The new, conscious Indian wedding aims for no more waste - or patriarchy
When social entrepreneur Veena Balakrishnan married Vignesh Vancheeshwar in 2018, in Chennai, India, they knew they wanted a zero-waste wedding.
"We were both clear that we wanted to minimise resources used and also avoid wastage. I decided to wear my grandmother's sari and family jewellery. Vignesh followed me in wearing something from his wardrobe," said the 26-year-old, who runs a sustainable lifestyle company.
"Right from the e-invite, we planned carefully. We chose a wedding venue that was open air, to reduce electricity and lighting costs. Natural, seasonal flowers from farmers markets decorated the venue," she said. "Plantain leaves and areca bowls were used to serve the vegetarian lunch. Almost everything was composted after the wedding. All the excess food was donated to the NGO Robin Hood army for distribution to orphanages and shelters."
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Sanjana Rishi, 29, who recently married 33-year-old Delhi businessman Dhruv Mahajan, created a stir across social media for getting married in a powder-blue pantsuit instead of the traditional Indian finery. Photo: Instagram alt=Sanjana Rishi, 29, who recently married 33-year-old Delhi businessman Dhruv Mahajan, created a stir across social media for getting married in a powder-blue pantsuit instead of the traditional Indian finery. Photo: Instagram
She said it was also a "simple wedding" where the couple's Sanskrit vows "were explained in English so that we and everyone else understood what was going on".
Balakrishnan and 34-year-old Vancheeshwar are one of a new breed of millennials in India who are trying to change the narrative of the big, fat Indian wedding - with its loud music, extravagant decor, lavish meals, expensive attire and patriarchal nature - by eliminating waste and making socially conscious changes.
Traditional Indian wedding rituals include touching the feet of the husband or his parents, the bride's parents washing the groom's feet, and kanyadaan, a commonly practised ritual at Hindu weddings that literally means "donating one's daughter". Many symbols of marriage - such as the mangalsutra necklace, the sindoor red cosmetic dot on the forehead and toe rings - are also only worn by women.
Nivedita Shankar, 31, a health consultant, married Vivek Seetharaman, 30, a product specialist, at a temple in Singapore in 2018. Both wanted a small and intimate eco-friendly wedding.
"We also wanted to do away with the patriarchy-ridden rituals like kanyadaan that reduced the bride to a commodity, to be given away by the father to the husband," Shankar said. "Another ritual we dispensed with was the kashi yatra, a ritual in south India where the groom declares that he does not want to get married, and the bride's father begs him to change his mind.
"I decided to reuse and repurpose or borrow most outfits and accessories for the wedding. Though Vivek had to buy some outfits, we made sure they were not fast fashion and were diverse enough to be used for other occasions. Right from invitations on recycled paper and return gifts being biodegradable and locally sourced, we took care to plan everything the way we wanted it."
Some brides are breaking the norms of what they should wear or look like on their wedding day. An Indian-American entrepreneur, Sanjana Rishi, 29, who recently married 33-year-old Delhi businessman Dhruv Mahajan, created a stir across social media for getting married in a powder-blue pantsuit instead of the traditional Indian finery. Fashion designers and fashionistas, too, approved of her choice. But she was also trolled online by some commentators saying she had brought a bad name to Indian culture.
In recent years, female clergy have also slowly gained acceptance in the country's male-dominated religions, and are playing a role in more marriages.
The NGO Robin Hood distributes excess food from Veena Balakrishnan's wedding. Photo: Veena Balakrishnan alt=The NGO Robin Hood distributes excess food from Veena Balakrishnan's wedding. Photo: Veena Balakrishnan
One woman bringing about the change is 58-year-old Nandini Bhowmik, a Sanskrit professor at Jadavpur University in Kolkata who has found her own unique way of solemnising as many as 40 inter-religious, mixed-caste marriages over the past 10 years - she simplifies Sanskrit hymns to English and Bengali for the bride and the groom to chant, and brings equality into the wedding rituals.
Bhowmik belongs to Shubham Astu, a group of female priests who have been crashing gender stereotypes in India.
Mumbai-based Indraja Khare, the co-founder of Nose to Tail Events, an event management company that specialises in green weddings, said Indians are becoming more aware and mindful of their social actions, including the way they celebrate special occasions like weddings.
"It starts with choosing to have more intimate events with the closest of friends and family, and sending out paperless invites," she said. "Couples prefer to have simpler and more minimalist decor. A lot of them are opening up to the idea of renting clothes. A lot of thought and effort is put into conscious gifting as well. We are happy to witness a gradual shift to more eco-friendly and sustainable weddings."
In Pune, social workers Sachin Asha Subhash and Sharvari Surekha Arun had a casteless, priestless wedding on Republic Day last year, with vows that included the notion of equal rights within the marriage and responsibilities in taking care of their family. For gifts they requested that guests give them books for the libraries they planned to open in their respective villages.
"Both of us do not follow any caste and also do not use our family surnames. We believe that caste should never be criteria for marriage," the 26-year-old Subhash told the Pune Mirror.
Parthip Thyagarajan of Wedding Sutra said more Indian couples are embracing simplicity in their marriage ceremonies. Photo: Parthip Thyagarajan alt=Parthip Thyagarajan of Wedding Sutra said more Indian couples are embracing simplicity in their marriage ceremonies. Photo: Parthip Thyagarajan
Parthip Thyagarajan, the CEO of the wedding portal Wedding Sutra, said that for many couples in India, it was not easy to make drastic changes from established traditions, as so many family members were involved in the decision-making process.
"I would say that more Indian couples have in recent times embraced simplicity, and have also gone back to their roots and got married as their grandparents would have in traditional venues or intimate ceremonies at homes instead of large banquets at hotels," he said.
"But Indian weddings will always be about sharing your happiness with close people and embracing those traditions that are meaningful."
This article originally appeared on the South China Morning Post (SCMP).
Copyright (c) 2020. South China Morning Post Publishers Ltd. All rights reserved.
