How 1 Friend Can Change the Course of Your Life

Each installment of “The Friendship Files” features a conversation between The Atlantic’s Julie Beck and two or more friends, exploring the history and significance of their relationship.

This week she talks with two men whose friendship of convenience—Mitchell served as an unofficial guide when Judo moved to his hometown, and vice versa—grew more intimate as they became embedded in each other’s lives. Mitchell helped Judo through times of family crisis; Judo helped Mitchell find a job, a home, and a girlfriend. They discuss how they’ve stayed close as they’ve moved around, how sharing their differences has challenged them and deepened their connection, and what it takes for two men to build a truly intimate friendship.

The Friends:

Judo Lata, 26, an environmental engineer and project manager for the U.S. Navy, who lives in Seattle
Mitchell Laferla, 27, a data analyst who lives in Copenhagen

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Julie Beck: How did you meet?

Mitchell Laferla: I think the story starts with me. In college I befriended this girl in my study-abroad group, Courtney, who was from Washington. Later I came out and visited her. I’m originally from Nebraska. That was my first taste of the Pacific Northwest, and I was totally hooked. After I graduated college, I wanted to move out there.

Courtney and Judo went to high school together. The summer I graduated, before I moved to Washington, she says, “One of my buddies got an internship in Omaha. You guys should meet up. You are actually a lot alike.” She made