If He Had Been with Me

By Laura Nowlin

More than ONE MILLION copies sold!

A BookTok Viral Sensation

#1 New York Times Bestseller

A USA TODAY Bestseller

An achingly authentic and raw portrait of love, regret, and the life-altering impact of the relationships we hold closest to us, this YA romance bestseller is perfect for fans of Colleen Hoover, Jenny Han, and Lynn Painter.

If he had been with me, everything would have been different…

Autumn and Finn used to be inseparable. But then something changed. Or they changed. Now, they do their best to ignore each other.

Autumn has her boyfriend Jamie, and her close-knit group of friends. And Finn has become that boy at school, the one everyone wants to be around.

That still doesn't stop the way Autumn feels every time she and Finn cross paths, and the growing, nagging thought that maybe things could have been different. Maybe they should be together.

But come August, things will change forever. And as time passes, Autumn will be forced to confront how else life might have been different if they had never parted ways…

Captivating and heartbreaking, If He Had Been with Me is perfect for readers looking for:

• Contemporary teen romance books
• Unputdownable & bingeworthy novels
• Complex emotional YA stories
• TikTok Books
• Jenny Han fans
• Colleen Hoover fans

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sourcebooks
• Release date: Apr 2, 2013
• ISBN: 9781402277832

Laura Nowlin

Laura Nowlin holds a B.A. in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing from Missouri University. When she isn’t at home agonizing over her own novels, Laura works at the public library, where the patrons give her plenty of inspiration for her writing. She lives in St. Louis with her musician husband, neurotic dog, and psychotic cat.

Reviews for If He Had Been with Me

[mtlkch-1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Very predictable. Did not like the main character.

[saschad-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The writing is this book is excellent. The rhythm, the poetry, the senses all come into focus.

The story is compelling and drew me in and with the writing being as good as it was I finished the book in one, unfortunately very late evening/early morning.

I have wondered though, because I have found some plotting flaws whether this is a three or a four star book.

For those of you who have read the book, you might think I am nuts, but I believe the author took the easy out on the ending and made it more melodramatic than the book had been up until the last third or quarter. Also, something about the narrator's "affliction" and her boyfriend's reaction to it seemed to come out of nowhere and, to my reading, weren't mirrored in the text. I found no basis for his reaction except for typical teen self-esteem issues.

However, with that said, this is a great first novel and I hope to read more of Laura Nowlin's work.

[kitchenwitch04 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I really enjoyed If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin. As I read, I could feel the turmoil that these teens were going through, and remember from my own high school experience the importance of having that group of friends that supported you and were there for you. Also, all those memories of first love and the plans that were made and broken along the way.
Being a sucker for the idea of Happily Ever After, of course the ending broke my heart - but I get it. The end totally came together in a non-typical way much different from the usual teenage love story. But it was real and raw and I loved every minute of it. It's a book that makes you fall in love with the main characters and wish everything works out. It also grabs you by the heart and squeezes...... I thought it about it even after I closed the back cover.

[jenn88-1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Autumn and Phineas have been friends and neighbours all their lives. But as they reach the awkward years of hormones and new feelings, they begin to drift apart. Since their mother's were friends since childhood they often get together for dinner and holidays so it's not always easy to ignore each other like it is in high school.

We go through Autumn's four years of high school with her. She is part of a different crowd than Finny. She has her close-knit misfit friends and her boyfriend, Jamie. Finny is popular, a star soccer player with a cheerleader girlfriend named Sylvie. Autumn also shares her childhood memories of Finny. And she finally admits to herself what she already knew deep down all along. After all those long years things finally fall into place. But not for long.

The writing was so good! The characters were three-dimensional, the story flowed well. The last few chapters were lacking and felt rushed otherwise it would've been a five star read for me. Everything felt real - the friendships, getting drunk for the first time, wondering if he likes you but being too scared to do anything about it, the feeling after a breakup. It definitely took me back. I couldn't put it down.

[edgoldberg · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

There is something so sad about If He Had Been With Me by Laura Nowlin. Having lived a good portion of my life already, it saddens me to see or read of wasted time, things that should be that aren’t. Nowlin’s book describes just that. Autumn and Finny lived next door to each other since birth. Their moms are best friends and it was always their hope that their children would take their own best friendship one step further. But you know how middle school and high school blur the ‘what should be’ with cliques and odd friendships and boyfriends and girlfriends, so that what should be doesn’t happen or is delayed.So it is with Autumn and Finny. They get sidetracked. The sad part is that one word from either of them would get them back on track, but that doesn’t happen. And so we follow Autumn and her friends from eighth grade through high school graduation, the getting togethers and the breakups and the sex and the drinking…and mostly Autumn’s epiphany about Finny and her regrets.And while If He Had Been With Me is nicely written and the main characters come to life, there were things that bothered me, although probably minor things. (1) None of these high school kids had summer jobs. They basically spend the summers bumming around, going to the mall, and drinking a bit. These are the cream of the crop, honors students. No summer jobs? It seems odd to me. (2) So little talk about college and where everyone should go so that they could maintain their relationships. Honors students are obsessed with college. Not these, however. (3) The ending. I won’t tell you about it, but I couldn’t get my hands around it. Sorry. Some may find it sweet. Some may ask why. Some may groan. I was the guy who asked ‘why’? Why that? Couldn’t it have been different? The whole thing doesn’t ring true. (I guess your opinion might help me accept the ending…or not.)I admit something about the book compelled me to keep reading, to find out what disaster occurred because you know from the beginning that a disaster occurs, but you don’t know why. Maybe I could have gotten there faster. Maybe I was tired of Autumn and Finny’s reticence to make the move. I don’t know.You might say after reading this that I’m ambivalent about the book and as I write this, I guess I am. Don’t get me wrong. I liked it, it’s just that I was bothered by the things I mentioned earlier. Was anyone else bothered?

[kim7jacobs · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I really enjoyed this book and did not want to put it down! It was a strange read though, knowing from the beginning how the book was going to end but still being shocked, surprised, and saddened as I got to the end. The characters took me back to HS and my friends yet also made me think of my own children, their friends and first loves. This was a great book and I look forward to reading more of Laura Nowlin's books.

[br14kaiho · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

If He Had Been With Me by Laura Nowlin was a good book overall. The ending was sad though. The main characters are Autumn and Finny. They were best friends up until middle school. Then Autumn became friends with the “Popular” people. She split away from Finny. Then one day the “popular” kids decided to not include Autumn and one of Autumn’s friends Sasha. Sasha and AUtumn became loners. In high school Finny becomes popular. Autumn begins to hang out with kids just like her. She starts to wear tiaras and gets a boyfriend. They really love each other. Then one day he leaves her. She is getting to be to much work. Then Finny wants her to hang out with him. You have to read the book to find out what happens to the main characters!

[samanthakr · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Sometimes the sad things are the most beautiful of all...If you aren't looking for beauty and truth and love, do not read this book.If you aren't open to having your heart torn apart in a beautiful and tragic and meaningful way, do not read this book.But if you are, go read this. Have your heart warmed and broken as each piece of the puzzle of Autumn and Finny fall into place. Have the tragedy and beauty and meaning change you. Also, have a box, no, two boxes of kleenexes nearby. You will need them.This book deserves more than 5 stars. Bravo is all I can manage to say.

[bornbookish · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

It's funny how we have certain expectations for a book when we've done nothing but see the cover and read the back cover. I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting from this book, but I can say it ended up being nothing like how I imagined. The story focuses on best friends, Finny & Autumn, who have known each other since before birth. Seriously, their moms are also best friends and would sit with their pregnant bellies together so the babys could kick each other. Now in highschool, we get to watch as Autumn and Finny's relationship changes, they drift apart and back together again. The timeline of this book was very strange. It spans all four years of highschool and also contains many memories of middle school and earlier. So much so that I felt I had know Autumn & Finny their whole lives. While the story is about both Finny & Autumn, the focus is more on Autumn and is told from her point of view. She was extremely frustrating, always doing thing's she didn't want to do or saying things she didn't mean. I really disliked her! Finny on the other hand, I loved! I mean how awesome is the name Phineas? Okay I may be biased because of my love for Phineas & Ferb but it just really stood out to me. Even though you know how it's going to end from the very first page, it still hits hard when it happens. While I didn't care much for the book overall, I will say that it was very emotional, and quite powerful. I found myself thinking about it for a few nights after I finished, tortured by what had happened and how easily it could have been different had the characters just communicated with one another!

[kctlagman · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

First things first, I thought that If He Had Been With Me had incredible potential to be a really good book. The summary blurb and the cover really pull a reader in, and I thought it would be one of those books that pull at you and break your heart and shatter you into hundreds of pieces. It was a good book that I finished in a few hours, but it did not impact me as much as I expected it would.

If He Had Been With Me is the story that spans through childhood to young adulthood of a boy and a girl who's lives have been intertwined for as long as they can remember. Beautiful and different, Autumn has lived beside Finny for years. The two grew up with each other and have a bond that they once thought was unbreakable and long lasting. One moment - one complete misunderstanding in their eighth grade changes everything between them, and their lives as they know it. As the years pass, Autumn and Finny live their own lives and their relationship is a tiny fraction of what it was in the years before.

Autumn finds her niche in her group of misfits, and finds a boy that is seemingly head over heels in love with her. Finn lives the superstar life in high school - star athlete, beautiful girlfriend, all around Mr. Popular. Their groups of friends despise one another and each of their lives continue without any impact from the other. Except not really.

I liked the development of Autumn and Finn's relationship, that it was gradual and took years for the two to even speak on a friendly basis. I adored Finny for always looking out for Autumn throughout the years. I loved how Autumn hands her emotions and realizations, because it was so realistic and showed her loyalty to Jamie.

The events approaching the end of the book were so questionable and unrealistic to me, and the ending was sudden and unexpected and I felt that it ruined the message that the book was trying to explain.

If He Had Been With Me is a book of regrets and lost friendships and unconditional love. It is the story of growing up and the mistakes that often come along it this part of life. Although If He Had Been With Me was not what I expected it to be, the emotions that it pulled from me at some parts are a reward altogether.

[margaraawr-1 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Actual Rating: 2.5/5 stars

I was actually enjoying this book despite it's not very unique storyline. I cared about the characters. The romance was SO good that this book could've been a new favorite of mine but..

The ending just ruined everything, really. For me, anyway. I wished I didn't read that part.

The plot:

Autumn and Finny are best friends since birth, literally. "The Mothers", as they call them, are also best friends so they were with each other before they're even born. As they grew up, they drift apart though.

Who doesn't like best friends who became more than that? That is the best kind of love story. For me, anyway. Having someone you already trusts to to take care of you is comforting. And even after all romance is gone, friendship is all you have.

Autumn and Finny were both in a relationship with other people. But throughout the entire story, I just wished that they should be together. The author made me feel that they belonged together like it's a universal accepted truth.

There are parts that had me completely bored though. Some scenes just does not fit like they should not be there at all. And this was just so loooooong.

The Characters:

Autumn. I liked her. She was weird and she knows it AND embraces it. She is so geeky and I liked that she reads a lot. I like that there's actually school activities going on here. She's pretty active in recitation.

I just don't liked what she did at the end. It was seriously infuriating and sad at the same time.

Finny. I adore him. He blushed so easily when he's embarassed which I found cute. What are you, blind Autumn? It was so obvious that he liked her! This MC is just ao dense sometimes I want to strangle her.

I wished I knew what Finny thinks most of the time. It would be good to read something from his POV. The thing that happened before that horrible ending is perfect. I was genuinely happy for them. I mean, finally!!

The Ending:

Are you kidding me??? I am completely and utterly furious! My heart aches at the same time though. I feel like being punched in the gut after what happened in the end but the author made me so angry shortly after that.

The book just ended suddenly. I don't like this kind of ending! I have so many questions but this book just left more questions unanswered. I was definitely not okay with it. I know that a tragedy would happen as the blurb says and I was prepared! But that ending? Gaaah.

Overall, an okay contemporary romance with a bad ending. I don't know if I recommend it. Maybe not.

[prescottkris · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

The first half of the book dragged for me. The second half of the book was just wonderful, I couldn't put it down! I was totally gutted at the end.

[booktwirps · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

What if? How many times have we asked ourselves that question? If we had done one thing differently, could we have changed the outcome of something big? Something devastating? In this case, Autumn’s friend Finn has died, and she can’t help but wonder — if we had been together, would he have lived? Now, don’t worry. That’s no major spoiler. The blurb alone uses the phrase, “If he had been with me, he wouldn’t have died.” The point of the book is really for Autumn to reflect on she and Finn’s relationship through the years and how, if they had been together, things would have ended differently for him. It’s a story that, on the surface, I think many of us can relate to.Since the plot is pretty basic, let’s move on to the characters. The story is told from Autumn’s first-person POV. I have to be honest here. I never fully connected with Autumn, and honestly, a lot of that had to do with the voice of the character. Something about it just felt a little off. She was your average outsider, even though she made it pretty clear in the beginning that she was pretty (and she couldn’t help it) and she was weird (and she couldn’t help it). For some reason I couldn’t get this out of my head. It felt like it was cemented there after she stated it in the beginning of the book, almost like an apology. I also felt that some of her actions were deliberately dumb — as in she made these decisions because she was supposed to be an outcast. I just didn’t really get her.Finn, on the other hand, was more relatable to me — at least what I knew of him from Autumn’s perspective. He was a good guy and seemed pretty normal. He and Autumn were close growing up, and then in high school they kind of grew apart. Finn went the popular route and Autumn hung back with the outcasts. Finn had feelings for Autumn, and she him, but since they were in different circles, they never dated. Then, one night, something happens that sets into motion a chain of events leading to Finn’s death.Again, I could relate to the story, but it seemed to kind of drag. Mainly, because I knew going into it that Finn died, so there was no surprise. I wanted to know what had happened between them before the accident, but before I could get that answer, I got a lot of backstory on Finn and Autumn. In all honesty, this was necessary to build the emotional foundation so we could feel what Autumn lost. The ending did make me feel something, but getting there was, at times, a bit laborious.If He Had Been With Me, will definitely have an audience. It’s more of a character-driven book, and while I do enjoy that type of story, I just didn’t connect with Autumn, which left a bit of a void for me. If you like a tragic love story then you’ll definitely want to check this one out. For me, it was just okay.

[pnh002 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Real rating: 2 1/2This book could have been so extremely epic. But there were so many things preventing it from being that. It took me couple days just to sit down and figure out how to word the review without turning it into a rant. Yes, I am just THAT mad at this.When I first read the synopsis I was super excited to read this. And then looking at the cover I could almost feel the grief radiating off of it. But when I opened it and read the first few pages, I was disappointed in the writing. And when I say disappointed, I don't mean in a little bit. The writing in this book is bad. Like really bad. The only reason I continued reading it is because I was hoping it got better at the climax of the story. At one point I had half a mind to DNF it, but I really wanted to know how the ending would be. My curiosity was the only thing that saved it.Another thing I didn't like was the characters. Like the way Autumn was so dependent on her friends and boyfriend. She felt like there was no way her and Finny could be friends (even though they knew each other since birth) and she wouldn't do anything without their permission. And then there was how childish she was. The book goes over memories from elementary school, middle school, and high school and it seemed like they were all the same. None of them showed any growth in her besides the fact that she didn't want to be friends with Finny anymore. It was weird. She still seemed as if she was in middle school the entire time. And Finny? He was just unrealistic to me. The biggest thing that I hated about this, was the fact that there wasn't much feeling. To say that this book is about death, I really felt it was going to be a tear jerker, but I found my self just shrugging and saying "Oh, he's gone." I really expected to be in heavy tears. And not only then. There was graduation and the breakup too where I didn't feel any type of emotion from the writing. It was just another moment in the book to me. Until the very end. And when I say very end I mean at 95%. If it had been like that the entire book, I would have liked this soooooo much more. Lastly, because the characters weren't the most exciting and the emotional connection wasn't there, the whole book just seemed a little drawn out. I mean when they graduated high school you would think it would end there,but it didn't. It was drawn out until the end of that summer where there was nothing really going on. It took everything in me not to skim to where the story will pick up. And when it finally did, it was over. I hated the ending. I wanted to know the answer to the final question. I'm guessing its implied but still.....In short, there was so much I was expecting out of this, but it just didn't live up to what I had in mind for it. I really wish I liked it a lot more than I did because I was really hoping to. Hopefully you all will like it more than I did.

[Mishal Tariq · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Why is this unavailable I was in the middle of reading it?

[kbranfield-837433 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wonderful book but it broke my heart. And, yes, I cried.