While there is no hierarchy of loss, the death of a partner is among the most profound losses. The death of the adult you love the most is an especially cruel experience. I know this now: I have been widowed at 47.

Mike’s death was sudden and unforeseen, and the psychological impact is taking a while for me to understand – and I imagine I haven’t even scratched the surface–It was something I could never have fathomed being prepared for.

While grief is not a mental health issue in the same way as depression or anxiety, it is a profound psychological wound; one of the most bleakly transformative events a human being can experience and one we need to understand better. Grief education should be part of our national curriculum, but it isn’t.

The loss of your partner is one you cannot hide from psychologically or practically. Humans are programmed to be in couples. They are all around you – and you are single. Your status suddenly changes from two to one – in the most mundane ways, which are hard to articulate. I feel existentially alone despite being loving family and friends.

For those of us fortunate enough to afford therapy, it becomes possible to share this feeling. But even with my multiple therapists and therapist friends and mentors, I have a lot of fear around boring friends, my family, my listeners, and my followers as the grief forges ahead, dragging everyone along in its wake as I share my experience openly about losing the love of my life.

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