Today on our program, we're diving into a topic that I haven't delved into much before: caregiver guilt during the holidays. To understand this concept better, I did some research, and here's what I found.
Guilt is typically associated with legal contexts, where one is either guilty or not guilty of a crime. As caregivers, we often experience misplaced guilt, feeling like we're not doing enough when we truly are. This guilt can stem from societal expectations or our own perceived shortcomings.
In this podcast episode:
0:01:14 Understanding Caregiver Guilt and its Effects
0:03:27 Strategies for Managing Caregiver Guilt
0:06:59 Acknowledging and managing caregiver guilt
0:09:39 Reframing negative thoughts and focusing on self-care
0:11:08 Creating space for self-care and making the best decisions
0:15:23 Strategies for Dementia Caregiving during the Holidays
0:16:08 Overcoming Caregiver Guilt during the Holidays
0:17:02 Prioritizing and Enjoying the Holidays as a Caregiver
Additionally, caregivers may feel guilty for taking time for themselves or prioritizing their own needs. However, it's important to remember that we can't pour from an empty cup and that self-care is crucial for our well-being.
November is National Family Caregiver Month, highlighting the rights caregivers have to take care of themselves. It's natural for caregivers to occasionally lose patience or feel frustrated, but we must be gracious and understanding toward ourselves.
Making unpopular decisions is another source of guilt for caregivers, such as taking away a loved one's car or considering assisted living. Balancing caregiving with other responsibilities, like work or marriage, can also evoke guilt.
While it's essential to acknowledge our feelings of guilt, we must challenge the notion that we've done something wrong. Our emotions are valid, but they don't always align with reality. Negative thoughts can spiral, leading to a sense of overwhelm and a belief that things will never improve.
Therefore, it's crucial to be mindful of our thoughts and not dwell in a space of guilt. By reframing our mindset, we can navigate the challenges of caregiving with resilience and hope.
Caregiver guilt is a common experience, with feelings of not doing enough and taking time for oneself causing guilt. Managing emotions and making decisions different from what others prefer can also lead to guilt.
However, I encourage a shift in perspective during the holidays. I suggest taking a moment to list all the things done for our loved one, realizing that we are indeed doing enough. Misplaced expectations from both sides can contribute to guilt, but focusing on self-care is essential.
I emphasize the analogy of putting on your oxygen mask before helping others, highlighting the importance of respite care and seeking support. I emphasize reframing frustrations and understanding that loved ones cannot control their circumstances.
Making decisions with the best available information is crucial, even if they may not be popular. Balancing responsibilities can be achieved by putting structures in place ahead of time.
During the holidays, I suggest smaller gatherings and creating space without guilt. I stress that as long as the person needing care is taken care of, it is okay to prioritize spending time with our own family. Saying no to overwhelming demands is okay, and prioritizing the well-being of loved ones is key.
I acknowledge my own misplaced guilt and provide strategies to navigate caregiver guilt during the holiday season.
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