She Matters: A Life in Friendships

Written by Susanna Sonnenberg

Narrated by Susanna Sonnenberg

From the bestselling “immensely gifted” (Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times) author of Her Last Death comes a fearless, compulsively readable, intensely provocative book about female friendships.

THE BEST FRIEND WHO BROKE UP WITH YOU. The older girl at school you worshipped. The friend who betrayed you. The friend you betrayed. Companions in travel, in discovery, in motherhood, in grief; the mentor, the model, the rescuer, the guide, the little sister. These have been the friends in Susanna Sonnenberg’s life, women tender, dominant, and crucial.

Searing and superbly written, Sonnenberg’s She Matters: A Life in Friendships illuminates the friendships that have influenced, nourished, inspired, and haunted her—and sometimes torn her apart. Each has its own lessons that Sonnenberg seeks to understand. Her method is investigative and ruminative; her result, fearlessly observed portraits of friendships that will inspire all readers to consider the complexities of their own relationships. This electric book is testimony to the emotional bonds between women, whether shattered, shaky, or unbreakable.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio
• Release date: Jan 8, 2013
• ISBN: 9781442358942

Susanna Sonnenberg

Susanna Sonnenberg is the author of Her Last Death. She lives in Montana with her family.

Reviews for She Matters

[juglicerr · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I do understand that other people have other tastes, so perhaps the following description is actually an incentive to read the book. I am not necessarily fond of books that critics exult reproduce real life (if the protagonist is similar to me), or that one recognizes oneself in. I tend to feel that if you want real life, go out and talk to your neighbors. Unless the book is insightful, profound, or eloquent, I have little use for experiencing what I am already familiar with or already know. Otherwise it is like having a compulsive talker as a seat mate. I didn't finish this book because I found it a rather tedious listing of the author's experiences in friendships. Perhaps it doesn't help that I am old enough to be the author's mother.There is one part of the book that I do wish to examine. In the beginning, Sonnenberg is having lunch with her friend, Patricia, who was her best friend for many years before moving out of town. She goes on and on about how wonderful this friendship was. Sonnenberg then decides that this would be a good time to drop on Patricia a ten-year-old, never before expressed, grudge: Patricia didn't come to see Sonnenberg's second child until a couple of weeks after he was born. I suspect that she realizes that this might not be considered a good idea, since she sounds a bit defensive. Ten years on, Patricia can't remember at the drop of a grudge why she didn't come. It apparently doesn't occur to Sonnenberg, then or now, that Patricia might have had her own problems that she didn't want to burden Sonnenberg with in the midst of her new mother excitement. It also doesn't occur to her that, particularly with modern communications, she could have easily reached out herself if she was so upset. I don't care how busy you are, you have time for a quick text or email if you have access to them and you really want contact. Apparently Sonnenberg preferred to sulk rather than clear matters up, or give it up after all these years of hoarding her ill-will.I strenuously urge readers not to take tips on friendships from this book.

[Dayna Bennett · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was a really brave book. The author is raw and honest - I think the fewer stars reviews may be because some of it was uncomfortable. But I loved her raw honesty. Telling the truth about female friendships - bravo.

[dellawanna · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Following the author through a dizzying array of shallow friendships made me feel like a voyeur. Watching her inhabit and shed relationships felt like gazing into another woman's closet. Friends come and go, like dresses purchased on sale at the height of fashion and later abandoned when they no longer fit.

[puddintame-358807 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I do understand that other people have other tastes, so perhaps the following description is actually an incentive to read the book. I am not necessarily fond of books that critics exult reproduce real life (if the protagonist is similar to me), or that one recognizes oneself in. I tend to feel that if you want real life, go out and talk to your neighbors. Unless the book is insightful, profound, or eloquent, I have little use for experiencing what I am already familiar with or already know. Otherwise it is like having a compulsive talker as a seat mate. I didn't finish this book because I found it a rather tedious listing of the author's experiences in friendships. Perhaps it doesn't help that I am old enough to be the author's mother.There is one part of the book that I do wish to examine. In the beginning, Sonnenberg is having lunch with her friend, Patricia, who was her best friend for many years before moving out of town. She goes on and on about how wonderful this friendship was. Sonnenberg then decides that this would be a good time to drop on Patricia a ten-year-old, never before expressed, grudge: Patricia didn't come to see Sonnenberg's second child until a couple of weeks after he was born. I suspect that she realizes that this might not be considered a good idea, since she sounds a bit defensive. Ten years on, Patricia can't remember at the drop of a grudge why she didn't come. It apparently doesn't occur to Sonnenberg, then or now, that Patricia might have had her own problems that she didn't want to burden Sonnenberg with in the midst of her new mother excitement. It also doesn't occur to her that, particularly with modern communications, she could have easily reached out herself if she was so upset. I don't care how busy you are, you have time for a quick text or email if you have access to them and you really want contact. Apparently Sonnenberg preferred to sulk rather than clear matters up, or give it up after all these years of hoarding her ill-will.I strenuously urge readers not to take tips on friendships from this book.

[missread13 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Sonnenberg’s recollection of friendships she has shared, past and present, is blatantly honest and humorous. She uses vivid colors that saturate her canvas as she paints a picture we probably have all seen before whether we’d like to admit it or not. If you look up the word “friend” in the dictionary, it provides several definitions. Each one perfectly fitting, depending on which friend one may be referring to of course. One defines a “friend” as a member of the same nation or party. Now, personally, I consider some of my co-workers friends just because we share the same office, a nation. But, I can recall quite a few harrowing days that I know I wouldn’t dare reach out to them for advice or looking for a shoulder to cry on. Another describes “friend” as a person who is on good terms with one another, one who is not hostile. The author has told a couple of stories where she is on good terms witha friend, but she described them to be people who are almost the complete opposite of hostile. In this memoir, she goes on to explain that throughout life, we all need friends as we grow. Whether we actually want them, or have time for them, the need is still in abundance. Sometimes pals stick around for a lot longer than we expected, and some of the times they vanish before we even realize they’ve been drifting apart. Either way, Sonnenberg has penned the truth and perhaps will open readers’ eyes a little wider to recognizing that it’s more important for ourselves to be a chum, rather than depend on another.