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author
Thomas W. Harding
When I was 17 years of age, I was wishing daily for death. I wanted death to free me from my depression and self-loathing. Life had lost all meaning and I was a shadow of myself. I spent most of my...view moreWhen I was 17 years of age, I was wishing daily for death. I wanted death to free me from my depression and self-loathing. Life had lost all meaning and I was a shadow of myself. I spent most of my time alone, wandering about aimlessly, looking for something to change. I was smoking weed on a fairly regular basis as were most of my friends. I needed to break free, but didn't know what to do. One day in March I think, I wanted/needed to go to a place I found peace called the Gibraltar Rock in Lodi, Wisconsin. I first went to my friends house, but he was gone, so I drove up alone. One of the reasons I liked the Rock so much was the hike to the top. I was able to think clearer and often would feel better once I reached the top. This time was different. I was trying to sum up the strength to commit suicide once I was at the top. The Gibraltar Rock is a 100 foot cliff and I really wanted to jump off. To free dive into infinity.When I arrived at the top, I was more open to seeking an answer instead of just jumping into the dark unknown. I stood on the ledge, looked out of the beautiful landscape that stretched out over the valley from Lake Wisconsin to Lodi, and I asked my dead brother, Johnny, a question, since he was the one I envied, I asked, "Give me one good reason not to jump." Instantly, a voiceless voice that was less then a whisper came to my mind in answer, "If you jump you will kill your parents, too." This answer was a dread to receive, but also one I could not ignore. I loved my parents and always tried my best to make them happy, how could I now kill them?So in response I pulled the bag of weed from my jacket and threw that off the edge, turned and proceeded back down the trail to the car.view less