Chasing Rainbows

By Maureen Finnigan

1883–1946
As the child lay huddled in the bed, her face streaked with tears, she listened to the sound of voices from below as neighbours comforted her father. Tomorrow was to be her mother’s funeral and Anne felt very small and frightened. Life was to change immeasurably over the following years from shattered family bonds to the joy and excitement of the Music Hall and falling in love.Over the next decades as the nation battled against a world where loyalties would be tested in two World Wars, Anne would find the strength to move forward, gathering the fragments of her broken family on a journey of resilience and love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brown Dog Books
• Release date: May 7, 2024
• ISBN: 9781839527814

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

1883

Anne lay unable to sleep, listening to the muffled sound of voices downstairs, more people to see her mam. She could smell the comforting pipe-smoke of her dad, drifting upstairs. She had been sent to bed hours ago, but sleep would not come. She could hear her brothers, Eddie and Jamie, in their room across the landing, their voices too low to hear what they were saying. Her sister Mary was still downstairs, making tea for the visitors. Tears ran silently down her face as Anne thought of her mam. She wished she could see her and hold her, but she was lying in the parlour in a coffin; tomorrow was to be her funeral! As the house went silent at last, she heard her father’s heavy footstep on the stairs. ‘Goodnight, lass, try and get some rest. Tomorrow will be a long, hard day.’ She heard her sister answer ‘Night Dad’ as she quietly opened the bedroom door. The room was dark, and she guessed Mary thought she was asleep, as she undressed then gently climbed into bed beside her.

The funeral was over and the family back home again. It had been strange seeing all the neighbours and her father and brothers wearing black armbands, she and Mary wearing drab brown dresses. There was no money to buy special funeral clothes, the undertaker had to be paid and with her dad having lost his job, she knew money was scarce. The neighbours had all brought food to make the special funeral tea; her mam had been always ready to help when needed and this was their way to acknowledge her kindness and how she would be missed. Sitting in the front row of the little parish church, Anne had tried to listen to the priest, but she could not take her eyes off the wooden coffin box standing before the altar, knowing her mam was inside it. Then everyone had followed the coffin to where a hole had been dug ready. Mary had held her hand tightly as they stood at the graveside. She felt strange, a kind of numb sadness. Mary was crying and even Eddie, at twelve, wiped his eyes hastily. She saw Jamie standing with their father, solemn and silent.

At last, it was over, and the family were now alone. The next few days were empty and strange. The usual easy family noise and chatter was absent, since their father shut himself away as much as he could. Then one morning he called them together solemnly. As they sat around the kitchen fire, each trying to feel some heat from its meagre flame, the blustery March wind rattling the windowpanes seemed to be mocking their efforts. Today Anne sensed a kind of sad tenderness in her father, a tenderness she had always known, but not felt since her mother’s death. As he talked, she felt sure her brothers and sister already knew what he was going to say. They all appeared sad but quietly accepting.

He told them that now he had lost his job on the farm, they could no longer live in the farm cottage, so he must look for work somewhere else and they would have to leave in the next few days. Unable to stay silent any longer, Anne asked, ‘But where will we go, Da?’ her voice tearful at the thought of leaving the only home she had ever known. Taking her on his knee he gently told her, ‘It’s all arranged, pet. Mary is to live and work up at the Big House, Jamie has a job in the stables and Eddie will go with him and help out when he is not at school. The Master has agreed to all this.

‘Where are we going, Da?’ she asked hopefully, not quite able to understand that everyone was leaving, but knowing that at least she would be with her dad. She could look after him like her mam did. Anne knew the Big House and had often gone there with her mother, who used to work there sometimes, until she found she was expecting another baby. Anne remembered how happy she had been and how they had talked of her helping to look after the new baby. But the baby had died and her mam too! ‘Will I still be able to go to school?’

He shook his head, trying to explain gently, each word making him feel terrible, knowing how he was hurting his little daughter, feeling guilty at the thought of his dear wife. ‘You can’t come with me, bonny lass, you’re going to go and live with your granny in Durham. She is coming for you tomorrow.’ Anne was silent as she heard his words, then with trembling voice she asked, ‘When can I come home again?’

As he held her close, to offer some comfort he said ‘We will be together again one day, pet. It may take a while till I can find a job, but I will come and visit you. You will like it at your granny’s, she is looking forward to getting to know you.’

Anne tried to hold back the tears, but as she felt the comforting arms of her father around her, her small body shook with sobs at the thought of being sent away on her own. Her world had been turned upside down, first losing her mam, now being sent away from her family and everything she had ever known. She was frightened and angry, she did not want to go, and felt as if she was being punished, even though she had done nothing wrong!

The morning of their last day together came too soon. Tempers were frayed as they all tried to hide their emotions. Their father had gone to meet Gran from the station, while Jamie got the fire going in the hearth as Mary made breakfast, and Eddie was just getting in everyone’s way and generally being a nuisance. Anne sat at the window staring out, watching for her father. She saw her friend Sara, outside looking for her, but she turned away, there was no point in talking to her; after today she would probably never see her again, she thought sadly, as a great lump seemed to form in her throat when she swallowed, trying to keep tears at bay.

As their father arrived home with their gran, Anne stayed sitting quietly at the window. She would usually run to greet him, but she just wanted to pretend she was not there. She had not seen her gran for five years and hardly remembered her. As Mary and Jamie went to greet her, Eddie shyly joined them. Gran was dressed in a smart red coat and an enormous hat covered in bright flowers. She hugged each of her grandchildren and talked of how much they had grown, then looked around for her youngest one.

‘Annie come and say hello to your gran,’ she heard her father say, firmly. She went towards the woman reluctantly, with her head down, and mumbled ‘Hello’.

‘This can’t be little Anne, she was such a tiny tot last time I saw her,’ Gran said brightly, ‘My, you have turned out a pretty one, just like your dear mam!’ Anne looked up at the lady who was smiling warmly down at her; she liked being told she was like her mam!

Over the next few hours, the tension in the house eased as they shared a meal and Gran kept up bright chatter about her life in Durham. She talked of her cottage and the room she had waiting for Anne. She told her that she had a dog and two cats and hoped that Anne would help to look after them sometimes. Then she said she had been told that Anne loved to sing, and that as she gave singing and piano lessons, she would love to teach her granddaughter if she would like.

‘Did you know your father used to play the piano, and he was very clever, playing for lots of singers?’ Anne nodded happily, unaware of the scowl he had given to his mother at her words. Anne remembered how she loved to hear the story of how her parents met at a Music Hall where her father was playing the piano; how they had been introduced by friends her mother was staying with, who had taken her to the Musical Evening. Anne would ask her mam to tell her the story over and over. She knew her father had been the pianist at the Music Hall owned by his parents, and then he had given it all up to marry her mother and settle in Yorkshire, where her family lived. She remembered how her da had told her that one night he was playing when he looked at the audience and saw the most beautiful young woman sitting in the front row, and he had fallen in love with her.

All too soon it was time for the train that was to take Anne to her new life in Durham, and away from life with her family on a Yorkshire farm. At the station they all said their goodbyes, promising to keep in touch until they could be together again. The knowledge that they would all be going their separate ways in the next few days was a deep pain felt by each one. As the train arrived puffing into the station, with a last hug, Hugh helped his mother and young daughter onto the train, helping them find a seat and settle their luggage. Then the family stood together on the platform, waving sadly as the train took their little sister away, trying to smile, but their eyes unashamedly filling with tears as they watched her waving desperately back at them. Their father stood with them, sharing their pain and feeling a terrible guilt as he thought of how he was betraying the trust of his beloved wife, Jane. He knew she would have wanted him to keep the family together and hoped she would forgive him.

CHAPTER 2

Five months had passed since Anne moved to live with her grandmother. At first, she had felt lonely without her family in a strange house and city, attending school where she knew no one. But gradually she had come to like and trust this lady who was warm and loving towards her; she had been quiet and felt lost, but soon began to enjoy all the individual attention, especially when Granny would play her piano and encourage Anne to learn to play too, and often they would sing together. Granny had several students come to the house for piano lessons and Anne would listen to them while she helped Lucy in the kitchen sometimes. Lucy was Granny’s maid, who came in each day and lived with her family nearby. She reminded Anne of her sister Mary who she missed so much, so enjoyed spending time with her.

Often in the evening Granny would tell Anne stories about her father when he was a child, of how he had become a pianist and played at the Music Hall for many musical performers. Anne was fascinated hearing about the different acts; it sounded like a magical world she longed to see for herself, a million miles away from her life on a farm in the country. Granny told her how she and her husband had owned their own Music Hall and for a while as a young woman she had been part of a singing group. Anne wished she could have met her grandfather, but he had died before she was born, and then the Music Hall had been sold. ‘Maybe, when you are older, I will take you to see a performance one day’, Gran promised.

Anne loved helping to look after Gran’s two cats, Snowy and Storm, and they were happy to curl up on her bed most nights. She liked to feel their warm bodies next to her, as it reminded her of the feel of her sister when they had shared a bed. The dog, Sam, was a large scruffy black and white terrier who soon became a constant companion and would often wake her in the morning by scratching at her bedroom door to get in, while the smell of porridge and Gran calling her to hurry and get up became a happy routine.

Today was her tenth birthday and the sun was shining on this last August day, beaming through her window as she blinked awake. For a few moments she felt a deep ache inside as she thought of her last birthday. Her mam had been so happy, and all the family were together as they gave her little gifts and wished her Happy Birthday. Her best gift of all had been a lovely doll; Mam told her it was to be her baby, so she could learn how to help look after the real one when it was born. Dad had swung her round in his strong arms, and she had shrieked with laughter as Jamie had said he had to give her nine bumps, one for each year. As she thought of that day, she felt a sadness encompass her as tears filled her eyes. Then she heard Gran’s voice calling her, and Sam the dog scratching at the door; getting out of bed she opened her door and he flew in excitedly, leaping up at her, trying to lick her face, sensing her sadness. Laughing at him, she hurriedly dressed and went downstairs. As she reached the kitchen, everything seemed unusually quiet, then as she opened the door voices suddenly shouted ‘Happy Birthday!’

Suddenly she saw her father, his huge frame filling the small kitchen, and she ran to him, unable to believe he was real. He hugged her tight as she clung to him, then smiling he said, ‘I had to see my little princess on her special day!’ Then she noticed her brother Eddie standing behind him, grinning at her. Gran was at the stove and told them all to sit at the table before the food was cold. Everyone was talking at once as they sat enjoying the steaming porridge and a plate piled with hot buttered toast.

Anne still could hardly believe they were here, and after a while she could not resist asking her dad, hopefully, ‘Are we going home, Da?’ Hugh was silent for a moment as he looked at his daughter’s hopeful face, then he said firmly, ‘No pet, you know you live here now, we don’t have the cottage any more. Your gran tells me how good you have been, doing well at school and helping her in the house. She tells me you are learning to play the piano too!’

Anne felt flat, almost angry, as she argued, ‘But Da, you promised we would live together again, you promised!’

‘Listen, princess, I am on my way to another job. The last one didn’t work out and I don’t know how long I will be away. But Eddie is going to stay here with you, your gran has agreed he can live here and go to school with you. Things did not work out with Jamie at the stables. You will like having your brother here, and I will visit when I can. Now you be a good girl for your gran and help your brother settle in. Will you do that for me, princess?’ Anne nodded, trying to hide her disappointment, but unable to speak.

‘I nearly forgot,’ Hugh said, delving into his bag. ‘Our Mary has sent you a letter, and this is from our Jamie, said it would bring you lots of good luck.’ He handed over the letter and a horseshoe, relieved to see a smile back on his daughter’s face.

After a couple of hours Hugh said he would have to leave. He had a long way to travel to the new job and wanted to arrive before dark. He set off promising to keep in touch when he could, kissed his mother on the cheek, hugged his children and with a final wave, with his bag on his shoulder, he set off down the road. As they stood watching their father walk away, not knowing when they would see him again, Anne felt her brother’s warm hand grip hers.

CHAPTER 3

With the passing of the following two years Anne was settled and happy, doing well at school and making several friends. She still missed her father, brother and sister, but having Eddie with her had helped a lot. Though Anne had not heard from her dad and Jamie, Mary wrote often. Eddie, however, found it difficult to settle. He hated school and frequently played truant, often getting Anne to cover for him. He liked his gran, but felt too old to share his feelings with her, and though she tried, he had no interest in music or anything else she tried to involve him in. He missed the freedom of life in the country and was determined to leave as soon as he was fourteen and able to leave school. Just a few days after his fourteenth birthday he disappeared one night, leaving a note to say goodbye. He said he wanted to travel and see the world, to have adventures; he hoped to get a job on a ship and go to sea. He promised Anne he would keep in touch and would come back to see her one day.

Anne felt devastated as she read his note; although she had known for months how he dreamt of going to sea, now he had really gone she felt his absence keenly. Gran, too, felt sad that he had left and regretted that she had never been able to get close to him. She just hoped he would be all right and one day come home again. That night as she was going to bed, she heard a muffled sobbing coming from Anne’s room. Quietly going in she sat down on the bed, and as Anne sat up, she held her comfortingly. Her granddaughter had lost so much in the last few years and her heart ached for her.

After a few minutes, as the sobs ceased, she talked gently to her, ‘Do you know what we have to do when sad things happen?’ Anne shook her head as she listened. ‘We have to chase rainbows!’ Anne looked at her gran curiously as she continued to explain.

‘When I was a young woman, I lost my first baby, and I was terribly upset. The doctor told me I might not be able to have any more. Your grandfather was upset too, but he told me I must never give up – no matter how bad things seem, we must always keep looking for rainbows. It had been raining all that day, then the sun came out and he took me to look out of the window at a beautiful rainbow lighting up the sky. You see that, he said, pointing it out to me, "That is God’s promise that he will always be with us, and things will get better again if we keep our trust in Him, and always, no matter how bad it seems, we must keep looking for rainbows. Remember you can’t have rainbows unless