Whiffy

By Shirley Farquhar

Something foul is afoot in Jason Matheson’s unkempt bedroom. Jason and his friend Colin are in for a nasty shock when a grotesque discovery spreads from his messy personal space and becomes the talk of the town.

What follows is a rollercoaster ride for the Matheson family, testing their relationships and frazzling nerves. Jason’s shocking mess leads to unexpected publicity and turmoil for the family and their friends – dad takes the heat while mum struggles to hold things together.

Jason must navigate challenging new waters socially while anxiously wondering if his disgusted sister Hannah will ever look his way again. This adventure is filled with stenchy revelations that no air freshener can mask. Can Jason clean up this mess he created? Will the Mathesons emerge closer or further apart after the chaos subsides? A stinky situation tests a family in Whiffy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Mar 28, 2024
• ISBN: 9781035833634

Shirley Farquhar

Shirley Farquhar lived in Edinburgh for most of her life, raising five children with her late partner, Guy, and working with young children in play group and the local primary schools as a teacher’s classroom assistant. From 2013 to 2020, Shirley was a host to over thirty students for varying lengths of time, these students bringing the world to her from many different countries, studying a variety of subjects at Edinburgh University, others coming to study English. In 2021, Shirley moved to Penicuik and is now settled with her rescue greyhound, Rosie, enjoying walks along the river Esk and through the old woods along the old railway path with Rosie and her family when they visit.

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About the Author

Shirley Farquhar lived in Edinburgh for most of her life, raising five children with her late partner, Guy, and working with young children in play group and the local primary schools as a teacher’s classroom assistant. From 2013 to 2020, Shirley was a host to over thirty students for varying lengths of time, these students bringing the world to her from many different countries, studying a variety of subjects at Edinburgh University, others coming to study English.

In 2021, Shirley moved to Penicuik and is now settled with her rescue greyhound, Rosie, enjoying walks along the river Esk and through the old woods along the old railway path with Rosie and her family when they visit.

Dedication

To my children for giving me the inspiration to write Whiffy.

Copyright Information ©

Shirley Farquhar 2024

The right of Shirley Farquhar to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781035833627 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781035833634 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2024

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

1 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London

E14 5AA

Acknowledgement

Thanks to my family and friends for their encouragement.

Chapter 1

Gale Force 10

In Pine Trees Secondary School, Jason Matheson leaned over, or more to the point laboured over, his math lesson.

Suddenly, the shrill ringing tone from the school bell shot through the flat silence of the classroom, shocking Jason from his dwam and marking time.

The noise reverberated through his body along with a surge of relief. Sitting bolt upright, he declared a silent YES!

The quiet hush of the classroom disturbed, giving way to a flurry of activity and chatter, chairs moaning as they were scraped across the pale blue tiles, pushed out almost in unison and quickly placed on top of the desks.

Mr Cooper called out over the noise, Homework in by Monday, class. Don’t forget your manners in the corridor; slowly on the stairs.

Jason had a fleeting thought of meeting Colin!

Going into auto-pilot, he stuffed his books into his backpack, swinging the heavy bag over one shoulder, then walked swiftly to join the stream of fast flowing pupils now leaving Art, English and Computing classes, etc.; everyone going in the same direction, becoming a river of bobbing heads flowing towards the main exit.

The noisy hum of many conversations drifted overhead. Jason weaved in and out through this mass with the greatest of ease scanning the crowd, searching keenly for Colin among the sea of faces. He smiled and nodded as he progressed, recognising familiar faces as their eyes met briefly.

Shuddering when he pushed through the heavy glass main doors and out into the pouring rain, Jason pulled the hood of his jacket firmly over his head.

The biting wind made him shiver as he left the warmth of the building.

Quickly skipping down several flights of stairs, he descended down the three tiered playing areas before getting to the top of the road.

He clutched the hood of his jacket tightly, as the wind was determined to remove it. With his head down, he plodded on towards the bridge at Colinton Park, glancing up every now and then, searching for Colin.

Jason smiled to himself when Colin’s tall, lanky frame and bright orange beanie came into view, bobbing up and down a little way ahead.

Maxine was walking along side. Jason quickened his pace, soon catching up, greeting them with a breathless ‘Hi’. Maxine and Colin grunted ‘Hi’ in return, before Maxine hurried of in a different direction, calling as she bent into the wind ‘see you’.

Putting his head down against the elements, Jason shivered, grumbling, What about this weather, man. It’s been coming down in torrents all day.

Totally wicked, Colin groaned. It’s going to be such a bummer if the pitch is water logged for the game on Saturday; the game will be cancelled!

Tell me about it! Jason groaned heavily. That would be gross.

Let’s take a shortcut over the park, Colin suggested.

Yeh…right on, agreed Jason as they ploughed on in weary silence.

They followed the path which ran parallel to the Braid Burn. The burn was flowing so fast in some places that the water had flooded over the banks and there were huge puddles like mini ponds in the park.

As they crossed the bridge, it was pointless trying to talk, the wind just sucked the words from their mouths and literally blew them away. Halfway across, they came to a standstill as they hit an invisible wall. The wind was raging over the empty space of the park. Jason shrieked loudly above the wind, Cutting across the park! NOT such a good plan. You and your not so bright ideas! Why do I listen! He raised his arms high into the air.

Why don’t you just zip it! Colin shrieked back at Jason. Flashing him a look of complete disgust, he said, I didn’t hear you coming up with a better idea.

Grimly progressing, squelching with every step over the soggy grass, they were truly a sorry sight.

This is absolutely gross, Jason moaned.

Totally, Colin agreed. They were walking like men on the moon—every step heavy and laborious, their sodden clothes weighing them down.

Tuesday was football training night for the boys, held in Pine Trees Sports Hall. Colin would have dinner at Jason’s after training. Next Tuesday, Jason would go to Colin’s house. This routine had evolved over several years. The boys had met in their 1st year at Pine Trees and became firm friends.

This is like walking through treacle! Colin shrieked loudly.

His words drifted away on the wind as he stood stock still while leaning into the wind, suspended. Glaring, Jason gave him a look to kill which could have curdled milk, before bursting into a fit of the giggles at the sight before him and doubling over with laughter.

Colin’s usually spiked up, carefully fashioned hair were now firmly stuck down, plastered over his head; his mouth gapping open and the skin on his face quivering and vibrating against the wind while shrieking loudly with exaggerated movements and scary facial expressions. Colin waved his beanie frantically. Save me! Ahhh, help, he…lp! He shrieked.

Oh, man, you look so cool. NOT! An absolute NURD! Jason howled as his whole body shook with laughter. When was the last time you walked through treacle then.

I’m doing it now, Colin shrieked, hysterically. Then the wind changed direction and he fell to the ground, flaying about as if completely out of control.

Jason, unable to resist, joined in. Now both of them were rolling about on the grass with all efforts to keep dry completely abandoned. Thoroughly enjoying this crazy moment, they began to wrestling with each other, while very aware of their soaking wet clothing; they warmed up quickly.

Jason tackled Colin, sending him flying through the air to land with a splosh on the soft wet grass. Yeee Haaa! MAJIC! Jason howled. Colin was clambering to his feet and Jason tried to make off quickly. Lunging, Colin grabbed him around the ankle, twisted him round and he was down. Colin immediately got him into a headlock, shrieking, Give up, give up; say it, say it.

Yeh! Yeh! OWW! You win, I give up! Jason shrieked giving a gargled howl.

As soon as Colin let him go, Jason lunged at him, wrestling him into a very awkward arm lock. This continued until eventually they both collapsed on the grass, worn out and totally exhausted, both shrieking loudly, Yee…haa!

Taken over with a fit of the giggles, shaking as they sunk onto the sodden grass, eventually pausing for a little for breath, they lay quietly.

Colin gave a long moan as he slowly came to his senses.

Oh! Your mum will not be happy about this, I think were soaking.

So we are! Jason shouted loudly.

Then with a quiet chuckle, while lying breathless and motionless on the grass, Jason eventually declared, "Hey! We were soaking wet anyway, let’s just say the damage was already done and long before you started behaving like a Wally, better get a move on though. I can feel the cold creeping in and I want a game of FIFA before football training."

With a long sigh, Jason began to get up, stating, Roy wants us to be prompt tonight! So we don’t have much time.

Yeh, absolutely got you, man, let’s move, Colin grumbled, feeling very agitated now and completely recovered from the bout of hysterical laughing. Groaning, they slowly got to their feet.

Aww, man, this is gross! Colin moaned.

Totally, Jason agreed flatly.

The journey back to Jason’s was extremely unpleasant as they leaned heavily into the wind attempting to quicken their pace, however it was almost impossible with their heavy saturated clothes. The strong wind plastered their wet jeans firmly onto their legs and they shivered from head to toe; a right pair of miseries.

Chapter 2

Soggy Arrival

Eventually, after swearing never to do this ever again, they arrived at the door. While Jason fumbled trying to make his hands work to get the key into the lock, Colin, becoming impatient, shivered uncontrollably. Oh, hurry up, will you! I am freezing my ass off here, he urged Jason.

OK, OK! Keep your bloody hair on, nurdy one, Jason retorted. Clearly irritated as he forced his cold wet hands to work and finally they were in.

Sara, Jason’s mum, was upstairs and felt the whole house shudder and the doors creek as Jason opened the door. The wind sucked the warmth out from the house for a brief moment, before Jason closed the door quickly with a loud bang. Close that door, Jason, Sara muttered to herself.

Once inside, Jason and Colin just stood looking at each other.

Wow, that was wicked, Colin said.

Yeh absolutely, agreed Jason and they both stood dripping for a moment, so relieved to be inside the shelter and warmth of the quiet house, with the wind and rain howling outside.

They were also totally unsure exactly what to do next.

Your nose is purple, Jason said.

So is yours, Colin replied. You look awful!

Yeh, same to you, nurdy one, Jason retorted.

Sara came down from upstairs and stopped abruptly. For a brief moment, she seemed totally lost for words, obviously trying to fathom out the sight which met her eyes. The look of shock and horror on Sara’s face made Colin and Jason very uncomfortable.

Finally speaking in a whisper, hands turned upwards spread to the ceiling as if begging for an answer, What? Just look at the two of you! Sara whispered. Her puzzled look of amazement was very unsettling.

Jason and Colin looked at