Chicago Tribune

Estrangement in the family can be hard during the holidays. How to manage expectations.

Leslé Honoré chats during one of her regular video calls with her female college friends at her home on Dec. 4, 2023.

CHICAGO -- Since the end of 2019, Arlette Martin has not spoken to her daughter, who lives less than a 10-minute drive from her. In that time, her only child missed celebrating Martin’s 50th birthday and Martin wasn’t invited to her daughter’s wedding.

“I’ve never spoken to my daughter, hugged or touched her since New Year’s Eve 2019,” said Martin, of Peru, Illinois. “My ex-husband’s side of the family, she’s still in a relationship with them. It’s just my side of the family, she’s not.”

Over the years, Martin said, she attempted unsuccessfully to talk with her 29-year-old child through letters, emails and texts and by showing up at her residence.

Martin says she and other parents in similar situations with their adult children are falling apart because of estrangement, the voluntary act of having no contact or limited contact with a family member, or intentionally distancing oneself because of a negative relationship.

, parent-child estrangement happens much more with fathers than mothers. The estrangement often begins when the

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