I Hate It When Aliens Do That

By Mark Cheverton

28th novel from an internationally published New York Times bestselling author.

 

THE ALIENS ARE COMING FOR US ALL!

Jimmy Turkelson, a relatively insignificant and always scared seventh grader, spends his days at Tower Middle School evading bullies and trying to avoid notice; a mouse hiding in the shadows when everyone feels like a cat. But when the Zanthoid spaceship lands outside his school, everything changes.

It is the first wave of the attack. The aliens are invading so they can take every drop of water from Earth. Those who survive the unwinnable war would be left to perish after the Zanthoids finish stripping the planet of its resources. Only Jimmy, a collection of unusual friends, and a friendly alien named Gorgalsheef stand between the Zanthoid Empire and the destruction of Humanity.

But when Jimmy comes face-to-face with the vicious alien commander, Kralwak, will he cower and run away, as he usually does, or will he stand and fight to save the world?

HAS HUMANITY MET ITS END?

• Language: English
• Publisher: MARK CHEVERTON
• Release date: May 15, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224102860

Mark Cheverton

Mark Cheverton was a high school math and physics teacher for fifteen years. He then moved into industry, working for another decade and a half as a research physicist for General Electric. During that time, he penned his first Minecraft-inspired series of books which ended up on the New York Times, USA Today, and Publisher’s Weekly bestsellers list. Today, he’s written 27 novels with over 2 million copies in print worldwide. When not writing, Mark talks with school kids about creative writing while still doing research at GE.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Jail

If you’re reading this book, then you must have heard about the alien invasion and the many other events surrounding the arrival of our little green friends from outer space, unless the government has already covered it up. (By the way, they’re not always green, and they’re not always friendly, as you’ll soon find out). My name is Jimmy Turkelson, and I led a band of alien-hunting kids who saved the Earth maybe six times . . . no, seven, I forgot about the Growlik Armada. Anyway, the aliens eventually learned about me and my friends and how we stopped their evil plans over and over again. I wouldn’t say they just ran away in fear when they saw us. After all, I’m only a seventh grader who’s not very big or strong. In fact, my lack of muscles is legendary at my school. But be my friends and I've stopped their evil plans so far.

Word spread through the Milky Way Galaxy about the young Earthlings defending their planet. Somehow, the aliens found out I was the leader of the Earth Defense Force (the cool kids called it EDF for short), so the Evil Alien Guild (you can call them EAG) put a bounty on my head. That’s how I ended up here, in this prison cell, on a Krosan battlecruiser. They’re taking me to the black hole at the center of our Milky Way Galaxy so they can toss me in. At least that’s where I think I’m being taken. Krosans aren’t very talkative, mainly because they’d rather bite off your arm than have a discussion. Fortunately for me, the reward for my destruction requires me to still have all my limbs before being thrown into the black hole. I guess that’s a silver lining.

Anyway, Krosans look like gigantic prehistoric turtles with lots of sharp teeth and a mean streak a mile wide. Sometimes, they don’t seem all that smart, but they build some awesome battlecruisers that are hard to defeat in a space battle. We learned that painful lesson multiple times.

After the Krosans captured me, they put me in a jail cell on their ship, which is where I’m at right now. You’d think flying through the galaxy would be exciting . . . not so much. All I do is sit here and wait. It’s not just boring, it’s double boring, no, triple boring. Then I had an idea—I should write the story of how I ended up here. After all, the battle for the galaxy isn’t over. There are tons of alien species out there who would love to destroy Earth and the Galactic Continuum (you’ll learn more about them later), so they can take control of the galaxy. I’m not gonna let that happen. Hopefully, you can learn something from my adventures that’ll help keep the galaxy safe from EAG.

I knew the Krosans would never give me something to write with if they thought were doing something nice. So, I told my jailors there was nothing worse for an Earthling than having paper and something to use for writing. They gave me both, hoping to torture me. Lol . . . I told you they weren’t very smart. So, here I sit with nothing to do but write and doodle.

I think of myself as a decent artist. I’ve spent a lot of time in class at Tower Middle School working on my art instead of paying attention. My mom says that’s why my grades aren’t very good, though I think it’s really because my teachers are all against me. I’ve convinced my younger sister of that fact, which wasn’t difficult. Millie believes everything I say. She’s in third grade, and she totally trusts me, as I trust her. It’s on me to take care of her and make sure she’s okay. I used to resent my parents for putting that responsibility on me, but now I take it seriously. Nothing is going to hurt Millie while I’m around.

You’re going to see a lot of my sketches and doodles as I tell the story of how I ended up on this spaceship. It’s essential that you see how terrifying or disgusting some of these aliens look. Sometimes, aliens smell terrible, you know, like old gym socks in the bottom of your locker or maybe a moldy sandwich you forgot to take out of your lunch bag. I wish I could share with you the smell, but I don’t want to gross you out too much.

I think the Krosans are watching me while I write. I figured that out because one wall of my jail cell was completely made up of eyes. After a while, I realized the wall of eyes was actually a living creature.

I call him Eyeballs, and sometimes I think he’s trying to communicate with me. Maybe he’s a prisoner too, like me . . . I don’t know. At first, I thought it was kinda spooky, but now the eyes keep me company, don’t you, Eyeballs? He never answers me, which is rude, don’t you think? But when your entire body is made up of eyes, and you don’t have a mouth, I guess it's hard to carry on a conversation.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to finish telling you the story of how my friends and I defended Earth many times, and how I ended up in this jail cell with Eyeballs. The Krosans will probably interrupt my story now and then; they like to come by the cell and throw in slimy, gooey things that look like flattened snails without a shell—yuk. They think it’s funny to throw gross things at me; Krosans have a weird sense of humor. Don’t worry; I’ll do my best to finish the tale before we reach the black hole at the center of the galaxy. I suspect when we get there, it’s game over for me. Hopefully, the Krosans will believe me when I tell them I don’t want this book sent back to Earth; they’ll probably do the opposite. Did I mention they aren’t very smart?

Anyway . . . buckle up and get ready for a spine-tingling tale filled with suspense, alien battles, the death of a companion, and, of course, awesome doodles.

Here we go.

Chapter 2

Heading to School

"C ome on, Millie, we gotta get to school." I added the final touches to my newest drawing, then shoved the last bite of waffle in my mouth, syrup dripping onto my chin. Of course, whatever bits of syrup I couldn’t reach with my tongue, I mopped up with my sleeve. After all, I’m a twelve-year-old boy, and we don’t believe in napkins. Besides, what’s the point of having sleeves if you can’t use them to clean your mouth, I mean . . . really.

Okay, I’m ready. My eight-year-old sister, Millie, came charging into the kitchen, her blond ponytails bouncing about on either side of her head.

She grabbed her SpongeBob SquarePants backpack and looked over my shoulder. What did you draw?

I glanced down at my sketchbook. It’s just a fat robot. I’ve been enjoying drawing robots recently. Maybe I can get Wally’s help to build this. I glanced at Millie and smiled. I’m thinkin’, if I had this robot with me at school, the bullies like Trevor wouldn’t pick on me so much. But that’s just a dream, right?

Right. Millie gave me one of her supercharged smiles; they always lifted my spirits.

I grabbed my lunch bag off the counter and shoved it into my backpack, then headed for the door, Millie two steps behind.

Outside, the air had that great just-rained smell, the ground peppered with puddles just begging to be jumped into, but I resisted the urge. I didn’t want to get my shoes all wet. Walking the halls of the school with squishy socks wouldn’t be very much fun.

Along our street, oaks and maples loomed high with branches outstretched as if embracing the morning. The approaching autumn had begun nibbling on the leaves, adding a splash of red, yellow, and orange to the overhead canopy. At places, tree branches reached over the road and merged with the limbs from trees on the other side, forming a leafy tunnel. It was as if they held hands, the warm colors mixing together, making me feel as if I were standing inside a kaleidoscope.

Leaning against the tree in front of our house stood my best friend, Wally McFerd, his dark hair uncombed, as usual. I saw water dripping off his shoes, the cuffs of his pants already soaked. Apparently, he’d attacked some puddles with a leap and a splash. Wally found a dry spot on the sidewalk and stood on one foot while removing a shoe. He tipped it over, letting water trickle out of his Keds, then slid it back on and emptied the other.

Puddles? I asked.

Wally smiled and nodded.

Hi, Wally, Millie said.

Hello there, princess Millie. How is your kingdom today? Wally gave her a regal bow.

Your funny. She giggled, then started down the sidewalk, Wally and I following close behind.

Look, I see two shrimps and a whale heading for school, a voice said from across the street.

I glanced toward the voice and found Tony Koufax walking some of his friends.

I hope that big whale next to you doesn’t accidentally roll over and crush you, Dorkelson, Tony said.

I clenched my teeth in frustration. Tony enjoyed calling me that instead of using my name, Jimmy Turkelson, and he especially loved teasing me because I was small.

Are you in the same class as your sister, Dorkelson? one of the other kids asked.

Heat rose from within me, making my cheeks turn red. I hated being the target of every bully at school, but more importantly, I hated it when they pulled Millie into their abusive games. It’s my job to protect Millie. Sometimes, I think it would be better if they didn't see her with me. I’m sure I just bring her grief.

A whale . . . that’s hilarious, Tony. Wally elbowed me in the ribs, then flashed the other boys a smile. You’re making fun of my weight by calling me a whale. Wow, that’s sooo imaginative; you’ve outdone yourself. But I have one question—if I’m the whale, are you Captain Ahab?

What are you talking about, McFerd?

Do you know what happened to Captain Ahab? Wally asked.

The bullies looked confused and remained quiet.

That’s what I thought. Wally laughed. Pick up a book and read for once, but don’t worry, there’s a graphic novel about Captain Ahab . . . look it up. I hope you’ll be able to read that.

The boys made an obscene gesture, then turned away and headed for school.

That was awesome, Wally. Millie giggled as she waved at the bullies. I liked the part about Captain Ahab, whoever he is.

I took a breath, the cool air extinguishing the fire in my chest; I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath until now.

Wally, you take too many chances with kids like them, I said. One of these times, they’re gonna use their fists to shut you up.

He shrugged. Maybe.

Wally grabbed Millie’s hand and skipped with her. He didn’t care if anyone saw him. All Wally cared about was enjoying life and living for the moment. It takes a certain kind of bravery to be like that in middle school.

I chuckled, then ran to catch up with them.

As we neared the school, more kids joined the river of students surging toward Tower Elementary, Middle, and High Schools. Some of the older ones (they think of themselves as the cool kids) walked down the middle of the street rather than using the sidewalk. It seemed kinda silly to me, but whatever. As long as they weren’t picking on me, I didn’t care where they walked.

When we reached the steps of the school, my pulse sped up, each beat of my heart pounding in my ears. Cracked concrete steps led into the ancient brick building. All across the school, dark windows stared out at the streets, the shades still down after the night’s slumber. At places, small vines crept of the brick walls. Tiny leaves clung to the vines, the plants trying with all their might to make it to the roof, but the grounds keepers will find them soon enough. When that happens, the vines will be cut back, forcing them to try their climb again.

Someone bumped into me as the dashed up the steps. The jolt shocked me, and I expected an unseen bully to do something. The normal pull my backpack off my shoulder was too ordinary for my tormentors. I always expected something much worse. Nothing happened . . . for now. A cold sweat trickled down my forehead. I used my sleeve to mop it away.

I wonder if I just smeared syrup on my face, I thought.

Wiping my hand across my forehead, I confirmed it was not sticky. That would have been bad; no reason to give the bullies any extra ammunition.

Bye Jim-Jim, bye Wally, Millie said. See you after school.

Goodbye, Princess Millie. Wally gave her a bow.

You’re so silly, Wally. Millie giggled and headed for the elementary school next to the middle school.

I glanced up at the large metal tower separating the middle and high schools, then turned to Millie.

Bye, Millie, have a good day, I shouted.

She waved over her shoulder, then joined a group of talkative third-graders, likely her classmates.

I’m sure you’ll have a better day than me, I whispered, then went up the steps and entered the terrifying dungeon patrolled by monstrous bullies and menacing thugs, the place we call middle school.

Chapter 3

Science Class

The first three classes of the day were fantastic; no one noticed me. You’d have thought I was invisible, just the way I like it. But fourth period held danger that was difficult to avoid. The gods of seventh-grade scheduling had put many of the school’s bullies all in the same class, and of course, they put me in this class as well . . . sometimes I can’t get a break.

I stepped into science class and checked the front desk. Instantly, my heartbeat raced; the teacher, Mrs. Stickleberry, wasn’t there yet—that was never good. I knew I was in trouble when my personal bully, Trevor Muntz, and his two-head followers stood up from their desks and headed straight for me. (What? You don’t know what two-head means? I’m sure you’ve heard of foreheads, right? I bet you have one . . . I have one. We all have foreheads. Well, I think they’re named that for a reason. If you flatten out your hand and place your pinky just above your eyebrows, you’ll find that your index finger is right up against your hairline. So, your forehead is about the same size as the width of your four fingers. If that’s true for you, then you have a four-head, a normal, average four-head. My dad has a six-head ‘cause he’s going bald, but with Trevor and his mean followers, their hairline is unusually close to their eyebrows, giving them a caveman sort of appearance. Of course, I’ve never measured them because I don’t want to die. But I bet they all have two-heads.)

Turkelson, what are you doing on my side of the class? Trevor said.

I’m just going to my desk. I hurried across the classroom and headed for the last aisle against the wall.

My pulse pounded in my ears as Trevor moved toward me. The muscles in my neck tensed. I avoided looking in his direction, hoping he was just go away, but I knew that was foolish; Trevor never went away.

Not again, I thought. Why do they always go after me? It’s like I’m a bully magnet, and my tormentors are made of iron.

"How can it be your desk if it’s on my side of the class? Trevor took three quick steps, then grabbed my ear with his finger and thumb, the grip like a steel vise. You know this is my side of the science class."

But you sit on the other side of the room. Oops. I spoke when I should have just stayed quiet. It never helps to try to reason with a bully; it’s like throwing gasoline on a fire.

What did you say? Trevor gave my ear a twist.

I clenched my teeth as pain blasted through my head. Blood seeped into my mouth, tasting coppery; I’d bitten my cheek.

The other side of the classroom is mine as well. Trevor glanced at his friends. All the two-heads laughed, a couple bumping fists with each other.

Everyone stepped away from me, sat, and averted their eyes. No one