EA'AE Series

Note: 2nd edition.  Professionally edited by David Gatewood, Archmage So you want to be a wizard? You know being a wizard is not all quests filled with high adventure, finding priceless treasure, warm adulation and reward, and uncovering newfound knowledge? You really want to be ensorcelled by fell magics, accosted by boisterous knights, enchanted by hostile magicians, waylaid by villainous rogues, attacked by creatures from the nether realms, cursed by dread warlocks, and worse? And those on some of your better days? Seriously? Are you crazy? If you are (crazy, not serious... serious is optional), then Mulogo is the wizard for you and Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry is the guide you'll live by!   Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry provides a concise summary in plain (well, mostly plain) language for wizards who wish to have a manual for surviving in a harsh world where people (and much nastier) want to kill you and take your stuff (usually in that order). With varied subject topics including Allies and Whether to Buy Them, On Reducing Risk (and Capitalizing on the Failure of Others), Protecting Yourself From Yourself, How to Minimize the Curiosity of Others, and When Griffins Attack, Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry will allow you to thrive... but first you have to survive. Hopefully you'll enjoy a few laughs along the way. (1) Scribe's Notes:      1. Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry is a largely farcical text making light of wizardly conventions within the larger fantasy, gaming, and roleplaying traditions, assorted related communities and offshoots, memes, and various cultural derivatives. (2)      2. If you do not like satire, or laughing, this book is not for you. (3)      3. Perhaps a more exciting tome--such as Navel Lint, Its Permutations and Harvesting--would be more to your liking. (4)      4. Mulogo does not condone laughing. ==================================================== Praise for Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry: "Luckily, I happened upon Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry early on in my tutelage while perusing my Master's library. The Treatise remains to this day one of the most influential and formative works on my development and outlook as a magician. Mulogo's insights helped me survive my grueling training with a fell god and become the Priest I am today." - Wrindanneth the Red, erstwhile Priest of Maeth Onai, member of the Fists "I avoided Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry like the plague during my training, as its perspective is entirely unlike my own. It had no influence on my profession or progression. I have little need or interest in being like either Mulogo or Wrindanneth." - Aroganji, Fang Shih of Chang Sen, member of the Fists "I never heard o' Mulogo's Treatise til Wrindanneth showed it ta me. I have no need fer a manual on trimmin' my nose hairs. They help support my beard." - Slate Flintforge, Dwarven Bor'Banna, Brewmaster, Eater of Leftovers, and member of the Fists "I could never make it past the subtitles." - Hoyt, Proprietor of Hoyt's - Oddities, Found Goods, and Sundries, wizard of Tellanon

Note: 2nd edition.  Professionally edited by David Gatewood, Post-Technological Metamagician   Are you a Gnome?   Do you want to be one? Do you know what one is?   Do you have magical, technical, or any other talent whatsoever? (1)   Do you pine after a non-holographic Omnicron, make design sketches of transmorphic actionable multidimensional exo-robotic systems, create novel subroutines for synthetic intelligences, tinker with Dwarf-proof beard mowers, imagine a grand unified theory of life, the universe, and facial hair, or take apart and modify negentropy cannons for fun and amusement?   Do you like root vegetables?   If you answered yes to one of these questions (2), then you may have what it takes to be a Paratechnologist, a wondrous master of the uniquely Gnomish art of blending magic and technology!   Within this concise guide you will find answers to many of the questions you do not have about becoming a Paratechnologist. (3)   With enlightening topics including Two Wrongs Often Make a Right, What Doesn't Kill You Can Also Maim, Destroy, and Disfigure, Moving Beyond Clockwork Devices, and How to Avoid Mustache Entanglement, Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology has more information than you care to know about Paratechnology. (4)   If, on the absolutely slim chance you are interested in Gnomish technowizardry (5), then Everygnome's Guide to Paratechnology will be your easily disposed of indispensible guide to embarking upon the often smoldering, explosive, nonsensical, and somewhat erratic path of the Paratechnologist.   Notes to self (and others):       1. Real or imagined.       2. Or any other.       3. Who would?      4. Assuming you actually cared about Paratechnology in the first place.       5. Or are interested in making fun of those who are. 

Note: 2nd edition.  Professionally edited by David Gatewood, Stygian Overlord So you want to be a villain? You do know that being a villain isn't all fun-filled romps in dank, lightless tombs, incendiary encounters with intellectually stunted heroes, joyously crushing the hopes and dreams of unsuspecting innocents, accumulating vast hordes of ill-gotten wealth, and advancing your agenda on a world unappreciative of your greatness? (1) You really want to be hunted by unethical vigilantes(2), chased by grown adults wearing skintight suits, ostracized from (in)decent society, forced to forge ahead in a universe largely opposed to your relentless pursuit of self-interest, and relegated to a life of bad hygiene and poor fashion choices? Have you considered another career? Ever? If not, then villainy is for you, and Nemesis - A Good Guide for Bad Guys is the manual you'll live(3) by! Nemesis - A Good Guide for Bad Guys provides a wealth of information you do not wish to have on becoming a villain and succeeding in the kingdom of evil. With illuminating topics such as The Villainy of Villainy, On Accepting Advice and Recognizing Terrible Ideas, How to Keep Your Secret Plans Secret, Horrible Haircuts, The Humility of Arrogance, The Good Guys Don't Always Win, and Happily Never After, Nemesis - A Good Guide for Bad Guys has more information than you can hope to want on being a villain. (4) If, on the assuredly infinitesimal possibility you have not yet come to your senses about becoming a villain, then Nemesis - A Good Guide for Bad Guys will be your highly impractical pragmatic guide to commencing upon the often volatile, failure-laden, frustrating, dangerous, and short-lived career of the evildoer, archrival, supervillain, antihero, fell overlord, or nemesis. (5) Read this if you value your life:      1. Okay, maybe it is.      2. Probably your extended family.      3. Or die.      4. Only a minute portion actually being practical.      5. You have been warned. 

Note: 2nd edition.  Professionally edited by David "Blazing Beard" Gatewood, Thane of the Stonescribe clan Just because you're short, crotchety, seldom bathe, like to drink, and have a beard doesn't make you a Dwarf. (1) To see how much you differ from the typical (2) Dwarf, you have but to read Confessions of an Angry Dwarf. If you still think you're a Dwarf after reading this concise guide to Dwarfdom, then you will not be the only one full of surprise. Confessions of an Angry Dwarf will correct (3) any (4) misperceptions you may have about the ancient and noble traditions of Dwarfdom. If you're a bit more certain about your identity but have ever wanted to explore the inner workings of the Dwarven psyche (5,6), then Confessions of an Angry Dwarf will be your gateway to a world probably better left unvisited. With enlightening chapters such as All that Glimmers Might be Gold, Allies and Whether ta Tolerate 'Em, When NOT ta Wear Full Plate, Tha Fine Art o' Belchin', Grabbin' tha Dragon by tha Horns, When Yer Beard Catches Fire, On Learnin' ta Growl, One Good Thumpin' Deserves Another and On Never Conformin' ta Expectation, Confessions of an Angry Dwarf delivers a veritable treasure trove of almost useful information on realizing one's potential as a Dwarf. If, on the assuredly remote possibility you still maintain some interest in Dwarves, then Confessions of an Angry Dwarf will be your irrefutably refutable guide to Dwarfdom and Dwarven endeavor. (7) Observations from a talking axe:    1. These qualities will generally draw comparisons to things other than Dwarves.    2. Or atypical in the case of Urdaen"Flamebeard" Doomhammer.    3. More likely further.    4. Or many.    5. Such as it is.    6. Brave soul that you are.    7. Now go grab your axe, don your armor, and start reading! 

The Exceptional Advice for Adventurers Everywhere series provides a range of proven (1) advice for professions that don’t exist. (2) This complete edition includes all four novellas in the Exceptional Advice for Adventurers Everywhere tetralogy. Included are: Mulogo's Treatise on Wizardry Mulogo's Treatise provides a concise summary in plain (well, mostly plain) language for wizards who wish to have a manual for surviving in a harsh world where people (and much nastier) want to kill you and take your stuff (usually in that order). (4) Everygnome’s Guide to Paratechnology Within this concise guide you will find answers to many of the questions you do not have about becoming a Paratechnologist (5), a wondrous master of the uniquely Gnomish art of blending magic and technology! Nemesis Nemesis - A Good Guide for Bad Guys provides a wealth of information you do not wish to know on becoming a villain and succeeding in the kingdom of evil. (6) Confessions of an Angry Dwarf If you have ever wanted to explore the inner workings of the Dwarven psyche (8), then Confessions of an Angry Dwarf will be your gateway to a world probably better left unvisited. Adventurer’s Notes: 1. Until disproven. 2. No matter how much you may want for them to be real. (3) 3. Which should in no way limit your enjoyment of them. 4. Thankfully, the guide applies equally well when your enemies could care less about taking your stuff. 5. Who would? 6. If you have ever been frustrated by the decision-making of villains in literature or film, then this is the guide for you. (7) 7. Unless, of course, it isn’t. 8. Brave soul that you are.