The Four Conversations: Daily Communication That Gets Results

By Jeffrey D. Ford and Laurie W. Ford

Talk is powerful. Engaging in the right conversation at the right time is key to both personal and organizational success. And it isn’t just ‘difficult’ conversations that matter. The Four Conversations clearly demonstrates it is the everyday dialogue we have with one another that is critical.

Armed with a solid body of research and their own first-hand observations, Jeffrey and Laurie Ford identify four types of conversations that every one of us must use to get things done: initiative conversations to introduce something new; understanding conversations to help people relate to new ideas or processes; performance conversations to request specific actions and results; and closure conversations to complete work and give people a sense of accomplishment . They identify the specific elements that make each of these conversations successful and show how they can be put together in different ways to achieve different objectives.

The Four Conversations demonstrates how to use the right conversation at the right time—planning and starting each one well, and finishing every conversation effectively—to produce the results we want and the improved productivity our organizations need. And through dozens of personal stories and sample dialogues, the authors illustrate how real people in real situations have used the four conversations, either alone or in combination, to more effectively combat common workplace problems and lay the foundations for enduring success: stronger relationships, better buy-in, and a greater feeling of personal and professional achievement for everyone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 10, 2009
• ISBN: 9781609944551

Jeffrey D. Ford

Jeffrey Ford is associate professor of management in the Fisher College of Business at the Ohio State University in Columbus.

Book preview

More Praise for The Four Conversations

This work by Jeffrey and Laurie Ford is compelling. While there is much literature on the content of effective management—the concepts, models, vocabulary, and acronyms—there is almost nothing on the conversational competence essential to being an effective manager, leader, or executive. Recognizing and being adept with these four conversations is crucial for anyone who aspires to effective management.

—Brian Stuhlmuller, Partner, Distinctions, Inc., and former CEO,

Mission Control Productivity, Inc., and MediMedia Information Technologies

I’ve got nothing but praise for this book. Literally, from beginning to end, I was impressed with the concrete, real-life scenarios the authors used to demonstrate their points. This is good, solid material, presented in a way that clearly communicates the value of using four types of conversations consciously and deliberately. As a manager myself, I’ve got an initiative conversation in mind for my next weekly staff meeting.

—Chris Lee, Editor, Midwest Home magazine, and former Editor-in-Chief, Training magazine

"The Four Conversations offers insight and clarity about the way we speak to one another. Its perceptive observations and real-life examples are valuable in enhancing daily communication with friends and family and indispensable to anyone attempting transformative change."

—Cheryl Roberto, Commissioner, Public Utilities Commission of Ohio

"This book captures the critical elements of meaningful workplace conversation in a way that will help managers communicate more effectively. The Four Conversations is filled with examples that will improve both performance and engagement."

—Cindy Ventrice, author of Make Their Day! Employee Recognition That Works

The

Four

Conversations

The

Four

Conversations

Daily Communication

That Gets Results

Jeffrey Ford and Laurie Ford

Berrett—Koehler Publishers, Inc,

San Francisco

a BK Business book

The Four Conversations

Copyright © 2009 by Jeffrey Ford and Laurie Ford

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.

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First Edition

Paperback print edition ISBN 978-1-57675-920-2

PDF e-book ISBN 978-1-57675-921-9

IDPF ISBN: 978-1-60994-455-1

2009-1

Interior production by Publication Services. Cover design by Richard Adelson.

To our

students and clients,

from whom we have learned so much.

Preface

As a management professor and management consultant, we have had the opportunity to work, train, and problem-solve with executives and managers in nearly every type of organization, from small businesses and Fortune 100 companies to nonprofits, associations, and government agencies at the city, state, and federal levels. The most frequently cited challenge, beyond all others, is communication. Over the last twenty-five years of teaching and consulting, we have discovered two things about the communication problem in organizations.

First, most people do not know that communication is actually made up of different types of conversations. People think of communication as a broad general area riddled with problems, gaps, and pitfalls in which success is a matter of skill or luck or both. Unfortunately, this generalization is like saying I have a driving problem, when one needs to start by learning the difference between ignition, steering wheel, accelerator, and brake. Generalizations do not solve the very real problems of organizational work.

Second, most people do not understand that his or her own communication, not someone else’s, is the key to recognizing and resolving the communication problem. It is easy to blame others, either individually or as a group, for not communicating well. Now we need to consider that we might not be using the appropriate conversations, or using them properly.

Research at the Harvard Business School indicates that 70% of all organizational changes fail to produce their intended results.¹ Communication is usually the designated culprit in these failures. Why, then, if everyone knows communication is so important, have we not solved the problem? Perhaps seeing it as a generic problem, caused by other people or environmental factors, has limited our vision. As individuals, each of us has our own pattern of daily conversations, and we can learn to change that pattern. This means we can alter our conversational habits, and start communicating more effectively.

There are four types of conversation, each with a set of necessary elements. They are normal everyday conversations, used by CEOs, executives, directors, managers, supervisors, and employees (and husbands and wives, parents and children) in the process of doing their respective jobs. Anyone who wants to accomplish something, whether creating a new corporate strategy, assigning people to projects, or arranging lunch with friends, will use one or more of these four conversations.

When our students and clients began to practice improving their skills with all four conversations in their work situations, they were amazed to discover how very small changes in the way they talked could produce unexpectedly positive outcomes. Practicing managers were impressed with how easy it was to get results, and quickly applied the lessons to get similar benefits outside of work with spouses, families, and friends.

We have since learned many of the persistent issues people tolerate in organizations can be resolved by using these four conversations. True, some people do not want to change the way they communicate or do not want to make changes in their work practices. However, we have found most people are willing to make minor adjustments in their speaking and listening to gain major improvements in results and relationships.

The material developed in this book reflects what we have learned from research and consulting with executives and managers, training them in MBA and executive education classes, and solving problems in their organizations. We have included many of their stories and experiences, as well as first-hand observations, to give examples of how people changed their conversations and what happened as a result. The people and the examples are real, though we have altered the names of individuals and organizations.

We wrote this book to give executives, managers, and employees—and their families and friends—a way to overcome communication problems every day, in every conversation. We explain the four types of conversations, including the required elements in each, and the specific kinds of results each conversation can produce. Examples of real conversations and results are included throughout.

The book starts in Chapter 1 by addressing the daily and persistent problems we encounter at work and how they can be addressed by recognizing four different types of conversations.

Chapter 2 introduces Initiative Conversations, useful whenever you want to propose something new, make something happen, or create a new future. Chapter 3 presents Understanding Conversations, which you can use to engage other people in planning and participating in your goals. Chapter 4 is about Performance Conversations, the little-used rules for creating commitment, getting people to move into action, and producing results. Chapter 5 describes Closure Conversations, the often-overlooked key to accomplishment, satisfaction, and accountability.

In Chapter 6, you will see how to put the four types of conversation together in different ways to accomplish different objectives, including ways to expand your personal effectiveness, enhance other people’s performance, and improve relationships. Each section in the chapter includes tips, tested by practicing managers, for stimulating better communication, productivity, and workplace satisfaction.

Chapter 7 outlines some ways to change conversational patterns in a work environment. It contains ideas from managers on how to support new ways of talking at work, such as how to have better meetings, and some tips to help you practice and get other people to practice with you. A closing note reminds us that changing our conversations will change more than the way we speak. It will change our listening too, so that we will be more responsive to, and perhaps more responsible for, our human environment.

1

Chapter One

Four Conversations in a

Successful Workplace

Realizing your goals will take more than passion, vision, and commitment: it will take talking to other people. To be successful, your talking must accomplish more than simply following the rules of well-mannered communication skills. Getting more of what you want and less of what you don’t want—in work and in life—depends on how well you use four types of conversations.

Initiative Conversations: When you talk in a way that proposes something new or different, such as introducing a new goal, proposing an idea, or launching a change in strategy or structure, you are having an Initiative Conversation.

Example: You are a manager who announces a new customer service policy. Your announcement can be done in a way that attracts people toward working with you to implement the new policy, or it can be so vague or bossy that everyone goes back to doing their own work, leaving you to wonder how you will do it all yourself.

Understanding Conversations: When you want people to understand the meaning of your ideas, and relate them to their current jobs or their personal ideas about the future so that they will consider working with you, you are having an Understanding Conversation.

2

Example: You explain the purpose of your new customer service policy and your plan for its implementation, and encourage people to make suggestions and contribute their advice. The way you talk will either help people see how to support you or create confusion and annoyance.

Performance Conversations: When you want people to take specific actions or produce specific results, you make specific requests (and promises) so they know what to do and when to do it. Performance Conversations, when properly conducted, will lead people to work, perform tasks, and produce results.

Example: You are a manager who directs all employees to follow the new customer service policy starting today (your request) and asks for a show of hands (their promise) by everyone who accepts the request. This establishes an agreement for action. Your request could be so effective that people start to implement it that afternoon, or so sketchy it leaves people unsure about what you really want, when you want it, and whether it really matters.

Closure Conversations: When you thank someone for his or her work, summarize the status of a project, or tell people that a job is complete, you are having a Closure Conversation.

Example: Six months after the new customer service policy was implemented, you and your staff review the customer evaluations and complaints to find out what worked and what did not work. Your talk in this situation can give people a sense of accomplishment and bring out new ideas for improvement, or it can leave people wondering whether everyone is really using the new policy yet, whether it works, or if anyone learned something from the implementation process.

3

The Importance of Conversations

Everything we talk about involves one or more of the four types of conversation. We use them when we are socializing, talking about the weather, discussing the big game, or chatting about an upcoming party. We use them when we are learning about the computer system, getting assignments from the boss, or explaining how the travel policy works to a new employee. Any time we are trying to motivate people, get them to be more productive, or help them solve a problem, we are using one or more of these four conversations.

At work, managers introduce ideas and improvements. They want to have people understand, take appropriate action, and create an environment of teamwork and communication. The problem is that many managers make mistakes in the way they use these conversations, or leave out important parts that help get the message across.

Abraham was a supervisor in a fast-growing organization where staff turnover was unusually high. Both the rapid growth and the high turnover increased Abraham’s workload to the point where he was working longer days and weekends, much to the disappointment of his family. He knew he was in a negative cycle, doing more work himself and reducing the amount of time to train staff and be a good supervisor, but he was unable to turn the situation around.

4

  I talked to my supervisor about it, Abraham said. He agreed the staff shortage was a problem. He knows I am working too many hours, and that I’m unhappy about it. But he has not done anything to resolve the problem. Maybe he doesn’t care.

  We asked Abraham about the details of his conversations with his boss, and he told us, My boss and I agreed that our staff turnover meant we have to spend more time training new people, and the increase in customers also increases our work, Abraham said. We talked about why the workload has gone up, and then we shared some personal stories about how we cope with the effects on our family life. It’s hard for him too. We agreed that something should be done, but we aren’t sure what.

Abraham and his boss had an Understanding Conversation. Neither of them used an Initiative Conversation to propose a solution, or a Performance Conversation to request a change of some kind. When he learned about Performance Conversations, Abraham decided to be bold. He went to his boss with some new requests for action.

I asked him to look into his budget, Abraham said, and see if he could either hire two new people or get two temps in here right away. I also asked him to give me permission to stop working overtime in the evenings and weekends, starting now. And I asked him for a week’s vacation before the end of the month. I told him I needed to get reacquainted with my family.

  I never got the vacation, he said later, but I did get all my weekends off starting that week. My boss contacted a key customer and changed four deadlines we had promised for customer deliveries. He asked for two new hires, and we actually got one of them, which is a miracle. These were great results for me and I feel better about working here. The most important thing I learned, though, is that talking about a problem is not the same thing as having a Performance Conversation that will resolve it.

5

We all have habitual ways of conversing with people around us. In our collaboration with hundreds of practicing managers, most were surprised to learn how frequently they used each type of conversation, and how and why they used them. Many saw that they were indirect, and only hinted at what they wanted other people to do. Some made clear requests to some of their colleagues or friends but not to others, or explained why they wanted something, but never got to the point of giving a clear instruction. Some went out of their way to show appreciation, while others rarely said good job, or thank you to the people who worked with them.

We all know that we do not talk the same way to our boss as we do with our spouse, children, or friends. But do you know what is different? Do you use all four types of conversation with skill and ease? Or do you use one or two conversations most of the time, and other ones only rarely?

If you are getting what you want in most areas of your life, and the people around you are supporting your goals, you are probably using all four types of conversations skillfully. If not, it may be time to update your patterns of talk. Too often, when we fail to get what we want, we blame other factors such as authority, personality, or motives. We can choose an alternative and look to our own way of talking to see how it affects our relationships and results. For example, Abraham blamed his boss for not caring about his problem of overwork. When he learned new ways to change his conversation, he got a better outcome than he expected.

6

Some Conversations Slow Things Down,

Others Speed Things Up

Many of our conversations seem to make no difference. Office meetings can be too much talking with nothing happening. Some conversations slow our progress by distracting us from important issues or giving us irrelevant information that only adds confusion. Other conversations, however, give us insight into solving a problem, or provide fresh direction and clarity. When we have a goal or a desire to accomplish something, some conversations will be productive, and others will not.

Unproductive Conversations

Complaints are an example of conversations that are usually unproductive. When people complain about the weather, such as, It always rains when I want to play golf, they say it with no intention to change the weather, or even, at that moment, to move to a drier climate or buy a rain suit and adapt.

Many complaints at work are like complaints about the weather. People do not intend to do anything to resolve the complaint, and often have no solutions in mind. Even where solutions exist, or could be developed, the complainer does not intend to be the one who will push for implementing them. Complaints about anything—the weather or a problem at work or at home—which lack a commitment to create or work toward a solution, are simply a distraction to everyone within earshot. Uncommitted complaints are unproductive conversations, and have a negative effect on morale and performance.

We have seen brainstorming sessions, however, that sounded like a lot of complaining, but produced valuable outcomes. Participants itemized all the things wrong with their organization, systems, or policies, but they were actually working to find the underlying causes of negative situations and invent better ways to get things done. Their outcome was a list of solutions—the product of a commitment to make improvements.

7

The difference between productive and unproductive complaints is a matter of intention. Do the people involved in the conversation have any intention to take actions that will resolve the

Reviews for The Four Conversations

[gshuk_1 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

Avoid this book. Dry, boring and nothing new. I listened for an hour and a half before dropping it. On Amazon there are 12 reviews of 5 star, however for almost all of them this is their only review. It deserves a 0 rating but gave it ½ so others know it was rated.