drawn to books, when she worked, she bought them. When the Mrs. found them, they were promptly burnt.At the age of sixteen, when Jeanette discovered love via another woman's arms, in church her mother announced that an exorcism was needed. No where better was the hypocrisy of her mother's religion shown than when one of the men performing the exorcism was visibly aroused and tried to accost Jeanette. This incredibly well-written book is about many things. It is about the search for love and the difficulty of trust. It is about the search for identity of a biological mother. It is about reading and the redemption of beautifully crafted words. It is about the meaning of home. And, I urge you to read it--just go ahead and read it.Five stars.

[jbarr5 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Why be happy when you could be normal? by Jeanette WintersonAccrington, England and the story begins just before she is adopted by the Winterson. The story follows the life of the girl and the struggles throughout the years.When she turns 16 she leaves, she is a lesbian and the family is very religious. Each have their own routines and it's quite plain and boring. No car so they walk everywhere, usually miles per day.Lots of quoting from the Bible and from literary works. Troubled times as she doesn't fit in and manages to find her mother and they do meet. Lots of questions and lots of answers to those.

[freelancer_frank · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a book about the damage that parents (both real and adoptive) can inflict on children, and how that damage is carried through in adult life. It is full of insight, sadness, wit and surprises. It is also profoundly moving, particularly towards the end. Winterson manages again the difficult trick of making her very specific situation reach out to the universal. There are many clever ways in which form matches content here and the structure is well thought out. It is a book to be read aloud and with care.

[amanda.mustafic · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Writers like Jeanette Winterson understand that reading, or poetry, is more than just something to do. It's a coping mechanism, an escape, a way to distract yourself from the unpleasantries of daily life. In Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal? Winterson explores her difficult childhood.Winterson was adopted by a mother who banned most books, saying, "you never know what's in [them] until it's too late," and who, learning of Winterson's sexual orientation, asked, "Why be happy when you can be normal?"The memoir touches on the difficulty of living in a family where even your deepest sense of self is rejected. Her adoptive mother, cutting and often sadistic, caused Winterson to be isolated. When she falls in love with a local girl, she becomes even colder to her adoptive daughter and the relationship between them is further strained.For those adults actively seeking their birth families, organizations like the American Adoption Congress offer support and advocate on their behalf. Unfortunately for Winterson, that resource was not available to her. Years after the death of her adoptive mother, Winterson goes on a quest to find her birth mother. Although her childhood was documented in a previous memoir, OrangesAre Not the Only Fruit, this is the first memoir to explore Winterson’s decision to find her birth mother, the long and stressful process of actually doing so, and their eventual meeting.The memoir, while well-written and emotional, fell flat for me. Most likely, it was because I can’t identify with the adoptive process. There were moments when I was truly touched, or empathized with her feelings of isolation, but overall I felt like I was always an arms-length away from truly understanding. But that is my failing, and not Winterson’s.The verdict: worth the read, but not a favorite.(less) [edit]

[ellenh_28 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Read this for book club. So many things to think about, but such a sad life as a child.

[meredk · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Good book. Well written, brutally honest, funny (in places). And that mother!

[m.kleinig · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Unnerving, but gently humorous, this book left me with plenty of thoughts. I have not read any of her other works (how?), but I now intend to remedy this soon. I enjoyed the discussion around complexity of the adoption narrative.

[bluepigeon-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

"Going mad is the beginning of a process. It is not supposed to be the end result."

Winterson's bold memoir, an attempt to set the record straight with regards to the half-imagined/half-truthful Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit, and a genuine effort to question origins of love and being loved, reads just like a memoir version of Winterson's fiction. There is a lot to think about here, a lot of laughs and some very interesting ideas imbued in sadness, anger, and despair. Madness, indeed, is a process, and one wonders how JW has managed not to give into the process entirely. One also wonders how much she must drive everyone around her up the wall. A self-proclaimed "difficult person," JW (as she often refers to herself) is as brilliant and brave as she is aggressive and enraged. The book would read like a list of confessions and defenses, but it escapes this fate with the help of Winterson's beautiful language and the story of her three births (birth, adoption, and reconnection with her biological mother).

Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? is the perfect read following or followed by Alison Bechdel's Are You My Mother? Just wear your psychoanalysis hat!