The Oldie

JAMES PEMBROKE

OYSTER-SHUCKING TIME

The worst five words in the English language? Simple. ‘Shall we skip the starters?’

On hearing this, put your napkin on top of the table and exit.

The best words? ‘Let’s get half a dozen oysters to kick off!’ Then, of course, still have starters.

For those who still cling to the obsolete rule that

You’re reading a preview, subscribe to read more.

More from The Oldie

The Oldie3 min read
Tessa Castro
IN COMPETITION No 305 you were invited to write a poem called Dawn Chorus. I liked Charles Owen’s description of the cock or rooster as ‘Hot hacksaw-headed, braggart-breasted,/ Liveried in flame’. Wally Smith was right to call ‘A jay’s call like a bl
The Oldie4 min read
How Your Garden Grows
Every Living Thing: The Great and Deadly Race to Know All Life By Jason Roberts riverrun £25 The year is 1707. Separated by some 700 miles (as the Corvus comix flies), two naturalists are born, destined for world fame. Social climbing (sorry, mobilit
The Oldie2 min read
The Dabchick
Upon this promise did he raise his chin Like a dive-dapper peering through the wave Who, being look’d on, ducks quickly in, So offers he to give what she did crave But when her lips were ready for the pay He winks and turns his lips another way. Will

Related Books & Audiobooks