Anxiety, My Surprisingly Loyal Friend, How to Stop Fighting, Start Listening, and Find Peace

By Ellie Hartfield

"Anxiety, My Surprisingly Loyal Friend: How to Stop Fighting, Start Listening, and Find Peace" is not another book about eliminating anxiety. It is about something much more radical—learning to work with it instead of against it.

For years, anxiety has been treated like an enemy, something to battle, suppress, or outrun. But what if anxiety is not a flaw? What if it is not here to sabotage, but to protect? What if the very thing that feels overwhelming holds the key to clarity, balance, and self-trust?

This book takes you deep into the inner system of anxiety, showing how its tangled network of thoughts, fears, and sensations is not random—it is intelligent, purposeful, and even loyal. Through a refreshing mix of humor, psychological insight, and embodied wisdom, it invites you to stop fighting and start listening.

Inside, you will explore:

• Why anxiety persists, even when life seems "fine"
• How to understand and work with the different voices of anxiety
• The hidden reasons behind procrastination, self-doubt, and overthinking
• A new way to approach decision-making without inner conflict
• How to meet anxiety with curiosity instead of frustration

This is not a quick-fix guide. It is an invitation to step into a new relationship with anxiety—one where peace is not about eliminating fear, but about making space for all parts of yourself. If you are tired of struggling and ready for a different way forward, this book will change the way you experience anxiety forever.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ellie Hartfield
• Release date: Mar 7, 2025
• ISBN: 9798230790013

Ellie Hartfield

Ellie Hartfield is a freelance graphic designer, writer, and mom of two lively kids who keep her life wonderfully chaotic. When she's not chasing after her preschooler or negotiating bedtime with her kindergartener, Ellie is busy juggling creative projects and exploring the nuances of family life. With a background in navigating the ups and downs of parenthood, work, and everything in between, she brings a relatable and humorous perspective to the challenges of daily life. Ellie lives with her tech-enthusiast husband and their mischievous sock-stealing dog, Max, who often serves as her muse. Drawing inspiration from her own experiences, Ellie tackles the world of cognitive distortions with a blend of wit, warmth, and a candid look at the thoughts that run wild in all of us.

Book preview

​Chapter 1 - Meeting the Anxious Inner System

​1.1 The Glass of Milk: A Simple Scene, A Thousand Reactions

A glass of milk sits on the table. It is neither threatening nor particularly thrilling. Just milk. A simple, creamy pool of calcium, swaying gently in the glass, reflecting the light. Some might see it and feel warmth, a quiet nostalgia, a tug of something familiar and kind. Others might feel a subtle unease, a flicker of hesitation, a whisper of something unresolved. One glass of milk. Endless reactions.

This is the nature of reality: not what is, but how it is received. The external world offers us objects, events, and moments. The internal world decides what they mean. And the internal world is rarely simple. It is layered, messy, and opinionated. It does not observe neutrally. It reacts, interprets, categorizes, stores away memories, and sometimes, it panics.

The glass of milk could be a peace offering or an unspoken challenge. A kind gesture or an expectation. A symbol of childhood joy or a reminder of long-standing discomfort. All of this from liquid in a cup. And yet, the moment the glass appears, something inside moves. A subtle shift in the body. Maybe a tightening in the chest. A flutter in the stomach. A clenching of the jaw. The body reacts before the mind has even had a chance to explain why.

That is the work of the Inner System. The vast, invisible network of parts that constantly whisper their thoughts, their memories, their warnings. One part remembers how good milk tastes on a cold night. Another part bristles because dairy was recently cut out of the diet. A different part worries about offending the host. Meanwhile, another voice shouts that milk once led to a stomachache so severe, it became a childhood trauma. The external system remains unchanged: a glass of milk, still sitting there. But inside, a whole conference room of opinions erupts.

What happens next? Do the hands reach for the glass? Do they push it away? Do they hesitate, hovering mid-air, caught between wanting and fearing?

Some might take the milk without a second thought. Others might smile politely while their insides twist into a slow-moving knot. Some might chug it down as if there were no conflict at all, only to feel a wave of regret later. And a few may find themselves paralyzed by indecision, replaying possible responses, overanalyzing body language, calculating escape routes, and questioning every impulse.

Anxiety loves these moments. It thrives in uncertainty. It feeds on hesitation. When the Inner System does not agree, anxiety jumps in to keep the debate alive. It highlights every risk, replays every past mistake, and convinces the body that danger is present, even if the only thing in front of us is an innocent glass of milk.

The body listens. The heart speeds up. The breath shortens. The shoulders inch toward the ears. The stomach tightens as if preparing for battle. And yet, to any observer, everything appears normal. Just a person. Just a glass of milk.

This is how anxiety works. It does not need dramatic events. It does not wait for life-or-death situations. It finds the gaps, the uncertainties, the unresolved emotions buried in everyday moments. The ordinary becomes complicated. The simple becomes exhausting. And the worst part? Most of this happens beneath the surface, faster than logic can catch up. The body responds before the mind has words.

Some might say: Just drink the milk. Or don’t. It’s not that hard.

But for the anxious Inner System, it is that hard. It is never just about the milk. It is about past experiences, unspoken fears, conflicting desires, and the ongoing battle between different parts, all of whom believe they are doing the right thing.

How does one respond when every part has a different opinion?

Some people ignore the inner debate and follow the most dominant voice. The loudest part wins, and the others are silenced—temporarily. Others freeze, unable to decide, stuck in an endless loop of overthinking. Some try to negotiate, pleasing one part while upsetting another. And then there are those who feel so overwhelmed, they