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    Practical Jean: A Novel
    Practical Jean: A Novel
    Practical Jean: A Novel
    Ebook336 pages5 hours

    Practical Jean: A Novel

    By Trevor Cole

    3.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Jean wouldn’t be able stand it if something unfortunate were to befall her friends—that’s why decides to kill them herself, before anything else can harm them. Bad Marie meets Arsenic and Old Lace in this darkly humorous story of a woman whose overpowering love for her friends moves her to murder each and every one of them. Practical Jean, the U.S. debut of acclaimed Canadian author Trevor Cole, is a “biting and black comedy of middle-class mores gone murderously wrong” that “combines diamond-cut social satire with thoughtful contemplations of friendship” (Globe and Mail). A deliciously dark satire with roots that spread from Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal to Tim Burton’s Edward Scissorhands, Cole’s Practical Jean is a razor’s edge dissection of relationships, faithfulness, and homicide. After all, what are friends for?
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateOct 18, 2011
    ISBN9780062082534
    Practical Jean: A Novel
    Author

    Trevor Cole

    TREVOR COLE is an award-winning journalist and novelist. His journalism has garnered him twenty-five National Magazine Award nominations and nine awards. His novels, which include most recently Hope Makes Love, have been shortlisted for the Governor General’s Literary Award for Fiction twice and the Rogers Writers’ Trust Fiction Prize, and won the Stephen Leacock Medal for Humour. Cole lives in Toronto.

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    Reviews for Practical Jean

    3.5/5

    93 ratings19 reviews

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    • 4/5
      A Swiftian romp.
    • 3/5
      I bought this after reading a synopsis because it sounded like a great concept and pretty funny. While it had its moments, overall, I wasn't thrilled with it. It was a fairly slow read for me (not a lot of conversation, more in the characters' heads) and I didn't really care enough for or about the main character to find it particularly interesting. Plus, I had several ideas of what I thought would be a good ending as I was reading and none of those happened, so that left me on a bit of a disappointing note. A great idea, but the execution just wasn't my cup of tea.
    • 5/5
      Jean Vale Horemarsh, the protagonist of Trevor Cole?s wickedly funny comedy of manners, has lived her whole life in the small town of Kotemee?and it?s the manners of small-town life that Cole satirizes. Jean is an artist, who creates ceramic sculptures of leaves, which, alas, tend to be extremely fragile, often breaking as soon as they?re touched. She?s been married for nearly 30 years to Milt, a wholly unambitious substitute teacher who isn?t interested in applying for a permanent teaching job. Her brothers are both on the Kotemee police force, the older one serving as is chief, the younger as a hapless detective who is relegated to tasks like finding bands for the annual police fundraiser. Jean has a coterie of close female friends, including Natalie, a sharp-mouthed pet-groomer; Dorothy, the long-suffering wife of a punch-drunk former boxer; and the wealthy and stylish Adele, who knew Jean in college and lives in the nearby city.As the novel opens, Jean?s mother has just died, after a painful, protracted illness during which Jean cared for her. The experience affects Jean deeply, and as she struggles to make sense of it and of her life, she hatches a plan. She will give a great gift to each of her friends: she?ll enable them to avoid the ravages of age, by providing them with one last wonderful experience?a ?last moment of beauty??and then killing them!Swirling around the main story of Jean carrying out her mission are subplots involving Milt?s infidelities; Cheryl, a long-lost friend of Jean?s who has become an alcoholic after two failed marriages; and Fran, the cloyingly, obnoxious newcomer to town who does everything she can to befriend Jean.?Practical Jean? is a very dark comedy, and it has some very dark moments. One occurs when Jean recalls an almost unbearably sad episode from her childhood in which her mother, a veterinarian, drowns a litter of puppies Jean?s dog had. In contrast, the scenes in which Jean commits murder are told in an offhand, almost matter-of-fact way. After one of her killings, she doesn?t have time to take a shower before going to a dinner party at Fran?s house:?The only awkward moment that occurred during the first part of the evening, and it was only slightly awkward, came when Fran bustled about the table to point out to Jean something about the china pattern?a flocking in the gilt that she considered significant for some reason?and then paused. After a second Jean realized that Fran was staring at something, and it was something in her hair. ?What is it, Fran?? she asked. Fran frowned as she peered closer. ?It looks like a spot of dried blood. . . with a piece of skin in it.? Jean reached up, feeling for the spot, and found it, and so wished at that moment that she had taken the time for a proper shower. She dragged it crumbling out of her hair and looked at what remained on her fingers. ?It?s glaze,? said Jean, wiping her fingers in her napkin. ?And a bit of clay.? ?The glaze is read, though. Dark red. You almost never use red.? Jean merely smiled at Fran. ?I?m working on something new.? Things proceeded very amiably after that.?An amiable little post-murder dinner party. Cole?s book is full of such scenes, and it?s a credit to his ability as a writer that his book is eminently readable, riotously funny, and, remarkably intelligent, provoking thought about the very nature of friendship.
    • 4/5
      When middle-aged Jean was a little girl, her mother told her she didn't have a practical gene in her body. Jean took this to mean a "practical Jean," and now that she's grown and has found her purpose, she'll show her mom just how practical she really is.

      Jean has just endured a few months caring for her mom during her illness and eventual death, and is reeling at just how unfair old age can be. No one should suffer as her mom did, and everyone should go out with joy, before the indignities of age and the suffering of disease ruins them. Ever practical, Jean decides to give the best gift she can give to all those whom she loves: one final happy moment and a quick death.

      Jean has many different types of friends: the blunt, forthright one who always tells her like it is; the old reliable college friend; the fun, wild friend whose circumstances have tamed her . . . and don't we all have friends like this? Jean has all types of relationships that she's collected during her life, some that have fallen by the wayside and others that have fallen completely apart.

      I took comfort in how the author addressed how difficult it is for women to find and keep friends in middle age. The author concedes a point that men don’t usually form close friendships at this age, and don’t need them or seek them out (is this true?). There are so many things that hinder older women from forming friendships: different socioeconomic statuses, different stages of life, different relationships with spouses. When you're in elementary school, all it takes is "hey, we're on the playground at the same time, now we're best friends," but as women age, the baggage, the insecurities, and the life demands smother many potential friendships.

      Practical Jean is an unusual book. Even though she bumped off her friends, it was done out of love, and I found myself still pulling for Jean in the end. (What does that say about me?) The women in this book are hilarious, but at the same time very sad. It's a dark comedy, a relationship study, a heartwarming tale of love . . . and murder.

      This review is also posted on my blog: flyleafunfurled.com. Please make me happy by visiting my blog and saying you liked it.

    • 5/5
      Jean Vale Horemarsh, the protagonist of Trevor Cole’s wickedly funny comedy of manners, has lived her whole life in the small town of Kotemee—and it’s the manners of small-town life that Cole satirizes. Jean is an artist, who creates ceramic sculptures of leaves, which, alas, tend to be extremely fragile, often breaking as soon as they’re touched. She’s been married for nearly 30 years to Milt, a wholly unambitious substitute teacher who isn’t interested in applying for a permanent teaching job. Her brothers are both on the Kotemee police force, the older one serving as is chief, the younger as a hapless detective who is relegated to tasks like finding bands for the annual police fundraiser. Jean has a coterie of close female friends, including Natalie, a sharp-mouthed pet-groomer; Dorothy, the long-suffering wife of a punch-drunk former boxer; and the wealthy and stylish Adele, who knew Jean in college and lives in the nearby city.As the novel opens, Jean’s mother has just died, after a painful, protracted illness during which Jean cared for her. The experience affects Jean deeply, and as she struggles to make sense of it and of her life, she hatches a plan. She will give a great gift to each of her friends: she’ll enable them to avoid the ravages of age, by providing them with one last wonderful experience—a “last moment of beauty”—and then killing them!Swirling around the main story of Jean carrying out her mission are subplots involving Milt’s infidelities; Cheryl, a long-lost friend of Jean’s who has become an alcoholic after two failed marriages; and Fran, the cloyingly, obnoxious newcomer to town who does everything she can to befriend Jean.“Practical Jean” is a very dark comedy, and it has some very dark moments. One occurs when Jean recalls an almost unbearably sad episode from her childhood in which her mother, a veterinarian, drowns a litter of puppies Jean’s dog had. In contrast, the scenes in which Jean commits murder are told in an offhand, almost matter-of-fact way. After one of her killings, she doesn’t have time to take a shower before going to a dinner party at Fran’s house:“The only awkward moment that occurred during the first part of the evening, and it was only slightly awkward, came when Fran bustled about the table to point out to Jean something about the china pattern—a flocking in the gilt that she considered significant for some reason—and then paused. After a second Jean realized that Fran was staring at something, and it was something in her hair. ‘What is it, Fran?’ she asked. Fran frowned as she peered closer. ‘It looks like a spot of dried blood. . . with a piece of skin in it.’ Jean reached up, feeling for the spot, and found it, and so wished at that moment that she had taken the time for a proper shower. She dragged it crumbling out of her hair and looked at what remained on her fingers. ‘It’s glaze,’ said Jean, wiping her fingers in her napkin. ‘And a bit of clay.’ ‘The glaze is read, though. Dark red. You almost never use red.’ Jean merely smiled at Fran. ‘I’m working on something new.’ Things proceeded very amiably after that.”An amiable little post-murder dinner party. Cole’s book is full of such scenes, and it’s a credit to his ability as a writer that his book is eminently readable, riotously funny, and, remarkably intelligent, provoking thought about the very nature of friendship.
    • 3/5
      Dark. Very, very dark. I really liked the narrative voice, and I thought Jean was a great character. Most of the other characters were more two-dimensional, but in many ways that fit the way that Jean saw the world, so I was willing to let it slide. A reasonably short book, but still a little too long, I think; even in 300 pages it became repetitive. And really, after the initial shock of what Jean is doing, there aren't any real surprises or revelations or insights.
    • 3/5
      For fans of black comedy, this novel is just about perfect. Of course, black comedy doesn't appeal to everyone; certainly, it did not appeal to me when I was younger. Now, however, I find that I quite enjoy dark humor. Basically, if you find the description to be amusing and want to read more, then you'll quite enjoy the book.

      Jean, of course, is crazy. What else could one possibly expect of someone stuck with the last name of 'Horemarsh?' Cole does a great job of making her brand of craziness believable. He sets up that this idea and her hardness is not coming from nowhere. Her past enables her to do what most people, even those who agreed with her that it would be a mercy killing, would never be able to do.

      The cast of characters is lively and quirky, each one providing elements of humor. Here's a sample of the kind of dark humor you can expect: one of her friends betrays her, and as punishment, she does not have the honor of being killed. As I said, dark humor. If you think that's awesome, do yourself a favor and read this!

      P.S. Before you start thinking Jean was onto something, please let me recommend instead Natalie's (one of Jean's friends) brand of friendship: "What says 'love' like a chocolate cupcake?"
    • 4/5
      I've always loved genre mash-ups, so I had to read chick lit/serial killer fiction. I did not expect to enjoy it as much as I did. Longer review later.
    • 3/5
      The story of a woman who 'saves' her friends from the horrors of aging by going on a killing spree... rather too dark for me to see more than a few glimmers of humour, so it didn't really work for me as a black comedy. But an interesting read that broadened my horizons.
    • 5/5
      Jean Horemarsh has just returned to living with her husband after three months spent caring for her mother as she died of cancer. After watching her mother die, Jean is convinced no one should have to suffer the indignities of aging and illness like her mother did—and she, Jean Horemarsh, will take it upon herself to give each of her friends one final, perfect moment . . . and then, one by one, kill them.The 2011 winner of the Stephen Leacock Memorial Medal for Humour, Practical Jean is wickedly funny and thought-provoking.Read this if: you appreciate irony, or a darker shade of humour.4½ stars
    • 5/5
      Jean Vale Horemarsh, the protagonist of Trevor Cole’s wickedly funny comedy of manners, has lived her whole life in the small town of Kotemee—and it’s the manners of small-town life that Cole satirizes. Jean is an artist, who creates ceramic sculptures of leaves, which, alas, tend to be extremely fragile, often breaking as soon as they’re touched. She’s been married for nearly 30 years to Milt, a wholly unambitious substitute teacher who isn’t interested in applying for a permanent teaching job. Her brothers are both on the Kotemee police force, the older one serving as is chief, the younger as a hapless detective who is relegated to tasks like finding bands for the annual police fundraiser. Jean has a coterie of close female friends, including Natalie, a sharp-mouthed pet-groomer; Dorothy, the long-suffering wife of a punch-drunk former boxer; and the wealthy and stylish Adele, who knew Jean in college and lives in the nearby city.As the novel opens, Jean’s mother has just died, after a painful, protracted illness during which Jean cared for her. The experience affects Jean deeply, and as she struggles to make sense of it and of her life, she hatches a plan. She will give a great gift to each of her friends: she’ll enable them to avoid the ravages of age, by providing them with one last wonderful experience—a “last moment of beauty”—and then killing them!Swirling around the main story of Jean carrying out her mission are subplots involving Milt’s infidelities; Cheryl, a long-lost friend of Jean’s who has become an alcoholic after two failed marriages; and Fran, the cloyingly, obnoxious newcomer to town who does everything she can to befriend Jean.“Practical Jean” is a very dark comedy, and it has some very dark moments. One occurs when Jean recalls an almost unbearably sad episode from her childhood in which her mother, a veterinarian, drowns a litter of puppies Jean’s dog had. In contrast, the scenes in which Jean commits murder are told in an offhand, almost matter-of-fact way. After one of her killings, she doesn’t have time to take a shower before going to a dinner party at Fran’s house:“The only awkward moment that occurred during the first part of the evening, and it was only slightly awkward, came when Fran bustled about the table to point out to Jean something about the china pattern—a flocking in the gilt that she considered significant for some reason—and then paused. After a second Jean realized that Fran was staring at something, and it was something in her hair. ‘What is it, Fran?’ she asked. Fran frowned as she peered closer. ‘It looks like a spot of dried blood. . . with a piece of skin in it.’ Jean reached up, feeling for the spot, and found it, and so wished at that moment that she had taken the time for a proper shower. She dragged it crumbling out of her hair and looked at what remained on her fingers. ‘It’s glaze,’ said Jean, wiping her fingers in her napkin. ‘And a bit of clay.’ ‘The glaze is read, though. Dark red. You almost never use red.’ Jean merely smiled at Fran. ‘I’m working on something new.’ Things proceeded very amiably after that.”An amiable little post-murder dinner party. Cole’s book is full of such scenes, and it’s a credit to his ability as a writer that his book is eminently readable, riotously funny, and, remarkably intelligent, provoking thought about the very nature of friendship.
    • 4/5
      This book is a dark, dark comedy. There are definitely disturbing and unsettling things that happen throughout. You must have a certain sense warped sense of humor to enjoy it. If you do, you will love it like I did. The humor and story vaguely reminded me of the Coen brothers' movie Fargo. Maybe because this book is written by a Canadian and takes place in Canada so the characters all have that Northern nice thing going on like the characters in Fargo. The reason Jean is killing her friends in the first place is because she loves them so much, because she is so nice.Jean is a wonderful character. Flashbacks to Jean's childhood show why Jean ended up in a place where she thinks that killing her friends is actually doing them a favor. She's a sympathetic serial killer and so weirdly reasonable that she can almost convince you that what she is doing is okay. If you're a fan of black humor, you'll be a fan of this book.
    • 3/5
      Black comedy is an understatement with regard to this book. I felt sick in my stomach while I read it very quickly as I could not put it down. What more can you ask from a book? I've read comments that Jean's character was underdeveloped. I knew more about her than I cared to know. Did I see myself or people I know in her? Recommended - but not for the squeamish.
    • 4/5
      Practical Jean is a dark comedy about a woman named Jean who cares for her mother during her last agonizing months of cancer and starts to think how wonderful it would be if people didn't get old and die miserably. What if people could have one last moment of pure happiness and then die? Jean decides to give this gift to her dearest friends and plots how to both make them happy and then kill them.Though this novel had the potential to become ridiculous, it was all very well done. In between the morbid humor is some excellent commentary on friendship, especially among middle-aged women. Character development was a weak point for the novel - despite all the quirky characteristics that Cole gives his characters, they still felt a little flat to me. Even after finishing the book, I felt like I didn't know Jean at all. I'm not sure how to explain what was lacking but something about it made me classify Practical Jean as a good book rather than a great one. I didn't mark too many sentences or passages in this novel, but I like the following because it's so rich in irony: "'Fran,' she said, 'do you ever think about getting old?' "'If I think about it I get too depressed,' said Fran. 'So I try to stay busy. Or I listen to Celine, and she just drives those thoughts right out of my head.' "'I think about it all the time,' said Jean. "'Well, you know what they say about getting old,' Fran chuckled. 'It's better than the alternative.' When Jean said nothing, Fran took her eyes off the road just long enough to glance over. 'Don't you think?'" (pg. 276-7).Also, I love the first lines: "You might think this a rather horrible and depraved sort of story. But that's because you're a nice person. The events of this story are not the sort of thing that nice people think about, let alone do. But that's speaking generally, and traditionally, because the truth of it is that this story is filled with nice people, and yet what happened could not be more awful. It's one of the quirks of our modern times" (pg. 1).
    • 3/5
      Jean spends three months caring for her dying mother. After watching the pain her mother suffers, Jean decides that the best thing she can do for her friends is to save them from such pain. She decides to give them each a perfect moment of happiness, then kill them. Because she loves them. Her only worry is that she might be too selfish to deprive herself of all the friends she loves so much.Practical Jean is a dark comedy; despite the subject matter, it is humourous and the situations are described with a light touch.This is my second novel by Trevor Cole. He's a good writer with a flair for creating characters who don't know that they are unbalanced. His characters, like Jean, hold on to their perspectives no matter what contrary evidence (i.e., reality) is presented to them. Jean as a character is not deeply developed, but she is nonetheless interesting because of her skewed thinking. This is a novel centered around an idea rather than the characters, and it is well done.
    • 2/5
      I really, really, really wanted to love this book. I’ve been on such a good run, and recently read a book (Fathermucker by Greg Olear) that had me in stitches. It wasn’t until fairly recently that I started to really get into the harder edge of comedy that these types of books offer, so I, like I said earlier, I really wanted to like this one.But I didn’t.This is why:Jean is not a likeable character. She seems to break(? I don’t know if that’s the right word for it, but it most describes what I felt about it) after her mothers death and rather then finding a dark humor in the story, I just felt incredible pity and a lot of anxiety. I didn’t want Jean to get caught, but I didn’t agree with her actions either – or understand them fully, really.I think the breaking point though, the moment I really just fell off the wagon and admitted to myself that I just didn’t get it, was during a pivotal moment in the book. I don’t want to say too much, but Jean basically takes away all climax to the story with a single speech. It felt.. contrived and out of character for her – not to mention the rest of the story seeming just too convenient.I think I understand what Cole was attempting to do with the story, I just don’t feel there was enough of Jean to really like, or dislike. I felt pity, yes, but she isn’t a character that will stick with me. She seemed somewhat.. bland, like an unseasoned bowl of oatmeal.
    • 4/5
      “Young woman...how can you possibly be a Horemarsh? You don’t have a practical gene in your body!” accuses Jean Vale Horemarsh's mother, disapproving of Jean's career as a ceramics artist, her choice of a husband and in fact, of Jean altogether. However after caring for her mother during the last three months of her life, Jean discovers her mother was wrong. An idea coalesces, a practical alternative to her mother's agonising end, one that will spare her closest friends the indignities of aging. It's practically the perfect plan.Practical Jean is an entertaining novel with a quirky premise. The novel explores the themes of friendship, aging and quality of life with sharp observation and dark humour. The storyline stealthily spirals from the ordinary to the darkly absurd as Jean develops and then enacts her 'exquisitely practical' plan. I found the first quarter of the book to be a little slow to be honest but as Jean begins to evolve from an ordinary, if slightly eccentric, housewife and artist to a calculating serial killer I was constantly surprised by the direction Cole took his characters. Trying to provide her friends with a last moment of happiness before she murders them leads to some rather interesting situations.Jean is an unexpectedly sympathetic protagonist. The juxtaposition of Jean's whimsical sense of altruism and her practical actions is clever and though her thinking is undeniably skewed, her 'Angel of Mercy' motivation makes a weird kind of sense. Anyone who has nursed a loved one through the final painful stages of cancer would want to spare them the suffering, Jean just takes things a step too far.The supporting characters are also full of surprises, in telling Jean's story the author reveals the personalities that lurk beneath the surface.Practical Jean is a black humoured satire that I enjoyed for its unpredictability and unique characters. Subtly layered and well crafted this novel is an entertaining read.
    • 4/5
      A dark-yet-light gentle satire about a middle aged middle class woman, slightly unhinged after the death of her own mother, who becomes driven to provide a sweet death for her friends. As a gift to them. This is black black and fun
    • 3/5
      Well if you are looking for something different to shake up your reading list, here it is. I'm not sure how to sum up my experience with this book. It is a little bizarre and far fetched but interesting enough that it kept me reading until the end because I really wanted to see how the heck it would turn out. It is described as a darkly humorous book but I thought it was really too odd to be amusing. The really quick summary goes like this.....Jean has recently buried her mother after a long and agonizing battle with cancer. She is dismayed that people have to endure that type of painful death and decides the nicest thing she can do for her friends is to kill them so that she can prevent them from ever having that experience. (I told you it was odd). There is more to this book if you are willing to look a little deeper.It is also a book about the roles people play in eachothers lives and about relationships. I can't say I loved the book but it was just different enough and interesting enough that I wanted to keep reading.

    Book preview

    Practical Jean - Trevor Cole

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