#27: Pivoting from Resignation to Determination

FromRedemptive Living Radio

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#27: Pivoting from Resignation to Determination

FromRedemptive Living Radio

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Length:

34 minutes

Released:

Dec 10, 2021

Format:

Podcast episode

Released:

Dec 10, 2021

Format:

Podcast episode

Titles in the series (82)

Looking for hope and redemption after sexual betrayal? Then this is the podcast for you! We’re Shelley and Jason Martinkus, authors of four books, including Worthy of Her Trust and we’ve been there. We’re nearly two decades into our own recovery work, and have dedicated our lives to helping other men, wives and marriages on the journey toward wholeness. With candor, vulnerability and authenticity we want to walk with you, too! Tune in as we address the highs and lows, the hard questions and the challenges couples face as they pursue redemptive living.

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#1: Our Story: Welcome to Redemptive Living Radio! A new podcast created for couples looking for hope as they heal from sexual betrayal in their marriages. In this first episode, we share our story, talk a bit about where we are at today and our vision... by Redemptive Living Radio
29 min listen
#11: Listener Questions: We’ve received some great questions during this season of the podcast. We wanted to tackle as many of these as we could and didn’t get near as many answered as we wanted to but that’s okay. There (hopefully) is always the next episode! A couple... by Redemptive Living Radio
26 min listen
#17: Check-ins: Regular check-ins are a foundational tool for many couples in recovery. It was for us! in this episode we talk about how to view the check-ins (hint: its not a box to check!), how to approach them and why consistency matters. We give a framework for... by Redemptive Living Radio
36 min listen
#3: Navigating through Triggers in Public: We are back with a candid conversation about triggers. Have you heard of a trigger-squared? Well - it’s a real thing and we want to make sure that doesn’t happen so in this episode, we talk through some practical tips to help manage... by Redemptive Living Radio
19 min listen
#39: Rebuilding Trust - The Practicalities: In this episode - we give a (since it’s the foundation) and then dig into more of the practicalities of rebuilding trust. Here are five things we focus on: - It’s the little things, not just the big ticket things that... by Redemptive Living Radio
35 min listen
#2: What We Would Have Done Differently: Where is the roadmap for recovery? Is there a perfect way to go about it? Jason and Shelley unpack these questions as well as discuss what they would have done differently three months into the process and three years into the process. “The music... by Redemptive Living Radio
21 min listen
#10: Sitting on Secrets: Sitting on secrets is incredibly detrimental in the recovery process. We (actually, Jason) shares four main reasons that men choose to sit on secrets during the recovery process. In addition, he talks through the really important recovery... by Redemptive Living Radio
21 min listen
#33: Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts: In this week’s episode, we are thrilled to have a special guest with us - our new puppy, Pluto! He was a great assistant throughout our recording. We are happy to update you on our dryer as well as Shelley’s continued choices to wear... by Redemptive Living Radio
36 min listen
#4: Why Did He Do This?: Why did he do this?If you haven’t already noticed, I like to give Jason a hard time (as you will hear a couple of times throughout this episode). He’s real patient with me and just rolls with it. He’s a good guy. In this episode, we talk about a... by Redemptive Living Radio
24 min listen
#13: Is it CoDependency? Or Trauma?: We dig into the trauma model versus the addiction model and of course take some rabbit trails and talk about things like vicarious trust, codependency, trauma and the Redemptive Living way of doing things. We are so glad you are with us for... by Redemptive Living Radio
27 min listen
#23: Primary, Secondary and Tertiary Markers in Recovery: In this episode, we talk about getting out of the mindset that recovery is all about stopping a bad behavior. If the goal is to never act out again and nothing more - men are selling themselves short. Heart and character change associated with... by Redemptive Living Radio
31 min listen
#20: Boundaries - An Introduction: In recovery, we talk about boundaries in two different ways - first, it’s how we define our “limits” in life. Sometimes people cross into our space and sometimes we cross into others' space. Recognizing when someone crosses that line (or limit)... by Redemptive Living Radio
31 min listen
#6: The Importance of Empathy (not Sympathy): Have you heard him say - “I’m sorry I hurt you. You would be better off without me.” And it doesn’t actually help? This is because comments like this are enveloped in shame and are sympathetic, but not empathetic. In this episode, Jason and I... by Redemptive Living Radio
26 min listen
#9: This Isn't the Whole Story: In this episode, I (Shelley) share how difficult it is when my story of being a betrayed wife is the first thing that people know about me. We are so much more than this part of our stories, ladies. In this episode - I share more about how the... by Redemptive Living Radio
23 min listen
#32: Requests for Reassurance: In this week’s episode, we talk about what it looks like to provide reassurance in the recovery process. Sometimes we as wives will ask questions like - “Is everything okay?”, “what is going on?”, “are you okay?”. Men in the... by Redemptive Living Radio
39 min listen
#31: What to do When He Doesn’t Remember: In this week’s episode, we talk about our broken dryer, broken vacuum cleaner and how I (Shelley) still wear my athletic gear from two decades ago. Don’t worry, that only lasts a couple of minutes and then we get down to business and dig... by Redemptive Living Radio
36 min listen
#5: When There Is No Good Answer: Piggy-backing off of the last episode, there are times when there is no good answer for the questions that she might be asking. This doesn't mean that the questions aren't worthwhile. Not even close - her questions are incredibly important because... by Redemptive Living Radio
17 min listen
#25: Understanding Acting In and Gaslighting: In this week’s episode we discuss Acting In which is also called Intimacy Aversion. We also discuss Gaslighting, a close cousin to Acting In. Intimacy Aversion is keeping others at arms length in order to self-protect and self-preserve (in an... by Redemptive Living Radio
33 min listen
#14: The Early Work for Her: So apparently men in Jason’s office say that they are doing a lot of the early work of recovery (not her). Not to start a fight or anything but… We dig more into this during this episode of the pod. Truly, when both the husband and wife are... by Redemptive Living Radio
23 min listen
#12: Equanimity: So our plan was to talk about the ins and outs of detachment for this last episode of season one. But first, I wanted to start with a quick question regarding equanimity in the recovery process. Simply because I often hear of husbands saying - they... by Redemptive Living Radio
31 min listen
#7: Toxic Shame and Biblical Shame: Did you know there are two different types of shame? There is toxic shame, which most of us refer to and talk about these days; and then there is Biblical shame. Shame is complicated, yáll, and because of that, Jason does most of the talking here. I... by Redemptive Living Radio
26 min listen
#35: Reintegrating the Dark Side: We start with a very quick appliance update even if Jason thinks nobody cares. I know otherwise! As for the episode: Does your husband or x-husband tell you there is no reason to talk about the sexual integrity issue because he doesn’t... by Redemptive Living Radio
42 min listen
#8: Anxiety, Women's Intuition and Trust: In this episode, we discuss several strategies to mitigate anxiety during the recovery process. It’s fair to say we segue into some other topics - women’s intuition, women trusting other women, support groups, who is driving the recovery bus.... by Redemptive Living Radio
21 min listen
#15: His Early Work: We also wanted to shine the light on all the work that he is {hopefully} doing early on in recovery. Jason goes into some of the internal work he is doing that she might not see - fighting for his integrity, fighting resignation, fighting to not... by Redemptive Living Radio
26 min listen
#29: More Listener Questions: In this week’s episode, we continue with a couple of other listener questions. Get ready for me to not answer Jason’s questions and push back on some of what he is saying - he handles me well. Here are a couple of the things we discuss: - Is... by Redemptive Living Radio
36 min listen
#16: Sexual Integrity Issues vs. Sexual Addiction: In this episode we talk about the difference between integrity issues and addiction. For some wives the label of “addict” can bring relief, because the issue is a quantifiable and there is a plan for help. For others, the label is a death sentence... by Redemptive Living Radio
25 min listen
#19: Sexual Abstinence in the Recovery Process: In this episode, we talk about the purpose of sexual abstinence or sexual fasting in the recovery process. Yes, it is important for rewiring the brain (for him) but it’s also important for learning authentic intimacy. We unpack the... by Redemptive Living Radio
30 min listen
#30: The Heart of Disclosure: In this week’s episode, we talk about the heart behind Full Disclosure. Specifically common misconceptions, who it benefits, what it’s for, etc. We didn’t want to go into a ton of the logistics of the Full Disclosure process... by Redemptive Living Radio
35 min listen
#24: When He is Dragging His Feet: In this episode, we talk about what to do if he is dragging his feet in recovery. There are, in general, three archetypes on the spectrum of a man that is dragging his feet in recovery. On one end is a man that is resistant, defensive and... by Redemptive Living Radio
30 min listen
#18: Changing How We See: When it comes to lust, we are missing the point if we are only focusing on eyes and mind. Lust is a heart and soul matter. Men have to decide - do I want to live with integrity and honor my wife? Who is God calling me to be?... by Redemptive Living Radio
29 min listen

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42 min listen
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50 min listen
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37 min listen
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41 min listen
#68: What exactly IS good work?: So what exactly is good work? And what does good work look like AFTER the initial stages? Because it seems like some husbands rock that good work early on - and then… they are done?! Jason and I are both encouraging you guys to honestly assess: are... by Redemptive Living Radio
39 min listen
#67: Why I Chose to Stay: In this episode - we are diving in to a question that Shelley receives quite regularly - why did you stay? And were you / are you embarrassed that you chose to stay? We start with talking about some of the reasons that can make it embarrassing to stay... by Redemptive Living Radio
49 min listen
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#27: Pivoting from Resignation to Determination

#27: Pivoting from Resignation to Determination

Titles in the series (82)

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