Brave Face: A Memoir

Written by Shaun David Hutchinson

Narrated by Shaun David Hutchinson

A YALSA 2020 Amazing Audiobooks for Young Adults Selection

“[P]rofound…a triumph—a full-throated howl to the moon to remind us why we choose to survive and thrive.” —Brendan Kiely, New York Times bestselling author of Tradition

“Razor-sharp, deeply revealing, and brutally honest…emotionally raw and deeply insightful.” —Booklist (starred review)

The critically acclaimed author of We Are the Ants opens up about what led to an attempted suicide in his teens, and his path back from the experience.

“I wasn’t depressed because I was gay. I was depressed and gay.”

Shaun David Hutchinson was nineteen. Confused. Struggling to find the vocabulary to understand and accept who he was and how he fit into a community in which he couldn’t see himself. The voice of depression told him that he would never be loved or wanted, while powerful and hurtful messages from society told him that being gay meant love and happiness weren’t for him.

A million moments large and small over the years all came together to convince Shaun that he couldn’t keep going, that he had no future. And so he followed through on trying to make that a reality.

Thankfully Shaun survived, and over time, came to embrace how grateful he is and how to find self-acceptance. In this courageous and deeply honest memoir, Shaun takes readers through the journey of what brought him to the edge, and what has helped him truly believe that it does get better.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio
• Release date: May 21, 2019
• ISBN: 9781508286134

Shaun David Hutchinson

Shaun David Hutchinson is the author of numerous books for young adults, including The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried, The Apocalypse of Elena Mendoza, At the Edge of the Universe, and We Are the Ants. He also edited the anthologies Violent Ends and Feral Youth and wrote the memoir Brave Face, which chronicles his struggles with depression and coming out during his teenage years. He lives in Seattle, where he enjoys drinking coffee, yelling at the TV, and eating cake. Visit him at ShaunDavidHutchinson.com or on Twitter @ShaunieDarko.

Reviews for Brave Face

[z.pokomeda · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Very relatable, deep and touching. Well written. Will stay with me.

[Marie Crow · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I really related to this book and very much enjoyed it. Depression effects me in very similar ways. It was sad but that is what made it good. This gives me hope. I loved how honest he was and admitted he was wrong for most of his life. I also related to having adhd and feeling lazy and like I was a terrible person. I was in a bad place reading this not my worst but definitely not my best. I admit this book made me angry at times but not because it was bad but because, It made me realize how self destructive I was being. I really recommend this book to people feeling like an outsider or anyone it is just good.

[Eduardo Brito · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Tocante, profundo e sincero. A escrita de Shaun David Hutchinson é respeitosa e trata de saúde mental com muita sensibilidade e cuidado.

[Jack · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

An unexpected gem. One of the only honest and open portraits of the struggle with gay identify and depression. Not a glam fairy tail hollow to the heart and mind.

[Erko · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I dont like how much I see myself in this book. As somebody who in history cut myself and try multiple time take my life and huge reason for that was my sexuality a people around me. This book take me back in my history a look in different way.

This book is somethink else , is fast a auduiobook but I can imagine some people will give this whole new perspektive about mental health and is not easy how is look like .

[shmuel · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Good. Real. I got bored about halfway through, but I finished it anyway. Maybe for a young adult crowd?

[reader1009-863136 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

teen/adult memoir (depression, attempted suicide, struggling with queer identity and coming out as gay teen/young adult)
I skipped the suicide chapters (thanks for the helpful content warnings, Shaun) but did slowly make my way through the rest of the story. This was a very deliberately written account of the author's experiences with serious depression--as he says, it's not always as simple as 'it gets better' where mental health is concerned.
I do worry about some of the youth I work with and am learning to better recognize some of the signs that they may need help. I think this is a valuable book that I hope will be helpful to many who may be going through some of the same things and I am also glad that Shaun made it through both as a person and as a writer of books that I enjoy and find worthwhile. Thank you for writing this.

[ltmanning · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I remember the first line of the book Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt: “When I look back on my childhood I wonder how I survived at all. It was, of course, a miserable childhood: the happy childhood is hardly worth your while. Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood.”Shaun Hutchinson’s BRAVEFACE reminds me of McCourt’s words. All teens have angst and feel miserable much of the time. Now add to it that you are a gay male teen in the nineties living in a world of degrading stereotypes and misinformation about “gayness.” It is one thing to be a lonely teen, but that loneliness is compounded when dealing with internal pressures that you aren’t quite sure how to deal with…or how others will deal with it.I am a 50-something, straight, married woman who works with teens and writes novels for a living. While Shaun was trying to make his way through the murky waters of gay adolescence, I was living in LA. As a hard-working actress at the time, the majority of my male friends were gay. I am sure that some gay men fall into the stereotypical categories that movies of the day displayed: overly dramatic and flamboyant, or oversexed pedophiles. But none of my gay friends were any of these things. They were educated well-versed men of varying backgrounds, religions, philosophies, and temperaments. Just like straight people. They wanted love and families and peace and friendship, just like straight people. The plus side for me having gay male friendships (and this is still true today) is that there is no sexual tension. I love having friends who truly like me for me the person, and not just me the woman. (By the way, I have many lesbian friends as well.)That said, I thought I knew more about gay culture than many. But I was wrong.Shaun educated me with his personal story. Written in refreshingly honest, darkly humorous, and oftentimes beautiful prose, I learned how truly difficult it was for him to come out, especially in an era when gay bashing was a popular pastime. Shaun introduced me to an internal and emotional world I had never analyzed. Sure, I figured it was hard to come out to parents and friends; thought it was even harder to show feelings toward another man in the same way heterosexuals show their feelings. But I had no idea how much anxiety could be caused by living in a world that 1) may not understand the fears associated with being gay; 2) may not care about their fears; and 3) sometimes exacerbate those fears either intentionally or unintentionally.My husband had a gay uncle who I will call Bill. His partner, who I will call Jim, was with him for forty years. Bill was an artist and antique dealer and had been left many properties by his gay friends who had passed, and whose families had disowned them. This was apparently a thing in Southern Cali back in the day (and perhaps still is) for gay men to leave their estates to friends. But Bill did something I had never heard of: He legally adopted his partner Jim. Just like you would adopt a child. He did this per the advice of his attorney so that when he died, everything would go to the hands of his partner instantaneously. They were forewarned that family members would come crawling out of the woodwork, these same members who had shunned and often belittled their gay relatives. And that’s exactly what happened. As soon as Bill died, creepy relatives came forward to reap their unearned rewards. Thankfully, the story has a happy ending: the relatives were paid a small sum before slithering back into their holes, and Jim was taken care of until the day he passed.While it may seem like a digression, I offer this story to prove a point: The gay community is filled with millions of tales like this one, or like Shaun’s. Feeling like the odd-man out. Wanting to be accepted in a world that still barely recognizes gays as real-life human beings and not just cartoon characters some straight people conjure up; trying to get past the stereotypes and bigotry that often come in the form of homophobic rhetoric and behavior; and mostly, just trying to survive in an effed-up world. In other words, if you think it’s hard to be a person today at any age, in any environment, in any situation, imagine how difficult it is for those who are fearful of hurting their parents, angering their neighbors, shocking their friends.Thanks, Shaun, for opening up the window into the soul of what it is to be a gay man, and what it is to come out. And not just for that: for reminding the reader that we all are the same deep down…we just want to be who we are without being judged by a jury when we have done nothing wrong to begin with.Readers, give this book to your friends. Let it be a bridge. Allow it to open dialogue with your children. And remember that whether you are gay, straight, or somewhere in between, you are a person. You deserve to be heard, to be understood, and to be loved. After all, we are all in this together

[beth.clarke · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

A memoir I can highly recommend to to students. Hutchinson tells his story of coming out and dealing with depression. His writing is swift and readable.

[charlotte_kinzie · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book was a remarkable journey. It was one of those books that I left a trail through ... turned down corners at places that contained perfect descriptions, thoughts I know I will want to go back to.

I read parts of this book aloud to my partner, sometimes because it was a funny line, sometimes because I had never read a more perfect description of a feeling, thought .... or that nasty internal voice.

Not only is this book beautifully written, but it is also honest and candid in a way that many memoirs don't quite manage. I wish I had been able to read a book like "Brave" when I was a teenager but I'm thankful that so many young people now have the option. Thank you, Shaun.

And yes, Shaun David Hutchinson, smoking menthol cigarettes is EXACTLY like sucking minty hornets through a fire hose.