The Legend of Cuthbert Huntsman Series

Meet the world's worst life coach! Cuthbert Huntsman is a bankrupt barfly with eight broken marriages, but he thinks he's wiser than Jordan Peterson and Deepak Chopra combined. If you're looking for a complete life do-over, a thirty-day loser programme or a galaxy of ineffective life hacks, Cuthbert's your man.    When Cuthbert falls out with his AI assistant, it cancels him, locks him in the garage, and cuts off his oxygen supply. The race is on to record his best advice for posterity. Join Cuthbert Huntsman, and learn how to think like a bankrupt, look ten years older, and master reverse yoga, mindlessness, and self-recycling.   Part novella, part manual, this introduction to the wonky world of Cuthbert Huntsman is crammed with useless advice, textbook cock ups, and near-death experiences.   Artificial Stupidity is a small but perfectly formed accompaniment to The Cuthbert Huntsman Trilogy, comprising three full-length comedy novels. How Not To Live Your Life seeks the secrets of failure from Britain's biggest losers. In Cop Lives Probably Matter, the world's worst life coach meets London's most clueless cop in a twisted comedy crime tale of heists, hitmen, and murder. Trigger Warning satirizes the edge-of-the-pants SAS thrillers of Chris Ryan and Andy McNab.    Rich Nash was senior producer of Warner Bros' and HBO's Harry Potter Reunion, which wasn't intentionally funny but was Emmy-nominated (it lost to Adele). His TV shows have featured Meg Ryan, Hugh Grant, Vic Reeves, Jimmy Carr, Joe Wilkinson, Josh Widdicombe, Ron Howard, Ross Noble, Sean Lock, Felix Dexter, Katherine Ryan, Will Self, Bill Bailey, Jonathan Ross, Seann Walsh, Susan Calman, David Haye, Stephen Merchant and even John Noakes. He lives in London, read English at King's College, Cambridge, and once had dreams of  literary greatness before Cuthbert Huntsman ruined everything

You're the world's worst life coach - a bankrupt barfly with eight broken marriages. But you think you're wiser than Jordan Peterson and Deepak Chopra combined. Meet Cuthbert Huntsman, a man on a mission to track down humanity's biggest losers, hear their preposterous life stories, and discover the true secrets of failure. Learn how not to live your life from The Hans Christian Andersen of Incompetence. Includes easy-to-follow rules. Cuthbert meets a confused gangster who has forgotten where all the bodies are buried, a parkour star who turns thirty in mid-air and decides to retire, an astronomer who discovers a second Earth and loses it again, a postman destined to travel unimpressive distances through the space-time continuum in a quantum shed, a shaman who can channel apathy, a Zoomer determined to cancel the twentieth century, an immortal pig farmer forced to spend eternity in the shadow of his over-achieving brother Satan, a bag lady with imaginary enemies, a survivor of a cataclysmic daytime TV show, a misguided musician who attracts women by pretending to be married, a nymphomaniac yeti-hunter, a police inspector struggling to solve a cosy human sacrifice mystery, and an accident-prone daredevil who believes we are all entitled to one last phone call after we die. By gathering anecdotes and textbook cockups from his fellow losers and eccentric fantasists, Cuthbert formulates a set of rules outlining how not to live, and shares some of his least successful life coaching techniques along the way. This twisted take on self improvement books is crammed with heightened comedy characters, and provides a foolproof guide for anyone wishing to know how not to live their life. Failure is guaranteed! This is the first of three full-length comedy novels in the Legend of Cuthbert Huntsman series. Interview with the Author: Q – What's so special about the Cuthbert Huntsman series? A – They are all comedy books full of dark humour, frantic action, shameless sex, staggering stupidity, and misguided wisdom. At a time when everyone is pretending to be perfect and "living their best lives" on Instagram, I think it's refreshing to have a deeply flawed anti-hero stumbling about from one mistake to another. It feels closer to my own life, anyway. Q – What order should I read the Cuthbert Huntsman Trilogy in? A – It's more of a loosely conjoined threesome than a trilogy, but I'd suggest: 1. How Not To Live Your Life 2. Cop Lives Probably Matter 3. Trigger Warning Cuthbert narrates and wreaks havoc in all three. How Not To Live Your Life is a twisted take on self improvement books, and crammed with heightened comedy characters. Cop Lives Matter is a comedy crime tale, a parody of the police drama "Line of Duty". Trigger Warning is an SAS comedy, a satire of the bestselling military thriller perfected by Andy McNab and Chris Ryan. Q – Why are you parodying such popular genres? A – Because I love them. I am a big fan of crime books, thriller books and Jordan Peterson's self development books for men. That doesn't mean I can't take all the things I like about them – the earnestness, or the relentless pace, or the jaw-dropping action, and exaggerate them to ludicrous levels. At least I hope not. I don't want to go into hiding from the SAS, the police, or even Jordan Peterson.  

Three comedy novels about the world's worst life coach. Cuthbert Huntsman is a bankrupt barfly with eight broken marriages who thinks he's wiser than Jordan Peterson and Deepak Chopra combined, but clearly isn't. How Not To Live Your Life chronicles Cuthbert's search for the rules of failure. Cop Lives Probably Matter sees Cuthbert embroiled in a ludicrous crime caper crammed with heists, hitmen, and murder. Trigger Warning puts the life of a disgraced military hero in Cuthbert's incapable hands. The books are outrageous parodies of self-help manuals, crime novels and military thrillers - but they're also stuffed with edge-of-the-pants action, memorable characters, and surreal twists.   Interview with the Author: Q – What's so special about the Cuthbert Huntsman series? A – They are all comedy books full of dark humour, frantic action, staggering stupidity, and misguided wisdom. At a time when everyone is pretending to be perfect and "living their best lives" on Instagram, I think it's refreshing to have a deeply flawed anti-hero stumbling about from one mistake to another. It feels closer to my own life, anyway. Q – What order should I read the Cuthbert Huntsman Trilogy in? A – It's more of a loosely conjoined threesome than a trilogy, but I'd suggest: 1. How Not To Live Your Life 2. Cop Lives Probably Matter 3. Trigger Warning Cuthbert narrates and wreaks havoc in all three. How Not To Live Your Life is a twisted take on self improvement books, and crammed with heightened comedy characters. Cop Lives Matter is a comedy crime tale, a parody of the police drama "Line of Duty". Trigger Warning is an SAS comedy, a satire of the bestselling military thriller perfected by Andy McNab and Chris Ryan. Q – Why are you parodying such popular genres? A – Because I love them. I am a big fan of crime books, thriller books and self development books. That doesn't mean I can't take all the things I like about them – the earnestness, or the relentless pace, or the jaw-dropping action, and exaggerate them to ludicrous levels. At least I hope not. I don't want the SAS coming after me, or even Jordan Peterson.  

The world's worst life coach meets London's most clueless cop in a twisted comedy crime tale of heists, hitmen, and murder. Cuthbert Huntsman is a bankrupt barfly who thinks he's wiser than Jordan Peterson and Deepak Chopra combined, but isn't.  After getting imprisoned for breaking into his own home, Cuthbert takes vengeance on the police by writing the most insultingly anti-cop crime novel in history.  Unfortunately, the prison's creative writing tutor just wants him to arrange a hit on her husband.    Cuthbert has never understood why criminals are always painted as the bad guys, and the police are misrepresented as honest, decent, and heroic, so his story of a randy, cross-dressing, dishonest detective hunting a serial killer targeting bent cops takes no prisoners.    But Cuthbert's comedy crime tale is only half the story. Each chapter is sandwiched between a prison diary cataloguing the increasingly fraught relationship between him and his posh creative writing tutor, Naomi. When she's not writing a baking blog, or spoiling her children, Gethsemane and Innsbruck, she devotes herself to redeeming prisoners, and plotting the assassination of her husband, Roly, who's having it away with their marriage guidance counsellor. When Cuthbert is finally released from prison, crime and reality converge as Naomi's assassination plot climaxes at her organic soup group.   This breathlessly bonkers romp satirises Line of Duty and The Shield in the irreverent style of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Police Academy and possibly even South Park.  

The fate of a disgraced Special Forces hero lies in the hands of the world's worst life coach in an outrageously funny, edge-of-the-pants thriller. Stuffed with survivalist advice, grit, guts, and bloodcurdling silliness, this edge-of-the-pants adventure takes the bestselling SAS thrillers of Andy McNab and Chris Ryan and plonks a hopeless pillock at the centre of the action. When death is in your DNA, always give more than a four-figure percentage and never forget that the enemy of your enemy's enemy is also your enemy. Unemployed life coach Cuthbert Huntsman wakes up in an empty strip club, naked, tied to a dancing pole, and with no idea how he got there. He has been abducted in order to solve a military mystery. Cuthbert must identify the killer of Sergeant Bill Tell, a tiny but lethal Special Forces Operative, and avenge his death. Sergeant Tell could nightmarch naked across glaciers, swim the Euphrates under hostile fire and lug his own bodyweight up Mount Kilimanjaro without breaking sweat. As a triple agent, he once convinced the IRA and UDA to kneecap each other's Quartermasters, he foiled thousands of suicide bombers by putting them in touch with the Samaritans, and he won a guerrilla war single-handed in the Irish jungle. Now, Sergeant Tell has returned from a disastrous tour of duty in The Walloon Republic of Outer Ggaga - a covert, East African country riven by brutal Belgian horticulturalists, homicidal nuns, and the ruthless semi-pygmy insurgency - and moved back in with his mum in the London Borough of Wandsworth. Tell must go undercover in Belladonna's Floral Deliveries, a firm of ruthless assassins masquerading as florists, and unravel a conflict diamond conspiracy involving The National Stealth Service, The Royal Deniables, and Agnostic Jihad. After tense encounters with a trainee spy from The National Stealth Service's Remedial Unit, a bashful dominatrix, and an obese cop who always goes with his gut and prefers paperwork to policing, the adrenalin pumping action climaxes in a nine-sided shoot-out at The Chelsea Flower Show. As he navigates the mind-boggling military mystery, Cuthbert Huntsman employs unpopular life coaching techniques including semitasking, mindlessness, self-indifference, recluttering, bin fire therapy, going for a pint in your head, pre-dawn drinking, and reverse yoga ( "agoy", an excruciatingly painful exercise that misaligns your spine and disrupts your breathing). I'd tell you more, but I'd have to kill us all first!