The official domestic beer power rankings
True story: The first time I got drunk, I was a freshman in college. While inebriated, I sent an email to the entire school that included, among other things, the lyrics to "The Super Bowl Shuffle" as well as a (false) claim that I'd defeated the computer Deep Blue in a chess game. The moral? Always drink responsibly.
And now, without further ado, I ado hereby present the unerring, unredacted and 100 percent correct L.A. Times Domestic Beer Power Rankings. For the purposes of these rankings, I have sampled and judged a large selection of popular domestic beers. And while I'm certainly not implying that any of the beers listed here are "watery" or "swill" or "bad" in any sense of the word, I'll just say that the $22 Ironfire Outcast Dead Imperial Red Ale you like so much will not be found within this article.
I ranked the beers based on two qualities: 1) taste and 2) chuggability, a highly scientific metric I devised to measure how easily a given brew goes down the hatch, like a refreshing mountain stream tickling your esophagus.
MILLER HIGH LIFE
How are you going to argue against the Champagne of Beers? How could you not proclaim a beer with an elegantly sloped neck designed to resemble that of a champagne bottle, and occasionally bedecked with gold foil to reinforce the point, the finest American beer in all the land? This, beyond all, is the beer that says
