Nicole Kalil is the Confidence Sherpa. She’s the author of “Validation is for Parking,” and a leadership strategist, respected coach, speaker, and host of the “This is Woman’s Work” podcast. Nicole sees that women and men approach confidence very differently. She discusses how appearing confident is very different from being confident. Real, authentic confidence produces executive presence, and is a catalyst for effective leadership. Listen in for new insights on confidence and how it affects team success, and professional fulfillment. https://bit.ly/TLP-347   Key Takeaways   [1:25] Jan and Jim want to know if you have listened to every episode of The Leadership Podcast. If you have, please drop them a line. They may have something for you! [2:27] Nicole is a partner to her husband, a mom to her nine-year-old daughter, a hotel snob, a wine and cheese enthusiast, and a reluctant Peloton rider. [4:23] Nicole wrote Validation Is For Parking to discuss confidence through a feminine lens. At the time she wrote the book, 92% of business books were written by men. In her finance job, all her mentors were men. Nicole felt an imbalance. She wrote the book with women in mind. Her intention isn’t to be exclusionary. She hopes people who identify as any gender will read it and have good takeaways. [6:29] Nicole took the filters off and wrote what she felt and knew, having women in mind, and sharing stories she felt would be most relevant or help people feel less alone. She wrote it almost as a journal and then realized someone was going to read it! It felt important to her, in writing a book about confidence, to put it all out there and be authentic and true to herself. [8:22] In work environments, confidence is when you trust yourself firmly and boldly. When you walk into an environment where you’re “the other,” you may spend a lot of your energy trying to navigate how to fit into the culture and the environment, and in doing that, you tend to lose some of your authenticity; you tend to lose some of yourself. That impacts your confidence. [9:11] When negotiating for a salary increase or a promotion, women are coming to those conversations with less confidence than their male counterparts because the way they would do it authentically or naturally is different from the way that is being encouraged, supported, trained, or recognized in the culture and environment. Jan cites past guest Jeffrey Pfeffer on the seven rules of power. [10:24] How are we defining power? Nicole defines power as showing up with true and vulnerable emotions, not as inauthentically looking confident or powerful. [12:53] The boss is the keeper of the culture. If your being authentic doesn’t fit in the culture, this is the opportunity for the boss to say, “This is just not the right place for you.” [13:16] If you’re accentuating something about yourself so much that it’s repellent to others it may be worth questioning if you are actually showing up authentically at all. You’re probably doing that in reaction. Nicole shares an experience from when she was trying to fit in. Looking back, she sees that was not her authentic self. [15:34] There isn’t one right, definitive answer to just about anything. We come to every situation, conversation, or event with our beliefs, values, experiences, and interpretations, and we think that those experiences, interpretations, and values are right or true with a capital T. What one person believes is right and true may not be right and true for everybody. [16:31] Nicole is trying to practice being more empathetic, better listening, being more open, and communicating, “This is the way I see it and I’m open that there may be another way to see it,” and being curious about that. [16:49] Nicole sees all of those things as a practice in being and becoming a better leader. They make us better relationship-builders, and developers of others, and create safer, healthier, and more productive environments. [18:24] Leadership and allyship are ve