STREET SMART

There are so many things I wish I could do.

I’m not talking about a COVID lockdown to-do list. This isn’t about baking a certain variety of bread no one liked until boredom drove them insane. And I’m not talking about finally guilt-reading those classic novels I faked my way through in college. Faulkner is overrated anyway, let it go.

I’m talking about my exponentially expanding thirst for knowledge relative to my atrophying, middle-aged capacity to learn. It’s one of life’s cruelest jokes: When we finally want to learn, we realize our brains have retired early and moved to Florida. They play mahjong with the girls on Fridays and do the USA Today crossword each morning so they can “stay sharp.”

I want to do simple math without a calculator. I want to speak fluent Spanish. I want to skate like an NHL player. I want to play sitar like Ravi Shankar (or at least like George Harrison). But there’s