This week we are defiantly going GUEST-LESS to discuss the wall-to-wall elephant in the room: carpets. We walk on them, we clumsily spill red wine on them, and we ask if they "match the drapes." But what's lurking underneath America's obsession with, well, covering what's underneath? It's dark, it's sinister, and it's tearing our country apart. Or is it? Why don't you sit your ass down on a gorgeous (but not child-safe) hardwood floor and find out...Subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/straightiolab for bonus episodes twice a month and don't forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts! And get tickets to Sam's live show Club Comic in LA (5/10) here: linktr.ee/samtaggart See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.