That Was Then - This Is Now: Properly Packaging Your Past

By Dr. Lance D. Watson

THAT WAS THEN - THIS IS NOW - No matter what your past has been, your story is not over. Your past is a part of your story, but it is not the whole. Your story is still emerging and unfolding, even now. In the same way that you cannot read the next chapter of a book without some reference to the previous chapter: your past will always be with you. The purpose of this book is to encourage you to acknowledge and then transform your past. Your past can be a source of power, rather than just pain; a platform for healing, rather than just continued hurt.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 15, 2012
• ISBN: 9780988773523

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Introduction

YOU CAN TURN THE PAGE

The past is not dead, in fact, it’s not even past.

-William Faulkner

Your past; you walk away from it, but it’s still there.

-Denzel Washington as Dudley in The Preacher’s Wife

No matter what your past has been, your story is not over. Your story may have chapters filled with heartaches and happiness, rain and sunshine, villains and heroes, thrilling triumphs and agonizing defeats, but it is not over. Your past is a part of your story, but it is not the whole. Your story is still emerging and unfolding, even as you read this book.

In the same way that you cannot read the next chapter of a book without some reference to the previous chapter: your past will always be with you. No matter how discomforting that thought may be, it bears the melodic ring of truth. Your past has shaped you, but also been shaped by you. It is yours with all of its grief and glory.

You can attempt to ignore your past, but it remains present. You can try to discard your past, but it continues to post itself on your daily agenda. You can try to mute the voice of the past, but even strained, it continues to shout. Your past is always with you because it is part of your story.

Sometimes the past is a vibrant source of power while at other times; it is a source of throbbing pain. Sometimes the past is a dynamic catalyst while at other times; it is an inhospitable harness. The past is not dead or inactive; it is contemporary and close, as close as one chapter in a story is to the next.

The purpose of this book is to encourage you to acknowledge and then transform your past. Your past can be a source of power, rather than just pain; a platform for healing, rather than just continued hurt. You can turn the page. I am convinced that whatever you have experienced in the chapters of your past, there is something miraculous, amazing and incredible awaiting you in the chapters of your future.

Prompting my desire to help you turn the page is my own life experience. I have struggled through some chapters that were heart-wrenching, undesirable, anxiety provoking and filled with frustration. I have endured some paragraphs that were painful and others that were just plain pitiful.

I have battled the temptation to relive the same experiences year after year. I know how difficult it is to put the past in perspective and I am excited to be able to share some of what I have discovered in these pages. I am encouraged to call myself a survivor.

I know that you are a survivor too. You have that instinct and that desire; that is why you are reading this book. Something deep within you wants to stop living in then and start living now and you are strong enough to do it! You have already navigated challenges, trials, trouble and heartaches and not one of those experiences was strong enough to terminate you.

This is the perfect time to put the past in perspective. I had an experience not long ago that illustrates how this might be possible. My travel itinerary had taken me on a full week of whirlwind travel that covered thousands of miles and several cities. Arriving at home, I sat down at my desk, exhaled and looking at my luggage noted that each of the bags had tags and stickers on them of all the places I had been that week.

My assignments were finished in each of those places, but I still had the luggage tags to remind me of where I had been: that is just like the past. We are no longer there, but the tags remain attached to our bags, even as we prepare to travel to our next destination.

When I arrived at the airport the next week, the same luggage tags were still on my bags. As the desk clerk checked me in for my flight, she said, "You still have the tags from last week on your bags." I shrugged and she continued, You need to be sure to take your old tags off your bags when you travel, so that we don’t end up sending things you value to where you used to be. We want to send them to where you’re going to be.

I remain convinced that is a helpful instruction for you and me. Why waste our valuable energy, time, effort, ideas and creativity on where we have been? Invest in where you plan to be. Replace your life’s luggage tags. Let your past work for you, rather than against you.

I am challenging you to live in a different way and I have designed this book to help you. There are four critical steps to putting the past in proper perspective: remember, resolve, release and rejoice.

I have divided the book into four parts accordingly and I invite you to work prayerfully through each section. For each step, there are chapters that help you to understand and apply that principle to your life.

Each chapter contains five features to inspire you to put your past in perspective. Throughout each chapter, you will find Live Now Moments with questions designed to help you examine your life and live in the present tense.

In addition, you’ll find the main points highlighted while the other features, Properly Packaging Your Past, Finding Strength in Your Present and Fearlessly Facing Your Future come at the end of each chapter and offer ways to act on the message of that chapter.

These actions points do not require homework as much as they inspire lifework. You may want to allow time to think through these items, to journal about them, to pray about them. If you are reading this book with others in a group, this will be a great place to focus your discussion.

Regardless of how you use this book, my hope and prayer is that you will think seriously about your past as you pray hopefully about your future. God has some incredible things in store for you. The abundant life God offers will make you wonder why you ever settled for anything less. I hope that you will begin to live in anticipation as you imagine what tomorrow might hold. There is no time like the present—right now—to get started working on the future.

Put your past in perspective and it will give you power, not pain. Reading this book will take time, but I guarantee it will be worth the investment. As you discover the power, love, peace and joy awaiting you in the next chapter of your life, you will wonder why it took you so long to turn the page.

Properly Packaging Your Past

As quickly as possible, without thinking too hard or too long, make a list of three hurts in your past from which you need to heal. Choose one to work on right now. Pray to God for strength to heal now.

Finding Strength in Your Present

Make the conscious choice to begin your journey of healing. Decide now to no longer be a part of the walking wounded. Make a commitment to live your best life now.

Fearlessly Facing Your Future

As you pray over each one of the hurts you listed, give praise to God for healing you now. Remember, healing is a process that takes time, but know that the process is now underway because of your decision to live differently.

Part 1

Remember

Chapter 1

FACE IT TO FIX IT

People cannot change who you are and who you were born to be.

-Ilanya Vanzant, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

You cannot master a foe you do not recognize.

-Mary Manin-Morrisey, Building Your Dreams

Some time ago, in my backyard I noticed a piece of wood lying beside the air conditioner. It had been there for a long time, so I finally decided to move it. You can probably guess what happened when I picked it up. The insects that had been making their home under that piece of wood began to scurry for new cover.

Now, when I was just walking by, that piece of wood looked normal, but it had actually become a hiding place for all types of parasites, a dwelling place for colonies of insects that remained hidden beneath the veneer of the wood until someone disturbed their nest. This ordinary incident transmitted a huge insight and I believe it is a gripping metaphor for what I want to share in this chapter.

Periodically, every person needs to move the wood in their lives to see what is hiding under it. Now, please understand, I am not suggesting that parasites plague your past. I am not a psychiatrist and therefore, I do not plan to probe your psyche for deep, dark secrets, but suffice it to say, we all have a past.

No person among us is perfect, we all tend to cover our hurts and fears with Sunday smiles, nice suits, religious clichés, firm handshakes and sometimes lies. What would happen if we moved that piece of wood lying in the backyard of our past? Honesty requires that we admit that we might be unpleasantly surprised what we would discover if we stepped into the backyard of our life experience and began to turn over the wood.

Be honest with yourself: what is under your piece of wood? Most of us are very adept at covering up our pain, especially the pain of broken relationships. How do we fix fractured relationships? There are no easy answers. However, we must face it to fix it. James Baldwin once wrote, We can never fix what we refuse to face.¹ His instruction carries the ring of truth.

In the Old Testament, there are some incredible spiritual suggestions that will enable us, by the grace of God to step out from under the shadows of our past, curtail its power to dominate our present and dictate our future. By the grace of God, I believe we can learn from what happened yesterday and grow, rather than permit yesterday to serve as an excuse for what didn’t happen today.

I am not denying that something happened in the past. It may have been something devastating; rejection by a parent, painful parting from a partner that burdened you with such bitterness that you have never been able to get past its effects; struggles with siblings that strangled your sense of self and now, the after effect is that you don’t talk to each other anymore, and in fact, you wouldn’t speak to them if they called.

Painful pasts come in all shapes, sizes and degrees of intensity. In some cases, the person who has been the focus of our pain is not even around anymore. It is too late to say you are sorry, or to hear those healing words from the other person’s lips. What can you do in cases like that? How do you stop blaming the problems of the past for the predicament of the present? How do you move from going under to overcoming? How do you mend fractured relationships? How do you face what you need to fix?

The Bible has much to teach us on this subject, because whatever your situation may be, it is no surprise to God. God is already aware of our past. God also knows that, when things go wrong in our relationships, it can have a staggering effect on us. Nowhere is this struggle more evident than in the life of a man named Joseph.

Here was a young man who, through no fault of his own, experienced a painful past. However, as we double click on his file, his database contains some positive, practical suggestions on fixing fractured relationships; on moving the wood to expose and eliminate the toxic elements growing unchecked in plain sight. Here is the first lesson.

1: IT IS NOT WHERE YOU START UP, BUT WHERE YOU END UP THAT REALLY COUNTS

Joseph grew up in and emerged from an unstable family. Ideally, your family tree gives you the strong foundational roots necessary to build a stable life. Your family plants you firmly in the soil of experience and nurtures you to sprout and be productive. What do you do when your family roots appear to be contaminated? How do you manage when instead of stability, your family is the source of instability?

It might amaze you to know how many people are, the way they are and have been the way they have been because their family tree had deep fissures and faults in it. The cold, hard truth is that many people struggle outside of their home because of the chaotic and unpredictable mess going on inside their home.

Joseph had a past. Joseph stepped into a story that was already in progress. It was the story of his father, Jacob. Now Jacob would not win the Father of the Year award. As a young man, Jacob was a deceiver. Jacob is a stunning example of the havoc that can result from unchecked ambition. We know from the narrative in Genesis that he tricked his brother Esau out of the family birthright, linking up with his mother Rebekah to deceive his father, Isaac and gain the inheritance.

When all of the sordid details of this disastrous deal were exposed, Jacob had to run from Esau to save his own life. Consumed with anger, the potential for violence between Esau and Jacob was very real. Jacob fled his homeland, ending up in the home of a distant relative named Laban. Laban had two daughters, Leah and Rachel and Jacob fell head over heels in love with Rachel.

There is a biblical principle that declares: you may be sure that your sin will find you out. (Numbers 32:23) That is exactly what happened to Jacob. Jacob had deceived his father and his brother. Jacob was cunning and wily, but Laban was more sly and clever than Jacob could ever imagine. The old men that stood on the street corners in the neighborhood where I grew up used to say in their folk wisdom, You can’t con a con man. You can’t play a player because game recognizes game.

Laban contracted with Jacob to work seven years in exchange for the privilege of marrying Rachel. Jacob accepted the terms, only to discover himself deceived and disappointed on his wedding night. The marital custom of that time required the bride to remain veiled until after the ceremony and festivities.² On his wedding night, after he had spoken his vow of commitment, he discovered that he had married Leah, the older and less attractive daughter of Laban.

Disappointed, but not defeated, he consented to work for seven additional years for the opportunity to marry Rachel. Initially barren and childless, Rachel offered to Jacob two of her servant girls as wives. Similarly, Leah after giving birth to four sons offered Jacob two of her servant girls as well.

Envision this patchwork family comprised of a husband and four wives, three of whom he had not really planned to marry; this was the environment into which Joseph was born. By today’s standards, this family was dynamically dysfunctional: a social service nightmare.

Jacob’s path of deception continued unabated when after assuring Laban that he would complete the terms of his contract, he fled without prior notice. Rachel, the woman he dearly loved demonstrated her penchant for deception as well when she stole her father’s household idols and then lied to him about having them. Is it any wonder that by the time Jacob had eleven sons, counting Joseph that his older sons turned out to be just as treacherous as their daddy?

Jacob was a liar, so they became adept at telling lies. Jacob had a long litany of broken relationships and similarly, the relationships of his sons were flawed and fruitless. Their father was skilled at manipulation, so subsequently they became experts of exploitation. Conspiracy was a favorite past time of their father and that trait was passed on to his sons. In the language of the street, ‘their daddy was a dog, and they were raised to be puppies.’

In fact, their deeds were more dastardly because they were totally absent of moral restraint. When men in the city of Shechem raped their sister, they responded by murdering every man in that city, whether guilty or not as an act of revenge. With little to no respect for boundaries, Jacob’s oldest son Reuben had sex with one of his father’s wives while his